My April: Freedom

In my April journal, I wrote this:

Mood Tracker:

Insecure: 2 times

Relieved: 10 times

Hope: 7 times

Regret: 0 times

Eager: 3 times

Disgust: 8 times

Habit Tracker:

Take a walk: 2 times

Say prayers: 11 times

Eat one healthy meal: 12 times 

Wash dishes: 4 times

Bed by 10:45: 11 times 

What did I do to feel more free?:

Got my last COVID shot.

During and after time with God.

Sat outside under the sun.

When I don't have to decide.

When I write out my feelings. 

Having the energy to do things.

Walk in the rain. 

Have you ever had a time where you felt trapped in some way? 

Right now, my health.  I just feel like I am not free to eat like I use to. It adds stress to me everywhere in everyday life. 

What do you need that helps you feel more safe and secure in who you are?:

I need to know that no matter how I turn out someone we always love me. I need someone to listen too. 

April 1-Got my 2nd covid shot.

April 2-I got really sleepy and my body was hurting all day. 

April 3-Feel better from the shot.

 Penny and Aoife got baptized. 

April 6-Made play dough with frosting and powdered sugar.

April 10-Plant my impatient flowers.

April 11-Went to tulip farm as a church activity.

April 13-Zack got 1st covid shot. Took my first whole day off of work. 

April 15-Got strong in shot for headache. It helped.

April 17- Ate out at FDs for Dad's 70th b-day and got 6 balloons for him with mom.

April 18-Went back to parents church for 1st time in a long time.

April 20-Snow day in April.

April 23-Da went to ER to take port out.

April 27-Got meds for head and got a stoaid shot for relief. Felt free the next day.

April 28-1st tornado of the season with class at work.

April 29-Flood near me down the road. 

Loving: my whole day off

Wishing: I knew what was wrong with my head.

Watching: Games of Talents, The Mighty Ducks, Vegas Chef Prizefight

My March

What My March was like:       

Word of the month: Curiosity 

          February wins: Started a Bible Study at my new church. It was an online one. 

February hiccups: Prayed less then I would have like to.

What do I want to start?: To journal at least 2 times a month. 

My Moods:

Amazed:  2 times

Stressed: 3 times

Calm: 13 times 

Annoyed: 6 times

Happy: 12 times

Helpless: 3 times

My Habits:

Filling out my journal: 21 times 

Saying prayers: 13 times

Eat healthy meals: 13 times

Talk a walk: 3 times

Go to bed at 11:00: 8 times

Question Log (questions I had throughout the month):

-Will my dad be okay?

-How will headstart run after masks are done with?

-Why after all he has been through?

-What will the world be like after masks?

-Why can't we just love people?

-When is my check coming?

-How do you cure seizures?

-Will there ever be a cure for Altimezier's?

-How much will my bears be in the future?

-Will there ever be a cure for cancer?

What am I curious about:

-I am a really curious about cancer, Alzheimer's disease, and seizures.

-I wish I knew more about how tonstar a website store.

-I'd like to be really good at woodburning.

-If I had the time and money, I'd do craft shows and markets.

-I am fascinated when I look at old bears.

-I could listen for hours to my cat purring.

-I've always wanted to see my dream wedding.

-I love talking about my family. 

-I wonder what Normal is anymore.

What I did:

-March 6th-Went to Topgolf for the 1st time.

-March 7th-Went to Dave's and Buster's for then1st time.

-March 11th-Got my 1st COVID shot. I was really sleepy and arm hurt.

-March 12th- Arm still hurt from shot.

-March 17th-Haf my 1st live observation at work since COVID started.

-March 18th-Had a visitor come to work today and the kids loved what he left them.

-March 19th-Found out how we see going back to normal at work.

-March 20th-Saw all the family or most of it since COVID. Out of state family. 

-March 22nd-Spring break starts at home in MO.

-March 24th-Back in AR for the rest of Spring break. 

-March 27th-Went to the biggest thrift store in NWA. Also, went mini golfing in the rain.

-March 29th-We actually got to go back to work after Spring break. 

-March 31st-Dad had his biopsy. 

Currently:

Feeling- Loved, wanted, annoyed, worried

Wishing-I could be thinner.

