Here are the 30 things I was Thankful for in the month of Thanksgiving. I can say that it helped each day go easy because when I woke up I would think of something I was thankful for a write it on my Facebook. I would go back to that thing if I was having a hard day or the things before that I wrote. I would even write 2 or 3 things down in the same day and then when it was time for that date of the day I would write it down to remind me of what I was thankful for.
I was even thinking about keeping it going throughout December so I would be thankful all holiday season and maybe that would get me into the habit for the New Year. We will see how many days I go can into December and then I'll write an entry for that month.
Here is the 30 things I was thankful for in November for Thanksgiving:
-Day 1: I am thankful that I live in a small apartment.
-Day 2: I am thankful that I have a job that I love.
-Day 3: I am thankful that God provides even when I doubt.
-Day 4: I am thankful for my nieces.
-Day 5: I am thankful for the rain and the cool weather.
-Day 6: I am thankful for my family and childhood.
-Day 7: I am thankful for a church that feels homey.
-Day 8: I am thankful for my relationship with Christ.
-Day 9: I am thankful for health insurance.
-Day 10: I am thankful for my college degree and the college I got it from.
-Day 11: I am thankful that I live in the USA and for my grandpas.
-Day 12: I am thankful for my family.
-Day 13: I am thankful for a warm bed to sleep in.
-Day 14: I am thankful for the Hope I have in Christ.
-Day 15: I am thankful for answered prayers.
-Day 16: I am thankful for God's transforming grace.
-Day 17: I am thankful for AR being my 2nd home state.
-Day 18: I am thankful for being a part of a great women's Bible study.
-Day 19: I am thankful for my nephews
-Day 20: I am thankful for my car even if it does make noises.
-Day 21: I am thankful for an unchanging God.
-Day 22: I am thankful for walks outside.
-Day 23: I am thankful that I had a great farmer in my life.
-Day 24: I am thankful for my country side.
-Day 25: I am thankful that I get a day off for Thanksgiving this year.
-Day 26: I am thankful for the food that we have to eat.
-Day 27: I am thankful that I only have to work a half a day after Thanksgiving.
-Day 28: I am thankful for the worrying of money that I got from my grandma because it
helps me save money.
-Day 29: I am thankful for the cards that I get in the mail because it reminds my of my
grandmas.
-Day 30: I am thankful for the small steps that we should take in life to get to the bigger
picture. It is a lot easier that way!
This was all the things I was thankful for this month and still are. There might be more things coming with the next month so keep an eye out for Part 2. :)
Friday, November 27, 2015
Wednesday, November 25, 2015
Missing the Stories
I called this entry "Missing the Stories" because I do miss the stories from my last job. Some of them were sad but at the same time they showed me how blessed I was with the things I have. Sometimes the stories were funny stories too because the children had great minds. I just think about all the stories I heard, I read, and I told them too and it just still breaks my heart but I am making some new stories at my new jobs. There are stories about my co-workers instead of the children but still it is neat and sad to hear them depending on what we are talking about.
I love hearing about people's lives eespically when their lives are different then yours. It is getting down to that deeper part of getting to know the people. The part that I love to get at because I am a listener at heart and I like to learn all the time, which you do learn when you listen to stories. I, kind of, have a story here that I would like to write like I always do on here but it is more of a memory then anything.
Don't get me wrong I love having Thanksgiving off and then half of the Friday after off but it is so hard to have it off when you haven't had it off for 2 years. When you have spent the last 2 years with children that don't have a family for Thanksgiving. This year is has probably been the hardest on me and I've probably had the most mixed feelings in this year then ever in my life. More confused then ever. I love my new job and it is just what I wanted but I miss the children I use to be a "mom" or "sister" too especially on the holidays.
We wouldn't do anything big but have a Thanksgiving dinner because preschoolers really don't get the idea of it yet or these preschoolers didn't. I've always thought that I was living two lives when I worked at my old job and I was but at the same time I miss doing that. I think it is just know that I know the experience and I know that there are really children out there without a family to enjoy the holidays with, it just breaks my heart all over again. I'm thinking about some of my special children form that special place and just crying my eyes out and praying that they have a decent "real" family or foster family to spend the holidays with.
