Being Scared of Life

            I can't really write what I am really feeling and why but I just wanted to write something that will help me this moment in my life. I want to remember what it feels like to be scared before I jump into something that might change my life totally around. I will say though that I heard a lot this week about stepping/jumping out of my comfort zone and how I would be blessed if I did. I also heard a lot about how other people need to hear my story and how my story up til this moment as happened for a reason such as this. It is strange how scared I am right now at this moment in my life. I think I am even more scared then I was when I moved here to AR 8 years ago.
             I will tell you I was sacred back then because I didn't know AR or Bentonville at all but this time it is a different kind of scared. I guess you could say it is a lonely, scaring feeling even though I know I am not alone. I have people who care for me and who would do anything for me but there are just some deep parts of my life that is just between God and me right now and those are the parts I am scared of and not understanding right now. I came to AR knowing I would have people by my side to help me get through things. I know I still do now too but at the same time I don't. Every one of my friends seems like they are getting married and starting their own family. Seems like everyone else has moved on and am happy where they on and have been there are few years now where I am just getting to that point and started it this past week.
               It is like God is putting me in situations where I need to be and I feel like I need to be but I don't know the reason yet and that is killing the planning person in me. The scared feeling that I am feeling right now is hard to explain to people because I can't because they wouldn't understand the stories behind what I am feeling and why right now. Now I know that is where telling my past stories come in and I will be getting to those and might even type some of those on here but it still can't add up to what I am really feeling. It is like a happy and good scared feeling. It is a feeling of I am happy where I am right now but I am so happy that something(s) just seem too good to be true. You know what I mean? It is like how can this be happening to me now. Yeah, I have prayed for something like this to happen for years before and I want it to happen and here it is happening.
             I am not complaining about it either. Don't get me wrong. I love where God has me right now. It is just in my nature to understand and all God is telling me to do right now is to: "Trust Him" and that is hard for me. As I look back on my past, I am finally seeing reasons for the things that I went through and things I have prayed for in high school and later finally coming true but yet I am scared. Could it be because it did finally come up on me but not in the way I (big stress there) thought it would? Could it be because God had some other way to bring it about and I couldn't see that way? Could it be because God knows better and best? I love how things are happening now and hoping good things will come from them and believing that too but I don't what to get my hope up too high. Every time I do something seems to go wrong.
            I seem to mess things up or things change and go the other direction then I thought they would. This is probably the first year I am really scared of what God has planned for me. Really scared but yet I have a good feeling about it. I guess I need to get pass the amazement part of everything but yet if I get past that part won't everyday just be normal. That is another thing I am scared of. I want a new routine but what if all the good things just because normal things. What if going to a new church just becomes going to another church? What if a new job just becomes another job? What if I stop getting hugs from some of the best kids around? What if? What if? What if? I know I ask that question a lot and it is a bad habit to be in and I need to stop but can't. I know that if we live in Christ everyday should be a day of amazement but it's hard to think that way especially when it becomes normal.
              I guess that is why I haven't settled down on just one church just yet or haven't tried new things at my new job. I like this time of in between but I know for some people and especially for the people that care about me and that need my help like at work, it just isn't fair in a way if you know what I mean. I know right now I am thinking about wanting to see some friends that I haven't in a long time and talking to them again because I have learned a lot of new things since I have talked to them last but what would I do after that wears off. Get what I am saying? I am seeing Blessing after Blessing right now and loving it but what happens when it all becomes normal again? I think I need to write a poem on this subject sometime soon. I could do a really good one.
              Maybe it will be up before this coming weekend and if not it will be up during that weekend? I will give you a challenge with this entry too and it will probably be one of my best ones yet.

Challenge: 

       "Don't lose the amazement in everyday life. Keep looking for the amazing things that are around you even when life becomes normal. Keep being scared of life in a way that will make you turn to God everyday."

              That's something I need to remember and even pray about too.

