This week has been a tough and busy one for all areas of my life. I could never get a moment of peace even away from the children because my mind kept running non stop. I would keep waking up in the middle of the nights and wake up each morning feeling like I didn't get enough sleep for the next day ahead of me. It was amazing what God has shown me about peace this week and I know He isn't done with teaching me yet about it.
I came home from work Tuesday and just sat in my quite apartment for a few mins. and I thought, "Wow, it is really quite. This is what peace feels like." Nothing was going on in my head because it couldn't at work because I had to be on top of everything. Yet the children were screaming and yelling non stop that day. It just felt like it was God given peace like God said, "Here is a little of what peace looks like. Doesn't it feel great?!" No one around me and no one to tend to. Now don't get me wrong I like helping people and hanging out but there are those moments where we just need to sit and be in peace with God.
Yesterday at work was another one of the loud days. The group of children I have is just really loud whether talking or screaming but I love them dearly. I was so stressed at the end of the work day and I could tell because my body was so teased up. I was around the children all day with no break. I did try to do some fun things with them but they didn't last long. The children are also very active. No one can stay in place at one time. Again, I just couldn't wait to get home and be in peace with God. When I got home, I realized that it just wasn't the children be loud and active, it was also my mind on top of that.
I have a feeling things are going to change in the next few months and I'm not out with that okay. I feel like I just found the spot I was comfortable in and now it will change again. I don't understand where or how God is leading me just yet. I'm trying to break free of the things I need to but it is so hard to think about yourself when you have a job where you are thinking about others. Instead of coming home and feeling at peace like I wanted to feel like before that week, I came home trying to find that peace but that is when I realized it was in my mind too. I wanted to do things so I would't think about things but yet I wanted to be still and quite even if it was just for a few mins. I tried being quite by turning off all the lights in my apartment and just lying face down in my bed with face under the pillow. I did try on my knees at first by my bedside but I'm getting to old for that. :) To be honest, instead of just lying there quietly because I couldn't, I started to cry and talk to God. I know I am fighting something big when I start that way.
It went on for a few mins. but again I couldn't make myself stay so I got up and watch some shows on my computer. Something that is mindless. After that is when I felt like I could do things so I got some house chores done. All this to say that it is strange how God can take you to feeling His Peace with where you are at to the devil trying to get in and you don't even know it before it is too late. I just hope and pray that things with get easier. I'm going to try and keep my head up but I don't know how long it will last. If I'm learning anything from this week and on for a little while, it is that I know what it feels like to be in God's peace because I need to be to get through a day at a time.
Later on, plus having the courage and trust to go through it.
Saturday, January 31, 2015
Thursday, January 29, 2015
You Might Be Plain In the World's Eyes
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged because of the king of Assyria and the vast army with him, for there is a greater power with us than with him. With him is only the arm of flesh, but with us is the Lord our God to help us and to fight out battles. And the people gained confidence from what Hezekiah the kind of Judah said."- 2 Chronicles 32:7-8
"When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus. But since they could see the man who has been healed standing there with them, there was nothing they could say."- Acts 4:13
I was going to write until tomorrow night because I think it will be of a weekend thing this year because so far it has been. Sorry about that but I had to write this out because God is teaching me something again and through a friend that He has taught me things through a million of times before. It isn't the first time.
The first verse I have on here is a verse that I got from my Bible study "Breaking Free" this week and it hit me hard so I wrote it down in my study book. I read that verse Tuesday. The second verse on here is a verse that my friend put on their wall today. I read it before I got back home from work. I did not have the two verses beside me at the same time. When I read the second one the first one came back to my mind. Strange how God does that, huh?
I don't know what God is trying to teach me or in which part of my life. Maybe it is all of my life? It could be used in all of it but from the friend the second one come from, I could see it working in that friendship a little bit more for the both of us. It is strange how both of the verses are talking about courage and how when we leave it out in God and have courage because of Him He can make things happen, great things. I mean God won a battle in the first verse and in the second verse He healed a lame man. Yet no one could say anything in both verses because they were all astonished about what happened.
Hezerkiah's army and Peter and John were plain people but yet God worked through every one of them. So why can't we believe God could work through us to change the world? We don't have to have Master's degrees or have an office job. Yes, some of those things would be nice once in awhile but we don't have to have them. God can use us just the way we are. When people see us do things that they did not know we could do that is when they see God the most in us because we have the courage to at least try and trust that God will use it for the better.