There are 3 kids that I am thinking about right now and wish I could know how they are doing. I'm the tempted to look in my children's book and remember and thank God for all the good times I had with them. My good years at that job. I love the "normal" children I have right now and I will love my own if I ever have any. The question that I am asking now and it will be new when the time comes is: Will I love my own more then I loved the children at my last job? Right now, that is a love in my life that I can't explain along with another love but that love is still growing and being tested right now. I will say that the children are still winning it. :)
If you read this tonight or on Thanksgiving Day, just remember that you are blessed to have a family to eat with and hang out with on a holiday. Some children don't and that is very sad. Not to bring down your Thanksgiving Day but really be thankful for the things you do have. If I could have any rule over "Black Friday", after everything I have been through this year, I would say "No" to it for everyone because no material things can replace the love of family and friends. Sometimes I think, as human beings, we get caught up in thinking they do. This year, I'm not scared to say, would probably be my most thankful year up to date right now.
Ok. I'm done being on the soapbox with my passions, which mean I am done crying for now.
I love hearing about people's lives eespically when their lives are different then yours. It is getting down to that deeper part of getting to know the people. The part that I love to get at because I am a listener at heart and I like to learn all the time, which you do learn when you listen to stories. I, kind of, have a story here that I would like to write like I always do on here but it is more of a memory then anything.
Don't get me wrong I love having Thanksgiving off and then half of the Friday after off but it is so hard to have it off when you haven't had it off for 2 years. When you have spent the last 2 years with children that don't have a family for Thanksgiving. This year is has probably been the hardest on me and I've probably had the most mixed feelings in this year then ever in my life. More confused then ever. I love my new job and it is just what I wanted but I miss the children I use to be a "mom" or "sister" too especially on the holidays.
We wouldn't do anything big but have a Thanksgiving dinner because preschoolers really don't get the idea of it yet or these preschoolers didn't. I've always thought that I was living two lives when I worked at my old job and I was but at the same time I miss doing that. I think it is just know that I know the experience and I know that there are really children out there without a family to enjoy the holidays with, it just breaks my heart all over again. I'm thinking about some of my special children form that special place and just crying my eyes out and praying that they have a decent "real" family or foster family to spend the holidays with.
There are 3 kids that I am thinking about right now and wish I could know how they are doing. I'm the tempted to look in my children's book and remember and thank God for all the good times I had with them. My good years at that job. I love the "normal" children I have right now and I will love my own if I ever have any. The question that I am asking now and it will be new when the time comes is: Will I love my own more then I loved the children at my last job? Right now, that is a love in my life that I can't explain along with another love but that love is still growing and being tested right now. I will say that the children are still winning it. :)
If you read this tonight or on Thanksgiving Day, just remember that you are blessed to have a family to eat with and hang out with on a holiday. Some children don't and that is very sad. Not to bring down your Thanksgiving Day but really be thankful for the things you do have. If I could have any rule over "Black Friday", after everything I have been through this year, I would say "No" to it for everyone because no material things can replace the love of family and friends. Sometimes I think, as human beings, we get caught up in thinking they do. This year, I'm not scared to say, would probably be my most thankful year up to date right now.
Ok. I'm done being on the soapbox with my passions, which mean I am done crying for now.
Tuesday, November 24, 2015
Sharing Small Christmas Traditions
I was talking to a co-worker about what Christmas traditions I do and how I decorate the Christmas because she is putting one up for the first time this year. I got really hot and shakey and I probably even blushed but it is because I talked for the first time about something that I never thought I would have to talk about without the person by my side. It was the first time that I talked about my Grandma and her Christmas traditions without her living. I got through the talking with my co-worker without crying but then I came home and cried about it.
This Christmas is going to be really different and so hard without any grandparents to go visit. That got me thinking about the step by step and day by day that we need to live and do things. I started to ask a lot of questions to God during my quite time and here are some of the questions:
-What are the simplest little things in my life?
