First Field Trip By Myself

          I'm just amazed at my life right now! The Vitalbiome from Plexus is helping my so much. Yet at the same time so is God or I can see Him more in life. It is still hard to explain for those of you who don't understand. Today was the first field trip I had without my co-teacher. I had a floater but it was also her second day on the job.
           The field trip was to the Gardens of the Ozarks in Fayetteville so it was a long drive. It was also a busy morning before we went. We had an art lab and lunch right after that. We took our backpacks with us because somewhere in between I had to put sunscreen on them before we left. The art lab was something my aged kids couldn't do so that was hard. It was writing a script like thing for a motion picture movie. I had to do half of art and put sunscreen on by myself because the other teacher was on lunch break. We left for the trip and I will admit I was a little worried and people could tell by myself but I didn't cry at all today. I was worried because I had no idea what to expect on the field trip since it is my first summer and all. I didn't get my lunch break until after we got back from the field trip.

           We loaded the bus at the right time and headed off to the Gardens. It took us about 45 mins to get there. The children were good on the bus no problems at all. When we got to the gardens, we only had about 10 mins. to look around, which would usually freak me out because I would want to get as much as I could showing the kids in that time. Today I didn't even think about it. We just walked around calmly and on our way to the butterfly house. We did get to see the treehouse and some of the other kids' area things that they had at the gardens. After we saw the butterfly house, we walked back to the bus. The children were a little rowdy on the way back but it could have been worse. There were some children I had to keep getting onto about legs in the aisle and to sit down. 

           I will tell you though that on the trip, I cannot stress enough how calm I felt. If I wasn't on Vitalbiome, I probably would have been sleepy that morning and really upset by the time we got back to school but I wasn't. I was even thinking about talking to one of the higher ups about the scheduling and what went wrong but I decided to push that aside and that it was okay. Once we got back to the school, I got to go on my lunch break so I went and got some coffee. I got back from my lunch break and saw that there were 3 teachers in my room so that was a big surprised to me but I didn't say anything because I knew they were leaving. Two of them told me how many I had and then went back to their rooms. Then the front desk sent one of them back up because they thought my other teacher was leaving at 3, which she wasn't. She was leaving at 5.

             With the other teacher in there, I calmly went downstairs and told them that I had an extra floater in my room if they needed her anywhere else, which they did. The floater went to the other room where she was needed. After she left, I started an art project with the children because I knew that I had to do something to get me through the 2 hours of nothing scheduled for the children to do. I also had a feeling that I was going to get my afternoon 15 min. break so it made the time go by faster. That was sort of my fault because I chose not to take one but things were so confusing and messed up. I think it was just easier for all of us besides I'm use to not taking 15 mins. breaks. I've done it before. 

             That is another time I could tell that the Vitalbiome was working.  To be honest, at my other jobs, if I had to stay that long or longer without a break, I would have gotten mad and the children could tell too but I didn't today. I also thought how funny it is that God reminded me of patience and taught me more about patience 3 days before all this happened. I had no idea that this was going to happen but God did so I know a lot of it was patience from God too. It was just another way of God showing me too that I can really trust Him because He knows what He is doing, whether it is 3 days into my future or 6 years into my future, He knows what is best. I really love how the pills gets me calm enough to where I can think about things like that but it is sad that today's world need something like that at the same time. We have gotten too busy with worldly things and stories like these should show you things like that. 

             I hope these pills are just something to lean into for right now while I am learning how to trust and lean into God. It would be amazing if I could do all of these things without the pills someday. Like they are just a tool for now to train me and then later I will be off of them. That's my goal at least. It is a small goal but it would make a worlds of difference in my life. I just can't see myself staying on any kind of pills for the rest of my life. 