We can started something but God will usually finished it for good. We might think we start and finish things at times but the truth is God is never really done until we are with Him in Heaven. We just need to be happy where God has put us for now and yes, I'm talking to myself too when I'm writing this. I'm making a huge difference when I think about the kind of children I have come in touch with over the past 2 years. Now to think, where would they me without me (God) and where would I be without them? They are such good reminders of God and His Love for us. So truthful! Sometimes a little too truthful but you still love them.
Challenge: You might not think God is using you right now but He is in ways you wouldn't even think about. Look at the little and big things. All things matter to God.
YOU MIGHT BE PLAIN IN THE WORLD'S EYES BUT IN GOD'S EYES YOU ARE STRONG AND/OR BEAUTIFUL! HE CAN USE YOU NO MATTER WHAT!
"When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus. But since they could see the man who has been healed standing there with them, there was nothing they could say."- Acts 4:13
I was going to write until tomorrow night because I think it will be of a weekend thing this year because so far it has been. Sorry about that but I had to write this out because God is teaching me something again and through a friend that He has taught me things through a million of times before. It isn't the first time.
The first verse I have on here is a verse that I got from my Bible study "Breaking Free" this week and it hit me hard so I wrote it down in my study book. I read that verse Tuesday. The second verse on here is a verse that my friend put on their wall today. I read it before I got back home from work. I did not have the two verses beside me at the same time. When I read the second one the first one came back to my mind. Strange how God does that, huh?
I don't know what God is trying to teach me or in which part of my life. Maybe it is all of my life? It could be used in all of it but from the friend the second one come from, I could see it working in that friendship a little bit more for the both of us. It is strange how both of the verses are talking about courage and how when we leave it out in God and have courage because of Him He can make things happen, great things. I mean God won a battle in the first verse and in the second verse He healed a lame man. Yet no one could say anything in both verses because they were all astonished about what happened.
Hezerkiah's army and Peter and John were plain people but yet God worked through every one of them. So why can't we believe God could work through us to change the world? We don't have to have Master's degrees or have an office job. Yes, some of those things would be nice once in awhile but we don't have to have them. God can use us just the way we are. When people see us do things that they did not know we could do that is when they see God the most in us because we have the courage to at least try and trust that God will use it for the better.
We can started something but God will usually finished it for good. We might think we start and finish things at times but the truth is God is never really done until we are with Him in Heaven. We just need to be happy where God has put us for now and yes, I'm talking to myself too when I'm writing this. I'm making a huge difference when I think about the kind of children I have come in touch with over the past 2 years. Now to think, where would they me without me (God) and where would I be without them? They are such good reminders of God and His Love for us. So truthful! Sometimes a little too truthful but you still love them.
Challenge: You might not think God is using you right now but He is in ways you wouldn't even think about. Look at the little and big things. All things matter to God.
YOU MIGHT BE PLAIN IN THE WORLD'S EYES BUT IN GOD'S EYES YOU ARE STRONG AND/OR BEAUTIFUL! HE CAN USE YOU NO MATTER WHAT!
Sunday, January 25, 2015
Family Doesn't Have to be Blood Related
You might read the title and think "what is she talking about? She is crazy." Even though that statement is true in so many ways, I'm not crazy when it comes to the title. I thought a lot about what that meant and where God has me in my life right now. Yes, I want to marry and have my own family someday if God is willing but if I look around me now I have a family, 2 different ones at that.
Last night at church, I felt loved and like I needed to be there. Now you think I'm going to start talking about how a church can be a family. Well, you are wrong there too. I did feel loved there more then I have in awhile. I will admit. I about stepped out on a limb but held myself back for a few more weeks. It was "Compassion Sunday" for my church. That is where we have a grown up that was raised with the help of Compassion International come speak at our church and then we have the chance to sponsor a child.
I have a child that I have sponsored since she was 6 years old and now she will be 16 this year in April. She lives all the way in the Philippines. Yet God has put on my heart ever since I was young and started to sponsor her to go on a trip with Compassion and meet the child that I sponsor. Yes, I will admit Philippines is to far away for me but I just thought how neat it would be to sponsor a girl way out there when I picked her. Yet, while it would be nice to go to that country, I need to go someplace closer.
