Praying for Children

          I going to share another future prayer and just some thoughts that really woke me up at 4:30 in the morning because I could not get my mind to stop thinking about this certain thing. Yet the thoughts have helped me understand more and more about becoming a parent and why parents are so "freaked out" when it comes to their children so now I don't blame them at all, especially since I have seen both sides of children.
          God really just spoke to me this past Tuesday and because of that I woke up and started to talk to Him and he started to talk back and I wanted to understand but I'm still trying to and watching for His answers to my prayers. Here is the prayer that I prayed to Him about my future with children:

"Dear Daddy,
           This is what I get for not talking to You at night? Wake up 3 hours before I have to be at work? I guess it is a good way to start living it. There is a subject on my mind though, and that is children. I know I still might have awhile until I have my very own but working with them has raised lots of questions yet makes me sure of what I want to do do. I have always wanted to be a stay at home mom because that was how I was raised but now it is so much more then just that. I see the differences it can make in a child's life. I see the things I might miss. I would have to trust other people and knowing the field of childcare that is hard to do. It doesn't help working in the field. It would be more then just 3 people taking care of my children because there is such a turnover where I go. It would be more like 10 others. I'm a worry wart and bad at talking anyways. I think it is because I know how questioning the workers feel. I know parents question for the safety of their children but being on both sides could be hard. Daddy, sometimes I feel dumb because I don't have my own children. Like there are certain things I don't know yet because of that reason and it is hard to experience it without having your own children. How am I suppose to put my feet in a parent's shoe if I don't know the true feelings yet? I'm not doubting because I am learning but I am asking for wisdom and patience for me and everyone around me. It is hard getting back into the routine of having parents care so much for their children. It's good but hard at the same time. How do these things go on in my head when I am asleep? I sound a lot like Mary, Sarah, and some other women of the Bible carrying out for children, don't I? That's is just our nature, as women, but I will still wait for Your Timing because I want mine to be "perfect", using that word very loosely. No more doubting on this subject, though, it is a for sure thing for me. Even with all the "realness" that needs to go with it, it will be worth it someday. Wow! Am I really getting to that age?" - In Christ's Love, Amen"

            Right after I wrote that prayer down, I was reading my 5 mins. Bible study and it was about Sarah and Abram waiting to have a son of there own. It was also about how God has promised them a son but they both doubted because of their old age. God kept telling Abram that He will keep His promises to Him and will make a great nation with the son that is going to be born. This was in Genesis Chapter 17:5-21. The 5 min. devo. was called "A Better Plan". God was also talking to Abram about the new changed life He would bring along with their son "Isaac". Abram had to trust God in everything for quite some time before this all happened but yet there were little things He had to do for God.
            In the chapters before Chapter 17, Abram (Abraham) trusted God Plans for him but didn't trust God's process so he tried another way but God still forgave him and made sure he trusted Him this time around. God made sure that Abraham trusted Him by "an invitation to stretch Abraham's Faith". He completely had to trust God for his son. Do you see how strange this devo. came after the prayer that I prayed. It was about trusting God with a child, not only that but with everything in our lives. I read the chapters before and after this chapter and it is amazing to see how much trust Abraham had for just one child but yet that one child was an important child. That child was going to rule many nations because God had promised His father that.
          This chapter also shows that if we trust in God, bigger and better things will happen. Better things then we ever thought possible. God can promise whatever He wants to promise, and He will give that to us if we just follow His Path for us. We cannot take the matters of God into our own hands. When God says He got this, we need to trust in Him and leave it at that. We cannot rely on our own thoughts, feelings, talents, or skills to help us, only God can. The question that was asked in my devo. was: What are you relying on to "help God" make His promises a reality in your life?" The more and more I think about these whole few chapters and my prayer for children, it really gets down deep on a personal level in my life. I think, no I know, God is trying to tell me to trust Him with something that is going on in my life and things will turn out for His Glory, not mine nor anyone else's
           This is a prayer that I could keep praying on and on about until that deep feeling gets met somehow.
               

