Pray the Hardest, when it is the hardest to pray

       When you see your grandma looking outside of a window or doors, does it make you upset? Do you just want to take her outside and let her feel the fresh air especially when you know she loves it? It was so neat to see and hear because my grandma, when she saw the sunshine, said, "The sun" and she smiled so big. I can't believe or stand that someone, especially, someone I care about is locked inside a nursing home because they are too busy to take her out for even a second.          How would you like to be inside staring at the sunshine from there? Not feeling it rays of warm shine or see it really sparkle things up. It must be so boring. Loving the outdoors really runs in my family and how I was born and raised. Sunshine inside and sunshine outside. Which would you rather have and I'm just not talking about the bright sun? The title/saying could be taken as an action phase in life.         When I think about sunsh...

        It has been a busy last few days for me. I did my Christmas with family and then went shopping for my birthday all in the last four days. While doing all of these things though, only one thing is on my mind and it is "being a new me in 2015". I have done a lot of things and have been okay with a lot of things that usually I'm not okay with. I don't know if I'm looking at everything through new eyes or if I have just changed that much in the past year or both.         Let's take shopping for example. Yesterday we went shopping for my birthday and I got mostly clothes which I was happy with. Years before I would just want to go shopping for fun things but all I got this year was useful things like clothes and I am okay with that. I got useful things for Christmas too and I love what I got. It is like I want more useful things because I want to maybe settle down and use them. I want to grow up in that way.         Someth...

         I am blessed to be able to spend Christmas Eve and Day with my parents plus a sister but it just isn't the same when I like a routine. You hear people say a lot that it is a hard time for people because of their loved ones passing or just them being alone whether that way or another way. I didn't get that meaning until this year and it is kind of sad but I'm enjoying every Christmas I have with my parents because I know I won't have forever. I would just like to have all of the family here but again I'm blessed that it was a quite and relaxing Christmas this year. That's one of the good things about it out of the many.          My sister and I still got to open our 2 presents from our parents and got to get our stockings early. We did that around 11:00 in the morning though when we usually do it around 6:00 in the morning after certain people wake other people up. We see what Santa left for the grandkids of course and get to pl...

         Today is Christmas Eve and it was so much fun! It made be sleepy when I got home but it was worth it with the children. I also didn't get much of the chores done but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I did so many Christmasy things with them it was so fun.           First, I started the Christmas Eve day by painting the girls' fingernails. I had green and red nail polish with gold glitter over the colors if they wanted it. I painted the preschoolers' and the toddlers' nails. It was so cute because one of the toddlers seem to know what I was doing because she sat so still while I was painting them. After I was done with hers, she just laid her hand flat on her legs to let them dry. It was also cute at first because when she saw the polish, she took off one of her socks because she wanted her toes painted first but I didn't pain them because they were still painted. She "picked" the green polish, which I thought was neat too. ...

         I have been up since midnight thinking over Christmas and some other things that are going on in my life. One of the things that I was thinking about is breaking walls that I have built with people over the years. By that I mean, I have built walls to keep people out to keep people from knowing the real me and because of that reason I have no true friends yet. People try but without knowing I build up a wall to shut them out. It doesn't matter if it is a girl or a guy. I don't mean to do it either that has become a habit for me sadly. I had to do it all through high school so I wouldn't get hurt too bad.          I didn't notice that it was a bad habit that I had since here recently because of a Bible study. When I think about breaking my own walls down so I can get to know people better and vice via, I think about the children that I come in contact with everyday. In a way, emotionally, I'm just like them. Yes, I have lived a ...

         I know it is early and not to many people read these things this early but this subject has been off and on my mind for about a month now. I love how it can relate to both spiritual life and real life plus my future life. To be honest, I'll start from the start of the story. This entry has to do with the passing of a close old friend of mine. He was like a 2nd father to me. I already wrote some entries right after the passing but this thought would not leave me just yet. The reason is that the funeral was just different in a way for me then others I have been to.          Yes, it was a small country funeral with mostly family there. It seemed to be very causal because for once I was too dressed up but yet I was the only one crying out loud I felt like. I wore a black polka dotted dress with a little jacket over it because it has tank top like sleeves. Now that I look back on it now, I was that little girl that I always was to h...

         Sorry that I have not written in a week. Things are started to get crazy already before Christmas and I'm just getting over my seasonal sickness that always happens around this time each year. Keeping up with children right before Christmas is never easy especially when you have to stay inside most of the time because it is either too wet or too cold to go outside. I'm going to catch you up on some things that have been happening this week that are special to me.           I had a Ladies' Bible study this past Monday which really touched my heart. Some ladies shared their testimonies and they hit me right on the spot where I needed to be hit. One of the ladies even looked straight at me but I needed that. A lot of things have been going on with me this past month and I have tried to keep busy with work and/or just been by myself to deal with those things and that doesn't help at all. It was a lot about how we, especially women,...