I have been looking at their website for a Guatemalan child for the past few months now. Just to see what I had to "pick" from and I sort of kept up to date that way too. God touched my heart last night after the message and everything changed after the service. I did go to one of the tables and got me a picture of a Guatemalan girl. Her birthday is in Dec. like mine and she is 5 years old again. Did I mention she live in Guatemala. The place that is dear to my heart too since I have been there 2 times. This time, when the timing is right, I will go visit her and see what Compassion really does. That ministry has been close to my heart ever since I was in high school. They are all about Child development and that is my degree.
I feel like a "mom" with children across the seas that I haven't even met yet. That is one of my families, my overseas family. The other family is the children I work with here in the states. The ones I take care of for 45 days. The ones I get to see the changes happen in and through them. The ones that I get to care for and teach. Yes, I might get to sponsor the 2 girls for years to come but I get to see the differences in the children where I work. I know I say this but a lot can happen in just for 45 days when taken care of.
I keep saying I want to be a foster mom when I have the chance but in a way God is already doing that in my life. I'm a foster mom to a Philippienen, Guatemalan, and 100+ of Arkansan children. God truly has BLESSED me in my life so far but yet it took a Compassion church service for me to see that. See that I am really LOVING on these children like I should be and if not more. I will admit I need to write to my girl overseas a lot more this year because 16 years old can be such a hard year deciding what to do with life.
I just have this feeling that God wants me to stay in this ministry somehow. It is so rewarding but yet so hard. I want to do more for the foster children here in the states but what? God and time will tell. I just have to get past my physical being of sleepiness and other things and just remember what it does for my spiritual being. It is AMAZING!
FAMILY DOESN'T HAVE TO BE BLOOD RELATED WHEN YOU ARE IN IT FOR GOD! Might be a strange way to look at it but GOD IS THE FATHER OF THE ORPHANS. Get it?
Last night at church, I felt loved and like I needed to be there. Now you think I'm going to start talking about how a church can be a family. Well, you are wrong there too. I did feel loved there more then I have in awhile. I will admit. I about stepped out on a limb but held myself back for a few more weeks. It was "Compassion Sunday" for my church. That is where we have a grown up that was raised with the help of Compassion International come speak at our church and then we have the chance to sponsor a child.
I have a child that I have sponsored since she was 6 years old and now she will be 16 this year in April. She lives all the way in the Philippines. Yet God has put on my heart ever since I was young and started to sponsor her to go on a trip with Compassion and meet the child that I sponsor. Yes, I will admit Philippines is to far away for me but I just thought how neat it would be to sponsor a girl way out there when I picked her. Yet, while it would be nice to go to that country, I need to go someplace closer.
I have been looking at their website for a Guatemalan child for the past few months now. Just to see what I had to "pick" from and I sort of kept up to date that way too. God touched my heart last night after the message and everything changed after the service. I did go to one of the tables and got me a picture of a Guatemalan girl. Her birthday is in Dec. like mine and she is 5 years old again. Did I mention she live in Guatemala. The place that is dear to my heart too since I have been there 2 times. This time, when the timing is right, I will go visit her and see what Compassion really does. That ministry has been close to my heart ever since I was in high school. They are all about Child development and that is my degree.
I feel like a "mom" with children across the seas that I haven't even met yet. That is one of my families, my overseas family. The other family is the children I work with here in the states. The ones I take care of for 45 days. The ones I get to see the changes happen in and through them. The ones that I get to care for and teach. Yes, I might get to sponsor the 2 girls for years to come but I get to see the differences in the children where I work. I know I say this but a lot can happen in just for 45 days when taken care of.
I keep saying I want to be a foster mom when I have the chance but in a way God is already doing that in my life. I'm a foster mom to a Philippienen, Guatemalan, and 100+ of Arkansan children. God truly has BLESSED me in my life so far but yet it took a Compassion church service for me to see that. See that I am really LOVING on these children like I should be and if not more. I will admit I need to write to my girl overseas a lot more this year because 16 years old can be such a hard year deciding what to do with life.
I just have this feeling that God wants me to stay in this ministry somehow. It is so rewarding but yet so hard. I want to do more for the foster children here in the states but what? God and time will tell. I just have to get past my physical being of sleepiness and other things and just remember what it does for my spiritual being. It is AMAZING!
