Pray the Hardest, when it is the hardest to pray

          I feel like God has been teaching me something important these past few weeks. I was talking to a friend of mine because I have been so overwhelmed with fear and been scared about a lot of things going on in my life right now. I can't even put my finger on it yet because everything is fine but at the same time God is working and when He is working things don't stay the same. I've also noticed the little details of my life more and what I'm doing in those moments and trying to have them focused on God too. He even cares about the little moments and that is amazing to think about because He is a really, big God.            I tell you what is going on in my life right now and see if you can get what I'm saying about fear and the little details and gratefulness. I'm thinking of going back to college to get my Master's but I'm scared to do that. What I really want is a family. I want to be a stay at home mom and with college a...

         Some moments are just too cute not to love and to stop especially when it is a child's first time at the age of 3 or older. I had another one of those moments today that I planned and it went over pretty well, I think. Most of the children loved it and didn't want to stop. Again this is a memory note for me but you are welcome to read it.            I cut open a pumpkin, that we brought at the pumpkin patch the Monday before, with the children today at my job and at first they were scared about what was inside the pumpkin. They would dig the seeds out with spoons, not their hands. Of course, I got in there with my hands and started digging in it. It did take them a few mins. to get brave enough to stick their hands in it but once they did they loved it.           They loved playing with the wet seeds more then inside of the pumpkin. We put the seeds in a bowl after they dug them out of the pumpkin...

         I go to work and the first thing I do is, of course, wake up the children. It was like every other morning until I got to this one child to wake him up. He came to be with us yesterday afternoon. The first thought that went through my mind was, "We should not have a child like this in America." He is all skin and bones. He has a sickness that does that to him but that can't be all. Even if it is, how in the world would he get the sickness?           He was light to pick up and carry. Dark circles under his eyes. He would eat things off the ground and he ate all of his food very slowly like he was savoring each bit to make it last longer. It really sickened me to see a child like this child. I would be okay with seeing his condition in another country because they have excuses but here in America we don't. We have everything a child needs the parents just need to help them.           I had his sister at...

           I had a little too much fun with my children today. It was our turn to go to the pumpkin patch and play. The weather was prefect! It was windy and cool with some clouds in the sky. The prefect Fall day! There were leaves blowing from the trees. We spent all morning there and they had everything to do. They had a hay hill and hay tunnels built. They also had donkeys to pet and two hayrides to ride on. There was 5 adults and 5 children. The farm even had a wooden toy train and tractor we (the kids) could climb on and play on. They took turns driving the tractor. It was so much fun!             It was so fun seeing the children just running around and playing. They had smiles on their faces and wanted to do everything twice or more. We even brought each of them a pumpkin to take back. They each got a white, yellowish looking one, not the normal orange one. It was also fun because we got to have a picnic on there on the...

        As I was running this morning, I saw the beautiful Fall colors in the leaves and stop to take pictures of some of them because the sun was just rising and shining just right on them. Then I saw a few unique leaves and took pictures of those. The leaves were turning the color red so there was a little red on them like they have just started to change but most of the leaf was still green. That is how I got the title for this entry. You can learn things from God in nature and that is why I love His Creation more then anything. The things that look the simplest are often the hardest to explain and understand like changing colors of leaves in the Fall.           God, somehow, knew I needed that reminder in my life right now of a changing life and that it can be beautiful at the same time. It might be because I started a new position at my job not too long ago and I'm still trying to see where and if I still fit with my friends that I felt...

        Here is the entry. The entry I promised about what I was learning in my Bible Study class on Sunday mornings. Now that it is over. We went over the study called, "The Significant Woman" and it was so much to think about. One thing we did was made a mission statement for our lives to leave by so we would know what to do and what not to do. We learn and took who we are and put it into  a statement that we could go by for some of our life. Mine I think I can do all my life no matter where I am as along as I have a job with children but mine can mean a lot of different ways with children.         Here is my mission statement: To nurture and embrace the defenseless, by introducing them to their true and trusted Safe Haven.          I came up with that statement with a little bit of help because of the job I am working now but I've been thinking about it a lot. It could mean I could help out the defens...

