When You Think You Look Bad

         Doesn't it seem like "when you try and look perfect for something or someone, they are never around or it never happens like you want it too but then when you look bad, that someone is around or that thing happens"? A lot of things can happen when you think you look bad and I have experienced this in a lot of ways. It is not only when you look bad, it is also when you feel at your worst, whether that is being sick or just had a hard day or week. I didn't like it to happen to me when it did but then I got to thinking about it. Maybe it is a good thing things turned out the way they did because then people can see my at my worst once in awhile if they never have before.
         For me, I hate it when the good thing or seeing the person I wanted to see for a long time shows up after a hard week or hard day. I can't think of what to say or focus on that person or thing because I have what happened that day before on my mind. I don't need more thoughts in my head for me to think about later on. I'm the kind of person that replays a lot of things in my mind? Has anyone been there? There is good that can come from having those bad looking moments. It is then that you have to push yourself to do what you want done and then you can see how much strength and courage and whatever else you think you have actually do have.
         We just need days and moments like that. Sometimes God puts those people or things right at that time because we need them to cheer us up and give us hope again and again. I know I have used a lot of those times as reminders of who I really was and what I was really going for and why.  It even could be a message or comment left on a friend's Facebook page saying "I'll pray for you" after they have a hard day or moment. It could be a random text when you feel the time is "right".
           It is like Paul says in the Bible,

"But He said to me, "My Grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness."-2 Cor. 12:9.

        Just think about those hard times or days or even the times you think you look bad: It is a way for God to be seen through you. God's power is made perfect in our weaknesses (aka times we look bad and feel bad). We are overwhelmed and covered with His Grace because it is sufficient for us. We are worth enough to God that He will cover us with His Grace, even when we look bad and messed up. You know, strangely enough, even in those times where we have no idea what we are doing or why we are doing it. We just know that God has called us to do it.

          Through our weaknesses is the best way for others to see God because once they see that we cannot do it without Him or still happy no matter what kind of day we have been through. Then it gets people thinking, "What do they have that I don't?" Just a little challenging and encouraging way for you think about when you think you look bad or when you are having a bad day.  Like right now, I didn't think of that verse before writing this entry, God just gave it to me while I was writing it. It is a different view then maybe most people have thought about that verse before or maybe not. I don't know but what I do know is it a new way of thinking about that verse for me so I'm sharing it. 

Break the Walls Down-A Prayer

         I have been going to a House of Prayer in AR for the past two Fridays and I have come up with the 2 best prayers and deep prayers there that I have had in awhile. While I can't share one of the prayers because it is a prayer for a friend but I can and will share one. Here it is:

 
        Dear Daddy,

                I want the Spirit to break out of me. I need a lot of walls broken down in so many areas of my life. I need to let more people in, help them, and let go of the past. "In You, we have destiny and timeless doors of opportunity." I need to lead people too. You have put me with younger and different kinds of people for different reasons. I need to be for sure of my life and then share it when asked. I know I can be a part of something big if I would just let You break down my walls. I have 2 maybe 3 opportunities now, this year. Early 20s or even straight out of college people seem to be my 2nd area of my life right now that I want to help out with. When I am listening to their stories, I am reminded that I am just really blessed where I am now but it wasn't easy getting where I am today. I could not got here with my good works but with Your Love and Help. I am a sinner. I might have been a goody two shoes in the past like in high school but that's not why I am where I am today. It is all because of Your Glory and Presence. "I just want my heart to burn for you." Please break down the many walls that I have. Come into every room of my heart and clean it of its mess. 