Our Bodies As Temples

John 2:13-16New International Version (NIV)

Jesus Clears the Temple Courts

13 When it was almost time for the Jewish Passover, Jesus went up to Jerusalem. 14 In the temple courts he found people selling cattle, sheep and doves, and others sitting at tables exchanging money. 15 So he made a whip out of cords, and drove all from the temple courts, both sheep and cattle; he scattered the coins of the money changers and overturned their tables. 16 To those who sold doves he said, “Get these out of here! Stop turning my Father’s house into a market!”

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1 Corinthians 3:16New International Version (NIV)

16 Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in your midst?
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1 Corinthians 6:15New International Version (NIV)

15 Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1 Corinthians 6:16 New International Version (NIV)

16 Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.”

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1 Corinthians 6:19-20New International Version (NIV)

19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

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"The body is temple of God." 

"We are the temple and should keep it clean."

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            I love these verses about the temple and what Jesus did in there. They give me hope about my very own temple that I call my body. They show me how I should keep my body clean and only for the Lord. I love the last verse that I out on here. It tells us that "we are not our own, that we were brought with a price. In my own words, I think about it this way: "I am God's child and He loved me so much that He died for me." There are also some verses that I have typed above that reminds use that we are God's.
            I started this entry with the verses about the temple and Jesus going there because that situation is how we take care of our bodies sometimes. It is sad but true. The people were treating the temple as a place of selling and that is not what the temple was meant to be used for. The temple was meant to be used as a place to worship God. Have you ever thought about comparing that story to how we treat our own bodies? Our bodies are suppose to be a place for the Holy Spirit to dwell in. It is kind of strange that I am eating M&Ms and drinking pop right now as I am writing this because that those things are not healthy at all. Anyways, Jesus didn't like the people selling things and making a mess in His Holy Temple. His Building. One you can see and go to.
             When we feed our bodies sweets and unhealthy things, we are treating it as those people are treating the temple. We are making our own bodies a mess and kind of destroying it in away. When we don't take the time to excise or do other good things like yoga for it, then we are treating it badly. I know this might be a long shot for some people but if you really think about it, it's true. Our bodies is a place where the Holy Spirit dwells. It is a place where we need to keep clean and sareced in a way. I am not only talking about health food wise and excising wise but also  intimate wise too. That is one reason that God doesn't want us to have sex before we are married because who knows what could go wrong with our bodies before hand. We are not taking care of it if we do things the way we want to.
             It is within marriage that having sex is healthy and healthy for both parties body. I know this is strange to write about. I wouldn't usually write about these things but it is part of these verses. It is a way to keep our temple (aka our bodies) Holy before Christ. When two parties become one flesh, then that is healthy on both parties. Now I am embarrassed but this is all true. I just don't know where to go onto from here now. I know for me when I am trying to find the right pills to take or the right shampoo to use or to decide weather or not to use essential oils, I have to think about these things too. It is also important when you think about all the diets that are out there that you want to try because some of those diets aren't very healthy for the body either. Honestly, I wish I heard this sermon while I was still on pills for my anxiety that I got from the drs. because I know if I didn't stop before that I would have because taking those pills aren't healthy for some people.
            Now for some people, those pills are for them and to keep their bodies healthy and in shape and the way the body is suppose to work. It might sound funny but I did pray about weather or not I was suppose to be taking them and I doubted myself a lot of times and researched a lot more things. Come to found out those pills were not for me. I went a more natural way with my anxiety and it has worked for about 6 months now or somewhere around that time.
             Our body is just one of those things that we don't think a lot about but should because it is the temple of the Holy Spirit. We should be praying about it and what we put in it and be careful as well. As I am typing this now, I am thinking about more ways that I can be more natural with my body besides natural pills for my anxiety and oils for everything else. I want to use oils for everything and that is one of my New Year's ideas. I also started using healthier shampoo for my hair. Now I am thinking about buying bison meat since it is suppose to be healthier and really looking into a healthier food store like a more natural one. I know we have a few around where I live.


Challenge for this entry: 

How are you or will you taking(e) care of your body as the temple of the Holy Spirit this year?