Having Patience Around Me

            Patience isn't one of my strong suits. Never has been and probably never will be. It is just one of the flaws that I have. A lot of people might think I have patience but that is because they see me at my job and not when I am away from it. I have learned to have patience with other people and children but not with myself. I want to control things so bad in my life that patience can just blow out the window sometimes. Last night's sermon made me realize that I do have some pretty awesome patience people around me and always have. This entry will be a little copy of the sermon and then about the people that have patience.
            Patience can mean a lot of things and can be used in different ways. If you want to look and use another word for patience, you could use words like long-suffering, slow to anger, and endurance.  I liked it when my pastor said it this way: "Patience isn't born, it is made" and how true that is. We all know that children do not have patience when they are first born. It is a learning process for them, probably all of their lives. They just don't know it yet. Every different season calls for a different amount of patience from a person. The sermon last night was around these 4 points on how to cultivate patience in your life:

-Stay Faithful (James 5:7)
-Strengthen Your Heart (James 5:8, James 1:2-4)
-Don't Grumble (James 5:9)
-Follow the examples of others (James 5:10-11).


            I will be honest I kind of listen to the other 3 just a bit but that was because my mind was so set on the 1st point, which was "stay faithful". Something I am not very good at when hard times come my way. Not only that but my pastor used the story about the farmer waiting for his scattering seeds to grow and got really got to me too. I have known a lot of farmers in my 29 years and those farmers always had something about them but being the little girl I was, I had no idea what. My grandpa, babysitter (2nd dad to me), ag. teacher were all farmers but yet they were all calm too and fun to be around. They didn't give a care in the world. Why you might ask? Because they had patience.
            They knew that they could only do so much for the crops and animals on the farm and trusted God for the rest of what they needed whether it be rain or anything else. They couldn't control the weather, therefore, they had to be patience they really didn't have a choice and no farmer does. I have a friend that is a county guy/farmer and I like how patience he is too. I can see that same patience in him as I saw in the other guys closet to me. My friend is so blessed spirited and full of happiness just because he has patience for things. That probably didn't come easy for him but he learned how to be patience and how to grow it in every situation. He is doing well in life because of that patience that he had and has. He has his own land and house at the age of 32. Let's not forget his own online show too. I love it when he uses the words: blessed, content, happy, and His (God's) Timing because that patience just shows right through him and through those words.
              I will be honest too, I thought a lot about him during the sermon so I could understand want my pastor was talking about. Now I have another special person that has a lot of patience and that is one of my girlfriends. She is, right now, a foster mom for 3 kids and one teenager. The 3 kids' ages ranges from not even a year old yet to maybe 5 years old with a 2 year olds in between them. She got complimented for her patience last night at the place we ate out at after church. We were all thinking only if the lady knew the children weren't normal children. She does have patience and it can been seen. When she first got them, they weren't easy at all. The little girl was a newborn and the 2 years old couldn't talk or walk and he threw the biggest fits. She also had some scary times just wondering about things like health issues for each of the children.
             Her patience has really grown in the past year too. I'm around these 2 great people of patience and even more but yet I don't see it until now and I feel like I am nowhere near where they are in that department. I have a lot of growing up to do when it comes to patience. I always seems to run away from anything that takes patience or to sacred to do anything that takes it. I like the verse my pastor gave to us at the end of the sermon and it was: 1 Peter 2:20-23 and I think I need to make that my life verse for awhile until I get the hang of this patience thing and process. The verse says:


"20 But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. 21 To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps.

22 “He committed no sin,
    and no deceit was found in his mouth.”

23 When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly."

           We should follow in the footsteps of Christ's example. Of what He did on the cross for us. We need to entrust (trust) ourselves and our lives to God. We can be insulted at, laughed at, threats can be made at us but as long as we trust in God, we should be fine. We have to endure the bad things to get the good things. We have to trust that God will pull us through it and be patience until He does. That is what will make God happy with us. Just writing this entry is making me bubble up inside and all shaky too because I know that I need to do a lot better at this in life. I need to stop running away and being a scary cat and just face my fears head on. Who knows maybe those fears will turn out to be great for me one day.  We never know what God has in store and that is why it is best to just take one day at a time with Him.


Challenge to Everyone, as well as myself: "Keep entrusting ________________ to God. (Fill in the blank) and I suggest doing it daily, if not weekly.       