-What little, simplest step by step thing do I need to pray for?
It is taking that little, simplest thing that matters most to you and praying that something big will come out of it. It is trusting that God will turn it into a bigger thing. Pray like that and surely you will overflow with the Holy Spirit but don't take my work for it.
I'm going to have to give some of this credit to a friend of mine because seeing my friend praying for the simplest and smallest thing and then seeing God answer it hours later is really encouraging. I will say it might be some little nonsense thing to me or someone else but it means the world to my friend. I, honestly, think too that when you pray for the smaller steps first, you will be encouraged more and what to keep going for the bigger picture. You will want to see what God has in store for you. Instead, of trying by yourself to get there because it is so much work to do it all in "one day" or even year.
How can you start praying in the small steps? What is a goal that you want to reach? I have a couple for me and I will share them. I want to get my Master's in OT and I want to get married and have a family.
Getting my Master's:
-getting one class/semester done at a time.
-getting each paper filled out.
-getting into the program.
-getting through the Master's program and not stopping.
And even then those small steps can get broken down and more specific even. I just don't want to share my whole life plan on here.
You might be asking me, "What does this have to do with your grandma and the Christmas traditions she had. My grandma had a traditions of giving each of her grandkids a Christmas tree ortrament either before Christmas or on Christmas. That was a little thing that made a huge difference because she would write Bible verses somewhere on them with paint sticks. She was probably hoping we would look them up but I never did, which I regret now but I am thinking about doing that this year. That tradition was a small thing but thinking on it now, I am going to miss it this year. Small things really do have a special meaning behind them most of the time so when you pray for the small things, maybe those small things will be a bigger blessing then the bigger things. Get it?
I understand that we might think that praying for the future would be easier, especially if you are a planner like me but all it does is gets us worried about it instead of living for the present. We miss what we could be doing now in our lives and the lives of others. It, kind of, goes along with that praying every moment of the day concept that some people have, which I love and want to get to in my relationship with the Lord. Maybe if you want to get there too, you can start by praying for the small steps during your long quite time with the Lord and then go from there?
Just something else to encourage you to, hopefully, get closer to the Lord.
This Christmas is going to be really different and so hard without any grandparents to go visit. That got me thinking about the step by step and day by day that we need to live and do things. I started to ask a lot of questions to God during my quite time and here are some of the questions:
-What are the simplest little things in my life?
-What little, simplest step by step thing do I need to pray for?
It is taking that little, simplest thing that matters most to you and praying that something big will come out of it. It is trusting that God will turn it into a bigger thing. Pray like that and surely you will overflow with the Holy Spirit but don't take my work for it.
I'm going to have to give some of this credit to a friend of mine because seeing my friend praying for the simplest and smallest thing and then seeing God answer it hours later is really encouraging. I will say it might be some little nonsense thing to me or someone else but it means the world to my friend. I, honestly, think too that when you pray for the smaller steps first, you will be encouraged more and what to keep going for the bigger picture. You will want to see what God has in store for you. Instead, of trying by yourself to get there because it is so much work to do it all in "one day" or even year.
How can you start praying in the small steps? What is a goal that you want to reach? I have a couple for me and I will share them. I want to get my Master's in OT and I want to get married and have a family.
Getting my Master's:
-getting one class/semester done at a time.
-getting each paper filled out.
-getting into the program.
-getting through the Master's program and not stopping.
And even then those small steps can get broken down and more specific even. I just don't want to share my whole life plan on here.
You might be asking me, "What does this have to do with your grandma and the Christmas traditions she had. My grandma had a traditions of giving each of her grandkids a Christmas tree ortrament either before Christmas or on Christmas. That was a little thing that made a huge difference because she would write Bible verses somewhere on them with paint sticks. She was probably hoping we would look them up but I never did, which I regret now but I am thinking about doing that this year. That tradition was a small thing but thinking on it now, I am going to miss it this year. Small things really do have a special meaning behind them most of the time so when you pray for the small things, maybe those small things will be a bigger blessing then the bigger things. Get it?