Giving Up vs. Letting Go

           People might think these two things are the same but really they are not. I have had to deal with both but I didn't know that they were different until here recently. A friend said something to me that I never heard but also made sense. She said, "Giving up and letting go are not the same thing. They are two things that are totally different." Or something along those lines. For once, I am not giving up in life, I am just letting go or at least trying to but no one is perfect at that either.
            "Giving up" means totally giving up on the thing or person you care deeply about. It means you really don't care about them anymore and that it is easy forget about the thing or person. You could care less about how they live life. It is also where you get mad easily and worry a lot. It is where the anxiety keep kicks in. "Giving up" is what I have felt in the past, I will admit, whether things having to do with me or people I care about or both. I am trying to have a new thought process about it and that process is a "letting go" one.
            "Letting go" means the total opposite of that. It means you still care deeply about the thing or person but you are just stepping back. You are letting go of them by not being in their face or life all the time and vice via. To me, I still pray for that person and share their things every once in awhile but that is it. I might even try to encourage them here and there but it is up to them if they take what I say that way or not. More importantly, for me, when I am "letting go", I am trying to put that thing or person and whatever the situation might be into the Hands of God.

              I know this is a short entry but just wrote down the main ideas. That is all I can think to say. I can't get anything else to come out of my mind. I feel like if I go into this entry more that I might mess the whole message up so I am just going to stop right here. Hope it makes sense and gets to the point like I want it to. 

Hard to Do Right

WARNING: Emotional Status

-I will admit I cried on the way home from work tonight. Only because I had mixed feelings of where I am now. My new full time job is an answer to prayer for sure. It was almost too easy for me today. I mean I went from 12 toddlers 2 years and a half ago down to 8 toddlers. Those 4 other toddlers really do make a difference. Everyone at my new job kept asking me if I miss my old one or if I liked this one better. I just answered "it hasn't hit me yet" because it hadn't. But tonight on the way home, it did. I had MY AC kids for a year and a half plus some other amazing kids thrown in there for a few months. I missed them today and it was strange staying at my new job this afternoon. I'm torn this week and might be until I get use to everything that is changing. I know God has me where He does for a reason right now. Always does that to me. I just miss MY kiddos. Those kids were the first group I got to keep for that long at any of my jobs. I know, though, that I am also doing the right thing for this moment in my life right now. I have less stress now then I did while working my old job. It is just hard to do the right thing sometimes.

Don't Delay God

Luke 12:18-22New International Version (NIV)

18 “Then he said, ‘This is what I’ll do. I will tear down my barns and build bigger ones, and there I will store my surplus grain. 19 And I’ll say to myself, “You have plenty of grain laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry.”’

20 “But God said to him, ‘You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?’

21 “This is how it will be with whoever stores up things for themselves but is not rich toward God.”

Do Not Worry

22 Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear.

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"Don't let God delay be His approval."
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             Luke 12:22 has always been one of my favorite verses. This entry is mainly going to be about verses 18-21. We are like the man that was storing things in his barn for later. We tend to store up things and go about things in our own way because we think God won't do it right or when we want it done. The man was even tearing down his barns and building bigger ones so he could store a lot of things in them. Once he thought he had enough food stored up, then he could relax and eat and be merry but he was wrong in the eyes of God. 

            God took the man's life that night when he decided to do everything himself. Now we don't know for sure how God took his life but I would like to think of it as the less of the two. Instead of thinking that God took it by letting him pass away, I like to think of it in the way that the man's joy was gone for the rest of his life. God even asked the man, "who will get what you prepared for you in advance?" God has that but the deal was that no one was ready because the man went ahead of God. You can't store up things and think you will be rich in them and only them. You also need to be rich in God. That should be your first goal and only one. 

            God will take things away from us if we won't wait for Him to do His Will. That is why I like the phase "Don't let God's delay be His Approval." This man was thinking that God was waiting for him to do something so he built bigger barns to store more of his grains in. He thought if He built bigger barns, God would give him more grain. That is all wrong. God will take the things away if we work ahead of Him or He will make us wait longer just because we have to get back on track with what His Will and Path is for us. His delay is not his go ahead and do whatever you think is right. His delay might be that He is working on you or the other person. The delay might be that He is getting other people ready for that time. The delay might be the world isn't ready for what He has planned just yet. 

