Did I "Bloom" During 2020?

         2020 was a hard year for most of us. It was the year of the COVID sickness. It was the year of staying home. It was the year of doing everything virtual. It was also the year of staying away from people and wearing masks. Yet I am trying to look at how I bloomed during this hard year and I know of some of the ways that I have. This year might have been hard but I have bloomed so much at the same time during this year and got to do things I would never have gotten to do. I am looking how I bloomed because "bloom" was my word of the year this year. It is strange because we all had to bloom in a lot of different ways. Strange how God works sometimes, huh?

            Here are some of the things that come right to mind when I think of blooming in 2020:

-Got a new job.

- I made closer friends at work.

- I connected with some of the kids that I thought    I wouldn't at the start of the year.

-Been through 3 directors at work.

- Got to know how my job works.

- Got to spend a lot of time with my family like 2 or 3 whole months.

-Started a new church.

-My dad is making it through his exchanges.

-Started a new hobby like woodburning.

-Also, tried to do some more Bible journaling.

-Knowing that I am at least changing one kid's         life at work.

-My relationship got stronger because of the Bible study classes we took and the questions that were asked.

-I am not scared of doing online videos anymore. Although, I still don't like hearing myself on them.

- I started a new side job selling nails.

         So in many little ways, I have bloomed in 2020, even with this COVID sickness all around me. I think it might have even helped me a little though.

Christmas 2020

         I actually wrote this entery down in a notebook about a week ago but I. Just now getting the chance to write it here. I was so down in the dumps this December because of everything going on but after writing this out (aka my feelings), I felt better and wanted to do a lot more things like wrap more presents and bake a lot. It was like once I let things leave my shoulders, I could feel Christmasy again. That's a feeling that should never leave me. Anyways, here is what I wrote in my notebook:

               It is a very strange Christmas/December for me. The strangest thing is I don't feel like I should this time of year. Doesn't feel right to me. Now since I can remember, Christmas has been my favorite holiday and still is. I call myself the Christmas baby but that has another story behind it. I love shopping, giving gifts, sending cards, family and friends, and teaching Christmas to my kids. I went into this December with all kinds of plans for family and class but none of them are happening right. I try to dress up for my kids but that's hard when they aren't crazy or even know about Christmas. I got one child out of 7 that gets excited about what I do and wear. No presents from the parents. I know that's not important but still would be nice. At least a card. Is that too much to ask? Two weeks out for COVID. A snow day right before. I really didn't make a list of what I wanted either. Didn't have time to think about that. 

             We have got Christmas all wrong. It's not about the things or what we do. I see that now. I haven't even got to see so many lights. Don't have the want. Seeing it at age almost 33. I see how right the Grinch was. I see how the 1st Christmas was for Mary and Joseph. It's kind of hard to explain but it's different. It's not About the gifts but the feelings you have around that time or should have. Not having has many kids in the class or has many family members coming back home. Not wanting to shop and look around because of the masks. No time to think. You know so many lives were lost this year and so many in the hospital for so many things. Always on edge because of the sickness. Just day to day living not any planning. New job for me. Not knowing what to plan or can't. 

               Yet one this stays the same through it all. JESUS!!!!!!!!!!! He is still coming and had came! He was born to take this all away. That Christmas star was God's Promise to us that everything is in His Hands still and will turn out for His Good. Nothing is more perfect for Jesus then this year to show us a miracle after it all. Kind of makes you wonder what does He have up His sleeve. 

               There you wonder why my December doesn't feel Christmasy. All this was on my heart and mind. Hopefully, it will be a little better now that I got it out and down on paper. Thanks for listening and I hope your Christmas is one to remember even during the hard times. 

My Christmas Prayer

The snow is falling as I make my way back home.
I feel so grateful I have somewhere I can go.
But in troubled times like these,
with all the ones in need, its Christmas time,
so ,Jesus, I'm before you on my knees.

We pray for joy.
We pray for peace, from the west unto the east.
And that every man may find someone to love. (find someone to love)
We pray for strength.
We pray for light.
And on this holiest of nights, deliver hope where there's despair. (hope where there's despair)
Jesus, hear our Christmas prayer.