Letter to my Heavenly Daddy

        Daddy,
             Writing a letter instead of a prayer, this time, for now. I'm 27 years old and single and alone. I know I have You beside me but I feel like I need you more. I'm getting to that point where I need to really turn every day and every thought over to You but it's hard. I need to have Your wisdom and love. I need my days to be Your Days. It's hard to describe my true feelings because I am alone. Everyone is away from me busy with serving You in their own way. I just feel like no one has that same goal or passion that I do for my life. Makes me feel unique sometimes but mostly feel alone. I know I'm not suppose to be of the world but does that mean totally out of it. I guess that is how You felt when You showed Your true appearance and I am that. I want to dive in with You more but how and when. Why do I have to be the oldest in the field? I just need the courage and communicate to act like the oldest.

         Love,
       
         Tiffney

The Wise, Wilson Women

        I know I already wrote an entry for today but this one, kind of, goes along with it or that is what I would like to think. I think or I know that I got blessed with the best women a girl could ask for. Those women are her grandmas and mom and a friend. I want to dedicated this entry to both of my grandmas because one just recently passed away and the other grandma passed away but it is her birthday next month. I think in two weeks if I'm not mistaken.
         I love the title for this entry because I could call it the 3 Ws-Wise, Wilson Women. Creative, huh? Anyways, this entry came to mind as I was sitting in my Bible study tonight and we were talking about personal Spiritual growth. I have always grown up in a Godly/spiritual home because my mom and dad were believers. I got baptized at a very young age-the age of 9 years old. That in itself is a blessing for me that I should never regret at all. That is not what I saw in the Bible study tonight that made me write this entry though.
          What I saw and thought about in my Bible study is how I spend my time with God, my personal time with the Creator. I did tear up a little but no one saw because they were watching the movie. I'm a very loving, nurturing, and careful person. I get the "loving children" part from all of them plus wanting to stay at home but that is not the point of this entry. Although, most of the people that know me would agree with me and I get that from my mom, grandmas, and a special friend of mine.
          What I have noticed lately, especially after my recent grandma passed away is that I'm a journaler /blogger/dairy keeper because of them. My grandma that just passed away kept her journals throughout the years just like I started to while I was in college and still am. I can even say that I have some journals way back during college times and some of them are pretty funny. The journals are mainly prayer and Bible verses journals now that I have gotten older but it didn't start out that way. I started out in that way while I was in college but I really started out in high school. I started to write in a diary because I needed a place to vent my feelings that I couldn't talk about to anyone else. I do remember having a little journal through when I was younger and I still have it in keepsakes. I have looked at it since I have gotten older and it was during my soccer days because the only entry in it is one about soccer.
          Not only did my grandma keep prayer journals but she kept her sermon notes and journals so I also get my sermon note taking from her too. My aunt gave me a notebook of my grandma's sermon notes and even though they are hard to read, they really mean a lot to me. I even have a small Bible from her that has hand written notes in the margins. I think more then anything, through, my grandma passed it on to my mom and that is really where I see it. I see her taking notes during the sermons at church. I see her prayer journal laying around the house and she just started a drawing nature journal, something I could never do or at least not now.
           I am also big on keeping vacation journals and that started very young too to trips to Montana (aka my favorite place in the world). No matter where I go now I buy a notebook just for that trip and write about everyday. It is just fun to look back on those journals and notebooks and see what God has taught you or even done for you. Like my vacation journals, they are for memory because someday I won't get those chances anymore.
         Even like this blog, being in AR might be for a short time you never know so I'm writing about it here and now. I will say, though, this is like my 3rd blog I have started since moving to AR and I have kept up with this one the best. Out of my whole life, though, this is the 4th or 5th blog that I have had. It is strange that something this simpler can run in a family but it does and it is a good thing if you really think about it. If you journal for the right things are reasons, it can show you God all over again and remind you of what He has done for you and how He has blessed you through out the years.
           I will admit there are some college prayer journals that I have looked back on and I just laugh at what I was thinking and praying about back then. They show you how much you have grown too. I mean there are all these plans that I made out in college but God had a much better plan then I could ever think of. There was this guy I had a crush on and now I go back to read it and I just laugh and think how bad I was crushing on him. I'll admit there are some funny ones but yet there are those ones that you read and think, "Wow, God did you really do all of this." and I know I have some now that I will look back on and reread and think that again.
          There are other types of journals I keep too. If there is a subject I like or need to write my feelings out then I grab a notebook or journal, depending on how important the subject is and I'll write about it. Why do I think this is so neat? I think it is because in Bible study, tonight, we talked about having a journal to keep our prayers in and what God has taught us in. To me, though, it seemed like second nature and I thought to myself, "well, doesn't everyone do this if they are a Christian." and the answer is, "no". I got to thinking, "how can you not keep a journal of all the glorious things God has done or will do for you?"
            This one thing is just an example of a little action, that if you start doing, might grow throughout generations. In a strange way, it has in my family.

