Signs From God

          I have had this idea for the entry for awhile now but I am just getting to write it because I have been very busy with two jobs in the past 2 months. I am really behind on the entries that I write but it is for a good reason. I am going to write about the signs that I have been getting from God on a lot of things. Before Christmas, I saw a lot of signs from Him to change things in my life to make other things happen but also just to make it better and easier for me. Let's start out with the subbing daycare job that I got back a few months ago and where it has put me now.
          My last day at my part time after school job was the 21st of December. I do and will miss it but it was something that needed to be done espically if I am going to keep living on my own and that is not in the works to change anytime soon. While I was subbing mornings at the daycare, there was a teacher job that opened up. While saw that as the first sign from God to change my life around and I took the chance. I will say that after my Christmas break I will be working full time at that daycare and with better pay and benefits. It was so nice to see the money in my account before Christmas it went back down. That is one sign that is changing my life for the better and I hope it keeps going that way for awhile.
         For my new job, I also looked at the differences between the two jobs and count them as signs from God because most of them were things I have been praying for or wishing for. Things like less then 18 or 12 children in one group or room. Well paid and full time. Like a job that I had before. Also, a place where I feel like I am helping the parents and the children, even though I know I am helping the children everywhere I work and go. My new full time job is kind of a combination of all the jobs I have had in one way or another. That is the best sign to look for when you are trying to follow and obey God. Kind of wish that would be the way it would work in finding a future husband but that is a whole other entry for another day.
         Another sign from God was sending certain children in my life to get me to try different churches and away from the big one I was going to. I loved the never ending talk I had with some of the children throughout the day after school. They would ask me if I was coming to certain things at church. I even had to wear shoes one day because the child didn't believe I wore shoes. It went on for the whole week after I went to church. I have been wanting to change churches and needing to change because of certain situations in my life but I could never find just the right one. The ones I would try were either too big or too loud or both. I love that the child learned that she could be that opened up with me about church and I loved talking to her about it. I am still trying the church out and hopefully will do a Bible study with them and then see if that church is the place for me.
          I also have to get over certain feelings and by that I mean I just have to look past those feelings and see certain people as just people from the church. Another sign from God was when one of the little girls at the church I am trying out asked me "where my hubby was?" It was cute but kind of awkward for me at the same time because she pointed out that I was the only single person there plus she was part of a certain family. This was a little toddler girl too that asked me that question. There were really no other signs from God. Those were the main 3 signs. I kind of want to keep going to that church because I feel like I could be part of the childrens' lives there in some way.
          I will say there was a sign from God back in August with another little girl. The girl was passing out and inviting her friends to her church and that is when I started to think about trying that church out because it was one that I never heard of and then I heard that this family went there so I am trying it out now. It is like God put all of those people in my life to lead me out of the big church into a smaller one that I would like better. It also feels like it is God's timing and not my own. I think I was just in a rush after the situation happened that I was trying all kinds of churches and couldn't stand any of them. I felt like I had to get out of that church so I was getting furstausted with myself at times and just stopped looking altogether until this church came up in my view.
         There were also little things and saying that I thought could be signs from God like the little girls asking me to come to their church and Christmas church party among other things. The little girl even told me about the Christmas Eve Services but I told her I was going to be at my parents' house then. The hugs never get old from either of the girls, whether they are at church or school. It is funny how we miss those little signs a lot in our life but yet they could be a part of something really big in it.
         For some reason, I think all of this is leading up to something but I don't want to get my hopes up too much and then get disappointed when things don't happen. I am trying to focus on what is best for me right now and only me and if other things tend to fall in place then that is even better.
         Knowing what are signs from God and what aren't can be hard to see but I am trying to have that discerment and turn it into strong feelings. I want to do what God wants me to do, not what I think is right or makes me feel comfortable. I will say right now going to the church that I am is a little uncomfortable but I am trying to look past that. There are reasons for that and I am trying not to think about them or act differently because of that. It takes a lot of my energy but hopefully in the long run it will pay off somehow. I love all of these signs so much that I am wanting to keep my eyes and heart open for more signs from my Father in Heaven.

A Good Christmas

          "I want an early birthday present and that is all for me. I want everybody to have a good Christmas."
          