I understand that we might think that praying for the future would be easier, especially if you are a planner like me but all it does is gets us worried about it instead of living for the present. We miss what we could be doing now in our lives and the lives of others. It, kind of, goes along with that praying every moment of the day concept that some people have, which I love and want to get to in my relationship with the Lord. Maybe if you want to get there too, you can start by praying for the small steps during your long quite time with the Lord and then go from there?
Just something else to encourage you to, hopefully, get closer to the Lord.
Monday, November 23, 2015
Prayer, Prayer, Prayer
I got this idea/outline of how I want to pray from a friend. It was really encouraging to see a friend pray like this and actually talk about what happened after the prayer they prayed. I love to see answers to pray, even when it is the simplest of prayers, which this prayer was. It is what my friend wanted and God felt like it was okay to give it. These "points" are just want caught me off guard when I was listening to my friend's encouragement. There are 3 points that my friend made:
-God's Will be done
-For His Glory
-In His Name
-Everyday for the simple things.
The End of the points.
Then I added this point since it is what I learned Saturday night at church:
-Overflowing with the Holy Spirit.
How I am hoping to use those points is to write them down and then follow them by a prayer request that I really want or need. Because you can pray something like "God's Will be done" in this certain situation or for the day. I want to be patience today so I can get things done for "His Glory" and so on.
-God's Will be done
-For His Glory
-In His Name
-Everyday for the simple things.
The End of the points.
Then I added this point since it is what I learned Saturday night at church:
-Overflowing with the Holy Spirit.
How I am hoping to use those points is to write them down and then follow them by a prayer request that I really want or need. Because you can pray something like "God's Will be done" in this certain situation or for the day. I want to be patience today so I can get things done for "His Glory" and so on.
Sunday, November 22, 2015
Home Vs. Truck
I will write this entry because I have been thinking a lot about the difference between women and men. Just seeing some of the things my guy friends are interested really makes me see how different we really are in our gender differences if that makes any sense at all. I call this entry "Home Vs. Truck" because that is the first thing that I thought about that was different between women and men but then this past week I had another thought. What about "Children Vs. Outdoors" or "Children Vs. Hunting/Fishing" or "Home Vs. Shed". It could go on and on.
The idea of this entry is just to help other women see that as women and men we have different hobbies and we were made to run different things in this world but that doesn't mean that we cannot work together and accomplish somethings. I got the "Home Vs. Truck" idea when I was in the Bible Study called "Called to be a Keeper" and I was learning more about the call that God has called me to do, which is be the Keeper of the home and children. Read through the Bible and you will find that God made women to be that way.
You will also find that God made the man to be the leader of the household, just like He is the leader of the Church. Women, submitting to them doesn't mean you have to do everything they say but you do have to ask them to see what they think. Now don't let that be your final answer because God always give you the final answer so pray to Him too about things but it is about being together in a home and in a marriage. It is about being on the same page but yet being different so we don't get bored with each other so quickly.
I don't want to go into too much detail because I'm not good at advice giving especially about guys but women we have to know who we are truly in Christ. We have to know that God did make us for the home, children, family, comfort, and so on. We are the ones that need to be the nurturing ones and caring ones. We are the ones that need to be around most of the time. Now I get that it would be great for the man to be around to but we can't get mad at him if he is out providing for the family because that is His God-given job.
I wish I would have seen the home vs. truck comparison in high school. It would have made so much sense back then and I wouldn't have been so stressed out with the guys in my class. It is strange that I can see that in my life right now. Here I am working with children whether at a shelter or a preschool. Right now, I'm even taken care of the infants at the preschool I am at now. Yet I see some of my guy friend going out and providing for their wives or even still yet family. Not only are they providing money and other things like that they are being the leader in their business in some way and form, whether it is the Founder or a boss in some company or some part of the company or the highest office in that section of the company.
