I'm probably going to share more then I need to but I know other people especially girls and women need to hear this too. As women and girls, we are so hard on ourselves. I have been told that but now I see it in my life. I see how hard I am on myself during every second of every day. Yet, it isn't worth it because we are much better then that. I'm seeing through the situations that I'm going through right now that I'm not good enough for them. To tell you the truth, that is a thought I have been believing all my life, whether about for guys to school performance. I always had that thought in the back of my head.
It is just getting worse, it seems, in real life because I'm trying so hard but yet I feel that weight of not being good enough fall on me more and more especially when I become stubborn and don't ask for help. I've finally hit rock bottom but it seems too hard to get back up again. I'm trying to stay on top of my bills and trying to understand the way to do things like get insurance and loans and so on. It is just so hard.
Today I was trying to get things done as fast as I could so I could have some free time to myself at the end of the week and it just put stress on me. I spent more time everywhere that I went, then I had planned. I spent a hour and a half at the drs. office, spent half a hour at the unemployment office, and 3 hours at Wal-mart waiting on my car to get fixed. I didn't have time to go to my yoga class tonight. I did all those things but yet I feel like it isn't good enough because I still have things left undone.
I know I am only 27 and I have some years to go but I was thinking about my heart's desire to be a stay at home mom especially while I was looking in the home area and frozen food section of Wal-Mart. You might think that is strange but really it isn't or at least not to me. I want a house now that I can decorate with all of the pretty things I see and just the way I want it. I have come to the idea that my house will be decorated in hues of browns with bears and sunflower with the sayings "Love, Hope, Faith" and/or "Love, Laugh, Live" but that right there shows you and me that I think I'm not enough yet.
Looking at the frozen food and thinking it is fine for a single women like me but I want to make meal plans and have enough food to by things to make so they are healthy enough for me. I want to have the time to cook healthy meals and/or a 4 course meal at least. I know I'm putting a lot of stones on my back by myself but it is what I want and I think I'm doing it because I know I have the time now. For some reason, I just can't make myself do it and there is another reason that I'm not good enough. Do you see where I'm going with this?
Yet, I know in God's eyes we are enough to Him but for some reason that is so hard for us to believe. I'm trying all these different things but yet I fail at each of them because I feel like I'm not enough. How do I get to the point where I feel like I am enough and that I shouldn't care what other people think about me? I will say counselors make it sound so simple and easy, when really it isn't. It is just something you have to grow into. Honestly, knowing this and knowing that I know I will never be enough for my future husband or children, kind of scares me a little bit because I know I have more things to keep up with then I do now especially if I'm a stay at home mom.
That is why I have to get my eyes fixed on God now so I'll be ready for those things when they come. I do want God to be the Center of my everything. I want to know that I am enough for Him and if I'm not for anyone else then too bad. I think this all started in grade school. When I moved to a new school and the kids they were teasing me. I just felt like I had to reach a level to be good enough and I would know when that level stopped or that I needed to work on it more because things would change.
For example, lets say a guy teases a girl for a few days or months and then he turns around and goes out with another girl. What message does that send the girl he is teasing for present and the future? Try really hard? Another example would be: During senior year, different pictures are taken of the people that have been there since Kindergarden. What message does that send the people who started at that school in a different grade? Did I ever really fit in? What if you had to be Miss Perfect because your parents worked at the same school? What if you had 4 other siblings to try and keep up with when you were growing up? The list could go on and on.
We all wear the mask, especially women and girls, of perfection and I got this under control when really we don't at all. We are really hurt inside but yet we don't want anyone to see because that would just be ugly and that is the life we are use to living. But what if we started to take off those masks of "good enough" and start to put on the masks of "I'm broken just like you. Yet, I'm willing to understand you if you are willing to understand me"? It would get rid of a lot of conflict in this world, wouldn't it? It can be a painful journey but I think I am just starting mine.
Another question to think about with all of this is: When we act like we are "good enough" are we really helping people by hiding who we are or are we really hurting them? I could see in some situations that I have been truthful with myself and the people around, I could have probably helped them even if it was just a little bit. It was something and something is better then nothing. I just feel like I could go on about this topic and you might see more entries on it through out the next few months as I am learning what it means to be "enough". I just feel like it is every women's though, even if we don't say it out loud because we were made to be the nurturer and caregiver. Men might fight with me on this one and I'm willing to fight back but when you look at what we really go through and understand us, we have a hard job too. That's just life.
We both have our differences and that even means differences in different ways and feelings. We, even, handle them differently. I'm so grateful that we have a God who forgives our sins rather then condemns us because we are so messed up and sinful. We could never get this men vs. women thing right.
Wednesday, September 9, 2015
Tuesday, September 8, 2015
What Has my Last Job Taught Me About Life?
As I look back on my last job, I realized that I learned a lot about children, other people, and myself. There is no better way to be in a job for 2 and a half years where you have to given more of yourself then you can handle. If you want to be missionary in life, I suggest working at a shelter of some sort to see if you can do it or see what you have to change about yourself or work on. My last job changed my life more then I can image any other job doing just because of the type of job it was. It is going to be hard to fine another "plain" preschool job and get back in the routine of that like I was before but we'll see what God has in store for me.