            

Going Natural With Anxiety

            These past few weeks, 3 to be exact, are usually the hardest for me and then seemed like they were going to be harder this year for some reason but everything turned out okay. Why you might ask? I really believe it is because the health pill (probiotic) that I am taking. Now I know some of you might say I am insane to believe that a pill like this works and that I should trust God more and I don't disagree with you on any of that. Some of you might say I can't afford it or that it is too much money right now. Let me tell you from a single person perspective trying to live on her own with a low paying job that gives her anxiety everyday, it does really work for me. I will be honest to I am a person who have tried the chemical meds. from drs. and this pill really does help better and is healthier for you then those chemical ones.
              I don't fall into a trap because I think it is the in thing. I fall into it because I know it works and I, myself, like it too. These pills from Plexus are called "Vitalbiome". It is amazing when 279 clinical studies will back this pill up as a better pill for anxiety and stress. It is suppose to help reduce feelings of stress and anxiety and promotes relaxation while taking care of your immune system and improves digestion. It also stabilizes your stress hormones. When you think about it too, it costs just as much as some of the better chemical pills but it is all natural and healthier for you. I have never felt as calm as I have in the past 3 weeks when I started this pill then with other meds. Here are just some examples of where I could tell that it was working for me.
               It started to work after the 3 days I started taking it. I didn't really have bad withdrawals from my other meds. I mean I did stay up most of the night or would wake up in the middle of the night but that is when I was trying it out in the morning. Then I thought about while I took my chemical meds. at night so why not take it at night and that is when I started noticing at difference for me. There were a few days where I did cry after some hard things and surprising things that just came up on me but again that could have been a side effect going off my other meds. The first thing I had to do was move rooms at work and usually I would get all freaked out about it not giving me a heads up but I didn't. I just said okay and moved room. Might I add that my co-teacher was there that day either but I didn't freak out about that.
                The next day, after that busy day, was a field trip day. I will be honest I felt calm on the field trip but having the tornado drill the same day not so much. I am going to share something else that I have notice too. I might still cry when I get anxious just depending on how bad and big it is but even my crying has gotten better with the pills. My crying is quite and short. It is like I can hide it better almost or wait til I get somewhere where no one is around. The weekend after this all happened was the weekend before 4th of July. I couldn't decide if I wanted to go home that weekend or not because I was just home the weekend before. I was also dog sitting that weekend. Well, it turned out that I went back home and took the dog with me. It turned out to be a fun weekend and glad I went.
                 Through that weekend though I was mostly calm. There was still some work to be done with me but it was nice to be home. Driving on the way back that Sunday night, I drove through a big storm. It was pouring down rain, winds up to 50 miles per hour, and I couldn't see while I was driving. Usually, for me, those kind of storms if I am driving in, I would totally freak out. This storm I didn't. I was pretty proud of myself. I stayed calmed and just waited til I got to the next exit and waited there for a few mins. like 20 mins. I waited til the storm calmed down a bit where I was and then I started to drive again. I drive through the whole storm like that. It didn't let up once. If it did it might have been for a few mins.
                 I did a lot of praying and talking to God during that drive though too. Those pills helped me to stay calm and talk to God in that situation because usually I would be so anxious that I wouldn't even think about that. Sad, I know. Then I just kept taking the pills and nothing big happened since until this past Thursday and I guess you could really say the days up to it. This past week I usually get anxious because it is a friend's birthday but I never know what I should do about it. I start thinking about things and what I should say or even do. In the past I felt like I had to do something for my friend. Like it was a had to not a want to. I can honestly say that this week I didn't dwell on it at all. I just said what I truly wanted to and I felt that want to not had to. On the day, I was super calm too.
                  Usually on that day, I am so anxious and thinking non stop about my friend. My mind just keeps going on and on about did I do the right thing and what if I didn't. This year I had none of those feelings. I was super calm and enjoyed that day to myself. I was more focused on my job and what I was doing then thinking about other things. These stories might sound strange to you and you might have another way you would do it and work through these stories but for me it was the pills. I know sometimes people don't really get me or understand me when I am talking about my anxiety but it does and has affected my life. Anxiety is a true illness, whether people think so or not. It does affect your life and the people around you. People don't want to be around someone who is anxious all the time but what if they can't help it.
                   It is an illness people are scared of and will run away from. It is an illness that people will say it is no big deal or just be stronger and toughen up. None of those words will make it better for the person because from experience, they will be strong all their life even when they don't need to be by putting on a front and then they will be alone for a long time. They will think that they are not strong enough and will push themselves then they hurt themselves in any way whether mentally, physically, or emotionally. Anxious people just need people to stand by them and that no matter what even when they try to push them away, don't go away. If they do that, they need you more then ever. They are pushing you away because they "think" they can be strong and do it by themselves when really they can't.
                  I'll end this entry by saying, "Be there for the people you care about, even when it is really hard." This whole entry is coming from my heart and feelings. I have been or am going through it right now. The dreams I want now, I can't have because I have to take the time to find a way to deal and/or get over my anxiety. Friends are getting married and having a family while I am still trying to deal with me. Don't give up on your love ones that have anxiety. One more thing: Let them share their feelings whenever and wherever they want to.
               