They are taking on that leadership role to get use to being the leader like they are suppose to be. If they can take charge of a group of people, then can't they take "charge" of a family and provide for them. I know I might have used some wording that will stop people from reading this entry and that people won't agree with but if you take the time to really think about it in other ways with other words that it is easy for you to understand then do that. This is just how I understand the God given roles of a husband (man) and wife (women). This is what I learn and see and this is what I stay by and want, even if it is old style nowadays. I can still hope. Can't I?
The idea of this entry is just to help other women see that as women and men we have different hobbies and we were made to run different things in this world but that doesn't mean that we cannot work together and accomplish somethings. I got the "Home Vs. Truck" idea when I was in the Bible Study called "Called to be a Keeper" and I was learning more about the call that God has called me to do, which is be the Keeper of the home and children. Read through the Bible and you will find that God made women to be that way.
You will also find that God made the man to be the leader of the household, just like He is the leader of the Church. Women, submitting to them doesn't mean you have to do everything they say but you do have to ask them to see what they think. Now don't let that be your final answer because God always give you the final answer so pray to Him too about things but it is about being together in a home and in a marriage. It is about being on the same page but yet being different so we don't get bored with each other so quickly.
I don't want to go into too much detail because I'm not good at advice giving especially about guys but women we have to know who we are truly in Christ. We have to know that God did make us for the home, children, family, comfort, and so on. We are the ones that need to be the nurturing ones and caring ones. We are the ones that need to be around most of the time. Now I get that it would be great for the man to be around to but we can't get mad at him if he is out providing for the family because that is His God-given job.
I wish I would have seen the home vs. truck comparison in high school. It would have made so much sense back then and I wouldn't have been so stressed out with the guys in my class. It is strange that I can see that in my life right now. Here I am working with children whether at a shelter or a preschool. Right now, I'm even taken care of the infants at the preschool I am at now. Yet I see some of my guy friend going out and providing for their wives or even still yet family. Not only are they providing money and other things like that they are being the leader in their business in some way and form, whether it is the Founder or a boss in some company or some part of the company or the highest office in that section of the company.
They are taking on that leadership role to get use to being the leader like they are suppose to be. If they can take charge of a group of people, then can't they take "charge" of a family and provide for them. I know I might have used some wording that will stop people from reading this entry and that people won't agree with but if you take the time to really think about it in other ways with other words that it is easy for you to understand then do that. This is just how I understand the God given roles of a husband (man) and wife (women). This is what I learn and see and this is what I stay by and want, even if it is old style nowadays. I can still hope. Can't I?
Friday, November 20, 2015
Stop Depriving-1 Cor. 7:5
Sorry that I am just now writing another entry. I know it has been awhile since I wrote one but I have been really busy with work and family things. This is something very special that I came across during one of my work breaks this week and I just had to share. I came across it because I have been feeling this certain feeling and I wanted to know why I was feeling the way I was. I was so confused at first but then finding this verse helped me a little to sort out those feelings. Here is the verse and a meaning on one word in the verse:
This verse really means a lot to me. Why is God, all of the sudden, showing it to me when I've needed it all my life. It talks about stop taking enjoyment away from other people. Devote to prayer and them turn back if God is willing. I've been depriving myself and my guy friends of fun things because I have been worrying. I've been saying things that seem fine but when I really think about them, they're not. It is funny or strange how a guy friend will tell me to back off nicely. It makes me rethink my actions and prayer a little deeper.
If they are only a crush, like in high school, then I forget about them completely. The close guy friends I have noticed a lot lately that I hate to take whatever they are enjoying away from them by bothering them. It is such a good and happy feeling for me to see them happy and having a blast at what they love what they do. I would rather be devoted in prayer for them then messing up their enjoyment.
Another big word is "agreement" in the verse. I would rather be in agreement and on the same page with them because that is one way to stop worrying all the time of them. I just love to see the joy on people's faces when we don't deprive them of the things they love. Do you think that is what's wrong with today's marriages? They are self centered instead of God-centered, then other person/partner centered like they are suppose to be. People need their own things to enjoy because if we were all the same, the world wouldn't be a fun place to live.
