You know what hit me during church tonight while listening to the sermon? The fact that I have now started my 8th year here in AR. Wow! I can't believe I have stayed that long in the same state. The state where I thought I never would go in my life. The home of Wal Mart that seemed so far off from visiting. The state that got a bad say because President Clinton was from it. Yes, those were my thoughts before I moved to AR, I admit, but now I love this place.
This past year has been different in its own ways and it kept getting better. It just seems like the longer I stay in AR, the better it gets. Every year has its own special and unique things and lessons. I started a new job back in September and it has just grown me and made an impact on me. It is where I want to be and what I want to do. It was fun when I started but now it is challenging, which I love. This job has also helped me to remember what it was like to have a job that I like and am good at. It is reminding me of what it is like to have people encourage you and that see your strengths, not just your weaknesses. It has been taking all the negativity away from my life and I love that. When you hear people put you down in your career and/or job for 2 years in a row, it is nice to work for someone that can and will believe in you as a person.
I have also been exploring my health a bit more and making changing in that. I have start Plexus again, which does work but since I am only getting paid part time I am looking into cheaper ways like hotlics ways. I am also looking into and thinking more about how what I am feeling has to do with gut health and nothing about my brain. I have stopped taking meds. completely and for now am on Plexus. Going through all of that has made me realize that I need to have a more healthy and natural out look on life. Use what is around me for life. Not just to make something else and hope it goes away for a little bit but keep it away forever. I stopped taking the meds. because I got a new dr. around March and I really didn't agree with his ways of doing things plus I just didn't feel comfortable around him so I stopped going in for the meds. Taking back control of my own body is a great feeling that I didn't remember having before the meds or even during them.
Now with my spiritual life. I feel like I have relearned a lot of things since I have been off my anxiety meds. My church just got done with a series on the Fruit of the Spirit that I really loved and understood. It was totally a different view on each of the Fruits. Very easy to understand. I did stop volunteering at the church because I just felt like it was taking up too much of my time plus I felt like I was just there babysitting and I wanted to do more. I stopped that in May of this year. I joined a small group last Fall that was made out of older and wiser adults. They were like my mom age or older but I felt comfortable with them so I kept going and I joined because the women that kind of ran the children's ministry knew me and invited me. That was my small group for the Fall.
Then, I started a small Bible study at the church in Jan. called "Experiencing God" and I really liked it. I would take it again. I liked it that much. It was through that Bible Study that I realized how I could start to tell what God was doing in my life and for what reasons. The more and more I keep thinking about the study and what I learned there, the more and more things make sense. It was an intense Bible study but a good one.
I had something else special to add on to this entry and that is because of my friend. Starting this past December, she became a single foster parent and had the same kids up til now. I got to hang out with her and the children a lot and it has been fun. Seeing what a foster parent actually does has been a big learning process for me and made me appicate her and other foster parents out there. I would go to the parks, farmer's markets, the children's museum, and church and eating out afterwards with them. I even got to be apart of one of the little boys' 2nd birthday party. This thing would have to be the best and number one thing out of my 7th year in AR. It also showed me that I don't have to work somewhere like shelter to help those kinds of children if I have people in my life that I could hang with and help out.
You know? One more thing that was different about this year was two of my friends got married in the same year. That taught me a lot about me and what to look for in a marriage and/or life. Being in the middle of their talks and seeing what they have and what I don't. Seeing the advantages and disadvantages. Like, yes, you have that person that will always love you right beside you but yet you have to share a bathroom. You have to think about the size of house you want. You have to get rid of some of your own things by having a garage sale or another way. Then after you are married and even before like in the engagement stage, you have to think about when you are going to start trying to have kids and how. I know this might be a little much but I guess this past year, I have learned more about what a marriage is then what I want it to be if you know what I mean. I kind of get to hear and learn form other people's mistakes before I get married, which really only makes my marriage someday twice, if not more, better.
Some goals for my 8th year in AR are these: might want to be a site supervisor at my job (not quite sure yet will see how this school year goes), have deeper relationships/friendships, become a lot more healthier, get rid of my anxiety for good, and maybe involved in church in another way once I have had a long enough break. Then there is also the dream or goal of finding that person and getting married.
Saturday, August 12, 2017
Monday, August 7, 2017
Self-Control
The 2nd part of the entry "#ToBusy". The part of the sermon where I had to look up on the church's website because I was late for church this past Saturday.