          This entry is more about an experience I had last night (on a Sunday night) and I feel like it got me more in the mood for Christmas and giving this year.  It was at a Boys' and Girls' Club in Fayetteville, AR for the families and children that attend their after school program. It's called "The Potter's House". It is a ministry put on by a church from around that area. It was a 3 hour thing but it was so fun.             I went with a group from my church and we signed up to be table servers. They had something like 50 something tables that needed to be served so we weren't the only servers. Other organizations and churches were there helping too. There was 15 from my church that went. We each got our own table to serve and we were pretty busy most of the night. I was hoping to get to know my family because I only had one family "set" at my table, couple and 2 young boys (preschool aged), but we didn't have time. ...

          I have been wanting to write an entry talking about the different hues of browns. This might not be an interesting entry to those of you who aren't into decorating but if you are this might be an entry for you and make you think a little bit about why you decorate the way you do. I never knew why I like any color with any brown. It just came natural to me. I see something brown and another color then I would love it right then and there.           But this past month, I have been thinking a lot about things because of situations that have happened in my life and I think I know the reason, if not all, part of the reason I like to decorate with browns. I grew up the first 4 years of my life in a house where I remember everything having a brown tint to it or the color went a long with brown. I use to sleep in the "blue room" but I remember the bigger areas being browns. I will admit most of the colors with that brown was that nas...

            I know I have wrote one about miracles at my job before this one but I think it was sometime last year. I'm not allowed to say much but it is nice to have a job that you can go into everyday with an expected miracle or a surprise miracle. Some of the children come from the worst of homes and it is just so neat to watch them grow in the children they should be. Let's just say that hard work and prayers pay off in this career and you might not get to see it as long as they are there but most of them you do.              The children that are "normal" you don't see much. You see a little but not as much as you see with children you have developmental delays. It's so hard not to explain the miracle that I'm talking about right now but it is one. I can say that the child had a lot to learn and the child did it. The child is actually "normal" and so cute. I couldn't ask for a better job. Really. When you see how muc...

           I am at the park sitting outside in the 50 degree weather and writing on my blog. What month and season does that sound like? You might think Spring and March but you would be wrong. It is the middle of December and it is still Fall, later Fall, but still Fall. It is 2 weeks until the first day of Winter and it is feeling like this. Amazing because last winter it wasn’t like this at all at this time.   Anyways, enough about how strange the weather is being in AR.            I wanted to write about something that I thought about this morning while I was taking a test for my job. Well, actually studying for it. I have studied the Maslow's Hierarchy (Triangle) of Needs for years because my major is Child Development so I needed to know that somewhat.  The order of the triangle is:  -Physiological-Basics like food, shelter, water,  -then feeling (safe)-health and people around you,  -then...

         Humble. Grace. Trust. Love. Faith. Those are the 5 meaningful words in my spiritual life right now. I am learning how to act with and on everyone of them. God has shown me so much Grace and Love that I need to pass it on to others. With those two words the words humble, Trust, and Faith gets me too. Something else these words have in common is they help take away discontentment.           You are so humble that God could love a person like you and be a part of His Bigger Plan. He loved you enough to give you His Grace and we should take it humbly. We don't deserve it at all. It is His gift to us. We just to have have the faith that He can and will use us for Him.           Trust is also something you have to learn daily. It is a feeling. We have to remember to put these words into our daily lives or the devil can get ahold of us. Yes, we are little and weak but God loves us enough to "fix" us to where ...

          I know that might sound like a funny question at first but it is a true question. What is even stranger is that I got up this morning thinking that. Some events lead up to it but still. Here I am almost 27 in a "big" city in AR and been here for 3 years and nothing. I had some guy friends here and there but most of them are too busy to even say, "hey". The guy friends that I do have are a little bit older then I am.  Not only where are the guys but also where are the women of my generation?            It just seems that my generation is too busy and married to their jobs to care about anyone else around them. All my friends are going back to college or work so hard at their jobs that they don't have time for anything extra. I know we have to work a job to live and that is the sad part but what about community and love. What about a family and getting to know each other personally as I'm writing on a blog? The more an...

          Sorry I am just writing another entry and it will be short because it is on my phone. My computer is down again. It has also been a long and tiring week for me. Along with busy.            I was talking to a friend this week and we got on the subject of physical vs. Emotional appearance in the US compared to other nations and it really made me think. I have noticed the same thing since being in Mexico and Guatemala. US has problems with emotions and countries in poverty has problems with physical. That is because we live different lives.            People in poverty stricken countries are more worried about their health and need help with that. Because of their health, they have to depend on God everyday so their spiritual/emotional health is strong. They have no idea where their next meal or house will come from. They have no drs. ...

          Well, it is December again. That time of year where children are suppose to be happy and waiting for Santa Claus. That time of year where you like back on the year you had. That busiest time of year. For me, December is always a fun month because I get to celebrate Christmas and my birthday. I love that my birthday is around Christmas but it makes being happy for both hard or it has lately these past 3 years.           It seems like these past 3 years everything bad happened to me at the end of the year near Christmas. It seems like it was just waiting to make my year bad. It all plies up for me at the end of the year. I will say that since 2012 starting in Oct. I lost my Grandad and then in Dec. quit my 1st job in AR. In Nov. 2013, I grew away from a good friend and in Dec. of that year I was all by myself at work, which was fun but hard. Then this past month (Nov. 2014) I lost a really close adult friend that was like a 2nd ...