                                                                                             In Christ's Love,
                                                                                                     Amen



     
     

Being a Leader

        I titled this "Being a Leader" because I was planning on talking about how I feel like a leader and how should be a leader with my new position at work but I'm going to talk about a little bit more. Today I really think God opened my eyes all around the room I was in and past and present and future. All three of them. When you become what God made you to be things just roll together. I have really missed the classroom setting and being the lead teacher. I'm loving it so much.
         I love everything about it and now I know the kind of settings and working I want for sure for the future. As a leader, God really as given me everything that my heart desired for my career.  I don't know what I was thinking when I went into the job field right after college. The college I went to really got me ready for a higher position then an assistant teacher or just a floater. It got me ready for a lead teacher or higher for an admin. position. That is one thing that I thought a lot about today during work was where I worked during college.
          I went to College of the Ozarks in Branson, MO and it is a work for pay college. For the four years I was there, I worked in the Child Development Center and loved it. Now I am at a place where I feel like I'm there at that center again only it is in AR. I'm the lead teacher and get to make the classroom look like anyway I want it. I get to plan the lesson plans and then do them with the children. This place actually have lesson plans and make you turn them in a week before. I have 3 assistant teachers but you couldn't tell that because we all work so well together. They are easygoing and fun to be around. The children love them too.
          While I was thinking about all of these things, the past and the present, and what God has done for me this past year and who I really am. I got to thinking about something really important. That was: " If God can answer these desires of my heart, while I prayer and whispered to Him, then how many more desires can He really answer?"  I remember thinking back when I was at my other job: how I wanted to plan things and have people go along with me, how I wanted to have a room to do things with, and where people would actually listen to me and not complain about what I was doing or trying to do. Now I got that and I do love it.
           God answered all of those thoughts and prayers. I'm having too much fun some days but that is good because I don't remember the last time I was this happy. I really did have a flashback to college days and I loved them. It showed me that there are some places out there that have what I want to work with and in but I really have to research and wait for that place like I did this one. Excuse my French, but I went through Hell, just to get to where I am today. It is funny too because I did apply where I am today but they didn't have room for me when I applied the first time and now this time they did. That is another sign that God wanted me to have this job really bad.
             I just hope that this year I can see more things in my life as clear as I see my job now and before. I still have other desires on my heart that I want to be answered but I know and early believe that God will answer them in His Time. Just like He did with my job and career. I was also thinking about how many years I stayed at my college's center and it was 4 years and then I graduated. I would have stayed more if I could have. That gives me hope that maybe if the job I'm at now is almost like the one at college, maybe I will stay here that long or longer, which will be a first for me here in AR.
            I am really, really blessed to have the job that I do now and it is looking good for me if the future if I want to move up and leave the children behind, yet I don't know, we just have to see what other things life bring my way and see if my money situation fits those things. It is hard to explain totally if you weren't there with me but I just had a joyous and peaceful feeling that made me smile today.
           Oddly enough, my FFA advisor was right about me being a leader. I just have different ways of showing it, then most people that are leaders. I would say that I am a quite and kind leader. You know that verse that talks about a gentle spirit and let that be what people see in you. I really think that is how I am a leader. People see it through my actions and my skills more then my words. People might not think of lead teachers at daycares or preschools as leaders but we are. We are depended on by a lot of people (parents and children) and we have a lot of things to do. We are the leaders to the future leaders of the world.

Prayers to Pray Throughout the Year

A Prayer to Know-Ephesians 1:18-20 

                   "I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in His Holy people, and His incomparably great power for us who believe." That power is the same as the mighty strength  He exerted when He raised Christ from the dead and seated Him at His right hand in the Heavenly realms."

                  What do we get when we pray this prayer or what should we be praying from these 
                   verses:
                           -To get and have Hope in God
                           -Then to be called the Child of God (Inheritance)
                           -Then to have the power/boldness to tell others about Him.
         
          

A Prayer to Be-Ephesians 3:14-19

                 "For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in Heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches He may strengthen you with the power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through Faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord's holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, to know this love that surpasses knowledge-that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." 

                What do we get when we pray this prayer or what should we be praying from these
                verses:
                           -Strengthen us with His Power starting in our inner being
                           -That Christ might dwell in our hearts through Faith
                           -Have the power to grasp how wide, long, and deep the love of Christ is
                           -To know that love that surpasses all understanding
                           -To be filled with all the fullness of God.


"Make my joy complete by being in the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in Spirit, intent on one purpose."-Phil. 2:2


I want to pray these two prayers throughout the year for my life. Do you?