Calling of God

        Why do I feel like God is making sure I know my calling and why do I feel like He is getting me to trust Him again? Was my last job that bad that I did not notice it? Did it really bring me down in a year? I feel like all the verses I am reading and hearing are about callings of people and trusting of God.
          Does God really have to bring me back up from the pit? It also feels like God is making sure I know my calling. Yes, it is true. I was doubting it for a few months because I felt like no one would listen to me. Why do I have such low self esteem at times?
           I know I was doing the right things and will keep doing the right things until they are over. I can have the courage for the little children of God. Even though they are children, they deserve respect and help too. I never want to doubt where I should be again. If that starts to happen, then I need to stop before I get far into the pit of doubting.
           I pray that it never will, though, now that I know the feeling of it.

Paul's Life=My Life

        Last night my church started going through the book of Ephesians so the sermon was mainly an introduction of the book. In a strange way though, I got a lot out of the sermon and here is why. Paul is the author of the book Ephesians. The book has two main ideas and those ideas are: "Who is Christ and Who am I in Christ". The first couple of verse told us who Paul was and what kind of people we are and/or should be.
        Paul was a Man of Grace because Jesus saved him from a hard life on a dirt road. Paul was killing Christians because he was so devoted to his country and didn't want or believed in any other king. That is until he met Jesus. Jesus knew what Paul had done but He still loved and forgave him anyways. Jesus eve said, "Paul, why are you killing me?" After he had came to Christ, not only did he care for his country but he cared about the rest of the nations enough to go and spend the Good News to those people. He was also one of Jesus' apostle. Someone that Jesus picked out of the crowd and told him to follow Him.
        Now going on to the kind of people we are/should be. There were two verbs in the 2nd verse that told us how we should live. Those verbs are: "Holy and Faithful". When the verse says, "God's Holy people", it means that God picks who He wants apart from the world for a special purpose. Whoever God picks is to have a transformed mind and be unlike the people around them. God sets apart certain people because He already has a special purpose for them. There are also the words "Faithful people" in that verse. Those words means that those people who He set apart from everyone else should trust Him for what He has done for them. Faith and Trust goes hand in hand. I know simpler said then done.
         As I was thinking about what the pastor was saying, during the sermon, about who Paul was and how he became it, I was thinking about myself and who I really am or could be. I have been through a lot these past few months/years but I know it is because God is chipping away at me and showing me who I really can be. Here are just a few things that I know I'm really passionate for now:

-children
      -0-3 years old first and then 4-6 years old
-education for children
-teaching the whole child, not just emotions or from the books
-sensory processing disorder
-love doing sensory things with children
-the outdoors
-writing
-actions, instead of words