Right now, God is just working on me in a lot of ways and healing the hurts from my last job. People working at those type of jobs might not admit it until later but whether you want to admit it or not you do get hurt in a lot of ways, whether physically or emotionally, whether by co-workers or supervisors, or admin. The job can be tough and can be coming from you in all directions. It is also hard to talk about outside of work because it is world no one really knows about. It is something that we try to keep hidden in today's world but yet it is so sad and we need to change that.
I will say on here that I have been talking to my counselor about some of the things that went on at work and it has helped me see what I need to change about me but I also saw some things when I was working that but I was in such a routine that I didn't change or felt like I had the time to change. The things I'm talking to my counselor about I knew I had a little bit of a problem with before my past job but I'm pretty sure things got bigger and worse the longer I stayed there without doing anything about it. Just to be on the safe side of things, I could have changed some things but some things I couldn't and some things I tried but I felt like no one was listening. I guess you could say that I learned about three Cs. See if you can figure them out.
The first thing that I learned was children are really needy and I mean that in a good and cute way. It is such a great reminder to us, adults, how we should be towards Christ. When the children come to us for healing and love, we should go to Christ for that and no one else. We could just get hurt by the people around us but if we go to Christ we are safe in His Arms. They are smarter then you think too. They know how to get what they want but at the same time they know what is right and what is wrong, most of them anyways. They just have to be raised up with doing the same thing over and over again like other people are. We keep on getting on to them because they won't do it right the first or second or even third time but does Christ get on to us when we don't get it right the 1st or 2nd time. No! Children really can't get along without their everyday life. That is where I lean that OT and our senses are so important to us along with our brain.
The second thing that I learned is "it is all about how you communicate with people". I will say that I have never worked at a place in my life where there was no or very little or clear communication. Now I know I need to work on my communication too but it is a two way street. It is important to say what you are thinking so you don't get mad at the people you are working with. There are ways to say things nicely. It might take me awhile to get to that point but if I care enough and try really hard I could get there. It is communication that make things easier in the long run. If you tell me what to do or how you feel then I know. I know I could ask what is wrong when I see that you are down or do you need help with something. I could get to know people better but I'm not the only one and when you work at a job, there is more then just 3 or 4 people, there is a whole brunch of people trying to get on the same page but are confused.
I have also learned that non-verbal communication is much more easier to read and do then words coming out of your month. People will go by your non-verbal actions more then your words so that is where our actions better match our words. If they don't, then we need to fix something whether it is taking a few days off or talking to someone about what is bothering you or what is going on. We can stop the words from coming out of our months but we cannot stop the non verbal communication because sometimes it is habit and other times we just totally don't know we are doing it because we are that upset or happy about something.
I have also learned that conflict is important for friendships, job, and relationships. Conflict might be hard in the moment when it happens but that is why you need to prepare yourself or take time for yourself. When it is a friend or someone close to me, I do either walk away or wait a few days to write them back so I can think and calm down. It is the jobs that get me, though, because I don't have time to think right at that moment. My brain takes longer to process things. I am learning, though, and my last job made me see that I really need to work on in the moment things. I need to talk positivitly to myself so I will be ready for what is ahead of me. You can never be prepared for a disagreement or someone that is hurting but in a way you can think confidently of yourself and over time that should help you stand up nicely for yourself and others. If I have learned anything from conflict over the years, it is that conflict within yourself and even with other people will make you stronger with self and closer to others then before.
Then I have one last thing that I learned but it doesn't start with a "c" and that is self care. I guess it could be the 4 things I learned if you want to call it just "care". I heard about self care before I took my last job and I felt like I needed on my worst days whether at work or in college but I really didn't pay attention to it until this job. I was taking care of myself before this job. My other jobs were "easy" and I just had me to worry about but my last job I worried about the children and what they did that day and tried to figure out what I could do differently the next day to help them. I felt like I was letting them down when I didn't help them. It was all about them and there was no room for taking care of me and that was wrong. I needed that self care to help those children. I couldn't do it on my own. The job taught me what I feel like when I am out of energy and need that self care. I would write on here and say prayers for the children that I couldn't get out of my mind. I would also start to run or walk here and there or I would go outside and just sit and write or read but things got too busy and I stopped.
Coming from a mind that as always been sat in the missionary mind set and caring/loving/compassionate mind set too, I never knew or would take anyone's advice on self care but now that I looked back I wish I did. Self care is a real thing and it is a really good thing for each of us. It is funny how I never heard of those words until I moved to AR, in the Wal-Mart world, it is what each of my friends were talking about. They were talking about how they took care of themselves and why and I remember thinking "why and what is that?" Well, now I see when you have a stressful job like a ministry or big company, it is vital that you have some kind of self care for yourself. Something you like to do, that will let you rest and go away from the world at times. Something that relaxes you and give you your energy back to be ready to face another day.
