Pray the Hardest, when it is the hardest to pray

          I going to share another future prayer and just some thoughts that really woke me up at 4:30 in the morning because I could not get my mind to stop thinking about this certain thing. Yet the thoughts have helped me understand more and more about becoming a parent and why parents are so "freaked out" when it comes to their children so now I don't blame them at all, especially since I have seen both sides of children.           God really just spoke to me this past Tuesday and because of that I woke up and started to talk to Him and he started to talk back and I wanted to understand but I'm still trying to and watching for His answers to my prayers. Here is the prayer that I prayed to Him about my future with children: "Dear Daddy,            This is what I get for not talking to You at night? Wake up 3 hours before I have to be at work? I guess it is a good way to start living it. There is a sub...

        Daddy,              Writing a letter instead of a prayer, this time, for now. I'm 27 years old and single and alone. I know I have You beside me but I feel like I need you more. I'm getting to that point where I need to really turn every day and every thought over to You but it's hard. I need to have Your wisdom and love. I need my days to be Your Days. It's hard to describe my true feelings because I am alone. Everyone is away from me busy with serving You in their own way. I just feel like no one has that same goal or passion that I do for my life. Makes me feel unique sometimes but mostly feel alone. I know I'm not suppose to be of the world but does that mean totally out of it. I guess that is how You felt when You showed Your true appearance and I am that. I want to dive in with You more but how and when. Why do I have to be the oldest in the field? I just need the courage and communicate to act like the oldest. ...

        I know I already wrote an entry for today but this one, kind of, goes along with it or that is what I would like to think. I think or I know that I got blessed with the best women a girl could ask for. Those women are her grandmas and mom and a friend. I want to dedicated this entry to both of my grandmas because one just recently passed away and the other grandma passed away but it is her birthday next month. I think in two weeks if I'm not mistaken.          I love the title for this entry because I could call it the 3 Ws-Wise, Wilson Women. Creative, huh? Anyways, this entry came to mind as I was sitting in my Bible study tonight and we were talking about personal Spiritual growth. I have always grown up in a Godly/spiritual home because my mom and dad were believers. I got baptized at a very young age-the age of 9 years old. That in itself is a blessing for me that I should never regret at all. That is not what I saw in the Bible...

        Why do I feel like God is making sure I know my calling and why do I feel like He is getting me to trust Him again? Was my last job that bad that I did not notice it? Did it really bring me down in a year? I feel like all the verses I am reading and hearing are about callings of people and trusting of God.           Does God really have to bring me back up from the pit? It also feels like God is making sure I know my calling. Yes, it is true. I was doubting it for a few months because I felt like no one would listen to me. Why do I have such low self esteem at times?            I know I was doing the right things and will keep doing the right things until they are over. I can have the courage for the little children of God. Even though they are children, they deserve respect and help too. I never want to doubt where I should be again. If that starts...

        Last night my church started going through the book of Ephesians so the sermon was mainly an introduction of the book. In a strange way though, I got a lot out of the sermon and here is why. Paul is the author of the book Ephesians. The book has two main ideas and those ideas are: "Who is Christ and Who am I in Christ". The first couple of verse told us who Paul was and what kind of people we are and/or should be.         Paul was a Man of Grace because Jesus saved him from a hard life on a dirt road. Paul was killing Christians because he was so devoted to his country and didn't want or believed in any other king. That is until he met Jesus. Jesus knew what Paul had done but He still loved and forgave him anyways. Jesus eve said, "Paul, why are you killing me?" After he had came to Christ, not only did he care for his country but he cared about the rest of the nations enough to go and spend the Good News to those people. He was also one ...

        I keep meaning to write another entry but things just keep happening. I finally found the time though to tell you about my new adventure and how it is making me see a lot more blessings in my life. It is strange that God would use two different spots to teach you about blessings and to make you see them in your life but that is what He has done to my this past week. I got a new job, therefore hence, the name of this entry because it is a new adventure for me again. It is a job at a preschool working with the infants this time instead of the preschoolers, which is a lot calmer in its own way. It is a calm that I like. :)          I started this past Thursday and I'm already loving it and seeing the changing it will have on my life as time goes on. It is a little farther away in another city but that city is only 10 mins away so not really that far, just a different address. It is a big chained preschool, which means that it has a lot ...