          That is a quote from a letter to Santa that one of my boys wrote in my group. It was the perfect thing ever! I had to let every teacher around me hear it. I had him read it to every teacher. All this was at the beginning of December so perfect way to start the month too. As the month went on, I kept that thought in my head. I kept remembering that even if I was just with my family this Christmas, it would be a good Christmas. I wasn't going to do letters to Santa because some of my children don't believe in Santa but I went ahead and did it. 

            I just had them write letters and they could send it or give it to whoever they wanted when they got home. This little boy was the only one that wrote something that was more valuable then any toy. The other children just wrote a list of toys that they wanted. That boy will grow up to be a wonderful boy if he keeps going along that path. I can only image what he would want as a grown up. He would be one of those people who want peace and joy in this world. He would be the one that wants everyone happy around that time. He is kind of like me. I love Christmas and I want everyone to be together that time of year. I love everything there is about Christmas. 

           It is the happiest time of year and I think the little boy sees that at such a young age, which is good. It is funny how he also just wants one present for his birthday. Usually children want a lot of toys and presents for both holidays but not this little boy. We could learn a lot from him and children in general. It is funny how truthful children can be at times. They make us think a little more about life and a little deeper about it too. That is why I love working with them. They remind me of the simple things of life. 

            I wanted to write a deeper and longer entry about the saying but I just can't. There are no words for what it means. It is more of a feeling then of talking. I think it was more of me wanting to remember what this little boy wrote because it is important to remember things like this in life every now and then. 

Being in the Moment

          "Being in the Moment". If I got to pick how I wanted to end the 2017 year and start 2018, this saying would be it. I have been learning that a lot these past two months and you can tell if you read my past two entries. I give credit to my mom because she has espically been reminding me of this in the past few weeks. Her way of putting it, though, is "Take it one day at a time". If you know me at all, you know I am the kind of person who gets stressed out easily and worry a lot about things.
             For some reason, lately though, this saying has hit and stuck with me. I know it's not the first time my mom has said it to me. Maybe it's because I'm going between two jobs? Maybe it's because something big is about to happen in my life? Maybe it's because I need to pay attention to people and things around me more? I don't know the reason but I can't think of any other saying now.
             "Taking one day at a time." You might be thinking what does that look like. I'll tell you what it looks like to me in this season of my life. In this season of my life, it is working two different jobs and enjoying them both. It is switching my mind off and on for the children that I take care of right now. It is enjoying this Christmas season with my nephews, nieces, and other family members. It is also gone of anxiety and worrying. I am at peace knowing that things are going the way that they are suppose too for now. It is enjoying that one day and only that one day even if it means playing it by ear, which I have done a lot of lately too. 

               "Being in the Moment" also just means spending time with the children that I teach now. It doesn't mean I have to learn every new things right away. It means that I have to get on the child's level and get them to like me first. Then I can learn all the paper work and other classroom things I need to know. It is about sitting down and playing with the children calmly. It is about enjoying the Christmas parties. It also means taking time for myself and relaxing before I go to the other job or on to do something else. It means to rest. It could even be said like this: "Rest in the Moment". It is taking in all the time that you have at one job before going onto the next job. 

                It is the things you like about the job you are at now but remember that you are changing jobs because it is what is best for your life right now. It is about not thinking about what is ahead for the next year but what I can do do make the last month of this year great! It is about letting God lead you where He wants you to be in your life. Down the path He wants you to go down. It is about not taking anything even the smallest thing for granted because you don't know when change will happen. I was not planning for this subbing job to turn into a full time job but it just happened to open up and I took the chance and got it. I think about changing the jobs everyday, when I work both jobs right now, while I'll miss the children at my after school job, I know I can and will make a difference at the daycare. 

                  When we are not "being in the moment", things just seem to get all messed up and that is when worry starts to kick in. That is when my mom started to tell me this. I was so worried about the money side and not having things planned out for Christmas. Things like that were blocking my mind and feelings where I didn't get to know the new children and was not having as much fun as I should be with the older ones. I was also trying to get to both jobs on time plus going back to my house and having a little lunch. It was just a mess. It was then that I didn't care if I was just a few mins late. going or showing up. I just needed time to get myself in the moment I was in or going to be in and enjoy it until it was over for that day.

                If you don't take the time to spend those last few days or mins. with what, later on, you will know as a good thing and/or blessing in our lives. Then we will regret it and want to go back. That in itself is just wrong because we should be living everyday like we were to die the next day or that the Lord is coming back the next day. 