Strange the things you learn in your late 20s, huh? Things you never thought of or thought you would never need because as a teen or college student you had things under your control. Things were easy back then. All of these things, do you think they are what grown ups mean when they tell you, "to grow up". Sometimes I wonder because those are things you just have to learn how to handle yourself, people can show you how but you have to be willing to do it. These are only a few things I'm looking at right now, I know there is a lot more to come.
Right now, God is just working on me in a lot of ways and healing the hurts from my last job. People working at those type of jobs might not admit it until later but whether you want to admit it or not you do get hurt in a lot of ways, whether physically or emotionally, whether by co-workers or supervisors, or admin. The job can be tough and can be coming from you in all directions. It is also hard to talk about outside of work because it is world no one really knows about. It is something that we try to keep hidden in today's world but yet it is so sad and we need to change that.
I will say on here that I have been talking to my counselor about some of the things that went on at work and it has helped me see what I need to change about me but I also saw some things when I was working that but I was in such a routine that I didn't change or felt like I had the time to change. The things I'm talking to my counselor about I knew I had a little bit of a problem with before my past job but I'm pretty sure things got bigger and worse the longer I stayed there without doing anything about it. Just to be on the safe side of things, I could have changed some things but some things I couldn't and some things I tried but I felt like no one was listening. I guess you could say that I learned about three Cs. See if you can figure them out.
The first thing that I learned was children are really needy and I mean that in a good and cute way. It is such a great reminder to us, adults, how we should be towards Christ. When the children come to us for healing and love, we should go to Christ for that and no one else. We could just get hurt by the people around us but if we go to Christ we are safe in His Arms. They are smarter then you think too. They know how to get what they want but at the same time they know what is right and what is wrong, most of them anyways. They just have to be raised up with doing the same thing over and over again like other people are. We keep on getting on to them because they won't do it right the first or second or even third time but does Christ get on to us when we don't get it right the 1st or 2nd time. No! Children really can't get along without their everyday life. That is where I lean that OT and our senses are so important to us along with our brain.
The second thing that I learned is "it is all about how you communicate with people". I will say that I have never worked at a place in my life where there was no or very little or clear communication. Now I know I need to work on my communication too but it is a two way street. It is important to say what you are thinking so you don't get mad at the people you are working with. There are ways to say things nicely. It might take me awhile to get to that point but if I care enough and try really hard I could get there. It is communication that make things easier in the long run. If you tell me what to do or how you feel then I know. I know I could ask what is wrong when I see that you are down or do you need help with something. I could get to know people better but I'm not the only one and when you work at a job, there is more then just 3 or 4 people, there is a whole brunch of people trying to get on the same page but are confused.
I have also learned that non-verbal communication is much more easier to read and do then words coming out of your month. People will go by your non-verbal actions more then your words so that is where our actions better match our words. If they don't, then we need to fix something whether it is taking a few days off or talking to someone about what is bothering you or what is going on. We can stop the words from coming out of our months but we cannot stop the non verbal communication because sometimes it is habit and other times we just totally don't know we are doing it because we are that upset or happy about something.
I have also learned that conflict is important for friendships, job, and relationships. Conflict might be hard in the moment when it happens but that is why you need to prepare yourself or take time for yourself. When it is a friend or someone close to me, I do either walk away or wait a few days to write them back so I can think and calm down. It is the jobs that get me, though, because I don't have time to think right at that moment. My brain takes longer to process things. I am learning, though, and my last job made me see that I really need to work on in the moment things. I need to talk positivitly to myself so I will be ready for what is ahead of me. You can never be prepared for a disagreement or someone that is hurting but in a way you can think confidently of yourself and over time that should help you stand up nicely for yourself and others. If I have learned anything from conflict over the years, it is that conflict within yourself and even with other people will make you stronger with self and closer to others then before.
Then I have one last thing that I learned but it doesn't start with a "c" and that is self care. I guess it could be the 4 things I learned if you want to call it just "care". I heard about self care before I took my last job and I felt like I needed on my worst days whether at work or in college but I really didn't pay attention to it until this job. I was taking care of myself before this job. My other jobs were "easy" and I just had me to worry about but my last job I worried about the children and what they did that day and tried to figure out what I could do differently the next day to help them. I felt like I was letting them down when I didn't help them. It was all about them and there was no room for taking care of me and that was wrong. I needed that self care to help those children. I couldn't do it on my own. The job taught me what I feel like when I am out of energy and need that self care. I would write on here and say prayers for the children that I couldn't get out of my mind. I would also start to run or walk here and there or I would go outside and just sit and write or read but things got too busy and I stopped.
Coming from a mind that as always been sat in the missionary mind set and caring/loving/compassionate mind set too, I never knew or would take anyone's advice on self care but now that I looked back I wish I did. Self care is a real thing and it is a really good thing for each of us. It is funny how I never heard of those words until I moved to AR, in the Wal-Mart world, it is what each of my friends were talking about. They were talking about how they took care of themselves and why and I remember thinking "why and what is that?" Well, now I see when you have a stressful job like a ministry or big company, it is vital that you have some kind of self care for yourself. Something you like to do, that will let you rest and go away from the world at times. Something that relaxes you and give you your energy back to be ready to face another day.