Self-Control
-Love------->Self-Control
-Self-Control--------->Love
-Counterfeit: Fake self-control
-Psalm 37:4
-"Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart."
-Definition of Self-Control:
-Yielding and trusting my life to God's Control. Receiving His Love and the living it out as a living expression of His Love.
-"It is impossible for a an to learn what he thinks he already knows."-Epictetus
-Eph. 4:20-23 (NASB)
-"That, however, is not the way of life you learned 21 when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. 22 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds."
-John 6:28 (NIV)
-" Then they asked him, “What must we do to do the works God requires?”
-Matthew 6:31-33
-" So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."
-Isaiah 40:28-31
-"28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint."
-Proverbs 23:7a
-" For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he."
-Do A Heart Check Every Once in Awhile
-H: Hurting
-E: Exhausted
-A: Angry
-R: Resentful
-T: Tense
-"The conversion of a soul is the miracle of a moment, the manufacture of a saint is the task of a lifetime."-Alan Redpath
Self-Control
-Love------->Self-Control
-Self-Control--------->Love
-Counterfeit: Fake self-control
-Psalm 37:4
-"Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart."
-Definition of Self-Control:
-Yielding and trusting my life to God's Control. Receiving His Love and the living it out as a living expression of His Love.
-"It is impossible for a an to learn what he thinks he already knows."-Epictetus
-Eph. 4:20-23 (NASB)
-"That, however, is not the way of life you learned 21 when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. 22 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds."
-John 6:28 (NIV)
-" Then they asked him, “What must we do to do the works God requires?”
-Matthew 6:31-33
-" So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."
-Isaiah 40:28-31
-"28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint."
-Proverbs 23:7a
-" For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he."
-Do A Heart Check Every Once in Awhile
-H: Hurting
-E: Exhausted
-A: Angry
-R: Resentful
-T: Tense
-"The conversion of a soul is the miracle of a moment, the manufacture of a saint is the task of a lifetime."-Alan Redpath
Sunday, August 6, 2017
#ToBusy
Where to start? That is what I am feeling today. This past week I have been trying to do too many things at once and I think God is trying to tell me something but I am just too sleepy to figure it out right now. I mean I think I figured one thing out but I think He is trying to speak to me more and I just can't right now. I have been so many things this past week a month that it has been hard for me to keep up and in my own routine which messes everything else up. It got so bead this week that I forgot the time of my friend's wedding and showed up at the end of it. I failed terribly. I was doing so good up till yesterday and then I had to Messe up on my friends wedding. It couldn't be anything else that wasn't as important as that was to me too.
I just think work this past week was way to stressful for me. Finding out I am the 2nd in charge and then trying t figure out what that means on my own. Switching schools on me for a few days. Switching people at work on us for a few days. Then if that wasn't enough I chose to dog sit my brother's dog while they were out of town. Trying to make it to all of the wedding things for my friend this past month. I haven't even been able to go home for about a month or longer now. See all that I am trying to be in one month and worse in one week. If that didn't put enough on myself. I also showed up to church late last night because I wanted to go to that certain one. I couldn't go to any other on a Sunday morning.
Do you see what I am trying to be by myself? It is funny too because I had a feeling the sermon last night was going to be about self-control and let's just say I am bad at that all around to start with. I was trying to have control over everything I do and I failed at the most important time when a friend or couple of friends needed me the most. Maybe that is what God is trying to teach me and He had me go anyways last night because He knew I needed the message from Him?
I am trying to be a good friend, a good sister/dog sitter, a good teacher/2nd in charge, and a good daughter while also trying to take good care of myself and I can't do all of that. It gets to be too much sometimes. I took a mental day off Friday just because I thought that would help some but honestly I think it made things worse. I really can't do that much when my routine has been thrown off in every way, which this past week it was. Everything was new to me and I am not in my own house so that is hard too. I'm not complaining about anything because I know I picked all of this to do. This is just a lesson learned for me. I can't be everything all at once something has to give. I really didn't get the whole message last night but I got bits and pieces from it.
It is funny to think about but this past week and sort of mouth and/or summer has been a reckless one for me. I say that because my pastor said that "Recklessness" is the opposite of self-control. He also went on and asked the question: "Am I taking care of me?" and gave some ways to check and see if we were. Ways like: Allowing my brain to rest, am I sharing how I really feel and what I am really like, am I doing a heart check, and so on. He also gave us some verses that I thought went neat with self-control but you would never though of them that way or at least I haven't. Here they are:
-Romans 12:1-2
-"Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. 2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."