Enjoying-the new food I am trying, Spring break

Watching-A Dog with Blog, Full House, The Masked Singer

Planning-Spring break, what to spend my check on

Loving-my boyfriend 

            As you can probably tell by this entery, March was not boring at all. I can tell you that April's entery won't be boring either. It just keeps getting busier and crazier from here.

Easter 2021

           Easter have been different for the past two years. Last year it was because of COVID and this year we are trying to get back to "normal" which is strange now too. For me, that's not the only reason it is strange for me. A lot has happened over this Easter weekend. A lot that shows new life like Spring and Easter should show.

           First, Dad went into the hospital and had no idea why or what was wrong. He stayed there for about 4 days. The drs. did all these tests but we still had no answers. Finally, his regular Dr. came in and said we are going to figure this out. They went ahead with the biopsy and we still don't know. That is where I worried and waited. 

           Second, I got my last COVID shot on Thursday. Now I can be free in life and start anew that way. It is almost Iike I was born again in a strange way. It was like that shot really had to go through my body to make a difference. I felt really bad on Friday. Worse then I had felt since high school and I slept all night Friday night. Yet I woke up on Saturday refreshed and felt like new. So that was the born again and refreshing feeling for me.

          Third, my 2 youngest nieces got baptized last night at their Easter eve service. That gave me another feeling that Spring and Easter are known for. That feeling is Hope. Hope that they will grow closer to the Lord everyday. Hope that they will have a good life especially these days. Hope that they know their aunt will always love them. Their Hope that they will just have in life too. 

           Fourth, came Easter Day and we all know what that means. It means that we don't deserve the Amazing Grace that is given to us. We get it because Jesus paid for our sins on the cross and rose again to set us free. Just like all the feelings I was feeling the past few days. 

          The feeling of fear, sleepiness, worry, sickness, and many more. Jesus has set us free from all of those because we have love and hope because He lives. 

          How often is it that you feel all the bad feelings before Easter but then you get to Easter day and you burst into tears at church because you know God is good? How often is it that you feel like you are actually free? You know He took all that pain away and He still does to this day. How often us it that you want to examine the feeling but just can't find the right words? That's how it is for me right now. That is how Easter 2021 felt for me and what it will always be remembered for. 

Living in Two Worlds

            Living in two worlds in one week is crazy. I thought I would take a break from my anxiety meds since I wasn't really stress this week but I was wrong. I cried for the first time last night in a long time. It is like I am living in two worlds. I wish I could just live in one. I wish I could be normal and not get so worked up about things even for a week would be nice. I also noticed that the past two nights I couldn't sleep because my mind wouldn't turn off. 

               That's when I started thinking about things happening I guess and I just started to cry. Yes, its good to cry every once in awhile especially when meds are holding you back but it is still strange. You cry and you don't know why. You are all worked up and you don't know why. I guess what's going on in today's world is really upsetting. Maybe I am happy that I found a way to work through this tough time in history. Yes, I am hearing and seeing all the things going on but yet I am not overthinking them because I am on anxiety meds.

              Yes, they are bad and wrong and touching home for me in some ways. I know that but if I was without then I know i would be crying non stop this past year. I would have been feeling miserable and cried at every little thing good or bad. To be honest, I wanted to cry this past weekend when I got to see almost everyone at home because it has been forever but I didn't. I really wanted to cry while hugging my nieces but I held back.

             Then so many changes back and forth this year too which I could never stand. Not very many people say this but I know that this past year would have been a mess for me if I didn't know how to control my anxiety. Plus I have people that I can talk to about those things that are bothering me too and that I don't understand and that helped big time too. Yet again I was not overthinking and not scared to ask those questions to get those answers. I wasn't scared to share my thoughts because of how I controlled my anxiety.  

             I can say that this past year really tested me and my anxiety but thank goodness I knew how to control it and what I needed before things got really bad in the world. Thank goodness that I said yes to meds years ago! Now I don't regret taking them because I see that as a person I need them and God made me that way for a reason. I see that the meds really do help a person even when people don't think they do. People with anxiety really have a mental problem that no one really understands just yet and I see that in myself because of this past year. There were a lot of changes and history made in the past years but I didn't freak out or overthink those things because I knew how to control my problem. 

            Sometimes we just have to go with the flow and other times we have to figure out what works for us when no one else believes it will. There are my summaries from the two different worlds I have been in just this week. Please don't think any different of me. 

Wrote April 6th, 2021.