I pray that I become what you would have me be.
That I would give as much as you have given me.
In a world that's torn apart, heal the hatred in our hearts.
Its Christmas time and there's no better time for us to start.

We pray for joy.
We pray for peace, from the west unto the east.
And that every man may find someone to love. (find someone to love)
We pray for strength.
We pray for light.
And on this holiest of nights, deliver hope where there's despair. (hope where theres despair)
Jesus, hear our Christmas prayer.

Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Lord, hear our prayer.

We pray for joy.
We pray for peace, from the west unto the east.
And that every man may find someone to love. (find someone to love)
We pray for strength.
We pray for light.
And on this holiest of nights, deliver hope where there's despair. (hope where theresdespair)
And that our voices fell the air
A Merry Christmas everywhere
Well, Jesus, hear our Christmas prayer.

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I would listen to this song every Christmas because it is one of my all-time favorites from a Christian boy band I liked in the high school. I would always think about just me and where I was in life when I listened to it but like everything else this year that's different. I can't think of myself when I hear the song anymore. It is definitely not just a Christmas prayer but an everyday prayer that we need to be praying every day right now. In this moment and in this world we need to be praying this exact prayer. It's funny how they are not a group anymore but they were right on back in the 2000s. Christmas will look different for so many by missing family, by not going where they usually go for Christmas, and honestly it shouldn't. It's Christmas. The best holiday of the year. The holiday of love.

Three Different Behaviors: Which One Are You?

This was the sermon from last Sunday at my church. Here are 3 different behaviors for people from the book of Proverbs:

-Wise

-Foolish

-Evil.

I am going to tell you some characteristics of those three behaviors. First is the WISE.

-"Wise people seek wisdom."

-"The wise person sees the light, takes it in, and make adjustments."-Henry Cloud

-Traits of the WISE

           -listens to feedback

           -say thank you

          -own their mistakes

          -won't repeat problems

          -relationships are strengthened through instruction

           -Feeling: Remorse

The next behavior I am going to tell you about is the FOOLISH kind.

-"The fool tries to adjust the truth so he/she doesn't have to adjust to the truth."-Henry Cloud

-Traits of a FOOL:

            -Give excuses

            -Takes no feedback

            -shifts the blame

            -Feeling: lots of rage

-The FOOL wants more affirmation.

-How to correct the fool:

             -Truth and consequences

The last behavior I am going to talk about is EVIL.

-"The EVIL responds to the door."

-Traits of EVIL:

         -conspire at feedback

         -Feeling: rage into revenge

-How to correct EVIL:

           -Speration 

Proverbs 1:24-28 are the verses for this year. For 2020. They explain perfectly what it has been like. Yet Proverbs 1:29-30 should be out response to it. We should be wise and ask for forgiveness and repent as a nation. 

Let's be the WISE Nation and ask for forgiveness and repentance! 

Election 2020 Personal Prayer

          I might get a lot of hate because I am writing this but I don't care. You don't know me so you can't judge me and of you know me you won't judge me. 

Prayer:

         Dear Daddy,

                 So election day 2020 is finally over! Can we get back to normal now instead of worse? I've never been more scared or interested in the election then this year. Lord, I do agree that we need You though really bad. Please sweep through this nation and heal this land. Calm every mind and body tonight. Restore our strength so we can start anew. Renew our minds. Cast out anything that's not of You. Please lead our President whoever he may be. He is human too. People forget that sometimes. Lead us back to rightousness again. Makes us the strong country again with people who love no matter what. Heal broken families. Feed the pour. Take away the drugs. Take away the sins. Care for the children. Bring us together again. We are all humans with feelings. Red, yellow, black or white put us together and start with me again. Right where I am at because I know I could be used right there. You put us in places for reasons we don't understand at times but you have your reasons. Just show us the way.

