Pray the Hardest, when it is the hardest to pray

          I've been thinking about what I'm going to write for quiet sometime now and I think it is about time to change things and it will start, hopefully in the Fall and/or Winter. I know I started out writing on this blog about how I would love to do missions overseas and yet I still do love to travel but only for a short time not like a year or 2 years like I wanted to. Missions here in the states are hard to do too especially when dealing with super hard but adorable children. I think it is harder because you know in states have the resources if only parents would look for them and overseas don't. Either way, I just don't think my body and personality is made out to deal with those things. God made me and He made me a way for a reason.           I LOVE the children I work with now and I don't say that lightly. I honestly don't think I could love another person like I love these children and my future husband will just have to unde...

          I wish I could come up with a better title then the one I have for this entry and maybe later but right now I don't know what to call it. I've been going through a situation this month and it has been hard for me. Harder then people could even think especially those who are involved. I'm going to try to explain what has been going on without saying anything really personal because I don't want the other people to get mad at me. I want to respect their privacy in every way that I can but it is a lesson we can all learn from at the same time. It is better to learn it when you are younger so you don't have to go through so much pain.          At the end of last month, I had a friend tell me that I needed to give that friend some space and first it started with the friend's friend but I wanted to hear it from my friend. The person who knew me better then any other friend. My friend did but it was a hard note but it was one well wo...

         Once again it has almost been a week since I have wrote. Sorry about that May is just a busy month for me. Always has been and always will be. I went home over this Memorial Day weekend, I would like to say to rest, but if you know my family there is never rest when everyone gets together. Six siblings plus just doesn't let you rest. Anyways, you also can't rest when your parent's house is half way finished and your dad is finishing the rest. There something you always have to help with, which is great and that is what I want to talk about on this entry.            I always remember as a little child either repainting and rewallpapering the house especially the first one that I started school in and then ever since then we have been finishing houses non stop. The house that I grew up in and finished high school in, we had to tell the builders what we wanted in it because it just got done being built. At least, we didn't ha...

       God must be telling me to do two very important things: Be still and listen because lately that is all my entries have been about and the lessons come around the right time of the year. I don't know if it is because I'm a teacher's child and was always use to May being so busy or if it is just that this month is my family's birthday month with 5 birthdays in it or maybe and possibly both. I know I have done an entry earlier in the years about being still or at least I have but I know without at doubt they are different. This one is about another experience I had today with a child.         I do want to start off by saying the challenge that I (we) were given at Bible study (women's Roundtable) last night. The challenge was to find a spot before God and just be still before Him and listen. We are scared to do that most of the time because we know things that we don't want to admit will come up during those times but some of things do need t...

         The title is how my attitude needs to change especially after this past month. All the thoughts, though, came to be this past week when a women from my Bible study was praying over me after having a meal together. I don't know how I got to be so in a hurry and so upset with people that didn't do anything to me. I felt like I've just been a mad person for quite sometime now but I'ml finally breaking free of that feeling. I really can't pin point what got it all started. Maybe being too busy at work and not enough community in my life? Maybe it just seemed like nothing was going to get better? It could have been a lot of things but God puts us in those valleys to teach us things and He he taught me a lot about being single and enjoying it.            After last night's sermon on singleness, there will be a lot more entries about singleness on here because I heard some great verses and sayings that I would love to write my po...

        It has been awhile since I have wrote about the children that I work with and that's because I couldn't see any major changes in the children we kept getting but we have one child that just this passed week I have seen a huge change in and I LOVE it. I was starting to miss not seeing the big impact of what I was doing at my job and God knew it so as hard as it has been with this child, it has been worth everything little thing that we have tried.        I saw my moment yesterday morning while working and it was just amazing to watch. It changed my outlook again and I think part of seeing things about that child is because my eyes have been open too. I have let go of things in my personal life that I needed to let go for a long time so those things are not holding me back. It is amazing to see how something so little can really hold you back from something so big and amazing. This is where I feel like God wants me for this moment in my lif...

        I love it when God asks that question (this entry's title) to me. The way He does that is by giving me things I think I would want and then either make me rethink things or take those things away if I won't let go of them. This question is what I feel like God has been saying to me lately? In other words, though, it could be: Why do you want to be in such a hurry to grow up and settle down?         Lately, I have had choices I had to make between friends, jobs, and even apartments and trips. It has been a hard few weeks just with deciding what to let go of for now and what to hold on to. At the start of April, I've had these thoughts about going back to college by taking two classes, should I change hours at my job, and should I move apartments or not and I that I hate to admit but will since I am a girl and I'm not the only girl out there with this thought: Will I ever get married or do I have to hold on? I have been going too fast and n...

     "Be joyful in hope, patience in affliction, and faithful in prayer."-Romans 12:12          This verse is a verse that I saw on an email that a friend sent me last week and with everything I am going through and thinking about it really stuck with me. It is a verse I have prayed over this past weekend and still am. It is in my head everyday. I can't get it out of my mind or what it means in my life right now. The version I have here is NIV but my Bible is a different version and this is how it says it:        "Be glad for all that God is planning for you. Be patient in trouble, and always be prayerful."          Right now, in my life, I need to do all three of those things in different areas of my life. Be glad in my future and what is going to happen up ahead. Be patient with where I am now and all the problems going on. Always be prayerful about where to go and about the people around you an...

        Again, sorry that is has been awhile since I last wrote, life is keeping me really busy. Maybe this week I can take a break and get back to writing every other day or close to it. I've just been working a lot lately and been really sleepy from life. Trying to sort different things out but at the same time trying not to think too much about some things. I do have a lot of ideas to write about because this past week has been a mess but I have learned a lot about myself and other things. Just felt like God talked to me a lot this week.        I've been praying a lot this week about my future and where I should be going and how does God want me to get there. I also have a child at work that I have been trying to figure out which if you know me that is a pain for me because I want to help them so bad but they are that point where they need more help then we can give them. I guess I can go ahead a tell the story about my new car because I did h...

        What a way to start out a new month of entries, right? This is something that I have thought a lot about the past couple of weeks and especially this weekend. Mainly about guy friends but with girlfriends too because I know I don't keep up or do good with either one. I'm a very socially awkward person most of the time especially when you don't take the time to get to know me. You can't just hang out with me once or twice or even 3 times. You have to give me a lot of chances. It takes me like a year to where I can get to being playfully smart alike with people I am around and my friends.         I have been feeling this past year and wondering why can't I keep any kind of friendships together, guys or girls? I saw a pattern in the way I treated guys as friends but I guess I just didn't want to believe it because it wasn't a good pattern. It is the pattern of the world and I don't want that. With girls, I have compared myself to some and ju...