FAMILY DOESN'T HAVE TO BE BLOOD RELATED WHEN YOU ARE IN IT FOR GOD! Might be a strange way to look at it but GOD IS THE FATHER OF THE ORPHANS. Get it?
Friday, January 23, 2015
Breaking Free
Looks like I'm only getting to write once or twice a week right now. Sorry about that. Things have just been really busy and they're not looking like they are going to slow down anytime soon. I had sort of a week where I was trying to find myself. When I say I was trying to find myself, I mean where I belonged, what church group I belonged to. It has been hard but I know where I belong now even through it might not seem like it and that is because I'm not doing my part.
I went to a Pentecostal church last Sunday and then a small group at that church on Tuesday night and for me it was just really different. Church was great but the small group just didn't fit my personality. Yes, I need to come out of my shell some but it was just too much for me. There were things I was iffy about because I wasn't raised that way at all. I was raised Baptist for the most part. Those are two totally different things. Yet I was baptized in a Christian church. I'm too personal where I don't want anyone else to hear what I'm praying most of the time and I don't have that strong feeling. I love my friends that goes to that kind of church because they seem so happy and free but it is just not what God has for me. To me, through a teacher's eyes, Pentecostal is more hands-on while Baptist/Christian is more thought and alone based. Get what I'm saying? So the group at the Pentecostal church was not for me.
I tried a new Bible study at the church I'm going to now and have been since I moved to AR and it has my name written all over it. It is a Beth Moore study and it is called "Breaking Free". It has a book to follow along with plus verses to look up. I want things written out for me, not just spoken to me. It just seems to fit the moment of life that I am in right now. I just turned 27 and have no idea where my life is going. I love AR and I want to stay in the state but it doesn't have want I'm looking into doing right now expect down south and that is not the good part of AR.
As of now, I want to go back to grad school for OT. Right now, a college in Springfield, MO is looking good but that means I have to leave everything in AR behind. The only thing that is stopping me is the great state of AR. I'm trying to find out a way to live near AR but yet go to school in MO. Maybe leave somewhere in the middle where it is an hour each way? I wouldn't mind that but yet there is another problem. The other problem is I need some kind of job to keep money coming in so I can pay for tuition. A job plus college would be that I would be driving all over the place and time for nothing else. I want to do some online but I don't know if that is possible with an OT degree.
Right now, I'm trying to "break free" of my wants like living here and living my life out for God. I'm trying to see where God wants me now and in the future. Having an OT job would be a great job with a family but yet what about being to busy to even find a husband. I know I'm still young to some people and I shouldn't be worrying about that. I should go get my Master's but I am. Maybe it is because I have a certain way I want to see things turn out? Again, I need to let "break free" of my plans and things that hold me back and just trust God with those things. Trust that if it His Will He will have those things waiting for me for when I get back.
There was a word that really got me Thursday night at the Breaking Free Bible study. The would was "Captives" and how Beth Moore described it in her book. She said it meant, "God's people that live in the past off and on." It isn't random people like we think it means. We can be some captivating by our past that we forget what we have ahead or where we are now. We are so focus on how we messed up our past and we don't want to do that to our future. We won't mess it up if we let God have control. I'm going to go into more detail on that would in another entry if I can and what it means to me. Why I have been captivating for so long?
Then another word that got me last night was the word "again". I didn't realize how much I use that word out loud and in my mind until last night. To me, it is a sinful would be it gets me stuck in places I shouldn't be. I ask myself sometimes, "why am I in this again", why did I do it this way again", "If I do it this way again.....", "that happened again and I knew it would", and so on. If I noticed that I'm doing the same thing again and again shouldn't I change that pattern but if it is one I've done all my life it is hard for me to change it.
There will be a lot more interesting entries now that I'm in another Bible study. I will just have to find the time to write on here because I have study pages to do that take about 30 to 45 mins to finish but I want God to work through me. I've had it with this again and being chained up. I want to break away and be free in Him. I pray that this study will work for me in so many ways. I might also write about the ways I want to break free. I could do more at my job but I know I need to do a lot more in my relationships and friendships. I hide so many things that I shouldn't from my friends.
Challenge: I challenge you all to break free with me as I'm writing in the blog about what I'm learning through this study. I hope you will let it change your life in some way.
