Little Girl in a Black Dress

         I know it is early and not to many people read these things this early but this subject has been off and on my mind for about a month now. I love how it can relate to both spiritual life and real life plus my future life. To be honest, I'll start from the start of the story. This entry has to do with the passing of a close old friend of mine. He was like a 2nd father to me. I already wrote some entries right after the passing but this thought would not leave me just yet. The reason is that the funeral was just different in a way for me then others I have been to.
         Yes, it was a small country funeral with mostly family there. It seemed to be very causal because for once I was too dressed up but yet I was the only one crying out loud I felt like. I wore a black polka dotted dress with a little jacket over it because it has tank top like sleeves. Now that I look back on it now, I was that little girl that I always was to him. That little girl dressed up in dresses trying to impress him and make him happy because that is what little girls do. Now don't get me wrong I also wanted to make a good impression for him with the people around at the funeral. That was my first thought and main thought. I was sure the one that stuck out like a sore thumb if the dress didn't do it the crying sure did.
          To be honest again, I did feel really small at the funeral because I didn't know anyone there and I was the only one crying. I felt like I was in the back picture but I knew it would have and did mean so much to him and his wife that I was there. I was someone that they could count on even though I haven't done a very good job with that in the past few years while in college and things like that. It is getting better though. It is sad how we wait so long to see someone when we get older and as soon as we hear they are sick we jump to the rescue and try to make up time thinking things haven't change but yet they have. We take love for granted most of the time and sadly it is with the people that care most about us and knows most about us too.
          The more I think about it though the more I just remember him playing with his little girl out on the farm, treating her like a princess. That princess would ride in his farm truck to go deliver the eggs and milk. That little girl would go for walks in the woods with him. That little girl would try and milk the cows with him but didn't last long.
           I was also thinking "little girl in a black dress" for God too. I know I will always be His little girl and He will always lead me to where He wants me to be. He will keep me safe and happy. I will always be his little girl no matter how old I get. He will always watch over me and keep His promises. I can always turn to Him when I need help and am lonely. I can dance with both of them while wearing that little back dress in my dreams.
           I got to thinking about my future and the kind of guy I want in my life for me and my children if God willing and one just like him would work. One that treats me like a little girl and by that I mean spoils me. I want my freedom still but I want to be spoiled too. I want to be his little girl/princess. I want a country guy that knows how to treat a country girl. That understands the soft heart of a country girl and will be there when I need a shoulder to cry on. In a way, I always want to be that little girl in that black dress because that brought back so many wonderful memories that I sometimes wish I could relive so I could remember them for good.
            Something tells me though that if I find a country guy that cares enough I will get to live those moments again through that life and through my own children or that is my dream at least. I need to find a guy that completely understands my country heart because it is not that simple finding one in the business world.