Strange the things you learn in your late 20s, huh? Things you never thought of or thought you would never need because as a teen or college student you had things under your control. Things were easy back then. All of these things, do you think they are what grown ups mean when they tell you, "to grow up". Sometimes I wonder because those are things you just have to learn how to handle yourself, people can show you how but you have to be willing to do it. These are only a few things I'm looking at right now, I know there is a lot more to come.
Monday, September 7, 2015
Wanting Benefits without the Work
First, I want to say that the title was the title of the sermon yesterday at church so I didn't make it up but when you look into it, it is true in the world today. I will try to explain it how I see it in my own life right now and if I can, a little bit of the way I see it in the world today. The verses were Jeremiah 21:1-14. The title of the chapter in the Bible is "God Rejects Zedekiah's Request". I will tell you some of the verses that touched my heart and what they mean to me and so on.
The first verse I liked was verse 2b. It says: "Perhaps the Lord will perform wonders for us in times past so that he (the king) will withdraw from us." This verse means to me and the way I understood the pastor preach it was: "Just because you ask and work, doesn't mean it is going to happen. You have to believe and follow God as well." I also like verse 8 because it says: "Furthermore, tell the people, This is what the Lord said, "See, I am setting before you the way of life and the way of death." That verse is kind of harsh if you think about it but when you think about it really hard God shouldn't have done that to the people or to us.
God is giving His people two choices. Do you want life or do you want death? It is as simple as that. It is funny when I think about it because choices work best with little children. You can give them two choices and they can pick. You do that so they can feel powerful and like they did it by themselves but they didn't. Do you think that God wants us to feel that way? Then when and if we noticed that it was really God all along we are thankful. It is just funny that God even those that to us all our life and we don't even know or think about it that way.
God gives us those two choices because He loves us so much and He doesn't want to get angry at or throw His Wrath down on us. God whether give us 100+ choices before He uses His Wrath against us. I really shouldn't say wrath, I should say teach us a lesson because it could be something as simple as losing you job because you were becoming too focused on that and not Him. I do have a question though about God's Wrath? What do you think God's Wrath would look like? I have two answers for you. The real and only answer is: God sent His wrath on His Son, Jesus when he was dieing on the cross for our sins. The way I like to look at it here on earth and still nothing can compare to God's wrath but I have worked with some children that will throw the longest, hardest, and loudest fits known to man and that's not as bad as God's wrath.
All God asks of us is to "Love Him with all our mind, with all our soul, and with all our heart." It's not that far from us, we can do it. We must act on it. When God tells us to do something, we must go do it. When God tells us to say something, we must say it. When God tells us to pray for something, then we must pray for it. Prayers can move mountains, even overseas. We must be listening to God and doing what the Bible says because the ways are in the Bible. We try to go to people who aren't Christians or who can't give Godly advice and we get lost. When we do go, most of us will just turn our backs and get mad at them while we are leaving because we don't want to do what they said. Well, guess what it is in the Bible. God said it, not them.
I love this saying that the pastor said and it will stick with me for a long time:
"God set two roads before you: life or death. Choose one."
I know none of this is easy because we are all humans and there is sin in this world. We should try our best, though, to follow God and win people for Him. Now I'm sharing this because I need help with it too. I'm not perfect by far at all. I probably need help more then anyone reading this but that is the sweet thing about Christian community. We can all work on it together and hold each other accountable for it.
All this to say (in my words): "If you want the benefit of life, then you need to work for God. If you want the benefit of death, you know what to do or it is more like 'not to do'."
"You don't get paid and special benefits if you don't do the work at your earthly job and this is God's job for you, so what would the difference be?"
The first verse I liked was verse 2b. It says: "Perhaps the Lord will perform wonders for us in times past so that he (the king) will withdraw from us." This verse means to me and the way I understood the pastor preach it was: "Just because you ask and work, doesn't mean it is going to happen. You have to believe and follow God as well." I also like verse 8 because it says: "Furthermore, tell the people, This is what the Lord said, "See, I am setting before you the way of life and the way of death." That verse is kind of harsh if you think about it but when you think about it really hard God shouldn't have done that to the people or to us.
God is giving His people two choices. Do you want life or do you want death? It is as simple as that. It is funny when I think about it because choices work best with little children. You can give them two choices and they can pick. You do that so they can feel powerful and like they did it by themselves but they didn't. Do you think that God wants us to feel that way? Then when and if we noticed that it was really God all along we are thankful. It is just funny that God even those that to us all our life and we don't even know or think about it that way.
God gives us those two choices because He loves us so much and He doesn't want to get angry at or throw His Wrath down on us. God whether give us 100+ choices before He uses His Wrath against us. I really shouldn't say wrath, I should say teach us a lesson because it could be something as simple as losing you job because you were becoming too focused on that and not Him. I do have a question though about God's Wrath? What do you think God's Wrath would look like? I have two answers for you. The real and only answer is: God sent His wrath on His Son, Jesus when he was dieing on the cross for our sins. The way I like to look at it here on earth and still nothing can compare to God's wrath but I have worked with some children that will throw the longest, hardest, and loudest fits known to man and that's not as bad as God's wrath.