I went to a Pentecostal church last Sunday and then a small group at that church on Tuesday night and for me it was just really different. Church was great but the small group just didn't fit my personality. Yes, I need to come out of my shell some but it was just too much for me. There were things I was iffy about because I wasn't raised that way at all. I was raised Baptist for the most part. Those are two totally different things. Yet I was baptized in a Christian church. I'm too personal where I don't want anyone else to hear what I'm praying most of the time and I don't have that strong feeling. I love my friends that goes to that kind of church because they seem so happy and free but it is just not what God has for me. To me, through a teacher's eyes, Pentecostal is more hands-on while Baptist/Christian is more thought and alone based. Get what I'm saying? So the group at the Pentecostal church was not for me.
I tried a new Bible study at the church I'm going to now and have been since I moved to AR and it has my name written all over it. It is a Beth Moore study and it is called "Breaking Free". It has a book to follow along with plus verses to look up. I want things written out for me, not just spoken to me. It just seems to fit the moment of life that I am in right now. I just turned 27 and have no idea where my life is going. I love AR and I want to stay in the state but it doesn't have want I'm looking into doing right now expect down south and that is not the good part of AR.
As of now, I want to go back to grad school for OT. Right now, a college in Springfield, MO is looking good but that means I have to leave everything in AR behind. The only thing that is stopping me is the great state of AR. I'm trying to find out a way to live near AR but yet go to school in MO. Maybe leave somewhere in the middle where it is an hour each way? I wouldn't mind that but yet there is another problem. The other problem is I need some kind of job to keep money coming in so I can pay for tuition. A job plus college would be that I would be driving all over the place and time for nothing else. I want to do some online but I don't know if that is possible with an OT degree.
Right now, I'm trying to "break free" of my wants like living here and living my life out for God. I'm trying to see where God wants me now and in the future. Having an OT job would be a great job with a family but yet what about being to busy to even find a husband. I know I'm still young to some people and I shouldn't be worrying about that. I should go get my Master's but I am. Maybe it is because I have a certain way I want to see things turn out? Again, I need to let "break free" of my plans and things that hold me back and just trust God with those things. Trust that if it His Will He will have those things waiting for me for when I get back.
There was a word that really got me Thursday night at the Breaking Free Bible study. The would was "Captives" and how Beth Moore described it in her book. She said it meant, "God's people that live in the past off and on." It isn't random people like we think it means. We can be some captivating by our past that we forget what we have ahead or where we are now. We are so focus on how we messed up our past and we don't want to do that to our future. We won't mess it up if we let God have control. I'm going to go into more detail on that would in another entry if I can and what it means to me. Why I have been captivating for so long?
Then another word that got me last night was the word "again". I didn't realize how much I use that word out loud and in my mind until last night. To me, it is a sinful would be it gets me stuck in places I shouldn't be. I ask myself sometimes, "why am I in this again", why did I do it this way again", "If I do it this way again.....", "that happened again and I knew it would", and so on. If I noticed that I'm doing the same thing again and again shouldn't I change that pattern but if it is one I've done all my life it is hard for me to change it.
There will be a lot more interesting entries now that I'm in another Bible study. I will just have to find the time to write on here because I have study pages to do that take about 30 to 45 mins to finish but I want God to work through me. I've had it with this again and being chained up. I want to break away and be free in Him. I pray that this study will work for me in so many ways. I might also write about the ways I want to break free. I could do more at my job but I know I need to do a lot more in my relationships and friendships. I hide so many things that I shouldn't from my friends.
Challenge: I challenge you all to break free with me as I'm writing in the blog about what I'm learning through this study. I hope you will let it change your life in some way.
Wednesday, January 21, 2015
Moment Story Written in Verses
These are some of the verses that God has put on my heart in the past month. I tried to put them in order to where it sounds like what I think God is trying to teach me at this moment in my life.