          My title might not be a very good one because it is telling a truth about me. I am a control freak. It has always been in my blood but it seems like lately it is just getting bigger and it is worrying me because I never wanted to be one. I need to learn how to control at work and in my personal life. Being a control freak as two different meanings in those two situations. One situation you can be if needed but the other one you can't be or not how I am being at least.            This idea dawned on my last night while at a Bible study about Boundaries. I read the book "Boundaries" and we went over it but it hit me differently because I am in a different situation as I was back then and things have gotten better. I'm kind of a new person now too. I handle things a little bit differently but still seems like I worry some and want to have control over a lot of things. First, I will tell you about my job.     ...

        I will admit I paid no attention in church last night because I was writing something else that God put on my heart just at that moment and it took all of the sermon to write it out. It was another way that I could combine my job and living it out for God. It was also how God sees us at first and then we change into what He wants us to be.           We are all intakes. Let me tell you what an intake is at my job. We call a new child an intake when they come in. I like that word because it is like we are taking them in to care for them. Instead of saying we have a new child coming in, we say we have a new intake coming. Kind of shortens the meaning in a way. I say we are all intakes because we walk to God like the child walks to me when he first gets to my job. The child could either be happy, shy, or crying their eyes out but who can blame them. We get ready for that one child. Get everything prepared for him or her and hope that the...

          Yesterday "at" work was a blast for me! One of my children had a Fall Festival at their school and I got to go hang out with them and enjoy them one on one. It was at a place where I wanted to go see for some time now. I spent two hours with them doing all kinds of simple activities. I got to see the child's room.             First I'm going to talk about the school itself. It was amazing! I felt like a teacher helping out again. I went in my child's classroom to get his stuff from there and it felt like home to me. They had classroom pets and circle time spot and other things. I thought why can't we do something like this. It isn't that hard to do it just in the morning. Most families should do it at home anyways. It really made me miss the classroom setting. My teacher side really came out during the festival. There were so many different kinds of children there too. That is another way I felt at home. There were Indian...

          It is strange how something can be so alike but yet so different. I feel like I have been fighting for a child ever since she got to my job and she left today without what I feel like nothing getting resolved. I have been thinking a lot lately about adoption and how we are the adopted children of God in a sense too. When I think about it that way and see the children I do it breaks my heart. I tell it a lot from the "children's" point of view whether be Christ's people or the children I work with. I'm going to take a different turn and take about the workers (aka Christ).            As I was trying to fight for this little girl, I got to thinking that I'm becoming more like Christ because one I am more outgoing and outspoken. Two I really care about these children and want what is best for them. I feel like we have messed up this little girl and did her no good at all because we kept changing her spots and there was no se...

           I'm going to tell you a little, short bit about my day. One is because I want to remember it and two is I thought it was cute. To let you know from the start, I was worked some extra hours tonight at work. During my morning shift, all we did was play outside on the playground. It was nice outside but it did get a little boring the closer it got to lunch time.           After nap time, it was a blast though and some cute moments happened after it. First, we had a birthday party for one of the preschool girls. It felt so good to see her smile after she opened each present. She got 2 princess dresses (dress up), a mermaid bath toy, and another little princess toy plus a teddy bear from me because I happened to bring some stuffed animals that I had left over today to donate to the children so I picked one out and put it in her cubie. She wanted to open every one of her presents right away. She even tried on one of the prince...

        I know that God tells us not to worry about what is ahead but just to live for today in the Bible and you hear people says, "Don't worry" and "It will be fine." I'm a nice person when it comes to most things but lately I have just been wanted to say to those people you have no idea what I am going through. That would be wrong though. They do have a little idea of what I am going through whether they are going through it now or have been through it a long time ago. They do know.          As I am thinking about the future, though, things I should be doing now have came up and I have started doing them a lot more. Not as often as I should but more then I was on some things. I am writing a prayer list for my friends, known and unknown, and praying for each of them at least once a week. Whoever is on my prayer list I make sure to ask how they are doing or encourage them once a week or if I know something important to them is coming up. I ...

        I have a child that that I'm learning about and two things I have learned so far is that she is a visual learner and you have to be firm with her because she hasn't had that in her lifetime. She also seems to need a routine but it has to be an ongoing things through everyone. It is fun learning about different children that way. Might be hard at times but it is worth it in the end.         With this girl, I did one thing and with that one thing I have noticed something. Here is what I did and noticed. She was eating lunch really slow one day because she didn't want to take a nap. We have these bubble timers and I set one in front of her while she was eating. I told her that she had 4 mins to finish eating because that is how long the timer was and she had it all fast. I told her if she didn't eat it all but the end of the time, I would throw it away. I did this after a hour of letting her try to eat on her own with a lot of encouragement ...