    

Why Plan for Your Future?

         It can leave you worrying so much and that worry can run your life. I use to have my life so planned out, it wasn't funny but here recently I am learning that when you don't plan it out, that is the best thing that could happen in your life. God has really been working on me about having Peace with His Plan and not worrying about anything. I know that was the theme this year as I look back on it or at least one of the theme words. PEACE. He made that clear when He was getting me ready for this weekend at church and for this advent week. I had a moment at my job when I discovered that everything was just perfect and I was exactly where I was suppose to be in life right now.
          While my co-workers were talking about their plans for their lives, I was just looking out the door thinking "Why plan for your future? Nothing will happen the way you want it to or at least that is how I look at it." Planning for the future is a waste of time because everything you plan for won't come about but if you believe in God, better things will come about then you ever planned. Some of the things my co-workers were talking about were things like wanting to adopt and how that has always her plan, talking about how to treat their siblings' children in the future, and so on and so forth. I just looked out into the night sky and felt a big wave of Peace come over my life. For once, I finally really feel like I am where I am suppose to be.
           I feel like I am ready to settle down and just enjoy what God has to bring to my life while walking beside Him and getting to know Him more and more. Isn't that what He wants anyways? I feel like I have two things the way that they were meant to be. Now how to my next two things but with that Peace of God and how He wants to bring those things about in my life. I'm not really stressing or worrying over them. I'm trying to step out and do new things hoping maybe this is what God has planned for me on the path since my old ways and plans didn't work so well. I can tell you know where I am today was not where I thought I would be 10 years ago. The people I have in my life now, I am thankful for but never thought would be in my life.
            When you have Peace, you can just, hopefully, be yourself and people will like you for that. Things might seem a little strange at first but you will get use to them. I love where God is leading me right now. Even though, I am moving on to a better job that can support me, I might be able to see some of my children every weekend or every so often depending on what I decide to do in that situation there. Still looking for Peace in that one because that one is hard in so many ways but I could see God working in strange ways there too with more then just one thing.
           I like what my Pastor said last night and it is was, "Disputations is God's best for you life". As I look back at my life, my planned life, those times of disputations were the best for my life. I mean look where I am now and it is all because I went to College of the Ozarks instead of some place like MSU in Springfield like I first planned to. I am getting the job I have been wanting because of the disputations on that path. God gives us disputations to get us ready for the thing He has planned for us or to get us back on track or both.
          This past month I have felt so fearful of things and even worried but you know what: Joesph was too when the angel came to him about Mary. He just wanted to quit the marriage until Jesus was born. He didn't know what to do with the situation He was in now but God did and He used it for the world's best. That one disputation put the world on their knees. Some people might ask how do we get real, lasting Peace. Here is how: "That kind of Peace comes from God's promises and in His Presence." I wish I had known that when I was struggling with anxiety. That would have been a prefect saying to have in the back of my mind to pull out at any time.
          All this to say that: God's Peace is a wonderful thing to have in your life. It is a wonderful thing to have for now and over your future. Stop being so anxious about your future to where you can't enjoy the moments you have now. Let God's Peace surround you and bless you with moments you will never forget. That is how I look at it right now.

