First Time I Couldn't Go to Sleep

      I can't go into real details because I don't have time for it because I wanted to write it out to remember and to tell you all what impact my job is having on me. Kind of like an update in a good way. Last night was the first night while working at my job that I couldn't get to sleep for a little while. It might seem strange to some of you and maybe I was just hearing children out of my bedroom window but I was hearing children's voices so clearly then ever before in my mind with my eyes closed.
      They sounded like my nephews' and nieces' voices but I couldn't see them. I could just hear them and that made me a little scared so I had to wake up and do something for a little bit to get them off my mind and this was even after praying for them. I wonder if it was their voices because I would pay more attention to them but yet I wonder at the same time if it was the children crying out for help and that was what bothered me. I swear I heard voices in my head with my eyes close and as far as I know there were no children outside.
       I know I probably shouldn't be sharing this where everyone can see it but it could be an example of the Holy Spirit talking to me too about helping the kids in need. I couldn't understand what they were saying because I just heard a bunch of kids talking but it was strange. It was like I never left my workplace. I don't know if I have been inside too long with them because of this rainy week or what but God is trying to tell me something. I know I've been thinking a lot more about staying around here instead of traveling this summer and an explanation of that will come later this week I hope of how God is showing me that. It was like I was almost fast asleep listening to those children talking but apart of me was scared to go to sleep like that so I had to get up and do something around my apartment for a bit and then I went to sleep right away after I laid back down.
        I hope I'm not the only one that has had a crazy thing like this happen to me or close to it. I hope someone out there knows what I'm talking about.  I sometimes don't want it to be true but what if it was true. I don't want to push it aside and not think or forget about it.

Feeling like a Mom

         I have my own children or I dinfantly want some after Friday night. I swear bath time and bedtime are my favorite times with the children at my job. God has been using me there and I love it. I'm really thinking He is trying to get me to stay in the states and in AR for awhile longer. I'll write more about that later in another entry. Right now, I want to write about Friday night and how I put my little girl to bed. It was such a great feeling and I want to say that I know how a mom feels like putting her little ones to bed but I know I will never get that experience really until I have my own.
          Thursday night as you all know I started to pray with some of my little girls before bed and for the life of me I couldn't think about what to pray with them because my prayer as a little girl would be different because I had things to be thankful for like a family and other things so I thought I really had to think about what to pray with them. I finally just has this one little girl, I was teaching her to pray, say thank you for my friends, teachers, food, bed and so on. The other little girl wanted to do it by herself so I let her.  This praying "talk" got started because one of the little girls freely said that she prayed and the other little girl wanted to know how so I'm showing her. First it is the Bible that she wanted me to read. Now it is prayer. I was so mad at myself because I felt like I didn't show her what prayer could be like Thursday night but Friday morning I called my mom and she gave me some ideas. She said that I could use "The Lord's Prayer" as one or pray about things that is where she is and what is bothering her because I know she seems like she is searching for something.
              Friday night was a big night personal for me because I brought her, her first Bible and gave it to her Friday night. I was going to read "The Lord's Prayer" from it as her first story but that Bible didn't have it in it so I read the story about Jesus dieing on the cross and that is hopefully what she will remember the 1st story being from her 1st Bible. After that Bible story, we citied "The Lord's Prayer" together, I said it and then she said it after me. After she was asleep and I was home I thought that I need to know it in children's form if I'm going to be doing this, not in King James Version like I learned it. With the words like: hallowed, thy, debts, and debtors, she had no idea what I was talking about and she would ask too or just laugh about it and we would go on.
                 On the way home, I was thinking and I've done it for my nephews and nieces before but I was thinking I want to take her home with me. I want to have those sweet moments every night. That is how I'm going to raise my children if God willing. Then it got me to thinking about whether I would have my own children in the big church of children's church. I have a person that I know that has her two little daughters sit in on big church and I never thought anything about it until Friday night. They have the whole family together as one and two they would never learn how to sit in big church if they don't start out young as babies. I admire this family because they are that close as a family that everyone would attend church even the little ones if they can.
                  Strange how God makes you think about things sometimes. Even though, my own children are far in the future for me, He is given me a taste of what it might be like or what I should have it like when and if the time comes for me. God is giving me these different chances to see how I want to raise my children and what it could be like. I think He is also giving me the idea that I might what to stay around and have my own little ministry with my own children and/or start to foster. People do both. It's strange too because I found out just this weekend that my parents even thought and talked about fostering children before they had the 6 of us. It must be something in my blood and something I'm use to and yet my mom turned out to be a teacher still caring for children of all sorts because you never know what kind you have in a classroom.
                  My life and adventure is just getting started on who I really am and am all about. I'm unique and I'm not saying that to brag but saying it to say we are all in some way and this is my way. How many people would love to do what I'm doing or could do what I am doing? People tell me that all the time but I just shove it off and say it is something I grew up with it is nothing big but for me it is something big. It isn't just a job to make money for me, it is my ministry and I grew up doing it all my life without knowing it in ways and wanting to do it. It is my dream and it will stay my dream until it comes true. It is just beginning to come true and I can't wait to see what God has in store for me or how He wants it done. All of this from 2 nights and a show called "The Huntin' Grounds" and watching that dream come true for the host/founder, himself, while he trusted God with it all. He took that leap of faith and now I need to so I can see mine come true too.