“Gabriel appeared to her and said, “Geetings favored women! The Lord is with you!”- Luke 1:28
“When your ancestors went down into Egypt, there were only 70 of them. But now the Lord Your God, has made you numerous as the stars in the sky.”- Deut. 10:22
“Confused and disturbed, Mary tried to think what the angel could mean. “Don’t be frightened, Mary,” the angle said. “for God as decided to bless you! You will become pregnant and have a son and you are to name him Jesus.”- Luke 1:29-31
“Mary responsed, “I am the Lord’s servant, and I am willing to accept whatever he wants. May everything you have said come true.” Then the angel left.”- Luke 1:38
“Before I shaped you in the womb, I knew all about you. Before you saw the light of day, I had holy plans for you, a prophet to the nations-that’s what I had in mind for you. But I said, “Hold it Master God! Look at me! I don’t know anything. I’m only a boy.”- Jer. 1:1-10
“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed but the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is-His good, pleasing, and perfect will.”- Romans 12:2
“However, as it is written: “What no eye have seen, what no hear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived”-the things God has prepared for those who love Him. But God has revealed them to us through His Spirit. For the Spirit searches all things, yes, the deep things of God.”- 1 Corinthians 2:9-10
“Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with truth and actions.”- 1 John 3:18
“I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.”- Eph. 3:16-18-that whole chapter is really good for me right now
“Gabriel appeared to her and said, “Geetings favored women! The Lord is with you!”- Luke 1:28
“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.”- Psalm 51:10
“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the well-spring of life.”- Proverbs 4:23
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”- 1 Cor. 5:17
Sunday, January 18, 2015
Missionary in the States
When I first moved to AR and while I was in college, being a missionary sounded great for me. Three years have gone by, now it doesn't sound so exciting. I started a job in AR 2 years ago with the missionary mind set for the rest of my life. It was a mission I could do in the states. It was a way I could change lives.
Let's just say that I'm glad I didn't go overseas like I wanted to before moving to AR. I need people to stay by my side and help me through anything that I'm going through especially if it needs a mission mind set. I can't do mission work alone. No one care. There is so much emotion, mental, and physical things that go into that kind of work. When you don't have the group beside you to share things with it can ware you down fast. That is one reason I decided not to go overseas. I couldn't do it by myself or take care of myself like I should. I have a hard time balancing both right here in the states.
There are some missions that I love and support with all my heart. I could name a couple here in AR but I won't. I also support Compassion International with all my heart. I have a girl that I sponsor from there that I dearly love. I have sponsored here since she was 5 years old and now she is going to be 14 this year. I believe that one of my main missions is having my own children. I can't work for a mission that takes my whole life whether emotionally, mentally, and physically. I know later in life I can't take on 2 or 3, maybe 4, missions at the same time. By that I mean really big and important missions.
As I'm writing this, I'm thinking about marriage and my own family and they both can be a mission in themselves. Those are the two that I want to help in the future when the time comes. I don't want to have to worry about a career too. I'm at a spot right now because I will admit I support two missions in my heart but that leaves no time for self if you know what I mean. No time to get and keep friends. I give all of me but I feel like I get nothing in return. I know it's not all about getting back but it would be nice once in awhile.
A lot of times I feel like people are just saying, "Just forget it" but I can't forget it because I have changed so much. I will admit too that some people don't know everything about me and my life and that is my fault too. I'm just scared of failure and what they will think but I know I shouldn't be because it is God that really matters.
I know that no matter what I'll always be a missionary for God but yet I feel like there is more. That's life for us on earth but I just need to find a field that God wants me in and the balance for that field and be rooted there. Not just settled but ROOTED. It always feels like I have 2 out of the 3 states of mind that I need but never all 3 things at the same time. That is makes us humans, I guess. Can we get all 3 things at the same time or is that where we sin one way or another?
Challenges: Are you a missionary for God where you are now in life?
What state of mind do you need God's Help with?
Let's just say that I'm glad I didn't go overseas like I wanted to before moving to AR. I need people to stay by my side and help me through anything that I'm going through especially if it needs a mission mind set. I can't do mission work alone. No one care. There is so much emotion, mental, and physical things that go into that kind of work. When you don't have the group beside you to share things with it can ware you down fast. That is one reason I decided not to go overseas. I couldn't do it by myself or take care of myself like I should. I have a hard time balancing both right here in the states.
There are some missions that I love and support with all my heart. I could name a couple here in AR but I won't. I also support Compassion International with all my heart. I have a girl that I sponsor from there that I dearly love. I have sponsored here since she was 5 years old and now she is going to be 14 this year. I believe that one of my main missions is having my own children. I can't work for a mission that takes my whole life whether emotionally, mentally, and physically. I know later in life I can't take on 2 or 3, maybe 4, missions at the same time. By that I mean really big and important missions.