All God asks of us is to "Love Him with all our mind, with all our soul, and with all our heart." It's not that far from us, we can do it. We must act on it. When God tells us to do something, we must go do it. When God tells us to say something, we must say it. When God tells us to pray for something, then we must pray for it. Prayers can move mountains, even overseas. We must be listening to God and doing what the Bible says because the ways are in the Bible. We try to go to people who aren't Christians or who can't give Godly advice and we get lost. When we do go, most of us will just turn our backs and get mad at them while we are leaving because we don't want to do what they said. Well, guess what it is in the Bible. God said it, not them.
I love this saying that the pastor said and it will stick with me for a long time:
"God set two roads before you: life or death. Choose one."
I know none of this is easy because we are all humans and there is sin in this world. We should try our best, though, to follow God and win people for Him. Now I'm sharing this because I need help with it too. I'm not perfect by far at all. I probably need help more then anyone reading this but that is the sweet thing about Christian community. We can all work on it together and hold each other accountable for it.
All this to say (in my words): "If you want the benefit of life, then you need to work for God. If you want the benefit of death, you know what to do or it is more like 'not to do'."
"You don't get paid and special benefits if you don't do the work at your earthly job and this is God's job for you, so what would the difference be?"
Sunday, September 6, 2015
Just Some Thoughts
I'm just going to write down some thoughts and quotes that I have read this past week from different places. Most of them comes from Proverbs 31 Ministries but other are just verses or thoughts that I saw around this past week. I'm writing them down so I can remember them and have them in a place where I can get to them easily. Some verses might go with some quotes or vice via.
-"That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife and they become one flesh."-Gen. 2:24 (NIV)
-Priority-that's what the other person (your spouse or friend) is= #1, not your parents or anyone else.
-Permanent-"to cling, keep close"
-Oneness-One man, one women, one flesh
-Openness and Purity (my favorite ones and ones I'm really working on)-
Nothing to hide and no barriers between the other person.
"God is glorified when we embrace and apply them."
"They (the 4 words above) should apply to our relationship with Him as well as with other people."
We should try and do them with God first and when we get to where we know what that looks like then we should do it to the people around us.
-"How could you implement these standards in your relationship with Christ?"
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"I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered, "May your word be fulfilled in me."- Luke 1:38a (NIV)
"My greatest desire is to be the woman you called me to be and not anyone else."
What area of your life have you been comparing to another person's?
"Remember this week that God has given you qualities to match the need of the position He has called you to. Pray that He will help you embrace this truth instead of comparing yourself to others."
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"Do you want to please God? Then stay in step with Him. Walk where He would walk. Spend time with Him in HIs Word. And do it all faithfully-day in and day out even if it's difficult."- Whitney Capps- From Proverbs 31 Ministries
"What would you do if someone suggested you were wrong in a situation? Would you try to correct the problem or deny it like Cain did?
"Don't let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me."- John 14:1
"I sought the Lord and He answered me and delivered me from all my fears."-Psalm 34:4
"God, as we end this day there are so many things trying to steal our peace. May your presence cover every fear, every, sense of failure, and every worry."- Nine Koziarz- From Proverbs 31 Ministries
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This is just my personal prayer list that I came up with today in church:
Around the World:
-For the children overseas that are giving their lives for Christ.
-For us to have the boldness like those children for Christ.
-For the refugee children and families that are on the move
-Guatemala and their children
In My Home States:
-Abused and neglected children in your state (my state: AR)
-The Huntin' Grounds (personal ministry for me in the state of AR and MO but I know they would like any and all the prayers they could get, the more, the better)
Then you can pray things for you and that are going on in your life.
Just a different way and some steps on how to pray and what to pray for. I know a lot more things could be added on to the lists but this is my list and these things are what is on my heart.
-"That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife and they become one flesh."-Gen. 2:24 (NIV)
-Priority-that's what the other person (your spouse or friend) is= #1, not your parents or anyone else.
-Permanent-"to cling, keep close"
-Oneness-One man, one women, one flesh
-Openness and Purity (my favorite ones and ones I'm really working on)-
Nothing to hide and no barriers between the other person.
"God is glorified when we embrace and apply them."
"They (the 4 words above) should apply to our relationship with Him as well as with other people."
We should try and do them with God first and when we get to where we know what that looks like then we should do it to the people around us.
-"How could you implement these standards in your relationship with Christ?"
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"I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered, "May your word be fulfilled in me."- Luke 1:38a (NIV)
"My greatest desire is to be the woman you called me to be and not anyone else."
What area of your life have you been comparing to another person's?
"Remember this week that God has given you qualities to match the need of the position He has called you to. Pray that He will help you embrace this truth instead of comparing yourself to others."
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"Do you want to please God? Then stay in step with Him. Walk where He would walk. Spend time with Him in HIs Word. And do it all faithfully-day in and day out even if it's difficult."- Whitney Capps- From Proverbs 31 Ministries
"What would you do if someone suggested you were wrong in a situation? Would you try to correct the problem or deny it like Cain did?
