My October: Patience

Two main words I focused on this month:

-Flexibility 

-Patience 

Mood Tracker:

Happy: 13 times

Patience: 6 times

Fear: 10 times

Bored: 5 times

Confident: 9 times

Productive: 15 times

Habit Tracker:

Drink water: 10 times

Do yoga: 1 time

Say prayers: 13 times

Eating heathly: 3 times

Patience Log:

-Was there a moment where you felt more or less Patience?

More patience:

-Learning how to enroll children

-Less people were at Apple Butter Makin Days

Less patience:

-One kid was a little too wild

-Trying to get to dad

-Not having papers where they should be

October Calendar: 

-Oct. 2nd- Went to Andy's at night

-Oct. 4th- Ask Vicne to be an usher

-Oct. 7th- Ask if Aoife can be flower girl

-Oct. 8th- Went home then dad went to hospital 

-Oct. 9th- Went to Apple Butter Making Days and had a campfire at my parents' house 

-Oct.11th- Dad in hospital 

-Oct. 12th- Dad in hospital still

-Oct. 15th- Drained fluid from dad's lungs in hospital 

-Oct. 16th- Went to deer stand at Zack's dad's place

-Oct. 17th- KC WON!

-Oct. 18th- left work early and Went home and to hospital to see dad. Told him I loved him while I was there. He was "sleeping".

-Oct. 19th- Went to hospital again to see dad for the last time. He passed away at 3:00 with everyone, all the family, around him. 

-Oct. 20th- Met with Steve to get ready for service. 

-Oct. 21st- Back to AR and took a mental day off.

-Oct. 22nd- Went back to MO

-Oct. 23rd- All of the families got here.

-Oct. 24th- Dad's Celebration of Life

-Oct. 25th- Stayed home and then went back to AR

-Oct. 26th- the day I went back to work after dad passed

-Oct. 29th- Found out director is moving and getting a new one

-Oct.30th- Treat Street @ Grace Point Church

Currently:

Loving: My family

Feeling: fearful and sad and confused 

Wishing: my dad would get better

Planning: Trunk or Treating with church, flowers for the wedding 

Yep, that was my month of October. How was yours?

Letter of Gratitude for Thanksgiving

           I know this is a little late but I just thought of it. I am going to write a letter of gratitude for Thanksgiving but I wrote it way before then. I wrote it last month on the morning my dad passed away. I was sitting on the back porch all by myself looking at the sunrise. Everyone has left for the hospital but I was going later. Here it is what I wished I could have said to my dad and should have: 

Dear Daddy,

           Don't know what to say but thanks. Thanks for believing in your littlest girl. I know there were times you had to be patience with me. From math to cars. You knew I wouldn't make it in life without those two things. You were there guiding me through every job loss. You were the strength when I didn't have any because I knew I had to make you happy somehow. I knew you were always there for me and you were til the very end. Thank you for everything and all of the memories.

Love,

Tiffney 

No More Scars

         My mom picked this song to play on the video of family pictures at

 my dad's celebration of life and I couldn't agree more. 

 His life was exactly like this. He had so many scars from all of his 

cancers, heart problems, and muscle problems but now he is free of them 

and the pain that they caused. He has a whole new body. It is true 

that the only scars in Heaven is holding him now. He fought a good fight 

and ran a good race. He even said that he was finished and I can't blame him. 

He fought it good and long and over and over again. It is sad for all of us 

but we know he is in a better place and he had strength to get through everything 

he needed too. He had that strength because he prayed for it. One saying I will 

never forget is one that he said at the end of our meal prayers. It was: "May You 

give us the strength to do Your Will". And I think he felt like he had done it. 

Even though, he was planning and thinking about other things and living life like 

he could get through it. Deep down I think he knew his time was close but he didn't

want any of us to see him weak until we really had to because that was just who my 

dad was. 

Scars in Heaven-Casting Crowns 

     I would've stayed a little longer, held on a little tighter

Now what I'd give for one more day with you
'Cause there's a wound here in my heart where something's missing
And they tell me that it's gonna heal with time
But I know you're in a place where all your wounds have been erased
And knowing yours are healed is healing mine

The only scars in heaven, they won't belong to me and you
There'll be no such thing as broken, and all the old will be made new
And the thought that makes me smile now, even as the tears fall down
Is that the only scars in heaven are on the hands that hold you now

I know the road you walked was anything but easy
You picked up your share of scars along the way
Oh, but now you're standing in the sun, you've fought your fight and your race is run
The pain is all a million miles away

The only scars in heaven, they won't belong to me and you
There'll be no such thing as broken, and all the old will be made new
And the thought that makes me smile now, even as the tears fall down
Is that the only scars in heaven, yeah, are on the hands that hold you now

Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, for the hands that hold you now

There's not a day goes by that I don't see you
You live on in all the better parts of me
Until I'm standing with you in the sun, I'll fight this fight and this race I'll run
Until I finally see what you can see, oh-oh

The only scars in heaven, they won't belong to me and you
There'll be no such thing as broken, and all the old will be made new
And the thought that makes me smile now, even as the tears fall down
Is that the only scars in heaven are on the hands that hold you now

Lord, Give Me Strength to Do Your Will

"Lord, give us the strength to do Your Will."

That's my dad's ending to every prayer of his. Maybe that is why the Wilson family is so stubborn intimate and extended? I mean you can call it stubbornness or you can call it strength. It all depends on how you know us. That is a saying I'll never forget. I actually need to make a sign and put it on my wall.               Anyways, I have been trying to have strength lately with everything going on from job to wedding to other things. I wont lie, it is hard. Really hard. It has been harder since COVID hit. I am always worrying about something or thinking about the what ifs and I us to do that because of my anxiety but now it has just gotten worse. I've tried not to cry but those are the moments where you have had just too much. 