Relationship Prayer #2

Dear Daddy,


             I am done forcing guys to like me or anything on that level. It is just too much work for me. :) I want this like and then love thing to come naturally. I want You in the Center of it orchestrating it all. I want the kind of love that can be handle with wisdom and grace. I want that kind of love that comes from a open heart. No matter who my future husband is I will accept him for who he is and who You made him to be. Messed up past and everything. My future husband needs to know that. We each have our flaws that is why we need You apart and with each other. Daddy, just like Noami said to Ruth, "I will be patient for however long it takes to see what happens." I might regret saying this if things do turn out but for now I honestly pray that my future husband won't rest in feelings or thoughts until he has found me and given me a chance. I want this to be my fighting prayer every day til You bring me my future husband.


In Christ's name,


                 Amen

Relationship Prayer-#1

Dear Daddy,


           I just want to pray for all the man of my generation and below some might be above. I pray that they will have the courage to raise up and serve You in family and work. They need to be transformed by capable man of marriage and commitment. They should not look at their role as they are "helping" their wives but as a part pf everything. It is their house, life, and family too. They are sharing together, not apart. Daddy, now I have a particular story from You. Please show me how to pray given my story. It isn't an easy one. Never has been that is for sure. Wow! Powerful things. Daddy, I Love You first and foremost. I should put that at the start, huh?


In Christ's name,

                Amen

Jesus Came So That We May Be Citizens of Heaven

         Being it the 4th of July and all, I thought I would write a entry that is about freedom. It isn't about the freedom that we think as a country but it is about the freedom we think about as Christians. It is the freedom we have in Christ, our Lord. It is kind of strange how I came up with a topic because I was thinking about couple of friends' birthdays that are this week after the 4th. One friend's is the 5th and the other friend's is the 6th. Then I got to thinking about my birthday and how it is two days after Christmas and I just thought it made a neat topic to write about so here I am writing about it on the 4th. I also have the day off from work so I am writing while I am not too busy.
           I don't know why this topic didn't come to me until now but it is pretty neat once you think about it. My birthday is two days after Jesus' so called birthday or when we celebrate it at least. No one really knows when His birthday really was. Jesus came to this world to save it from sin. We got so messed up that God decided to come down to this earth and lead us in the way we should go. Right? He came as a person on Christmas to show us how to love and other things like that. I am thinking about it now like this: Christmas is sort of Heaven's 4th of July or our 4th of July as Christians. It is when we were freed from our sin. It is when someone else took on a sacrifice for us to live a free and happy life.
            Now the strange thing here is that I have friends that their birthday is right after the real 4th of July. It is something we have in common but yet those two things mean totally different things. As we, Americans, know the 4th of July is our country's birthday. It is when the USA became a country in 1776. Yet people had to fight for that freedom that we now enjoy and have since that year. There has been a lot of wars and still are today trying to keep this country free in a lot of ways. People had to fight for other people even people that were not born yet so one day we would enjoy this freedom we have now. Even with the wars we have now, those people are fighting for future Americans like my children and my friends' children and their children and so on.
             It means a lot when you look at it both ways but when you see one person take on everyone's sin and then a lot of man and woman take on the freedom for other people. It shows you who the strongest one really is and where our reliance should be. Yes, we are blessed to live in a country that has freedom to believe in different things and ways. We get wrapped up in those ways and things that sometimes we forget to look at why we have a free nation and look at the other nations that aren't free. We get so full of ourselves at times that we forget about Africa and what is going on over there or Central America or Middle East or even our neighbors a lot of times. Yes, we are blessed to be the home of the free and the brave. We are blessed to have people that will fight for us. I am thankful for those people as much as any other American is.
              But we are all human and we all fail at times too. There is only one True and Strong Person that we stand for us and beside us even when this country falls and we all have to admit it will. Not everything stays like it is forever. I like being an American citizen and having the freedom to do things that I believe but even better, I love being a Heaven Citizen. I love it that Christ fought for us and won over everything just because He loved and cared for us that much to give His life up. This 4th of July or at least the rest of it, I challenge each of you to take it that consideration and just think about this entry. It makes sense once you think about it. Whether you like to think about it this way or not, God did give us this wonderful country to live in. We are not here by chance or mistake. We are not free just because some people fought for us.
           God puts things in order in life and He for sure put this country and the situations we are in, in order and for a reason. I strongly believe that! I still find it strange at times that some of my friends and me are close to both of the holidays that have so much in common yet in different ways. It is really the little things that make the most important sense when we take the time to look at them in that way. I would also like to think about the ways we celebrate both of them and see if any of the traditions we have have anything in common but that is a whole other entry someday. It was also surprising how easy this entry came to me because I was scared that it wasn't going to be easy to write.