As I'm writing this, I'm thinking about marriage and my own family and they both can be a mission in themselves. Those are the two that I want to help in the future when the time comes. I don't want to have to worry about a career too. I'm at a spot right now because I will admit I support two missions in my heart but that leaves no time for self if you know what I mean. No time to get and keep friends. I give all of me but I feel like I get nothing in return. I know it's not all about getting back but it would be nice once in awhile.
A lot of times I feel like people are just saying, "Just forget it" but I can't forget it because I have changed so much. I will admit too that some people don't know everything about me and my life and that is my fault too. I'm just scared of failure and what they will think but I know I shouldn't be because it is God that really matters.
I know that no matter what I'll always be a missionary for God but yet I feel like there is more. That's life for us on earth but I just need to find a field that God wants me in and the balance for that field and be rooted there. Not just settled but ROOTED. It always feels like I have 2 out of the 3 states of mind that I need but never all 3 things at the same time. That is makes us humans, I guess. Can we get all 3 things at the same time or is that where we sin one way or another?
Challenges: Are you a missionary for God where you are now in life?
What state of mind do you need God's Help with?
Friday, January 16, 2015
Captivating the Truth
If you read my blog at the start of this year, you will see that my word was "Truth" and it still is but I have another word that I want to add along with that word. That word is "Captivating". Now put the two words together "Captivating the Truth". Do you see the truth in that and hear how strong it is? It can go two ways and for me it is. It is going "do I see how captivating the Truth of God is" and "what is the Truth that is so Captivating in me and how to do I live it?"
I am reading the book "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldrege and doing the journal along with it and those two things are really making me think about who I am in God as a women. It is taking me back to my little girl childhood to remember all my dreams and fun memories I made. It is reminding me of all those times that I watched the princesses' movies. It is reminding me of that time where I would always play house or teacher with my little brother. It is also reminding me of those fun times I had on the farm. Those weren't just fun times and dreams but they were how I had adventure. They were how I imaged me life to be someday.
I reading the book for a second time and this time it is through God's eyes and who He is and who I should be in Him. We were all created in the image of God but women and men has different roles but yet they are all who God really is. The first time I read the book it was in college and I was reading it from a girl that wanted a boyfriend type view but that was so wrong. It means so much more when you look at it from God's point of view. When you can say, "Oh! yes I remember that or I remember feeling like that or liking that when I was a little girl", then it is God all over. I always wondered why little girls like princesses, played dress up and with barbies, and why they always wanted to be the mom while playing house. Well, know I see the reason. Yes, I'm a girl and I didn't know the reason for all of that stuff. While working with children, it is just amazing to see it is in the nature of every little girl whether Christian or not.
I also saw that it was normal for us, women, to feel like we need to care, that we want adventure, and that we need to be romance by some strong man. That is what God wants for us and from us as people. He wants to us to care for Him, go on an adventure with Him, and He wants us to be romanced by Him and vice via. I would love to be a part of an adventure with a human guy but right now in this moment in my life while reading this book, I'm understanding I am with God on an adventure. I am loving the children I work for like no other person could ever do. I'm pouring into them the Light of God like they have never seen before and praying that they won't forget it.
I am "Captivating the Truth" of who I am from the inside out. I know for me it was high school that kept me hidden and that didn't make me believe in any of my dreams. It was then that I was brought down to a level that could not get back up from. It was then I didn't think I was beautiful enough or smart enough but now I don't care. It was then that I thought about what other people thought of me but now I'm just like whatever "this is who I am. Take it on leave it?"
To me, once you feel that way on the inside you would want to show it on the outside. That is where I am right now. Yes, I am still learning and working on the inside but I'm also realizing things. Things like how out of date most of my clothes are because one they are out of date and two they don't fit anymore. They are either too tight or too short. There have been a couple of new tends that I have been trying lately, which is usually not me but I like them. I just have to get use to them.
It is funny and strange how this little adventurous, farm girl was hiding in high school and didn't realize it til moving to AR. Just to say where I got the adventurous part from was those walks in the woods on the farm when I was a little girl. The trees, the path that lead to somewhere new each time we walked it, the acorns on the grow not knowing what I was going to find or how many. I could image anything I wanted to in those woods of mine and I probably did knowing my brain as a little girl and if I went out to some woods now I probably still would. It is just in us, women, to dream and plan.