         Those 8 things are perfect things to tell you about who I am. I really believe and trust that God put those things on my heart because He has something special planned for me with those things. I mean when you really look at all of those things together, I could come up with something fun to do like having a hands-on school outside for disable children. That might come true someday day but for now, I like where I am and that is at a preschool working with the infants.
         I also think God wants me to go the rounds on different aged children so I will be ready to work with all kinds of aged children. Going through the book of Ephesians with my church during this new adventure/job is my life is really going to be interesting and fun at the same time. It might even be another challenge for me because God always knows that I am always looking for a challenge of some sort.
         Here is a quote that the pastor said last night and it really stuck with me: "Where Christ is, we are there also." Are you living and showing what God is doing in your life through the way you live and work?

On a New Adventure

        I keep meaning to write another entry but things just keep happening. I finally found the time though to tell you about my new adventure and how it is making me see a lot more blessings in my life. It is strange that God would use two different spots to teach you about blessings and to make you see them in your life but that is what He has done to my this past week. I got a new job, therefore hence, the name of this entry because it is a new adventure for me again. It is a job at a preschool working with the infants this time instead of the preschoolers, which is a lot calmer in its own way. It is a calm that I like. :)
         I started this past Thursday and I'm already loving it and seeing the changing it will have on my life as time goes on. It is a little farther away in another city but that city is only 10 mins away so not really that far, just a different address. It is a big chained preschool, which means that it has a lot of the same preschools around AR and MO. The main one being in Springfield, MO and that is where 3, counting the main one, out of at least 6 of them are.
         Enough on the preschool itself, now let's get to the blessings and/or maybe differences of each job. I will start with the blessings first.
         Blessing One: It is nice to have some or all of parents' involvement in their child's life because you can follow their rules and ask them for some advice on their child. I do have to get back into the habit of talking to the parents and remembering everything I have to tell them or what they would like to hear. It has been 2 years since I had to do that.
         Blessing Two: My new job is such a cheery and friendly place. Everyone has a smile on their faces and there is no gossip about anyone. They are talkative to each other too. That is something I might have to get use to but it is a good thing that they want to communicate with each other and with the parents about their children.
         Blessing Three: It feels great to be back on a schedule that my body likes. I work 9-6 again and I love it. These past first two days my body has woke me up without my alarm clock going off 3 times. I don't have to leave my apartment until around 8:35-8:40.
         Blessing Four: I actually get a hour lunch break. It was strange the past two days because I didn't know what to do with myself but I went ahead and went out for lunch. I also got to do my Bible study Friday during that hour, which is good because now I know that I have time to do that and it will refresh me if it has been a hard day.
         Blessing Five: Some of the parents give us, teachers, gift for the holidays or just because they appreciate us. I already that a gift for Oct./Halloween from one of the parents. It just felt so good getting gifts again and feeling like you are making people happy.
         Blessing Six: The teacher that I work with, in the infants, will actually read books to the infants if they are all quite at one time. She did that on Thursday when they all had their bottles and were quite. The infants actually learn about things there. They have a monthly theme each month. This month is "Community Helpers".
         Blessing Seven: God has shown me that I am more about educating the children that I come in contact with instead of just watching them but I have to have a set way to teach them.
         Blessing Eight: God has, also, shown me that I need to take some time with the infants because I need less stress in my life and more calmness. Also, I need to learn how to take care of and teach them because that is an age I haven't done yet.
         Blessing Nine: I love seeing the infants smile and/or hear them "coo" and play with their feet when they are happy and I'm busy with other infants. I love making them smile too by playing with them. I, also, love cuddling them.
         Blessing Ten: This is a blessing that I need to work on with God's help, of course. I know I can do it with His Help and I don't have to act like I have to prove anything but I am the oldest and longest person that has worked in the childcare field at my new job in the infant room. I say it is a blessing because it can be to the people around me and myself but I need to know how to control and use it. I never been the oldest and longest person in the field before.
         As you can see, I love my new job and I hope and pray that the new feeling and awareness never wares off. I know I have a whole new outlook on the actual daycare/preschool field then I did before my last job. If I ever have doubts about how the job is going, I can always remember back to that "one" job that I had. If things doesn't seem right, I can always look back on how I should have fixed it and fix it in the present. I have just learned a lot of lessons from my last job about the childcare field and about who I am as a person.
         When you compare the two jobs, it is a miracle how different children can be because of their environment they grow up in. It would be neat if each college student in child development and/or education had to work at two totally different jobs with totally different children and then compare the two jobs. It would also be great for a psychology class and a sociology class in different ways. I would, for sure, do that. Kind of wish, I did do that. It would have helped me prepare for the future more and be for sure of what I wanted to do with my life.
         The main thing these two different jobs have taught me, so far, is: "Children have their own minds and you have to come down to the child's level. You can't expect them to all be on the same level."