Seeking the Light in the Darkness

-Psalms 27:1
       -"The Lord is my light and my salvation—
    whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life—
    of whom shall I be afraid?"

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-John 1:4-13
       -"In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. 5 The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

6 There was a man sent from God whose name was John. 7 He came as a witness to testify concerning that light, so that through him all might believe. 8 He himself was not the light; he came only as a witness to the light.

9 The true light that gives light to everyone was coming into the world. 10 He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. 11 He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. 12 Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— 13 children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God."

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-Point #1
       -To Seek the Light we must know the Light and who He is.


-Point #2
        -Stop overanalyzing your sin so much that you forget to see the Light.

        -I really like this point #2 because I overanalyze things so much even my sins. I could be and am usually thinking about how I messed up through a certain situation and then I try so hard not to mess another situation up by doing it again. There is a fine balance about thinking about your sins a little bit and then overanalyzing them. It could get to where I am really hard on myself at times and that stresses me out and just runs out into my life and makes it not look so good towards other people. If I can focus on the Light, then things would be brighter and easier because I know that I am never by myself. The Light will get me through the situation, not myself.


-Point #3
        -To seek the Light we must rid ourselves of everything that withholds us from seeking the Light.

        -Does it help me to run towards Jesus?

        -Fix our eyes on Jesus, while throwing off the sins.


        -I love this point, also, because it just reminds me that we need to get rid of everything bad to see Jesus. The verse that the preacher used to explain this point was the verse about running towards Christ. For me, that is a good verse because I totally understand the running part and keeping your eye focused on the end goal. I also just love seeing the picture of me throwing things off like my sins while I am running towards Christ. It is really a relief when you can throw things off of you while running and it does make you go faster. It gives you the sense that you are not being held down anymore. The more you throw off while you run the faster you get the longer you go. I also like the word "withholds" like it is holding us down but we don't want that. I think of that word as a strong word because it is one that you don't hear very often. We are throwing everything off that is withholding us down from finishing that race towards Christ.



-Point #4
        -Seek the Light in the midst of the darkness.

        -Sometimes it's the simplest things that get you like the small words from the Bible.

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         I also like the verses 9-13 in John because it gives a promise to all that believe in Christ. If we seek the Light and receive it, then we will be given the right to become Children of God (Light). Not everyone will see the Light. They will be given the chance to see it but they will be blinded by it. Jesus went to his own people and he was even in the world but those people didn't see Him for who He really was. The people who did see Him was born again and that is when we become the Children of God. I LOVE THAT PROMISE! It is a promise of Hope. A Promise that if we believe then we will receive something that isn't meant to be ours. God Loves us that much that He is willing to give us a promise that is full of grace like that.