Switching Brains

                Have you ever had the experience where you had to switch your brain from one thing to another? I have been through that for about a month now and I probably have to go through it for another two weeks. I know it is a strange way to think about what is going on in your head but it is true. People think that it is easy to have two jobs that deals with children of all ages. They think that I have it easy in the mornings or afternoons wherever I am at the time but I don't. I get exhausted by Weds. if I am lucky but it is usually by Tuesday so I am barely getting by the rest of the week.
                People tell me to calm down and that everything will be okay and will come to an end soon but they don't get how hard it is switching from one place to another. They don't know the affects that has on a person, especially a person that already has and can get really bad anxiety. It would be okay if I had time to switch but I really don't. I only have a hour to go from little kids to school aged children. A hour to switch is not enough at all. I have found myself this past week thinking that I need to switch modes right here and now. I need to get into the big kids side of things before I go there and meet them for the afternoon.
                It is hard for me to explain for an anxious driven person like me, it is an actual thing. I can feel myself doing it. I don't know if it apart of the calming down process or what but there is this feeling like I am switching modes. It does take a lot out of me too because when you have to think these things and then these other things it is hard especially when you are learning new things to go with your new job. I usually need to take time and think things over especially if they are new to me but I can't when I have another job with bigger kids to go to so I push it aside. It is sad for the little children because I feel like I will need to learn everything over once I get full time with them.
                People also think that once you have dealt with all children, then you can deal with all of them the same way. That is never true and never will be. You have to get down to their level if you want them to see that you care for them. You have to make sure that you are doing everything right for that one program and not get the two mixed up. I literally have talked to myself these past few weeks and told myself that it is time to switch. That I needed to calm down and switch over to the other age. Then it is even harder when you come home and have other things to do or want to go right to bed because, and this might just be me again, I need to calm down before I get in bed or do anything else. I need that period of a few mins. to calm down a switch over.
                The way it bothers me at nighttime is that if I don't get that time to calm down, then it is hard for me to get sleep. My mind just keeps running and I just keep thinking about the things that I was taught that day or that went on with the children that day. It is just the introvert part in me. You know when you are introvert when you have the feelings of switching brains for different things. I know that is an interesting way and maybe even kind of scary to look at it but it is true and I have noticed it a lot with these two jobs. That is something else that I learned about myself while teaching both places. God is using these two jobs a lot for me to learn about me. There is no doubt in that.
                  Just please remember: "When you ask an introvert to do things, please give them some time to transfer over to that thing. Don't rush them. That is probably one of the most things that we hate, is being rushed." 

Come Forth As Gold

Job 23:8-10New International Version (NIV)

8 “But if I go to the east, he is not there;
    if I go to the west, I do not find him.
9 When he is at work in the north, I do not see him;
    when he turns to the south, I catch no glimpse of him.
10 But he knows the way that I take;
    when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

           This verse is one I heard last Sunday from my parents' church. I hung out on it all week this week with it. This is the verse that I turned to this week when I needed a reminder. It is a verse about suffering but yet it tells us that there is hope in the making. I also shared this with a friend of mine because I thought it went perfectly to their situation too. I love the promise it has in it. 
            As you read the entry before this one, you know that I have worked two jobs this week and that I "suffered" a lot or that is what it felt like at times. I didn't understand why God put me in what I thought was a mess before my mom said something to me one night and then I started to remember this verse. I thought I just made this huge mess and that I was never going to get out of it but my thinking got turned around and this verse helped. 
             We tend to look for God in where we think He is or should be. We want things to go our way and that is the only way but God has other plans to do other things. It is almost like saying that our ways are like the east and the west. That is where we are and we can't see or find Him there. The reason is because He turns to the north and the south, that is where He is working. He is working opposite of us and what we think. He also knows that we go away from Him at times and He knows the way we take when we do that. 
             God can test us at those times and see how we come out. It usually ends up working out in His Way. He will use anything to get our attention. It could be working two jobs to see which one is the best. The two jobs could also build you up as a stronger person trusting in Him only. He could even use a truck horn or another kind of animal to make another animal go away. It could even be the way the weather turns out that day. When I say that I mean, He gets His Way but mostly importantly He gets us closer to Him and that is what He wants all along. He wants us to come forth as gold shining for Him. 
               I know for me lately, He has used all those things and even more to teach me to trust Him more and just be patience but living one day at a time. As humans, we are so wrapped up in the future most of the time that we forget to live in the present. We want so many things right away that we forget to rest when we have the chance. Trusting Him and being patience are the two things that God always works on with me because those two are not my strongest ones, I will admit. Things will come when God says it is time. I just have to trust Him with them. 
                While I am in that waiting period, He is just refining me so I can come forth as gold. That is the promise that He has for us. Through the rough times, or what we think are the rough times, through that horn that made me miss something or those children being crazy today, that another animal that had to come through at that time, or so on, God is just making us into something more beautiful like gold. He is also teaching us to be more like Him. Although it might not be our plan from the start, we are glad that it was God's plan and we couldn't have thought it up better ourselves. 