             There is a lot of reason that God delays things. If He kept giving us miracle after miracle, then why would we need to trust Him? He is giving us a reason to trust Him and to see Him at work. He is hoping that we would run back to Him in time of need. God doesn't like it when we try to do things on our own. His delays could and only should mean that He is working for and with us. We should like at the delays as blessing from God, not the go ahead to do whatever. His Approval should be when we see the Blessing being worked out or bought out to where we can see it. That answered prayer that we have been waiting for should be the blessed approval that we are searching for too. 

               "Don't let God's delay be His Approval." "Let His Approval Be the Blessing you are looking for."

Called Her Blessed

Luke 1:45New International Version (NIV)

45 Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her!”

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            I love this verse! I have thought about writing an entry with this verse for a long time and thought I did. I looked back, though, and I didn't have an entry with it in it. There was a reason I thought about writing it and the reason was because I heard it last month. This is a popular verse around Christmas time but why only hear and use it then. We needed to be reminded of this more and more everyday. If anything, I would want this verse to be, if not one of my verses for the new year, THE VERSE for this new year. 

           It is a part of the story of Mary. She went on to do as God told her to do because she trusted that He would blessed her in the long run. Guess what? God did blessed her because she had His Son and that Son saved her life in the long run. God told her what to do and go on with things and as long as she did that, things would be okay and in His hands. 

           For me, this verse should be part of the Proverbs 31 women. Believing what the Lord can do and that He would fulfilled His promises to her, is an important trait to have. As women, we need to believe what the Lord has promised us but not only us. We have to believe that the Lord would fulfill His promises to our children, our friends, our husbands, and so on. As the caring and nurturing type, we want the Lord to fulfill their or anyone else's promises before our own. 

          Yet sometimes that could be really bad, especially if you are a really caring person like I am. You could care for someone so much that it actually puts a hold on your own life. You worry about that person. You wonder about them nonstop. Every little thing bother you about them. You want to be with them everyday and know what they are doing nonstop but know you can't. That is where this verse fits in. When you believe that the Lord will fulfill promises, you can stop worrying and doing all these things. You know that they are in God's hands and He will take care of them better then you ever could.

            When you start believing that God will fulfill not only their promises but yours too, you have the freedom to feel blessed. You will realize that you are being blessed and you will enjoy that feeling once you hand everything over to God. It is a big burden lifted of of your shoulders when you know that God will fulfill things and promises. It is then that you know you can trust God with your most important person (people) or thing/s. Then you have to realize that God might have a different way to fulfill the promises but yet in His ways, you could be more blessed then if you went your own way. 

             This verse is a great reminder of what God could do if we just trust and believe in Him. Not only will He fulfill the promises He has given to us but at the same time He will also bless us with better things then we could ever think of. That is why we need to leave things in the Hands of God but I know that is easier said then done. It is something that we have to get up and pray about everyday and then again at bedtime. Here is a prayer that I made up on the spot and it kind of turns the verse around into a prayer. 

Prayer:

        "Daddy, I do believe that You will fulfill the promises that You have given to me and the people I deeply care about. Please bless me and the people that those promises are for while fulfilling them."

In Jesus' name,

Amen

            

My New Year's Resolutions

    "Sensing"= "to perceive (something) by the senses; become aware of."  
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           These resolutions are some just to keep me sane when I need them. I mean I will be working with little ones from now on so I will need to relax and calm down every once in awhile. These resolutions are also good because they are some that I can make a habit in my life, married or not. They are ones that help me with my "sensing" as an introvert since I am not good at that to start with. I got the ideas from intovertdear.com. Here they are (the ones I am going to do for sure):

-Take a long bath once a week.

-Write fiction or nonfiction, focusing heavily on sensory details.

-Watch one film a month in a movie theater or from Netflix, which ever money and time allows. 

-Once or twice a week, cook a recipe you've never made before.

-Spend 15 minutes each morning listening to music in headphones, especially worship music. 


          These are the ones that are going in my planner from now on. The next few are just ideas for when I am bored or have the extra money to spend.

-Enjoy a monthly night out with myself or a friend.

-Take up a physical activity that requires extreme mental focus. I need to start doing yoga again.