My February

Summary of my February 

Word: Endearment 

How many times did I feel:

Happy: 8 times

Stress: 6 times 

Sad: 3 times 

Sleepy: 4 times

Loved: 1 time

Calm: 12 times

How many times did I:

Go to bed at 11:00: 13 times

Talk a walk: 0 times

Said my prayers: 7 times

Wrote in my journal: 17 times 

What brought me warmth, love, or joy:

-God created me for me

-Family talking about the Chiefs

-my boyfriend

-my cat Jake

-ice day on my 1st work anniversary 

Self-Care Bingo Exercise:

-Spent time with family

-made a cup of tea

-took 5 deep breath

-spent time outside

-started a new TV show

-listened to music

-called up an old friend

-light candles

-made soup

-gave myself a mani

What events happened and when:

-on the 10th- was an ice day and stayed home from work

-on the 11th: was an ice day and home from work

-on the 12th: snowed all day. Went to pick up a few things and selves were empty

-on the 14th-snow all day

-on the 15th: 4 inches of snow, PD day at home, lights went out 

-on the 16th: sunny but snow on the ground. Work from home

-on the 17th: snow a little bit more this morning but sunny rest of day.

-on the 18th: snow sill on ground and Rover landed on Mars.

-on the 21st: snow almost gone

-on the 23rd: snow last week and 72 degrees today

What was I:

Wishing: people wouldn't wait til last minute 

Feeling: worried, stressed a lot, jealous 

Loving: cuddle time and days off

Anticipating: seeing my parents and the snow storm

Watching: CSI, Smart Guy, Blue Bloods

Reading: God of Creation by Jen Wilkin

Planning: Valentine's Day for my boyfriend 

Enjoying: the ice and snow days

Duality Exercise:

-I am a good teacher but also stressed.

-I am anxious but also want to say things.

-I am put altogether but also torn apart.

-I am a helper but also a strong woman.

-I am a student but also a teacher.

-I am a princess of God but also a sinner.

This was my February. How did yours go?

The God of Details-A Poem

 The God of Details

God is nor just an Almighty God.

He is a personal God too. He cares about

The big and little things. He cares 

About everything. 

God is the God of details too. Not

Just the big things. Every detail is

Not forgotten. He does care about

Creation. He cares about each person 

Too.

He cared enough to name flowers.

Every animal. God cared enough

To put us with the right people. He

Gave each of us different fingerprints.

Every detail is important to God. You

Are important to God. When you need

To know how important you are, 

Remember the God of Details.

The Almighty God cares for you and

Everything around you. You might

Think something is wrong with you,

But guess what?! Not a detail is wrong

With you. You are prefect! You are

God's Child!

Written by: Tiffney Wilson

Written on: Feb. 22, 2021

The Good 2020- Month by Month Activities

         2020 was an usual year for most of us. So unsual that we are trying to look for and post the good things that happened in 2020, which is good because we need to realize that God was in everything at all times. I am going to name my by month if I can. Pick something out good from each month. Maybe that would help me see more of how blessed I was in 2020.

January- Got a new job but had the confidence to quit it too. Was really sick at the start of the month but got over it. Really bad cough. 

February-Started a new job and it was a big job. Had 20 kids and some of them weren't the easiest but I hung on. Got one of the kids to come half day. 

March-Was finally getting the hang of the job but then had to stay home even after Spring Break.

April-Don't remember much from April. Think it was just getting use to the new normal. Couldn't have Easter with all the family. 

May-Got to celebrate my boyfriend's 40th birthday. I kind of made a big deal about it by having a big sign put out in his yard.

June-Got to spend a lot of time with my parents. Spent most of the month at their house. Learned how to do a new craft. Woodburning. Found a new church we both liked online. Started a new side job selling nails.

July-Spent most of the month at my parents' house. Got to spend 4th of July with them. Also, spent some more time doing Bible journaling, which I have been wanting to work on. 

August-Started work back up again but it was way different. Only had 6 kids to teach. Had to wear masks to work. Parents couldn't come in building. 

September- First full month back at work. Also, took a couples Bible study together. Went to that new church for a live service for the first time. 

October-Zack got a new job with a better schedule for him. 

November-Questions were asked over Thanksgiving.

December-First snow day of the year even before Christmas. First Christmas where I kind of spent Christmas Day with both families.