         The Fall semester started back up this month for Fall Bible studies for the church that I go to and I'm taking one that is just right for me and that I know I am going to love. It is on Monday nights and it started this past Monday and I already did the 1st day work in the book and I love it. It is called "Called to be a Keeper" by Lori Merrill and it is going through the verses from Titus and Proverbs 31. The class and study has already given me some great ideas to think on. It has a video that we watch during the study and some other different hand ons classes so we do every other Monday with those two things. I know there are going to be some classes on cooking, household management, personal growth, and hospitality along with other things.          There is one thing that I got out of the study this past Monday from the video and it was "think of Proverbs 31 as learning and doing all of those things over a lifetime, not in ...

         I have thought a lot about what is going on in my life and how I am handling it right now. This entry might not make a whole lot of sense but it is how I feel right now. I feel like I'm doing two things and that is waiting for things to come through and fighting for what I believe in. Those two things really takes a lot of energy out of a person. People would think that I just at home sitting around waiting but I'm not. I'm out on the town almost everyday trying a job or two. I'm turning paperwork in non stop. I was busy and fighting things at first but now it all boils down to waiting.          Sure I can still do an application here and there but the main things that really matter right now to me are things I have to wait on. Things like money, a job, a trip, and so on. Now more then ever I am just sitting at home and waiting and I hate that. I want to be out doing something for people. I have thought about volunteering and I...

         I was going to try and pass up today but then I realized that I needed to post this letter and it is something that I could do really fast if I had the time. Well, I have the time so I'm going to post it really fast. This letter actually started out as a letter to one of my friends but when I was typing and reading it, I thought about it some. I thought that it is actually what I needed to tell myself. It was something I needed to hear. Sometimes it is so easy to encourage a friend but yet so hard to admit that we need the same help or more of it. I will say that my friend was the first one that I have typed and put together everything that was going on in my life lately in short version because I knew my friend wouldn't like a more then 2 page email sent to them. Lucky, it was that short or maybe a little shorter. I put my friend's name at the start of the letter that I sent but I changed it to mine because I needed that encouraging talk myself. ...

          I'm going to put a disclaimer on this entry right now. The disclaimer is that I will never know what Jesus was doing at age 30 or before or after that age or yet have I really looked into it so don't take the words seriously. Preachers might have a better idea then I do since they study the Bible throughly but this is just something that has been on my mind a lot lately with what I have been through and still going through along with some friends of mine.           The thing that I am sure of though is that He gave His life on the cross at the age 33. It also seems like the ages 26-35, let's say are the hardest year of a human's life or that is what I get when talking to my friends. It is that stage where you are learning who you really are and trying to get everything settled and stabled before you find or marry the "right" one if God has shown you then. They are the years that you live out in the "real" world because you are...

        I'm probably going to share more then I need to but I know other people especially girls and women need to hear this too. As women and girls, we are so hard on ourselves. I have been told that but now I see it in my life. I see how hard I am on myself during every second of every day. Yet, it isn't worth it because we are much better then that. I'm seeing through the situations that I'm going through right now that I'm not good enough for them. To tell you the truth, that is a thought I have been believing all my life, whether about for guys to school performance. I always had that thought in the back of my head.          It is just getting worse, it seems, in real life because I'm trying so hard but yet I feel that weight of not being good enough fall on me more and more especially when I become stubborn and don't ask for help. I've finally hit rock bottom but it seems too hard to get back up again. I'm trying to stay on top of my b...