A Child and Prayer

         I had an experience that broke my heart to pieces last night with a child. I know I say that a lot but this one makes me want to get a two bedroom apartment at least or a house more then ever now so I can start fostering children. Bedtime is the sweetest time for me because it is just me and the girls and we can have little talks while I'm rocking each of them. Whether it is about the day ahead or the Bible or what prayer is or what they are feeling and why they acted the way they did that day. It is all part of being a mom to them really and a little girl brought that to my attention last night.
          I actully had a "new" girl looking at the Bible stories now and picking out which one she wants me to read before she goes to bed so there are two girls that will listen to me read the Bible. The one girl told me last night that she loves God and asked if I loved God too and I said, Yes without a doubt in my mind. She also said that she knew how to pray and that she can all by herself. After a little awhile of reading, I asked her if she would like to pray and she said she already did by herself.
          Then there is this other girl that I started reading the Bible to but she kind of backed off from it but then last night as I was rocking her we got to talking about prayer and how to pray because that other little girl brought it up. I tried to pray with her but she kept getting her mind somewhere else and I told her what to pray for and why we pray and how we start and end it so we might have said a 1 min prayer with a lot of questions in between but that is ok. I asked what she wanted to pray for and she said butterflies. I led the prayer like thank you for your friends, your teachers, the food you have and your bed. It was hard and it is in a situation like I'm in. It is different from when I was growing up but I have a better idea today and hopefully she will want to do it again tonight.
              With that same girl, after our prayer I said In Jesus' name, Amen and then we got on the topic of Jesus dieing on the cross for our sins somehow and she started asking questions about that. She asked, "Why did He die on the cross?" My answer was like, "He was saying sorry for us to God for all the sins that we have done." I then asked her do you know what sin is and she said, "No" and then I gave her some example like, "lieing to the teachers, not listening to teachers, not being nice to our friends or sharing with our friends. Jesus is forgiving us saying sorry for us for those things.
               She looked so lost and in that talk she said that she missed her daddy. I saw that she looked lost and confused so I said when you get older maybe someone will explained it to you and you can understand it better then. This is where it broke my heart to pieces but then she said I want you to tell me about it. I started to cry in that room with her clinging onto (hugging) me. These children are searching for something because they know it is out there. This girl is 5 years old.
                It made me think about my children that I might have someday if God is willing. How do you make sure they understand all these hard things? You just have to try your best and pray that God will grab their hearts for good. We take these things growing up and knowing these things for granted so much or at least I do and this made me see that not every child knows about God  but are searching for Him. It is like God is giving me the chance to see what I am going to do and help me get better before and if I have my own children. I hope something gets across to these kiddos and stick with them where ever they go no matter how hard it is. God has me here for a purpose right now and I love it. God could be writing a story with me because this is 3 or 2 things like I've written about the same child but with new Godly things.
                JUST A MINTUE (AWESOME book by Compassion International founder, Wess Stafford) COULD BE AN HOUR TO A CHILD IN NEED!

My Shepherd

My Shepherd

From: Psalm 23

“My Shepherd is leading

me tenderly step by step.”

“How?” You might ask. Here

is how.

My Shepherd gives me rest

When I need it the most. While

He gives me that rest, He leads

Me with peace. He gives me rest

To renew my strength. He gives

Me peace in doing the right thing.

My Shepherd guides me. He is

Close beside me when He does

That. He also protects me and

Comforts me. He protects me

By helping me handle my

Enemies with a kindness only

He can give.

My Shepherd has overflowed me

With blessings while doing all of

These things and giving me His

Goodness and Unfailing Love.

He has also promised that I will

Get to live in His House Forever.

My Shepherd is there when I need

Him the most. Do I need any other

Reason to not trust Him with my

Life?