"Don't let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me."- John 14:1
"I sought the Lord and He answered me and delivered me from all my fears."-Psalm 34:4
"God, as we end this day there are so many things trying to steal our peace. May your presence cover every fear, every, sense of failure, and every worry."- Nine Koziarz- From Proverbs 31 Ministries
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This is just my personal prayer list that I came up with today in church:
Around the World:
-For the children overseas that are giving their lives for Christ.
-For us to have the boldness like those children for Christ.
-For the refugee children and families that are on the move
-Guatemala and their children
In My Home States:
-Abused and neglected children in your state (my state: AR)
-The Huntin' Grounds (personal ministry for me in the state of AR and MO but I know they would like any and all the prayers they could get, the more, the better)
Then you can pray things for you and that are going on in your life.
Just a different way and some steps on how to pray and what to pray for. I know a lot more things could be added on to the lists but this is my list and these things are what is on my heart.
Friday, September 4, 2015
Addicted to Anxiety-Part 2
Here is my other entry from the Anxiety Conference that I went to this past week or two. It is going to be about a 3 step calming down way that the main speaker, Sarah Gross, talked about most of the conference. It is called "Stop, Drop, and Roll".
Step 1-"Stop"
-You stop what is making you anxious. Just stop right in the middle of it or when you are starting to get anxious.
Step 2-"Drop"
-Fall to your knees and give your anxiety of to God. Pray about what is giving you that anxiety.
"Don't let fear take control. Turn it over to God."
Step 3-"Roll"
-Roll it over to God. Once you have prayed to God about it, then you give (roll) it totally over to God. Forget all about it because it is in God's hands now.
Three simple steps to say, but when we try or want to do the 3 steps, it is really hard. We don't want to give everything over to God because sometimes we don't trust Him with it or we are scared of what He is going to do with it. Even though, we know that He knows us best. It is just in our sinful, human nature to keep ahold of things.
It is funny on my side of this whole anxiety thing when I think about it because I know when I have had enough of the fighting and the anxious feelings. My "too much" feeling is when I start to cry. I can't take anymore of these things so I just need to get away for a little while. Instead of telling people that, since I'm not big on talking, I tend to cry it out.
This might also sound strange but the more we lean into anxiety, the more it will lean us towards God. Read Matthew 6:33.
Anxious in Greek means "separation" so that, I believe, is an easy way for the devil to get ahold of people and turn them away from God but if we see that then we can fight back even harder and that is how it draws us closer to God. Look up: Proverbs 1:7. For me, I see it as time that I need to take to slow down and think about things. Get back on the right track with things and people, especially where I am right now. You and I can get so anxious that it makes our bodies and minds so sleepy and sick that we cannot think about what we are doing at the moment.
I can't remember if I put this in the 1st entry about anxiety but here is another quote I got from the conference: "Anxiety draws us closer to the Savior".
When the conference was coming to an end I thought of something. That something was: "Bring Beauty to Women". I thought about that because it was a huge room full of women, listening to mainly women talk about anxiety. I mean I see that, as women, we are mostly affected by it because of the things we do and go through but there were some men that talked and knew about anxiety too. It is just neat to have seen a big room full of women that is and was going through anxiety. It was very encouraging to see as many women as I did. Now I know that I am not alone but then again, I never was. I always had God by my side.
Step 1-"Stop"
-You stop what is making you anxious. Just stop right in the middle of it or when you are starting to get anxious.
Step 2-"Drop"
-Fall to your knees and give your anxiety of to God. Pray about what is giving you that anxiety.
"Don't let fear take control. Turn it over to God."
Step 3-"Roll"
-Roll it over to God. Once you have prayed to God about it, then you give (roll) it totally over to God. Forget all about it because it is in God's hands now.
Three simple steps to say, but when we try or want to do the 3 steps, it is really hard. We don't want to give everything over to God because sometimes we don't trust Him with it or we are scared of what He is going to do with it. Even though, we know that He knows us best. It is just in our sinful, human nature to keep ahold of things.
It is funny on my side of this whole anxiety thing when I think about it because I know when I have had enough of the fighting and the anxious feelings. My "too much" feeling is when I start to cry. I can't take anymore of these things so I just need to get away for a little while. Instead of telling people that, since I'm not big on talking, I tend to cry it out.
This might also sound strange but the more we lean into anxiety, the more it will lean us towards God. Read Matthew 6:33.
Anxious in Greek means "separation" so that, I believe, is an easy way for the devil to get ahold of people and turn them away from God but if we see that then we can fight back even harder and that is how it draws us closer to God. Look up: Proverbs 1:7. For me, I see it as time that I need to take to slow down and think about things. Get back on the right track with things and people, especially where I am right now. You and I can get so anxious that it makes our bodies and minds so sleepy and sick that we cannot think about what we are doing at the moment.
I can't remember if I put this in the 1st entry about anxiety but here is another quote I got from the conference: "Anxiety draws us closer to the Savior".