So why try to change someone into a person we want them to be or like you? How can that make things fun? That would get so boring pretty fast, I would think. The message here, I think, is: Just to love the person that God made you to be, who God made your friends to be, who God made your partner be, and the people around you to be.
"Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."-Corinthians 7:5
Deprive-"To remove or withhold something from the enjoyment or possession of (a person or persons)
If they are only a crush, like in high school, then I forget about them completely. The close guy friends I have noticed a lot lately that I hate to take whatever they are enjoying away from them by bothering them. It is such a good and happy feeling for me to see them happy and having a blast at what they love what they do. I would rather be devoted in prayer for them then messing up their enjoyment.
Another big word is "agreement" in the verse. I would rather be in agreement and on the same page with them because that is one way to stop worrying all the time of them. I just love to see the joy on people's faces when we don't deprive them of the things they love. Do you think that is what's wrong with today's marriages? They are self centered instead of God-centered, then other person/partner centered like they are suppose to be. People need their own things to enjoy because if we were all the same, the world wouldn't be a fun place to live.
So why try to change someone into a person we want them to be or like you? How can that make things fun? That would get so boring pretty fast, I would think. The message here, I think, is: Just to love the person that God made you to be, who God made your friends to be, who God made your partner be, and the people around you to be.
Thursday, November 19, 2015
I HATE Change
This year, even these past few months, have had a lot of changes going on for me and I don't like them. I don't like change period. I hate it with a passion. I know it is funny to hear this from a women you wanted to travel like a missionary for awhile but now I see I hate it and couldn't live with it. I think I just had too much in my life as a little girl that I want to stay in one place and settle there. I am ready to settle with job and house and just start a real life.
With grandparents passing away and jobs changing, these past two years, I noticed I don't like changes at all. It was job after job changing different positions in those jobs. I just want to be in one position for more then 6 months. I'm really not liking the childcare field, the more I spend time in it. It is so much changing and not settling. I just want to be hired in one position with my degree that I spent 5 years getting and stay in that spot.
As a child, growing up, I know I never did like changes, even the littlest of things would get me worked up, stressed out, or/and worried about the future. I could never handle changes good and as much as I hate to admit it, I would cry while the changes happened. Like tonight, I came home and cried because I was so stressed out from work, trying to be the lead, and felt unworthy of or just that all my energy was gone. I don't know what it is in me but if I had to be in charge on a team, I know this might sound bad, but it would stressed me out. Now if I can start as a lead somewhere and grow and get use to things that might be better.
Not only does the change bother me but I think the not knowing what is going to happen next or who is going to be in the position that someone is looking for next kills me too. I am a very routine person so I get children who like their routine but get upset when it is messed up. I am that way still as an adult. It just seems like I get in the groove or routine with someone and then that someone goes away or I move to a different position or sometimes I live the job.
I think that I need a job that I can stick with and make times on my own. A job where I can talk to people when and if I need to. Not be there at any certain time unless I schedule it. I know this sounds bad but not to depend on any other person either. I am very introverted and that how I was made and am. I just need to learn and see that. It's not that I don't like people but I'm not the kind of person that can make work friends to go hang out with after work or just at work. I am the kind of person who likes to have those deep friendships that will be there and I can be sure they will be there even after I move on from that job.
You could also say that I might be very professional because I don't think friends should be a work things. I mean yeah, you could talk about what is going on at work but then what else? I don't want to get my personal life and my work life mixed up because sometimes work is where I go to forget about my personal life if that makes sense. I want to be there for the children and play with them and pay attention to them instead of talking about life. Sorry, if it sounds rude but that is how I feel right now until I find that job where I feel like I can settle down and trust the people I am around.