Working Two Part Time Jobs

            Starting this coming week, I won't get to write everyday. I will be lucky if I get to write 2 times a week. I have some entries that I plan on writing out this weekend so all I have to do is push publish but it won't be done that day. This past week and for another week or two, I have and will be working two part time jobs. I call them that now but really it is one full time job and the other is a part time job. How does that work you might ask? Here is how. I got hired at a new job under the same people and that job is full time but I am staying at my part time job until they find someone to replace me. It is confusing and very unusual for a job to do that but in the field I am in it is no surprise since it is hard to find people that will work for work and not the pay.
            It all has been a learning process for me though and in a strange why I kind of like it. Although it is confusing and busy at times, it can be very rewarding too because you are helping a lot of children at the same time. I work at my "full time" job in the mornings and then I get a hour lunch to eat lunch and drive over to my regular part time job in the afternoon. I am still trying to figure out what is the best way for me to do that. This past week, at the start of it, I was buying a lot of take out food and/or drinks because I was so stressed but by the end of the week I got to where I was packing my lunch and eating it at a park near my afternoon school. I also got the little things that I needed to get done like phone calls done during that time too so it took some things off my plate when I am at home.
             I am learning a lot about myself and what I can handle through all of this and how much I can take before I break. I noticed at the start of the week I was getting anxious again to where I was shaking every so often and crying randomly and a lot. Those are the two main signs for me that I am really stressed and that my anxiety is going up, up, up. There were a couple of days that I couldn't calm down at all so those were the days I was shaking really bad. It is good to know these things though so you know how to stop them too. My mom helped me to figure out what to do and that thing is just to take time to rest. I am a person who the outdoors will calm down so that is where the eating lunch at the park came into play. I could also walk somewhere that is outdoors because going to my afternoon work.
            It is hard working two jobs because even though you might think one is easy which that is my part time job, I am still learning and having to learn new things for me new jobs. There were times this week where I stayed late at my new job just so I could learn some new things during the children's nap time. I would try and learn one new thing about my new job each day this past week. I can say I heard about it but actually doing it will take some time and I will have to be there full time to get the hang of it. It also gave me some ideas to do over this weekend and things to look up and learn about too if I have time and that if is a big one. People probably think I am crazy for teaching toddlers in the morning and school aged children in the afternoon for about a month now and probably will end up being two months by the time we get things figured out.
             I will say that I agree with that but at the same time I am glad I have this chance because it isn't just me that I am learning about and understanding more. It has also helped me understand some people around me and in my life. I couldn't quite get certain things with certain people because I could not understand why things were taking so much time or why they couldn't just hang out without making plans or so on but now I see why. It isn't at all just putting things together but putting them together where it pleases the people you are trying to reach and that takes time. It takes time to learn and research those things. It takes time to do certain things too whether traveling or sitting out in a tree stand and filming and hunting at the same time. It takes time and a lot of energy.
             More then anything that I have learned, it has to be how much energy it takes to do what you love to do. When you are passionate about something, you do use all of your energy to go and make it happen. If you want it to be big, then you put that energy and passion into it. It just gives me more of an understanding where I needed it and now I get it. I get the behind the videos set up and at the same time feelings too because they always play a big part in making dreams come true. Feelings like excitement, sleepiness, hopefulness, disappointment, anxiety, wanting to give up but yet having someone there to cheer you on and so on. I have felt all those and probably more this past week and I just want some time by myself to write it out like I am now. There might be more about that in another entry soon.
             It does make a difference though when you have a friend you can look to or on and know that they are or have been going through the same things as you. You just know that your aren't alone in it. This whole getting to where you want to be in life is a journey and you can't do it alone. Things won't go like you want them to and some days you will have to take it one day at a time but you know that someone has been through it that way too. When that someone is in a better spot then they were 5+ years before, really should give you the encouragement to keep going and push through. I know where I am now is no mistake. God put me in this mess and transition to understand some things and people so I can relate to them because that is just the heart of our God. Isn't it?
              Plus it could be answers to so many prayers, spoken and unspoken, past and present, I just can't name or think of any of them right now. In a way, I still have it a little better then some people because it isn't two full time jobs and for those people, now, I have the upmost respect for them. I can barely do one and a half time jobs. How they do two full time jobs? I have no idea. They really don't have time for anything else and they do have to sacrifice a lot if they want it perfect. God has got my attention now for sure.
              He will do anything to get our attention if we won't give it to Him freely. When you have the chance, my advice to you is to give your attention freely to God when He asks because if you don't, He will get His Way and it might be harder then you thought.