Compassion Letter for Dad

Dear Daddy,

         Mom told me how still when you were in the hospital, you were still showing compassion. You took a couple of donuts one morning and then told mom to give them to the rest of the hospital staff. You wanted mom to get an old coat from home to give to an international nurse because she didn't have one. You really showed a lot of compassion to children during your superintendent years. You also showed compassion to my fiancé and welcomed him into the family. You also showed compassion to me while I tried to do Math sometimes. All I have to say is "Thank you and I want to be just like you in this area and many others."

                                    Love Your Little Girl,

                                                Tiffney

My November: Compassion

November: Compassion

Mood Tracker:

-Happy: 12 days

-Average: 8 days

-Lonely: 2 days

-Positive: 4 days

-Sad: 7 days 

-Excited: 5 days

Habit Tracker:

-Drink Water: 16 days

-Say prayers: 10 fays

-Eating from HG: 4 days

-Write in blog: 6 days

Think of a challenge you're facing right now. What would you say to a loved one who was experiencing the same challenges you are ?

Answer: It is hard. Really hard. You will start crying for no reason at little things. That's okay. Let those feelings out but don't forget the fun memories that make you smile too. Laugh at them a lot. 

Who are the people in your life who shows you the most empathy and kindness? How do they express it?

Answer: Mom and Dad. They express it by showing us patience when we don't deserve it. They take care of other kids and people. They show it also by helping us when we need it without expecting anything but that's because we know better and pay them back.

Compassion Affirmations:

-I am......Loved.

-I am......Blessed.

-I am......Beautiful.

-I am......Worthy.

-I am......Strong.

-I am......enough just the way I am.

-I am......Patience.

-I am......Thankful for what I have.

Currently:

-Feeling: Sad

-Enjoying: Teaching at another school.

-Anticipating: Thanksgiving and having a class for a week.

-Watching: Candy Coated Christmas, a new Christmas movie with Ree Drummond 

-Planning: Christmas, wedding dress search

November:

-Nov. 1st-New director aka Pam

-Nov. 4th-Brookie 22nd birthday

-Nov. 5th-Went home.

-Nov. 6th-Went to CofO Homecoming and showed Zack the chapel for the 1st time.

-Nov. 7th-Went back to AR

-Nov. 11th-Taught at Gentry. 

-Nov. 12th-Taught at Gentry. 

-Nov. 13th-Ate Kornean BBQ.

-Nov. 15th-Taught at Gentry.

-Nov. 17th-Played in the leaves with the Gentry kids.

-Nov. 21st-Finished Gracie's Box

-Nov.22nd- Last day at the front desk

-Nov. 24th-Dad's burial and family Thanksgiving dinner

-Nov. 25th-Thanksgiving at Tara's and have Gracie her box and she said "yes".

-Nov. 27th-Help mom put up the outside Christmas lights at home and the Christmas tree too.

This Christmas

-This Christmas: "You can't mess up the blessing, but you can miss it!" Don't miss it! No matter what has gone on in your life this year, the Christmas message can't be missed or the feeling of it! It might be hard for some but we can get through it. Remember the reason for the season! Take a break from all the sadness and rejoice!

My October: Patience

Two main words I focused on this month:

-Flexibility 

-Patience 

Mood Tracker:

Happy: 13 times

Patience: 6 times

Fear: 10 times

Bored: 5 times

Confident: 9 times

Productive: 15 times

Habit Tracker:

Drink water: 10 times

Do yoga: 1 time

Say prayers: 13 times

Eating heathly: 3 times

Patience Log:

-Was there a moment where you felt more or less Patience?

More patience:

-Learning how to enroll children

-Less people were at Apple Butter Makin Days

Less patience:

-One kid was a little too wild

-Trying to get to dad

-Not having papers where they should be

October Calendar: 

-Oct. 2nd- Went to Andy's at night

-Oct. 4th- Ask Vicne to be an usher

-Oct. 7th- Ask if Aoife can be flower girl

-Oct. 8th- Went home then dad went to hospital 

-Oct. 9th- Went to Apple Butter Making Days and had a campfire at my parents' house 

-Oct.11th- Dad in hospital 

-Oct. 12th- Dad in hospital still

-Oct. 15th- Drained fluid from dad's lungs in hospital 

-Oct. 16th- Went to deer stand at Zack's dad's place

-Oct. 17th- KC WON!

-Oct. 18th- left work early and Went home and to hospital to see dad. Told him I loved him while I was there. He was "sleeping".

-Oct. 19th- Went to hospital again to see dad for the last time. He passed away at 3:00 with everyone, all the family, around him. 

-Oct. 20th- Met with Steve to get ready for service. 

-Oct. 21st- Back to AR and took a mental day off.

-Oct. 22nd- Went back to MO

-Oct. 23rd- All of the families got here.