When the conference was coming to an end I thought of something. That something was: "Bring Beauty to Women". I thought about that because it was a huge room full of women, listening to mainly women talk about anxiety. I mean I see that, as women, we are mostly affected by it because of the things we do and go through but there were some men that talked and knew about anxiety too. It is just neat to have seen a big room full of women that is and was going through anxiety. It was very encouraging to see as many women as I did. Now I know that I am not alone but then again, I never was. I always had God by my side.
Thursday, September 3, 2015
How to Handle Conflict?
I don't know what to title this entry just yet. I know it needs a better one but can't think of one right now. What is conflict and how do you handle it? That has been the question on my mind this week and it has been an interesting one. I have been focusing on how I handle conflict with my brain and just my actions and words. I have found out a few different things. There are many ways that you can have conflict and for many different reasons.
I have looked at conflict 4 different ways this week and it has really helped me. The first way was when I am the withdrawer away from conflict. This part I talked about with my counselor and I am not scared to talk about it. There might be a lot more entries about some things that I have talked to her about because I'm learning about myself and I think it will help other people too like this whole conflict thing. I will admit that I am a bad withdrawer from conflict. I avoid conflict whenever I can. I will tell you that I am really bad at avoiding conflicts with friends whether guys or girls, but mostly guys.
I walk away from the conflict feeling useless and like I couldn't change a thing. I feel scared because they saw the real me and I didn't want them to or if we would get into a conflict they would see the real me and that is scary. When things get hard and I don't understand them, I shut down my feelings and walk away. I don't try to understand them and if I do it is like days later but I am scared to go back to the person or group and forgive or talk to them. I'm kind of stubborn that way and I need to stop that. It is not good for me to be in so many conflicts in my life. I'm scared that I won't get anywhere if I don't share what I am feeling.
I don't know how many times I have walked away from people I cared about or pushed them away because I couldn't handle conflict. It would go one way or the other. It seems like I would never meet them in the middle like I never knew how to get in the middle. I don't know how many jobs I have lost because I just couldn't handle conflict that great. My heart is the compassionate and caring kind. I want everyone to be happy and get along great. I'm not just saying that because I want people to like me. If you know me, you would agree. Now I'm thinking that I am starting to see what the middle looks like in a conflict. What does it really mean to compromise?
What I need to learn from the people around me and my counselor is how to handle the conflicts. All different kinds of conflict. There could be conflicts with people at your jobs, your spouses, your boyfriend/girlfriend, your friends, or just someone walking by you. There is conflict in this world because we are not prefect at all so why try to be and why keep showing the perfection when really we are not. If we don't show that we are messed up, then people will think something is wrong with us because they will think we are not normal.
I am that kind of person where I have to have a moment to step away and think about the conflict for a few days. I get too overwhelmed when I am in the middle of a conflict with everything being thrown at me at one time. There are two situations recently that I had to walk away and think about them and then response back. I responded back in a nicer way then if I would have if
I did it right after the situation happened.
First situation could be when a friend says something that hurts you or that you don't agree with. People can say things to us that hits us the wrong way at first but if we take the time to think about it, they could be right. They could see something that we don't see in ourselves and even though that might scare us at first and we don't want to admit it, we need to. I like to think about it this way: If it is about us and it makes us mad, we need to think on it before we say anything to the person that said it. In this situation, I took a couple to 3 days to think about what my friend really said to me and I agreed with my friend. I was bothering my friend too much and I needed to step back and I have been trying and getting better at it. I was complaining to my friend when my friend didn't want to hear about it or didn't understand it because we didn't see each other that much.
Second situation could be when you cannot tell the people higher up at your job what you are truly feeling because you are scared that they judge you for what you say. Those feelings could true into anger and bitterness, depending on the situation, of course. That is not good when you are working but then again, I needed the break to think and write out what I was feeling. It is a little different situation because I was standing up for something I was really passionate about but yet nothing was being done. I want to say and tell the end of my story because I really believe it will help the other co-workers and children but I'm going to keep it simple and true.
There are some times that you have to tell and show the people the true you to let them know why you are doing what you are doing and then there are those times where you just have to keep it simple so you don't cause a mess. It just depends of if it is one on one or against a big company or organization. You want to do what is the best for the both of you and the faster. For me, either way though, I need time to walk away and think about what to say next and I need to say it instead of walking away for good or pushing the other person away.
We just need to remember that God Loves Us as we are as our own person. We need to be a God pleasing person, not a people pleasing person. God is the only one that can save us when we need it, people cannot not.
I have looked at conflict 4 different ways this week and it has really helped me. The first way was when I am the withdrawer away from conflict. This part I talked about with my counselor and I am not scared to talk about it. There might be a lot more entries about some things that I have talked to her about because I'm learning about myself and I think it will help other people too like this whole conflict thing. I will admit that I am a bad withdrawer from conflict. I avoid conflict whenever I can. I will tell you that I am really bad at avoiding conflicts with friends whether guys or girls, but mostly guys.
I walk away from the conflict feeling useless and like I couldn't change a thing. I feel scared because they saw the real me and I didn't want them to or if we would get into a conflict they would see the real me and that is scary. When things get hard and I don't understand them, I shut down my feelings and walk away. I don't try to understand them and if I do it is like days later but I am scared to go back to the person or group and forgive or talk to them. I'm kind of stubborn that way and I need to stop that. It is not good for me to be in so many conflicts in my life. I'm scared that I won't get anywhere if I don't share what I am feeling.
