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Being a Bookmark

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The more I thought about this season, the more the word “bookmark” seemed to fit. My old co-worker wasn’t the story. The children were the story. But seeing someone again who was connected to that old chapter of my life became like a bookmark—something that helped me find my place again. A bookmark literally connects two moments in reading: where you stopped and where you begin again. Metaphorically, it can connect two seasons of life too. I was living my current chapter when someone from an old chapter suddenly appeared. That made me reopen pages I hadn’t looked at in years. I found old journals, remembered the children, rediscovered dreams and lessons I had almost forgotten, and began looking at those lessons through the woman I am now. The bookmark wasn’t the destination. It simply marked a place I needed to return to. And maybe that is one of the strangest and most beautiful parts: a PERSON became the bookmark. My old co-worker didn’t write those old chapters, and he didn’t create ...
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The Next Chapter

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Today I realized something important: I don’t want to simply supervise children. I want my time with them to help them grow. I got into childcare because I wanted to work with children—not spend my days managing adults. I want to work with the kids. I don’t want to manage all the adults so that I can work with the kids. I don’t want either extreme I’ve experienced in the classroom. Last year felt too rigid, and this year doesn’t have enough structure. What I’m looking for is rhythm. Routine enough to feel safe, flexibility enough to grow. I want structure with a purpose. And maybe that’s why this job has been bothering me so much lately. I’m not necessarily tired of working with children. I may be tired of being the unofficial adult-in-charge while officially being the para. I don’t want to spend my career simply getting children through the hours. I never wanted simply to pass the hours with children. I wanted the hours I was given with them to mean something. That’s what my book Star...
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Where I End and Another Person Begins

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When I said “you’re learning where you end and another person begins,” I meant learning which things belong to you and which things belong to them.  With an old co-worker, your feelings belong to you. You can care about them, hope for friendship, send one invitation, and decide how you behave. But their feelings and decisions belong to them. You can’t decide whether they accepts the request, wants a friendship, or how quickly they responds. At school it’s the reverse lesson. Other people can have opinions about how you work, but you still have your own voice and boundaries. You don’t have to surrender your role simply because somebody else wants to step in. So imagine an invisible line between two people: My side: my feelings, choices, words, actions, boundaries. Your side: your feelings, choices, words, actions, boundaries. Healthy respect means I take responsibility for my side without trying to run yours—and I don’t let you run mine. That’s what I meant by knowing where you end ...
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Sayings

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The Sayings I Want to Remember ❤️ Here are the words that came out of everything I’ve been learning: “Less is more.” “Less carrying. Not less caring.” “Do what is mine. Leave what isn’t mine.” “I can care without carrying everything.” “You don’t need a smaller heart. You need a lighter load.” “Am I helping them carry this, or have I picked it up for them?” “Help when it’s mine to help. Put down what belongs to someone else.” “I can have a huge heart without putting the whole world on my shoulders.” “I can care about someone without carrying their choices.” “I can care about my students without carrying the whole classroom.” “I can care about Nathan without carrying the friendship for both of us.” “I can love people without making myself responsible for everything.” “Sometimes healthy love says, ‘This part isn’t mine to carry.’” “I am the para. I will do my job well. I will help my kids. But I am not responsible for doing everybody else’s job too.” “August taught me what I’m carrying. S...
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Starting Over with Intentional Love

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I’ve realized that maybe I’m not trying to get an old friendship back exactly the way it used to be. Maybe I’m learning how to love someone differently. An old co-worker and I aren’t strangers. We have history. We worked together, became friends, stayed in contact after he left, and then communication ended in 2016. Ten years later, somehow our paths crossed again. But we’re not the people we were then. So maybe this isn’t about continuing where we left off. Maybe it’s about starting over. And this time, I want to do it with intentional love. When I think about the way God loves us, I think about how deeply He loves while still allowing us to choose. He doesn’t force relationship. He invites. He remains loving and faithful, but He gives us freedom to respond. I obviously can’t love perfectly the way God does, but I can learn something from that. I can care about an old co-worker without trying to control him. I can open a door without pulling him through it. I can let him know through ...
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Learning What Love Really Means

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I’ve known 1 Corinthians 13 for a long time, and I’ve heard it used at weddings so many times that it was easy to think of it mainly as a marriage verse. But I’m realizing now that it isn’t only about marriage. It’s about how I love people throughout my life—and different relationships can teach me different parts of the same Scripture. Right now, I think one of the hardest parts I’m learning is: “Love does not demand its own way.” I can care about someone deeply and still give them the freedom to choose. I can hope an old friendship becomes something new again without demanding that it happen. I can leave the door open without pulling someone through it. I can be friendly without chasing, care without controlling, and hope without turning that hope into an expectation. And maybe I’m learning the rest of the passage again too. Love is patient when I don't have the answers yet. Love is kind in how I treat someone even when I'm uncertain. Love is not jealous when someone else get...
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Less Carrying, Not Less Caring

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Less Carrying, Not Less Caring ❤️ Maybe “less is more” is bigger than just September. I’ve spent so much of my life carrying too much. When I care deeply, it can easily turn into carrying—carrying the kids, the classroom, other adults’ responsibilities, relationships, unanswered questions, and what I think might happen next. But the lesson isn’t that I need to care less. It’s learning the difference between caring and carrying. I can care about someone without carrying their choices. I can care about my students without carrying the whole classroom. I can care about Nathan without carrying the friendship for both of us. I can love people without making myself responsible for everything. This connects with what I’ve been learning about love not demanding its own way. Sometimes love releases instead of grabs. Sometimes healthy love says, “This part isn’t mine to carry.” Maybe that is the bigger lesson for this season of my life: LESS CARRYING. NOT LESS CARING.  I don’t have to stop b...
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