-Romans 6:13-14
-"13 Do not offer any part of yourself to sin as an instrument of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer every part of yourself to him as an instrument of righteousness. 14 For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace."
-John 6:29
-"29 Jesus answered, “The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent.”
If I have learned anything from missing my friend's wedding last night, it is this:
"Don't try to do everything by yourself. Have some self-control. It will get you to great places in the long run."
"Self-Control is not something to only think about when you are tempted with bad things but it is also something to think about in the everyday little things and how much you put of anything in your life."
I just think work this past week was way to stressful for me. Finding out I am the 2nd in charge and then trying t figure out what that means on my own. Switching schools on me for a few days. Switching people at work on us for a few days. Then if that wasn't enough I chose to dog sit my brother's dog while they were out of town. Trying to make it to all of the wedding things for my friend this past month. I haven't even been able to go home for about a month or longer now. See all that I am trying to be in one month and worse in one week. If that didn't put enough on myself. I also showed up to church late last night because I wanted to go to that certain one. I couldn't go to any other on a Sunday morning.
Do you see what I am trying to be by myself? It is funny too because I had a feeling the sermon last night was going to be about self-control and let's just say I am bad at that all around to start with. I was trying to have control over everything I do and I failed at the most important time when a friend or couple of friends needed me the most. Maybe that is what God is trying to teach me and He had me go anyways last night because He knew I needed the message from Him?
I am trying to be a good friend, a good sister/dog sitter, a good teacher/2nd in charge, and a good daughter while also trying to take good care of myself and I can't do all of that. It gets to be too much sometimes. I took a mental day off Friday just because I thought that would help some but honestly I think it made things worse. I really can't do that much when my routine has been thrown off in every way, which this past week it was. Everything was new to me and I am not in my own house so that is hard too. I'm not complaining about anything because I know I picked all of this to do. This is just a lesson learned for me. I can't be everything all at once something has to give. I really didn't get the whole message last night but I got bits and pieces from it.
It is funny to think about but this past week and sort of mouth and/or summer has been a reckless one for me. I say that because my pastor said that "Recklessness" is the opposite of self-control. He also went on and asked the question: "Am I taking care of me?" and gave some ways to check and see if we were. Ways like: Allowing my brain to rest, am I sharing how I really feel and what I am really like, am I doing a heart check, and so on. He also gave us some verses that I thought went neat with self-control but you would never though of them that way or at least I haven't. Here they are:
-Romans 12:1-2
-"Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. 2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."
-Romans 6:13-14
-"13 Do not offer any part of yourself to sin as an instrument of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer every part of yourself to him as an instrument of righteousness. 14 For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace."
-John 6:29
-"29 Jesus answered, “The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent.”
If I have learned anything from missing my friend's wedding last night, it is this:
"Don't try to do everything by yourself. Have some self-control. It will get you to great places in the long run."
"Self-Control is not something to only think about when you are tempted with bad things but it is also something to think about in the everyday little things and how much you put of anything in your life."
Saturday, August 5, 2017
Talking to God About my Prayers
Dear Daddy,
That moment where you just wish everything would fall into place. I don't want to sound ungrateful but why do things happen so fast. Why do I get stuck between the hardest places? Why can't I plan past this job onto a better one? I literally can't see or think past it yet I am not stable money wise. My heart desire's is to be married and have a family of my own. I think I honestly have reached the limit of being single. Why do I just get "thrown" into places to where I think is too soon? Daddy, I'll be honest here. I am scared for this year. I've tried to look at the positive side of things but you can only do that for so long. I worry because it's not my heart's desire. It is hard living by yourself and being single. People try to understand but I know some just can't. I've had all I can take this week. Sometimes I wonder if I'm not happy or wanting to stay because it's not what my heart really wants. I want a family (husband and children), house to live in, country setting, kitchen to actually cook in, and memories being made. Also, money to spend on extra things. These are only a few of my heart's desires. I could go on. Daddy, I just want to be happy and stay that way.
In Jesus' Name,
Amen
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That was my prayers two nights ago but I got over it and prayed another prayer last night that made more sense. I prayed another prayer because I started talking to a friend that felt the same way but because of different things going on in her life. She made me see things a little different. I have been praying for these things all along and God is now just giving them to me. It might be hard at first but I am strong enough to get through it and if not, well, I have God by my side to help me. My friend just made me see that things happen for a reason and not to get ahead of God, which I think I have been doing lately. God would give me something I just asked for and then I would want to move on to the next thing. Even though, marriage and family have always been my heart's desires, there are things I need to get together because that happens and God is just helping me with those things.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is the prayer that I prayed last night to say sorry to God for how I spoke to Him the night before.