-Oct. 24th- Dad's Celebration of Life

-Oct. 25th- Stayed home and then went back to AR

-Oct. 26th- the day I went back to work after dad passed

-Oct. 29th- Found out director is moving and getting a new one

-Oct.30th- Treat Street @ Grace Point Church

Currently:

Loving: My family

Feeling: fearful and sad and confused 

Wishing: my dad would get better

Planning: Trunk or Treating with church, flowers for the wedding 

Yep, that was my month of October. How was yours?

Letter of Gratitude for Thanksgiving

           I know this is a little late but I just thought of it. I am going to write a letter of gratitude for Thanksgiving but I wrote it way before then. I wrote it last month on the morning my dad passed away. I was sitting on the back porch all by myself looking at the sunrise. Everyone has left for the hospital but I was going later. Here it is what I wished I could have said to my dad and should have: 

Dear Daddy,

           Don't know what to say but thanks. Thanks for believing in your littlest girl. I know there were times you had to be patience with me. From math to cars. You knew I wouldn't make it in life without those two things. You were there guiding me through every job loss. You were the strength when I didn't have any because I knew I had to make you happy somehow. I knew you were always there for me and you were til the very end. Thank you for everything and all of the memories.

Love,

Tiffney 

No More Scars

         My mom picked this song to play on the video of family pictures at

 my dad's celebration of life and I couldn't agree more. 

 His life was exactly like this. He had so many scars from all of his 

cancers, heart problems, and muscle problems but now he is free of them 

and the pain that they caused. He has a whole new body. It is true 

that the only scars in Heaven is holding him now. He fought a good fight 

and ran a good race. He even said that he was finished and I can't blame him. 

He fought it good and long and over and over again. It is sad for all of us 

but we know he is in a better place and he had strength to get through everything 

he needed too. He had that strength because he prayed for it. One saying I will 

never forget is one that he said at the end of our meal prayers. It was: "May You 

give us the strength to do Your Will". And I think he felt like he had done it. 

Even though, he was planning and thinking about other things and living life like 

he could get through it. Deep down I think he knew his time was close but he didn't

want any of us to see him weak until we really had to because that was just who my 

dad was. 

Scars in Heaven-Casting Crowns 

     I would've stayed a little longer, held on a little tighter

Now what I'd give for one more day with you
'Cause there's a wound here in my heart where something's missing
And they tell me that it's gonna heal with time
But I know you're in a place where all your wounds have been erased
And knowing yours are healed is healing mine

The only scars in heaven, they won't belong to me and you
There'll be no such thing as broken, and all the old will be made new
And the thought that makes me smile now, even as the tears fall down
Is that the only scars in heaven are on the hands that hold you now

I know the road you walked was anything but easy
You picked up your share of scars along the way
Oh, but now you're standing in the sun, you've fought your fight and your race is run
The pain is all a million miles away

The only scars in heaven, they won't belong to me and you
There'll be no such thing as broken, and all the old will be made new
And the thought that makes me smile now, even as the tears fall down
Is that the only scars in heaven, yeah, are on the hands that hold you now

Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, for the hands that hold you now

There's not a day goes by that I don't see you
You live on in all the better parts of me
Until I'm standing with you in the sun, I'll fight this fight and this race I'll run
Until I finally see what you can see, oh-oh

The only scars in heaven, they won't belong to me and you
There'll be no such thing as broken, and all the old will be made new
And the thought that makes me smile now, even as the tears fall down
Is that the only scars in heaven are on the hands that hold you now

Lord, Give Me Strength to Do Your Will

"Lord, give us the strength to do Your Will."

That's my dad's ending to every prayer of his. Maybe that is why the Wilson family is so stubborn intimate and extended? I mean you can call it stubbornness or you can call it strength. It all depends on how you know us. That is a saying I'll never forget. I actually need to make a sign and put it on my wall.               Anyways, I have been trying to have strength lately with everything going on from job to wedding to other things. I wont lie, it is hard. Really hard. It has been harder since COVID hit. I am always worrying about something or thinking about the what ifs and I us to do that because of my anxiety but now it has just gotten worse. I've tried not to cry but those are the moments where you have had just too much. 

           I mean add the words flexible and patience to the word strength and it is like you are carrying the whole world on your shoulders. You have to be patience with the strength you have but at the same time you have to be flexible with that strength if something has to change. Strength, flexible, and patience are the words of my life that I will never get right. I will always be working on them and praying for them. 

           Think about it when you have to be patience and wait for something but during that time you need to be flexible. That does make your strength go faster. I am learning though through some things if you just speak up some things will change. You still have to be flexible but you found a solution. But yet, it doesn't always happen that way. You can hold on for dear life and try to think of ways to be flexible and okay with it. You tried to be patience until things are right again. But what if, they never do get right again? Is that strength for those two things still good? Are you learning something from using that strength in that time or season? Is it just making you have more strength to get through the next thing?

              Those are questions that I am still trying to figure out myself. Think the answer will come in a lifetime but hey, I can still try to figure it out, right?