God made us different from the man. We are the loving and nurturing part of God. The man are the warrior and fighting part of God. Two totally different things but yet somehow God is God and He brings one perfect half to the other perfect half without us even knowing for sure. I think for me when I think about it like this, it helps me understand why women and men are so different and it is a good thing. Our sins just get in the way of it. Also, I believe that is why God puts us together to make us a whole and when we are married that our focused, if we are Christians, is to be serving God and for God to be the center of the marriage.
All of you might be saying, "How is she not married yet if she believes all of this?" The answer is: "God is not done with me yet and He isn't done with the man that He has for me" if He has one for me. I just might be serving Him all my life but caring for children in desperate life situations, which is stressful but I would be okay with that because I know I have Him by my side. He is my Helper and Strength.
I am reading the book "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldrege and doing the journal along with it and those two things are really making me think about who I am in God as a women. It is taking me back to my little girl childhood to remember all my dreams and fun memories I made. It is reminding me of all those times that I watched the princesses' movies. It is reminding me of that time where I would always play house or teacher with my little brother. It is also reminding me of those fun times I had on the farm. Those weren't just fun times and dreams but they were how I had adventure. They were how I imaged me life to be someday.
I reading the book for a second time and this time it is through God's eyes and who He is and who I should be in Him. We were all created in the image of God but women and men has different roles but yet they are all who God really is. The first time I read the book it was in college and I was reading it from a girl that wanted a boyfriend type view but that was so wrong. It means so much more when you look at it from God's point of view. When you can say, "Oh! yes I remember that or I remember feeling like that or liking that when I was a little girl", then it is God all over. I always wondered why little girls like princesses, played dress up and with barbies, and why they always wanted to be the mom while playing house. Well, know I see the reason. Yes, I'm a girl and I didn't know the reason for all of that stuff. While working with children, it is just amazing to see it is in the nature of every little girl whether Christian or not.
I also saw that it was normal for us, women, to feel like we need to care, that we want adventure, and that we need to be romance by some strong man. That is what God wants for us and from us as people. He wants to us to care for Him, go on an adventure with Him, and He wants us to be romanced by Him and vice via. I would love to be a part of an adventure with a human guy but right now in this moment in my life while reading this book, I'm understanding I am with God on an adventure. I am loving the children I work for like no other person could ever do. I'm pouring into them the Light of God like they have never seen before and praying that they won't forget it.
I am "Captivating the Truth" of who I am from the inside out. I know for me it was high school that kept me hidden and that didn't make me believe in any of my dreams. It was then that I was brought down to a level that could not get back up from. It was then I didn't think I was beautiful enough or smart enough but now I don't care. It was then that I thought about what other people thought of me but now I'm just like whatever "this is who I am. Take it on leave it?"
To me, once you feel that way on the inside you would want to show it on the outside. That is where I am right now. Yes, I am still learning and working on the inside but I'm also realizing things. Things like how out of date most of my clothes are because one they are out of date and two they don't fit anymore. They are either too tight or too short. There have been a couple of new tends that I have been trying lately, which is usually not me but I like them. I just have to get use to them.
It is funny and strange how this little adventurous, farm girl was hiding in high school and didn't realize it til moving to AR. Just to say where I got the adventurous part from was those walks in the woods on the farm when I was a little girl. The trees, the path that lead to somewhere new each time we walked it, the acorns on the grow not knowing what I was going to find or how many. I could image anything I wanted to in those woods of mine and I probably did knowing my brain as a little girl and if I went out to some woods now I probably still would. It is just in us, women, to dream and plan.
God made us different from the man. We are the loving and nurturing part of God. The man are the warrior and fighting part of God. Two totally different things but yet somehow God is God and He brings one perfect half to the other perfect half without us even knowing for sure. I think for me when I think about it like this, it helps me understand why women and men are so different and it is a good thing. Our sins just get in the way of it. Also, I believe that is why God puts us together to make us a whole and when we are married that our focused, if we are Christians, is to be serving God and for God to be the center of the marriage.
All of you might be saying, "How is she not married yet if she believes all of this?" The answer is: "God is not done with me yet and He isn't done with the man that He has for me" if He has one for me. I just might be serving Him all my life but caring for children in desperate life situations, which is stressful but I would be okay with that because I know I have Him by my side. He is my Helper and Strength.
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