I don't know how many times I have walked away from people I cared about or pushed them away because I couldn't handle conflict. It would go one way or the other. It seems like I would never meet them in the middle like I never knew how to get in the middle. I don't know how many jobs I have lost because I just couldn't handle conflict that great. My heart is the compassionate and caring kind. I want everyone to be happy and get along great. I'm not just saying that because I want people to like me. If you know me, you would agree. Now I'm thinking that I am starting to see what the middle looks like in a conflict. What does it really mean to compromise?
What I need to learn from the people around me and my counselor is how to handle the conflicts. All different kinds of conflict. There could be conflicts with people at your jobs, your spouses, your boyfriend/girlfriend, your friends, or just someone walking by you. There is conflict in this world because we are not prefect at all so why try to be and why keep showing the perfection when really we are not. If we don't show that we are messed up, then people will think something is wrong with us because they will think we are not normal.
I am that kind of person where I have to have a moment to step away and think about the conflict for a few days. I get too overwhelmed when I am in the middle of a conflict with everything being thrown at me at one time. There are two situations recently that I had to walk away and think about them and then response back. I responded back in a nicer way then if I would have if
I did it right after the situation happened.
First situation could be when a friend says something that hurts you or that you don't agree with. People can say things to us that hits us the wrong way at first but if we take the time to think about it, they could be right. They could see something that we don't see in ourselves and even though that might scare us at first and we don't want to admit it, we need to. I like to think about it this way: If it is about us and it makes us mad, we need to think on it before we say anything to the person that said it. In this situation, I took a couple to 3 days to think about what my friend really said to me and I agreed with my friend. I was bothering my friend too much and I needed to step back and I have been trying and getting better at it. I was complaining to my friend when my friend didn't want to hear about it or didn't understand it because we didn't see each other that much.
Second situation could be when you cannot tell the people higher up at your job what you are truly feeling because you are scared that they judge you for what you say. Those feelings could true into anger and bitterness, depending on the situation, of course. That is not good when you are working but then again, I needed the break to think and write out what I was feeling. It is a little different situation because I was standing up for something I was really passionate about but yet nothing was being done. I want to say and tell the end of my story because I really believe it will help the other co-workers and children but I'm going to keep it simple and true.
There are some times that you have to tell and show the people the true you to let them know why you are doing what you are doing and then there are those times where you just have to keep it simple so you don't cause a mess. It just depends of if it is one on one or against a big company or organization. You want to do what is the best for the both of you and the faster. For me, either way though, I need time to walk away and think about what to say next and I need to say it instead of walking away for good or pushing the other person away.
We just need to remember that God Loves Us as we are as our own person. We need to be a God pleasing person, not a people pleasing person. God is the only one that can save us when we need it, people cannot not.
Wednesday, September 2, 2015
God KEPT Me
"Who keeps us in life And does not allow our feet to slip." Psalm 66:9, NIV
I got this idea from an daily devo. from "Daughters of the King". I love the verse because it is a great reminder that God keeps us and is with us. He doesn't allow our feet to slip. I am going to list some things that God has KEPT me going through and from.
1. God has KEPT me in His Hands.
2. God KEPT me because He has something greater in store for me.
3. God has KEPT me in AR for 4 years.
4. God KEPT me sane, as long as He wanted to, during my last job.
5. God has KEPT me while my friends are moving away.
6. God has KEPT me through the sad times.
7. God has KEPT me during my high school years, while being made fun of.
8. God has KEPT me beautiful.
9. God KEPT me while I was going through college.
10. God KEPT me when I changed my majors.
11. God KEPT me when I felt all alone.
12. God KEPT my month shut when I wanted to open it.
13. God KEPT me moving, even when I wanted to give up.
14. God KEPT me protected.
15. God KEPT His promises to me.
16. God KEPT me fighting for what I believe in.
17. God KEPT giving me a job when the time was right.
18. God KEPT supporting me financially when I needed it.
19. God KEPT giving me wisdom and strength.
20. God KEPT giving me family that care and I can always go back to for rest.
21. God KEPT giving me friends that are strong and supportive with their faith.
22. God KEPT giving me a place to live.
23. God KEPT listening to me, even when I asked Him for little things.
24. God KEPT talking to me through His Word.
25. God KEPT on loving me, even when I would mess up.
26. Most importantly, God KEPT His Son on the cross for me so that I could be forgiven of all my sins.
Challenge for you: My Challenge for this entry is: See how many things you can think about that God KEPT.....Can you come up with 26 or more things?
I started out trying to think of things that were personal for me but when it comes down to it God does the same things for everyone who believes in Him. We would have to be a lot more detailed if we wanted to share what God has really KEPT us from.
I started out trying to think of things that were personal for me but when it comes down to it God does the same things for everyone who believes in Him. We would have to be a lot more detailed if we wanted to share what God has really KEPT us from.
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