         As I look back on my last job, I realized that I learned a lot about children, other people, and myself. There is no better way to be in a job for 2 and a half years where you have to given more of yourself then you can handle. If you want to be missionary in life, I suggest working at a shelter of some sort to see if you can do it or see what you have to change about yourself or work on. My last job changed my life more then I can image any other job doing just because of the type of job it was. It is going to be hard to fine another "plain" preschool job and get back in the routine of that like I was before but we'll see what God has in store for me.         Right now, God is just working on me in a lot of ways and healing the hurts from my last job. People working at those type of jobs might not admit it until later but whether you want to admit it or not you do get hurt in a lot of ways, whether physically or emotionally, whethe...

          First, I want to say that the title was the title of the sermon yesterday at church so I didn't make it up but when you look into it, it is true in the world today. I will try to explain it how I see it in my own life right now and if I can, a little bit of the way I see it in the world today.  The verses were Jeremiah 21:1-14. The title of the chapter in the Bible is "God Rejects Zedekiah's Request". I will tell you some of the verses that touched my heart and what they mean to me and so on.           The first verse I liked was verse 2b. It says: "Perhaps the Lord will perform wonders for us in times past so that he  (the king) will withdraw from us." This verse means to me and the way I understood the pastor preach it was: "Just because you ask and work, doesn't mean it is going to happen. You have to believe and follow God as well." I also like verse 8 because it says: "Furthermore, tell the people, This is...

        I'm just going to write down some thoughts and quotes that I have read this past week from different places. Most of them comes from Proverbs 31 Ministries but other are just verses or thoughts that I saw around this past week. I'm writing them down so I can remember them and have them in a place where I can get to them easily. Some verses might go with some quotes or vice via. -"That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife and they become one flesh."-Gen. 2:24 (NIV)          -Priority-that's what the other person (your spouse or friend) is= #1, not your parents or anyone   else.          -Permanent-"to cling, keep close"          -Oneness-One man, one women, one flesh          -Openness and Purity (my favorite ones and ones I'm really working on)-                  Nothing to h...

       Here is my other entry from the Anxiety Conference that I went to this past week or two. It is going to be about a 3 step calming down way that the main speaker, Sarah Gross, talked about most of the conference. It is called "Stop, Drop, and Roll". Step 1- "Stop"       -You stop what is making you anxious. Just stop right in the middle of it or when you are starting to get anxious. Step 2- "Drop"         -Fall to your knees and give your anxiety of to God. Pray about what is giving you that anxiety.         "Don't let fear take control. Turn it over to God." Step 3- "Roll"        -Roll it over to God. Once you have prayed to God about it, then you give (roll) it totally over to God. Forget all about it because it is in God's hands now. Three simple steps to say, but when we try or want to do the 3 steps, it is really hard. We don't want to give everything over to G...

         I don't know what to title this entry just yet. I know it needs a better one but can't think of one right now. What is conflict and how do you handle it? That has been the question on my mind this week and it has been an interesting one. I have been focusing on how I handle conflict with my brain and just my actions and words. I have found out a few different things. There are many ways that you can have conflict and for many different reasons.          I have looked at conflict 4 different ways this week and it has really helped me. The first way was when I am the withdrawer away from conflict. This part I talked about with my counselor and I am not scared to talk about it. There might be a lot more entries about some things that I have talked to her about because I'm learning about myself and I think it will help other people too like this whole conflict thing. I will admit that I am a bad withdrawer from conflict. I avoid co...

"Who keeps us in life And does not allow our feet to slip." Psalm 66:9, NIV          I got this idea from an daily devo. from "Daughters of the King". I love the verse because it is a great reminder that God keeps us and is with us. He doesn't allow our feet to slip. I am going to list some things that God has KEPT me going through and from.  1. God has KEPT me in His Hands.  2. God KEPT me because He has something greater in store for me. 3. God has KEPT me in AR for 4 years. 4. God KEPT me sane, as long as He wanted to, during my last job. 5. God has KEPT me while my friends are moving away. 6. God has KEPT me through the sad times.  7. God has KEPT me during my high school years, while being made fun of.  8. God has KEPT me beautiful.  9. God KEPT me while I was going through college.  10. God KEPT me when I changed my majors.  11. God KEPT me when I felt all alone. 12. God KEPT my month shut w...