I think a lot of these feelings are just because of the change in my life since I have moved to AR. Friends have been changing, jobs have been changing even positions within jobs, and my mind have been changing about my future and what I want to do. I'm just ready to settled but I need to feel comfortable of where I will settled and about how I will settle. Right now, I don't feel either one of those where I am in life now. I do need to change more and I am working on that but for now I want things that are now to stay the same and no more changing. Why? Because I HATE change! Always have and always will! Unless it is something that I dreamed about for ages that is coming true or something that I really, really can't do without.
It might grow you in ways but I think for me a lot of times it holds me back because I feel like I can't grow if I don't need to grow. If I just need to use the same things that I have been using for years around me then my thought is why grow or why learn new things? Why learn if I'm going to stay in the childcare field? Why learn if I'm just going to be an assistant teacher for the rest of my life? Why be adventurous if I'm just going to stay in MO or AR for the rest of my life? Get it? I might be smart and very creative but why show it when I can get by with the same things over and over and that is all that humans see in me. How can I make others see that I have more to offer?
With grandparents passing away and jobs changing, these past two years, I noticed I don't like changes at all. It was job after job changing different positions in those jobs. I just want to be in one position for more then 6 months. I'm really not liking the childcare field, the more I spend time in it. It is so much changing and not settling. I just want to be hired in one position with my degree that I spent 5 years getting and stay in that spot.
As a child, growing up, I know I never did like changes, even the littlest of things would get me worked up, stressed out, or/and worried about the future. I could never handle changes good and as much as I hate to admit it, I would cry while the changes happened. Like tonight, I came home and cried because I was so stressed out from work, trying to be the lead, and felt unworthy of or just that all my energy was gone. I don't know what it is in me but if I had to be in charge on a team, I know this might sound bad, but it would stressed me out. Now if I can start as a lead somewhere and grow and get use to things that might be better.
Not only does the change bother me but I think the not knowing what is going to happen next or who is going to be in the position that someone is looking for next kills me too. I am a very routine person so I get children who like their routine but get upset when it is messed up. I am that way still as an adult. It just seems like I get in the groove or routine with someone and then that someone goes away or I move to a different position or sometimes I live the job.
I think that I need a job that I can stick with and make times on my own. A job where I can talk to people when and if I need to. Not be there at any certain time unless I schedule it. I know this sounds bad but not to depend on any other person either. I am very introverted and that how I was made and am. I just need to learn and see that. It's not that I don't like people but I'm not the kind of person that can make work friends to go hang out with after work or just at work. I am the kind of person who likes to have those deep friendships that will be there and I can be sure they will be there even after I move on from that job.
You could also say that I might be very professional because I don't think friends should be a work things. I mean yeah, you could talk about what is going on at work but then what else? I don't want to get my personal life and my work life mixed up because sometimes work is where I go to forget about my personal life if that makes sense. I want to be there for the children and play with them and pay attention to them instead of talking about life. Sorry, if it sounds rude but that is how I feel right now until I find that job where I feel like I can settle down and trust the people I am around.
I think a lot of these feelings are just because of the change in my life since I have moved to AR. Friends have been changing, jobs have been changing even positions within jobs, and my mind have been changing about my future and what I want to do. I'm just ready to settled but I need to feel comfortable of where I will settled and about how I will settle. Right now, I don't feel either one of those where I am in life now. I do need to change more and I am working on that but for now I want things that are now to stay the same and no more changing. Why? Because I HATE change! Always have and always will! Unless it is something that I dreamed about for ages that is coming true or something that I really, really can't do without.
It might grow you in ways but I think for me a lot of times it holds me back because I feel like I can't grow if I don't need to grow. If I just need to use the same things that I have been using for years around me then my thought is why grow or why learn new things? Why learn if I'm going to stay in the childcare field? Why learn if I'm just going to be an assistant teacher for the rest of my life? Why be adventurous if I'm just going to stay in MO or AR for the rest of my life? Get it? I might be smart and very creative but why show it when I can get by with the same things over and over and that is all that humans see in me. How can I make others see that I have more to offer?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Christmas Eve Sermon
Brett Furgason John 3:16-Main verse -God initiates because He loves us. -God loves us even when we are broken and sinful. -Gave His One of a...