In Jesus' name, 

Amen

And So It Happened

              I have been at home for 2 weeks now because a child at my job tested positive for Covid-19 so we had to shut the place down. During those two weeks, I have been doing virtual learning with my children. I don't like teaching virtual because I can't see the kids and make them do the things I want them to do. I know that sounds bad but I'm just worried that they're not learning like they should be.

             I'm also worried about how their home life is while they're at home. I think most of my kids are doing pretty good but I just wish they would get on or I would get a response from the parents of some kind. Last Friday I did a live circle time and I only had one kid show up to it. I had to tape it and send it by email to the rest of the kids. I have also heard from two,out of my three, kids. Then my co-teacher has heard from two out of three of her kids. 

              There are some parents that I still haven't heard from and that really discourages me. I just hope they are doing okay. And I've learned during these two weeks that the families like texts better and they like email or calling. If this is the way learning is going to be from now, I don't know if I can stand it. I know even if I touch one kid that's something but it is still discouraging at the same time and frustrating. 

               Virtual learning is also hard when you are thrown into it and no one shows you what to do or tells you how to get ready for it. It would be so much easier if I had the paperwork that I need to do it but no one told me until it was too late. I am getting the hang of it though. While doing vitual learning at home, I also got some housework done by organizing things that needed to be organized so that's good. It is the end of the two weeks and now I am bored out of my mind because I can think of anything else to do.

                I've sent out everything that I'm supposed to send out. I have got the lesson plans ready for the next month. I could print stuff off and get that stuff ready but I don't have a printer at home so now I'm just kind of stuck at home watching TV. Virtual learning is fine for a while but doing it all year or for a long period of time, I don't know how students or parents can handle it.

               I just know that I cannot so I hope it does not happen again. I also hope we will be done with all of this stuff soon. It would definitely be a new generation of learners if we have to keep going virtually. The world will definitely turn to something else when these virtual kindergarteners grows into adults. It is just crazy but that is just my opinion too. I will go before I get on my soapbox. I just wanted to write down what was going on these past two weeks that we had to shut down because of the virus.

Change-Good or Bad?

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever."

-Hebrews 13:8

"Forgetting what is behind and straining towards what is ahead."

-Philippians 3: 13 b

"For It is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose."

-Philippians 2:13

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            I cannot help but have these words find my friend long ago still ring in my ears.

            "It's good that we all changing/growing because if we weren't God can it work in us."so in that case change is good. And change is also good because Jesus is always the same so nothing really changes there. There's no change. He is always the same so why not think about that doing changes and you might not even notice the change.

             But what if the change is good and you do want to notice it? I mean changes from someone passing to changing styles to teach kids? How do you know when to remember the change and when not to? I think we remember whether or not we want to. It's not up to us. I know I've remembered some of the changes because of the life lessons I've learned from them. Here are just some to name a few:

-passing of grandparents

-losing or changing jobs

-letting go of people

-this pandemic.

               Through all of them I have learned a little bit more about myself and became stronger which is a good change too. I guess when I think about a bad change it is about this pandemic mostly. When I say bad I mean bad as in can't go to church, kids at home learning online, people fighting and dying, and staying distant and no more hugging and oh yeah the masks where you see no smiles.

                 This year (2020) there has been more chains than I can take. It's always back and forth. Nothing is routine anymore. No one can make up their minds. Nothing is set and stone. I miss those days. I miss the normal I know and was born into. This is the biggest change I felt in my whole 32 years. If not the biggest, definitely the worst because it affects everyone not just a region or a place.

                 It could also be a lot of little changes in one big change. I don't know how many little ones I've had in this pandemic yet one thing still remains the same and that is Jesus. So I still don't know if it changes good or bad. There is one thing I know though and that is God is still the same through everything. He is teaching me this for a reason but I'm still not quite sure what that reason is yet. I just know that I have to get ease to change whether it is good or bad because each one weighs out the other. I've always noticed if a bad change comes along It is for a good reason or a good change follows it.

                 All this to say that things will change whether we want them to or not. We just have to remember that Jesus is the same yesterday today and forever. We also have to remember that we don't look back but to look forwards. I know it's tricky but if we can remember those two things we can get through the hard and bad changes.