         Do you ever get that job that you love but yet you feel like it is holding you back from more? Do you ever what to be able to do more? Have you ever just felt stuck and scared because you have no idea how things are going to work out in the future? Here is a job that you love and could live with. Best job in your life yet and meaningful but yet you feel like there is something more inside of you that you could share if you keep going? That is how I feel at this moment in my life. I feel like I'm at a fork in my life's path. Don't know which way to go and scared if I go either way. God wants us to depend on Him so at a point in life He will bring us there to that fork in the road.          My two roads are going back to college or working where I am and just hoping and praying to be that stay at home mom that I always wanted to be. I'm think about going back to college to get my Master's in either special ed. or something to do ...

          As a little girl came back into my arm along with still have a newborn at work, the dream of adoption is getting bigger in my mind every day. As friends around me adopt their first little child, I think how neat would it be to adopt one of my children that I am with everyday now. Adoption will always be a dream in the back of my head, married or not, I will adopt one some day. I have a friend that is adopting a newborn baby girl here in the states from the states. I also have another person I know adopting a toddler from India.           I know that the friend that is adopting from the states, that has been her dream ever since I've known her in college. I have followed her story from the start if not from the very start close to it. It is amazing to see an answer to prayer come true. It was in God's timing too. It was so close to times up for them or at least for when the state said they could find one for them but God got th...

          I usually don't write this early in the morning because I know no one looks at this this early but something has been on my mind since Saturday night. See I started to work with the Toddlers for every other Saturday with this past Saturday being my 1st at church. Like I don't have enough time with children during the week already, some of you might be thinking. I writing this entry to tell you that it might be children but it is two different, new worlds. It really is and in a way that is sad.           Working with "normal" children during church is okay and much easier. They have parents who care and they can play, talk, and color by themselves. They seem much more happier too. It was honestly like a break for me because I didn't have to do anything for them. I think I would have a hard time going back to that all the time though. I'm so use to the world of helping hurting children. I also know now that they are so many chil...

          I have meant to write this entry for a couple of weeks now but things came up and other ideas came up that I didn't want to forget so I wrote them down instead. I started a Bible Study back a couple of weeks ago that a friend of my shared with me about a year ago but I was so busy until now I thought I couldn't do it but it was God's prefect timing because I need it now. The Bible study is called "The Significant Women".           I thought "oh, yeah I'll take it because I have the time and there is no other Bible study that I like this semester or that I seem to need to be taking" so I did and God is working so much through it with me. It is like I know what I know about myself but now I am writing it down and it is there to see and stay. It is finding your own personal mission statement and the little goal statements that you can take to make it happen. It reminds you that you are God's jewel and that you are unique. There a...

         It's been awhile since I have written a story about one of my children at work. It has just been really busy for me while switching position and getting use to everything that is new for me. Children have been going in and out non-stop too lately so I've been staying pretty busy but this week especially today I had a God-moment that I want to write about. It happened to one of my 5 year old girls while I was on the education wing looking at things for every kid.          Let me tell you what is going on with this girl in the shortest way possible. She just turned 5 years old not to long ago but was put on the preschool wing because there was no room on the girls' wing for her. Recently, we had to move her over just for nights on the girls' wing so we could take another child in for all day. She comes back to play with the preschoolers while the big girls are at school during the day. We are starting to call it her school to hel...

        "Community and prayers are the most important, physical thing on earth. God made us as a relational and caring people."          You can tell I'm a College of the Ozarks graduate by needing community. If there is one thing I learned in college at all for life, it is that I need community in my life. I just recently had a repeat of what my "community" was like when I moved to AR. It was nothing. I had to look for all new friends, new place to go to church, and I hung out either by myself or with family. I learned that it is not only when you move but you have to make time for those things with your job too. You have to balance everything out.            Now that I look back on my night shifts at work to back to days. I see a big different in life and I love it now. I also see who I am and what I really need. First off, I am really a morning person. I would rather work in the morning then at night. I hat...