Called to be a Keeper

         The Fall semester started back up this month for Fall Bible studies for the church that I go to and I'm taking one that is just right for me and that I know I am going to love. It is on Monday nights and it started this past Monday and I already did the 1st day work in the book and I love it. It is called "Called to be a Keeper" by Lori Merrill and it is going through the verses from Titus and Proverbs 31. The class and study has already given me some great ideas to think on. It has a video that we watch during the study and some other different hand ons classes so we do every other Monday with those two things. I know there are going to be some classes on cooking, household management, personal growth, and hospitality along with other things.
         There is one thing that I got out of the study this past Monday from the video and it was "think of Proverbs 31 as learning and doing all of those things over a lifetime, not in just one day". To be honest with you, I was trying to do them all in one day but there isn't enough time for all of those things so that made perfect sense to me. The study is mainly about learning and living out God's proprieties as a women and wife of God. I also loved that the leader in the video kind of gave us a background of Proverbs 31. She said that it was the King's mother giving the advice to the king. The first 10 verses where warning the king that women do have and will try to take their power and strength but that they shouldn't give it to them.
            I think that our main purpose as women is to "set in order what remains" and that comes from verse 5 in Titus chapter 1. It also gave things that older women should do in their lives and what younger women should do in their lives too. Older women should: reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossip, nor drink too much wine, and they are to teach what is good to the younger women. All this is found in Titus 2:3-5. Younger women should: love their husbands, love their children, be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind and be subject to their own husbands.
            In the video, while the speaker was speaking, she said that God says: "You are not  beyond redemption." That is something really important to remember and it should give us comfort. We are always able to run back to God when we need help or have messed up. I say that because in Titus chapter 2, verse 5 it says: "so that the Word of God will not be dishonored." Not to scare any women out there, but we need to try not to dishonor God. Yes, I understand that we are sinners and that we mess up but that should at least be our goal everyday. We should ask God to help us honor Him in our day because we don't want to dishonor Him. That is another important thing that really stuck to me during the Bible study.
             Then the Day 1 study for homework was all about seeking His Kingdom and righteousness first. Putting God as your first priority and everything else should fall into place. I like how the writer of the book used John 4:31-34, which says, "My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me and accomplish His Work." The writer uses "food" as an example for us. Our purpose and priority of God should be so important that we should want Him more then food. Some of the questions that she asked in her book was: "What is your "food"? or "What provides your "nourishment in life"? In other words, "What is it that you live for?"
            I just have a feeling that I am going to like this study a lot and that I am going to learn a lot from it. I need anything that will help me grow into the women God wants me to be and to run, right now, my apartment the way God wants me to. Hopefully, later in life, it will be a house. It is good to learn while you are still young or at least to have an idea of what you can do or sure do. This study is going right along with my FACS degree and I think that is kind of neat. To find a study that matches me that well. The title is a neat one and I'm very interested in learning what it means and once I do, I'll share it on here. The word "keeper" for us, women, is a new one for me. This is the first time that I have heard it used for us.