Thoughts for the Mind

       "Come to be with a teachable spirit, eager to be changed. A close walk with Me is a life of continual newness. Do not cling to old ways as you step into a new year. Instead, seek my Face with an open mind, knowing that your journey with Me involves  being transformed by the renewing of your mind. As you focus your thoughts on me, be aware that I am fully attentive to you. I see you with a steady eye because my attention span is infinite. Give yourself fully to this adventure of increasing attentiveness to My Presence."-Sarah Young

        "Bring your mind back to me for refreshment and renewal. Let the Light of My Presence goal into you as you focus on your thoughts on Me. Thus I equip you to face whatever the day brings. This sacrifice of time pleases Me and strengthens you. Do not skimp on our time together. Resist the clamor of tasks waiting to be done. You have chosen what is better, and it will no be taken away from you."- Sarah Young

       "Do not conform to the patterns of this world, but be transform be the renewing of your minds."- Romans 12:2

         "But unlike other skills, it doesn't come by trying harder but trying softer-by relaxing and just allowing God to speak to you through the Holy Spirit. It also comes from having a right understanding of how the Lord sees you."- Karen Lee-Thorp

         "Martha (Tiffney), Martha (Tiffney)," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed-or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."- Luke 10:41-42

Take it to God First

        "Do not ask your special someone or anybody else what they think or to let you know. You need to take it to God first and then do what God says."

         I want to write this entry at the start of this year because I think it is an important reminder to us all that we need to do it every time and everyday. It is something that I have learned throughout this past year and will continue to learn throughout my life. It is a on going lesson that we need to learn through every stage of life. It came to my mind when I was writing a friend about a situation that I was having and I needed prayer for it.
          I often find myself, ending my emails or letters with the phase "Please let me know" or "Please let me know what you want/think." After the certain letter, I got to thinking why do I end my letters that way towards people. I don't need people's thoughts of me but most importantly I need the thoughts of what God think of me and who I am in Him. That is where God's Love comes in for me and He is the only one I need to make happy. I don't know why it hit me like it did but it just did and I have been taking everything to God. It has helped me big time with my anxiety.
           Every time I feel like there is doubt raising in me or feeling anxious about something, I take it to God in prayer first to see what He wants me to do with the thought. Then if god says "leave it to Me", I do. If God tells me to do something about it, then I need to do that something about it. I need to listen to God and do it. It has really helped me to direct my attention to God. I always use to ask people for their advice and what they think about a certain situation. I would even take their advice and do what they would say sometimes, especially in high school and at the start of college but now I know better.
            I have really cut back on asking people's advice this past year and just been focusing on what God wants me to do in certain situations and it is true what they say about asking God. It gets so much more confusing when we ask for worldly advice, even if it is our friends we are asking. It is okay to ask our friends, especially if they are Christian too or when we know them really, really well.
           We can bring God into our situations in two ways. First, we can ask God to bring a friend or person into our lives to give us advice and encourage us through His Word. Second, we could talk to our friends first and then take it to God and ask Him should we do this or if He has another way to go about it. I have noticed,though, that when we take it to God first He will either take away our thought or help us through it. He will either give us the strength and courage to ride through the storms and even through what seems like a peaceful time or He will say, "Not now".
            There have even been times for me that I actually felt like God has pushing me towards someone or something. I feel like I have been hearing Him a lot more since I have been giving my thoughts and situations over to Him more. I will say that I tried to get advice from my friends last night since it has been a long time since I have done it and I will admit it felt really strange. It was like God saying to me, "Why are you trying to get advice from the world when you know that I can guide you through this situation?" It is always a smart idea to "Take it to God First." 
            Take it to Him on the spot and wherever you are or shortly after the situation. I have learned that helps a lot too. I have noticed that when I start to feel anxious it is because I am either worried about something or doubting something. I start to shake and if not that I will start to cry and that is when I start talking to God. After I spilled my worried heart out to Him, I really do feel at peace and can get back to what I was doing before. I am going to keep doing that this year and then, of course, have faith that things will turn out like they are suppose to turn out. I want God's plans, this year, for my life and nothing else.
              I challenge everyone who reads this entry to take things to God first this year and see what He can do and change in your life. I can say that it will feel much peaceful, even through the hard times. Taking things to God first is probably the main way that I can get rid of my anxious feelings and if I keep doing that things might just change for the better for me and my anxiety. As long as I remember that, there shouldn't be anymore anxiety in my life.