           I mean add the words flexible and patience to the word strength and it is like you are carrying the whole world on your shoulders. You have to be patience with the strength you have but at the same time you have to be flexible with that strength if something has to change. Strength, flexible, and patience are the words of my life that I will never get right. I will always be working on them and praying for them. 

           Think about it when you have to be patience and wait for something but during that time you need to be flexible. That does make your strength go faster. I am learning though through some things if you just speak up some things will change. You still have to be flexible but you found a solution. But yet, it doesn't always happen that way. You can hold on for dear life and try to think of ways to be flexible and okay with it. You tried to be patience until things are right again. But what if, they never do get right again? Is that strength for those two things still good? Are you learning something from using that strength in that time or season? Is it just making you have more strength to get through the next thing?

              Those are questions that I am still trying to figure out myself. Think the answer will come in a lifetime but hey, I can still try to figure it out, right? 

My August: Desire

Calm: 8 days

Lonely: 3 days

Anixous: 6 days

Love: 4 days

Happy: 8 days

Bored: 2 days

Drink water: 13 days

Eat Healthy: 7 days

Headaches: 4 days

Do yoga: 3 days

Write verses: 7 days

Take Vit D/outside: 21 days

Brush teeth: 12 days

August 1: Lighting storm-lighting stuck tree by my parents' room

August 7: went tax free shopping for my classroom

August 8: brought old books for wedding

August 11: start paying photographer for wedding 

August 12: found out we were going to only have one preschool room and wasn't mine 

August 13: Last day of PD

August 15: wrote card for my bridesmaids 

August 16: first day of school 

August 18: had to get new battery for Car

August 20: order save the dates invites

August 21: brought some bowls for centerpieces for the wedding

August 27: save the dates came in the mail

August 28: went to Bed Bath and Beyond and made a wedding list

August 31: mailed out bridesmaid cards

Things I desire are:

-to have a class of my own

-2 bedroom apartment

-a beautiful wedding 

-a house of our own

-having a daycareof my own

-COVID to be over for good

People Need to See God Through Us

How Joseph Became the Prince of Egypt 

4 views that people far from God need to see in people near to God:

1. GIFTED by GOD

        -Gen. 41:14-24

2. LED by the SPIRIT

       -Gen. 41:38

3. TRUSTWORTHY in CHARACTER

        -Gen. 41:40-41

4. HONORABLE in ALL

         -Gen. 41:42

-Matthew 5:16

-"We are just the light reflection of THE LIGHT."

           -John 8:12

Eyes of the World Through 6 Different People

Through eyes of an American.

Worried about tommrow. Yes, I am writing this on Sept 10th so it could actually mean I am worried about the 11th and what will happen. I am also worried about the future tommrows. The tommrows of this free nation. Will all our freedoms get taken away? Will we not be a free nation anymore? Will this nation never go back to "normal" like it was when our grandparents lived? Has this nation forgot about all the wars that were fought? All the lives that were given? Is History going to repeat it self because certain veterans are gone?

Through eyes of a Christian.

Worried about my freedom to worship. I know. God has gotten me this far in life. What if it comes to no more praying or worshipping a certain way? I pray for strength everyday. I live on prayer and worship songs. What's going to happen if I can't do that anymore? Then what about my servant's heart has a Christian? No missions. No giving away things for free. No Helping anyone because we are too scared to get out.

Through eyes of a Daughter.

Worried about my parents. All this strange technology and them trying to keep up even when I can't. Worried about my dad and his health while being in the hospital with sick people with COVID. Sad that he can't go to church or out much because of COVID. His immune system is weak. Having to get the shot just for him. Just so I can be around him. Then there is my mom that is stressing because she has to keep my dad safe through all of this. Driving him to appointments and waiting on him. 

Through eyes of an Aunt.

Worried about my nephews and nieces. Some of them are young and don't understand the whole world just yet. When they finally do, is it a world I want them to understand? For my older ones, fighting everyday for their beliefs and because of their skin color. Trying to stay away from the bad things that are pushed on them but that they get caught up in anyways. They are so smart and know better because they have been taught better but for some reason that one weak moment got them. It is like if we let our shield down for a second it is there to jump on us.

Through eyes of a person getting married.

Wondering if I should change the date or not because who knows what the world will be like in a year. Will the chapel be open? Will I be able to get all the things I need or want? How do I handle certain things? Will all the family be able to come? Will we have to wear masks again? It is harder to be this kind of person in a time like this because you just never know what will happen. Everything is literally up in the air. 

Through eyes of a Preschool Teacher.

Not having a class of my own is killing me. Always having low ratio. People quitting because of COVID. Not finding others to replace them. Parents not wanting kids to get sick so they're not sending them to school. Having to take the child's temp. Everytime they come in. Having to go get the kids up front because the parents can't come in to the classroom yet. Having to wear masks so the kids can't hear you so they don't know what to do. Having to teach over the computer so learning new things is hard for them. Coming up with lesson plans is even harder for teachers when we have to do that.

But guess what those aren't 6 real different people. They are all me and who makes me me. A lot is happening and it hits me every way and it is a lot sometimes. All these questions in my mind. I can't help but not cry because the weight is just to heavy to carry by myself. I just wish all this was over and done. I wish we didn't have to worry anymore.