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Sayings

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The Sayings I Want to Remember ❤️ Here are the words that came out of everything I’ve been learning: “Less is more.” “Less carrying. Not less caring.” “Do what is mine. Leave what isn’t mine.” “I can care without carrying everything.” “You don’t need a smaller heart. You need a lighter load.” “Am I helping them carry this, or have I picked it up for them?” “Help when it’s mine to help. Put down what belongs to someone else.” “I can have a huge heart without putting the whole world on my shoulders.” “I can care about someone without carrying their choices.” “I can care about my students without carrying the whole classroom.” “I can care about Nathan without carrying the friendship for both of us.” “I can love people without making myself responsible for everything.” “Sometimes healthy love says, ‘This part isn’t mine to carry.’” “I am the para. I will do my job well. I will help my kids. But I am not responsible for doing everybody else’s job too.” “August taught me what I’m carrying. S...
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Starting Over with Intentional Love

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I’ve realized that maybe I’m not trying to get an old friendship back exactly the way it used to be. Maybe I’m learning how to love someone differently. An old co-worker and I aren’t strangers. We have history. We worked together, became friends, stayed in contact after he left, and then communication ended in 2016. Ten years later, somehow our paths crossed again. But we’re not the people we were then. So maybe this isn’t about continuing where we left off. Maybe it’s about starting over. And this time, I want to do it with intentional love. When I think about the way God loves us, I think about how deeply He loves while still allowing us to choose. He doesn’t force relationship. He invites. He remains loving and faithful, but He gives us freedom to respond. I obviously can’t love perfectly the way God does, but I can learn something from that. I can care about an old co-worker without trying to control him. I can open a door without pulling him through it. I can let him know through ...
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Learning What Love Really Means

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I’ve known 1 Corinthians 13 for a long time, and I’ve heard it used at weddings so many times that it was easy to think of it mainly as a marriage verse. But I’m realizing now that it isn’t only about marriage. It’s about how I love people throughout my life—and different relationships can teach me different parts of the same Scripture. Right now, I think one of the hardest parts I’m learning is: “Love does not demand its own way.” I can care about someone deeply and still give them the freedom to choose. I can hope an old friendship becomes something new again without demanding that it happen. I can leave the door open without pulling someone through it. I can be friendly without chasing, care without controlling, and hope without turning that hope into an expectation. And maybe I’m learning the rest of the passage again too. Love is patient when I don't have the answers yet. Love is kind in how I treat someone even when I'm uncertain. Love is not jealous when someone else get...
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Less Carrying, Not Less Caring

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Less Carrying, Not Less Caring ❤️ Maybe “less is more” is bigger than just September. I’ve spent so much of my life carrying too much. When I care deeply, it can easily turn into carrying—carrying the kids, the classroom, other adults’ responsibilities, relationships, unanswered questions, and what I think might happen next. But the lesson isn’t that I need to care less. It’s learning the difference between caring and carrying. I can care about someone without carrying their choices. I can care about my students without carrying the whole classroom. I can care about Nathan without carrying the friendship for both of us. I can love people without making myself responsible for everything. This connects with what I’ve been learning about love not demanding its own way. Sometimes love releases instead of grabs. Sometimes healthy love says, “This part isn’t mine to carry.” Maybe that is the bigger lesson for this season of my life: LESS CARRYING. NOT LESS CARING.  I don’t have to stop b...
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Learning a New Way to Care

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Tonight I realized that maybe one of the biggest things I’m learning through all of this is a completely different way of caring. I’ve always cared with my whole heart, and usually my heart gets there much faster than my mind does. When someone matters to me, my instinct is to do something—to reach out, figure things out, fix things, hold on, or make sure I don’t lose the person. But I’m learning that caring doesn’t always require action. I can care deeply about someone without chasing them. I can miss someone without immediately reaching for them. I can hope they remain in my life without trying to control how that happens. I can want answers and still give them time to come. And I can care enough to leave room for the other person to choose me as a friend, too. That’s especially difficult when something feels like a second chance. Part of me wants to scream, “I already lost twelve years! I’m not wasting another chance!” But maybe patience isn’t wasting the second chance. Maybe patien...
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Less is More

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September Theme: Less Is More Apparently my ankle was like, “Since you refuse to slow down voluntarily, I have prepared a presentation.” 😂 Lesson 1: I am the para, not the teacher. I can do my job well, help my kids, and support the classroom without automatically taking on the teacher’s responsibilities. Lesson 2: Adults can remember their own schedules. I don’t have to be the person who notices, remembers, reminds, organizes, and fixes everything. I can do what is mine and let other adults carry what is theirs. Lesson 3: People can make their own moves. I don’t have to figure out whether they will be there, what everything means, or carry both sides of a possible friendship. I can care without chasing certainty. If they want to reconnect, they can carry their side too. Lesson 4: Tiffney does not have to carry the whole dang building.  Especially not while hobbling around on a sprained ankle! So maybe September’s lesson really is: LESS IS MORE. Less reminding. Less taking over. L...
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How I Became a Big Hearted Fixer

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Probably not from one single thing. Big-hearted fixer patterns usually develop from a combination of temperament and experience. From what I’ve shared, I’ve spent much of my adult life in caregiving roles—preschool, Head Start, the children’s shelter, church work, and now school. When you spend years around children, noticing a need and responding quickly becomes almost automatic. That’s a useful skill. But that skill can sneak into everything else: “I notice something is wrong → somebody needs to handle it → I know how to handle it → I’ll do it.” Do that often enough and eventually my brain can skip the middle steps and go straight from noticing to responsibility. My natural personality may contribute too. I’ve described myself as someone whose heart tends to react before my mind catches up. So I may naturally feel things strongly, notice people, and want to make situations better. And sometimes being the reliable fixer gets reinforced because it works. People depend on me. Things get...
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