        

Is Life Ever Stable?

         I thought this would be a good entry to write on the 1st day of the New Year, especially after writing the entry about having faith. I can tell you now a lot of my entries are going to be about the subject of faith this month. They will be worded different but I am thinking about having faith when I write each one of them and if you really think about each of them you can see the faith behind the entry. Then maybe in Feb. I will move on to something different or something more then just faith. I had this thought of an entry for a long time but just now got to where I could write it so the thought right after this was a thought I thought in Dec. while listening to some co-workers talking. 

        "It it funny to hear younger (18-21 years old) people talk about their "planned" out lives. I used to be that way but now, being 28, learning your life never goes like you had planned it. Strong Christian or not. There is no such thing as a stable life. You have to allow change in your life or you will never make it."

         If you read my last entry you will find out that I am really in this trying to have strong faith in God this year. I ask this question: "Is life ever stable?" because for me this past year it hasn't been and it was because some of the little things that went on and that I worried about. This year I have big things planned out for me and those big things are so big that I need to have faith for them. To tell you the truth, it will make my life unstable for a few months or all of the year. I mean they are so big I will have to take time to get use to the things one by one and I might not even get to where I want to get to this year but I can start. That's all that matters.

        Since I have been in AR for the pat 4 years, my life has never been stable because I haven't had a planned out life like a college student or a child living with their parents do. I have to make my own decisions and then if I don't like what I'm doing I would change or going away from it. It is like I always have a new thing on my mind to try and most of the time I try it and I don't like it or I get bored with it. I started in Ar with the thought of my life is never going to be stable and by that I thought I would travel and move away from AR soon but I haven't and there is a reason for that. I think I am coming to the thought of I want to be stable in AR and content here. I like it that much that I wouldn't mind living and working here. 

         It is scary to think that but at the same time that doesn't mind that everything else when be stable in my life. Yes, I might have the place down and later on my own home but then is a career that I need to get stable in, I need to start dating and get stable in that, and then family and so on. You see life is never stable no matter where you are in life, even after having the family that you want you have the stages of human beings that you have to go through and change your relationships with everyone and by everyone I mean family and friends. So the answer to the question: "Is Life Ever Stable?" is No. 

          That is why it is called an adventure. There is always some changes going on. I thought I would want an adventure where I would travel and have fun while doing it but I think a lot of this past year God has shown me that I can be happy where I am and still have an adventurous life. That is good because while I'm not a big fan of really big changes like moving to another country, I can take little changes here and there. I mean I have for the past 4 years with God by my side. I'm just looking forwards to an unstable life because that is the only way to really live. 

           If you want a stable life, then you don't really want to live or you really don't have the faith in God that God wants you to have and that He has given you to use. God knows life is an adventure, that is why He gave His Life for us so we would have Him by our sides. He knew we would need help so He went before us and "smoothed" it out but He has to be with us. He gave us the Holy Spirit to help lead the way for us. It just really worries me when people think that life will ever be stable because it won't be because it wasn't meant to be. It is strange because when I am thinking about this, I am thinking about a quote from a friend a few years ago that was like, "Life is not always perfect, but who would want that. If that was the case we would have boring lives." It goes right back to the idea that life isn't stable either, that's just my way of wording it instead of my friend's way. 

          I would like to challenge anyone that read this to think: "Is my life stable? If it is, then what am I missing or not seeing?" As a Christian, life is not meant to be comfortable or stable, that's why we have God on our side. He will work in our lives when we feel like we can't do it all, which should be most of the time. It really wanted to say something to those girls when they were talking but I didn't get the chance too. I only thought, "Only if they knew what were in the years ahead for them. The older you get, the harder life gets for most people and you will need someone to depend on whether it is God or a person."