Dear Daddy,
I'm sorry for being mad last night. After talking with a friend of mine, I realized something or was reminded of something at least. I have asked for a better paying job and to be able to use my degree. I also wasn't sure about if I wanted to be a supervisor just yet. All you did was answer my prayers and put me in a spot where I could see and learn if I wanted to be a supervisor and a higher job. Plus I really got close to home. I also see that I matter to people and that people see what I do everyday. When someone wants you, that is a good thing. You are working in my life. I just need to have patience and trust. When I see things that way, I can know and trust You are working behind other areas of my life for other things to happen like the other things I am praying about but like this job it just isn't my time, it's Yours that matter. At the most, 2 years, of praying certain ways, I finally got it. Just shows me still not to give up on my desires or certain things and people. Big lesson of faithfulness right here for me, huh? Funny how we talked about it last Saturday at church and then this realization comes to my mind. Maybe the same dream that I had yesterday morning gave me a little hope and glimpses of the future for me? Maybe it was also telling me not to give up just yet? Even though, you still wouldn't put the spouse in my dream for sure yet. Daddy, I love you and I know You are just watching over me like a Daddy should and does.
In Jesus' Name,
Amen
That moment where you just wish everything would fall into place. I don't want to sound ungrateful but why do things happen so fast. Why do I get stuck between the hardest places? Why can't I plan past this job onto a better one? I literally can't see or think past it yet I am not stable money wise. My heart desire's is to be married and have a family of my own. I think I honestly have reached the limit of being single. Why do I just get "thrown" into places to where I think is too soon? Daddy, I'll be honest here. I am scared for this year. I've tried to look at the positive side of things but you can only do that for so long. I worry because it's not my heart's desire. It is hard living by yourself and being single. People try to understand but I know some just can't. I've had all I can take this week. Sometimes I wonder if I'm not happy or wanting to stay because it's not what my heart really wants. I want a family (husband and children), house to live in, country setting, kitchen to actually cook in, and memories being made. Also, money to spend on extra things. These are only a few of my heart's desires. I could go on. Daddy, I just want to be happy and stay that way.
In Jesus' Name,
Amen
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That was my prayers two nights ago but I got over it and prayed another prayer last night that made more sense. I prayed another prayer because I started talking to a friend that felt the same way but because of different things going on in her life. She made me see things a little different. I have been praying for these things all along and God is now just giving them to me. It might be hard at first but I am strong enough to get through it and if not, well, I have God by my side to help me. My friend just made me see that things happen for a reason and not to get ahead of God, which I think I have been doing lately. God would give me something I just asked for and then I would want to move on to the next thing. Even though, marriage and family have always been my heart's desires, there are things I need to get together because that happens and God is just helping me with those things.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is the prayer that I prayed last night to say sorry to God for how I spoke to Him the night before.
Dear Daddy,
I'm sorry for being mad last night. After talking with a friend of mine, I realized something or was reminded of something at least. I have asked for a better paying job and to be able to use my degree. I also wasn't sure about if I wanted to be a supervisor just yet. All you did was answer my prayers and put me in a spot where I could see and learn if I wanted to be a supervisor and a higher job. Plus I really got close to home. I also see that I matter to people and that people see what I do everyday. When someone wants you, that is a good thing. You are working in my life. I just need to have patience and trust. When I see things that way, I can know and trust You are working behind other areas of my life for other things to happen like the other things I am praying about but like this job it just isn't my time, it's Yours that matter. At the most, 2 years, of praying certain ways, I finally got it. Just shows me still not to give up on my desires or certain things and people. Big lesson of faithfulness right here for me, huh? Funny how we talked about it last Saturday at church and then this realization comes to my mind. Maybe the same dream that I had yesterday morning gave me a little hope and glimpses of the future for me? Maybe it was also telling me not to give up just yet? Even though, you still wouldn't put the spouse in my dream for sure yet. Daddy, I love you and I know You are just watching over me like a Daddy should and does.
