God Knows Your Story

        I was going to try and wait and do another entery in two days because I have been writing so often it seems like but I have a lot going on in my mind and I just have to write it out and get it out somehow. This could be another girly entery so if you are a guy beware but it might help you get into a mind of a girl because I know I'm not the only girl that feels this way. We all feel this way one time or another.
        As some of my latest enteries show, I'm been thinking about the true me and who I really am in God and only in Him and to no other person. As I shared with one of my friends this past weekend, I'm just in that stage of life where I'm so confused and trying to find out where I belong in life. It's crazy because my job that I have now is really teaching me a lot about myself. It is totally different from my life because I grew up in a great family that took great care of me compared to these children but God has put some children in my life now to see that not only in the sin way am I messed up but my story is not perfect either as a little child. I usually weren't share personal stuff on the web but I'm learning a lot from my life and I feel like it life lessons that other people can learn from too. God did not give me the life He did just to keep it in a box and this is the first way to get it out there.
          I won't go into details about my two children too much right now that is another entery after I found out more about them but what I do know about them has so much to do with me and I won't go into much detail about me either because I don't want to spoil it for everyone. One child is partially deaf because of ear infections. He can only hear high pitched sounds.  He screams and laughs because it is his way of communaition. He is only 4 years old. Then another child (infant) has a heart murmur. Those two children and me have a lot in common.  I had all of those things when I was the same age. I can relate to this children and that means a lot to me. I have to have patience some days with them but still I can relate. I was messed up phsyically but all of that is healed now by the grace of God some would like to think.
             Seeing those children like that and knowing I use to be like that makes me think about how messed up I am spiritually now after all God has done for me. I might be well phsyically but spiritually I'm messed up more then ever right now. I like to have control. I like to plan things my way and have them work out my way. I'm selfish at times and don't listen. I don't spend time with God has often as I should. I get mad easily and sometimes is unforgiving. "How can God forgive a person like that?" is my thought.  More importantly, how can God love a person like that? I keep thinking, "would a guy like me if they know my whole true story of the person I was and am now?" Then I got to thinking, "I have a guy that already loves me better then any human guy can and that is God." He knows my story because He made me and He still loves me enough to die for me.
             So often girls forget that simple but yet profound thought. GOD KNOWS YOUR STORY AND HE STILL LOVES YOU ENOUGH TO DIE FOR YOU. If a earthly guy can't see that, don't take the time, or get past your story then you don't need him. Yet us girls have to be willing in ways to be able to tell our story so they will know but yet there is a time and place for that too and we have to rely on God to show us that timing.
             If you look up, "Tiffney", it means "appearance of God". If you look up my middle name, "Nicole", it means "Victory of the people". Do you think God meant something when He put those two names together in my parents' heads to name me that with all these problems? Not at all, I'm doing what I believe I'm suppose to be doing right now because of what I went through. My heart is set for the orphans whether here in the States or in Guatemala or another country. I don't know yet but I'm still following in God's footsteps. I'm still learning that I'm a sinner and will countine to learn that because it is not a one day thing it is an everyday thing. We mess up everyday but we have a God that loves us no matter what. It would be fun if I could share my whole life story on here about who I really was and am learning I am because it is two totally different things but I'm still learning and I want you to ask me to share it espically if we are friends because I need to learn to be able to tell it face to face. I know I can make a difference with it I just need the practice with my friends first.