Written By: Tiffney Wilson

Written On: April 1^st, 2013

The Huntin' Grounds Show

I'm taking a break from my usual things that I write to tell you all about a show that just started this month by a friend of mine. It is on Dish channel 266 tonight (Tuesdays) at 7:00 PM (central time) on the Hunt Channel. It is a show about huntin'. My friend and his friends will take you on some real life hunts and show you how to manage your land for less money but to get more deer on less land. Not only do they have huntin' on the show but they have activities they do too as a group and even family. It is geared towards families and hunters alike. There are 4 guys and their passions are huntin', family, and God and you can see all that in the show. It is a show like no other! They want to make a big impact in their communities and around the world and they will as time goes on! Get in on the action now! They have a Facebook page called "The Huntin' Grounds" and their website is: www.thg-tv.com. Like them up on Facebook and they have a lot more back shows on their website. Here is a show for you to watch above.

The Lily of the Valley

The Lily of the Valley

 Have you ever felt like a Lily in the Valley?
You are growing tall towards the sun yet not
 spreading your petals out. You are reaching
 for the light but there is still so much darkness.

 People can see that the lily in the valley trying
to stick out but you can't. You have been told
that the lily can make a big difference if it let the
 light shine on it. That lily stays in the valley
because it has fears and doubts. Its petals stay
curled up because no sun can get to it.

 Then the lily hears someone say, "You are
growing and changing in me. You have a pure
heart within you that I can only use for the good.
 You are the purest of them all. The sun is shining
 down on you so all the world can see." It is shining
 on you to grow you so you can spread your petals
to the ends of the earth. You might be different then
 the rest in the valley but that's good for them. They
can see a different light shining on you and they
 want that same light.

They want that light that will make them pure and
whole again. They are in the valley for a reason and
the lily is there to help them. It's there to guide them
 towards the One True Light of the World-Jesus.
Growing that relationship with Him is the best kind of
 growing you can do in life. Making your heart the
purest of them all.

 Written On: Oct. 19th, 2013

The Four Words: Grace, Peace, Purity, and Love

        "A relationship where you can be set apart with peace, grace, love, purity, and holiness is THE PREFECT relationship. It might be hard at times but it is worth it at other times. Being that Lily in the Valley and letting that Only True Relationship shine on you is a beautiful picture."
       God has been 4 important words on my mind and heart this week to just think about and to grow in with Him and the people around me. He has done this by 3 ways. The first way is when it started Sunday night at Bible study. I had someone praying behind me and all I could hear was the 2 words grace and peace. I had no idea what that person meant but when we talking about how we can be delivers of God's Word and encourage people in God and I was already doing that to my children but I was a bit scared of what my other co-workers would think. I've never had a job where I could be up front and open about what I believed unless they're were other believers around me that I knew for sure they were believers so it was something new for me to try.
         Then Weds. at my other Bible study I go to God gave me the word pure. We were learning a new way to pray and that is when you have one person stand behind you and they just speak what they think God has put on their heart for you to hear. I didn't even know the person that was standing behind me but she was right on on how I was feeling. She said she saw a vision of me as a pure, white flower standing in a field with the sun shining down on me and my petals growing out towards the sun. She said that the sun was God brightly shining down on me and growing me into the pure, holy person that I was meant to be for Him. That I was going to spread out like my petals were someday because of Him. I was already starting to spread out with the children reading the Bible at my job but I'm been thinking about Guatemala a lot and that just made things more clear for me.
          It also scared me too because I was asking myself does that me I will only have a pure relationship with Him and no one else or will I have a pure and holy relationship with someone else with Him being the center and us aiming towards the same goal. I wouldn't mind being just His forever if He wanted to change my dream which He has more then once but it is another hard change I would have to go through because I thought I always wanted to be married and be a stay at home mom with my own children or at least my own adopted children.
          The Thursday at work one of my little boys drew me with chalk on the sidewalk outside and said I was broken. I said "Yes, I am broken." In my mind, I went straight to "I'm broken in God." and then he went off and played a little bit but then he came back and drew me all fixed up. He said, "You're all fixed up. That right there showed me the Love of God. How we can be broken so many times but yet He loves us enough to fix us and put us on the right path again with Him.
          With all these words, there is one kind of flower that comes to mind that I think is my favorite at the moment and that is the Lily of the Valley. Just a thought but how awesome would it be if God show me the guy to be with for the rest of my life if I'm meant to by Him bring me some lilies of the valley. Kind of strange but I want my life to show those 4 words plus the words "Holiness and set apart from this world" and I want my future husband to show those words in his life too.  I've felt like I've been set apart my whole life for something different and exciting and speical. That is what I got from the person explaining the vision to me. I need to stand out and be set apart from the field of grass and be that flower and I know I do to some people. I think the problem is that I don't see it myself. I want to go after it! I probably shared a little too much info about my dreams right now but this is what this blog is for.
         I don't expect anything I put down here to happen soon. It's just thoughts that I have and don't want to forget.