In Jesus' Name,
Amen
Friday, August 4, 2017
Having a Dream about My Dreams
You know something is on your mind when you can't stop thinking about it. For me, it is my future and my heart's desires. It is so strange. I have today off of work but yet I feel like I have so much to do. I was suppose to sleep in but I really didn't. I got up the first time around 7:00 and then I was in a light sleep until 8:00ish. People keep saying have patience and keep trusting in God but when you really have to do those things, it is hard. When people don'r ask you if you want this or that or understand what you really have going on in your life, it is hard. It is hard living on your own especially when you are quite and don't share feelings easily.
That is me. I hate living by myself because of those reasons. No one understands me because no one is around me every day expect maybe my co workers and I like to keep things professional at my job so I don't take the focus off the children. I will say the lonely feeling got to me again last night so much that I prayed about it and just really told God what was on my heart and what my heart's desires were. It has also just been a week at work trying to figure out what is going on with this new school year. I will admit that my desires were on my mind when I went to bed because I prayed about it. Because they were on my mine, I had a dream when I was light sleeping. I didn't want to get up from it. I mean during those moments I was in my dreams and it just seemed better then anything I am really living right now.
It was a literally a dream about my wedding day. It was fun! I was in a pretty dress and everything. I was mad when I had to get up or couldn't really go back to sleep good. I don't know if God is trying to tell me something right now with everything going on but I do have a friend's wedding that I am going to tomorrow evening. It could just be all those feelings a girl gets when there is a wedding around the corner but I am sick of those feelings. I want those feelings to come true for me. I was also thinking about it last night and to be honest I am the last of the friends near by that is single but I am not the only one and it is funny how God works in that way too. I will say that I am at the point, or at least will be tomorrow after the wedding, where a guyfriend of mine is at the same point too. I think God is doing something with that so there will be understanding between something and some people but I am not God so I have no idea just yet. It wouldn't surprise me if God did though with His Sense of Humor. :)
I am just sick of going back and forth. I am sick of going on this kind of roller coaster. I am happy and busy at one moment. Then I am sad and bored at the next. I could also be content at a moment and then worried the next. I just need something that will stabilize my life, whether it is my heart's desires coming true or a stable career. Stable something to where I can live on my own and right not I can't do that where I am. I am so caught up in my heart's desires that I can't see into the future. I could be getting scared too because I am turning 30 in 5 months and if I was honest with myself, I didn't plan for myself past 30. I really didn't plan past college so I am blessed to be even getting this far, this well.
Yeah, I could make my teaching dream come true too but would that really help me with other things. I mean I would have to get my Master's in something, which costs money that I don't have. I could go into something like special ed or get certificated in something like teaching in a different state or for a certain special ed but it all cost the money I don't have right now. The job I have now believes in me and I like that because it is the first job that has but something just doesn't feel right deep down yet. I know some people say don't listen to your gut or emotions, which to that I could understand but I feel like it is more then those things telling me there is more that I need to be doing. I need to be doing my heart's desire and that is being married and having a family of my own.
I just can't out into words how I really feel and all the advice I have gotten throughout the years on that subject. I know those two things can be the hardest and I might regret saying this on a blog but I love challenges and I want to make a difference in the world and what better thing to do those things then having your own family. Honestly, being an introvert, I think might be a better idea because in away you don't have so many people to talk to and/or you can just relate to people better in every job, especially in the field I am in. It is hard when parents and/or staff won't take you seriously because you are single and/or don't have children of your own. It is like there are judging you everyday and watching your every move.
I am just done dreaming, waiting, being patience for things. I want things to start happening now. I want things to happen to where I need to stay at a job or with this diet or health kick. I know that isn't the way to look at it but right now if that is what it takes to get my dreams to start or for me to really dig in and start ti figure things out then fine. I don't like being this free with so many choices ahead of me. I need a plan and/or routine to stick with and for a reason. That is just my personality and who I am. Now I am done with my being single rant. :)
That is me. I hate living by myself because of those reasons. No one understands me because no one is around me every day expect maybe my co workers and I like to keep things professional at my job so I don't take the focus off the children. I will say the lonely feeling got to me again last night so much that I prayed about it and just really told God what was on my heart and what my heart's desires were. It has also just been a week at work trying to figure out what is going on with this new school year. I will admit that my desires were on my mind when I went to bed because I prayed about it. Because they were on my mine, I had a dream when I was light sleeping. I didn't want to get up from it. I mean during those moments I was in my dreams and it just seemed better then anything I am really living right now.
It was a literally a dream about my wedding day. It was fun! I was in a pretty dress and everything. I was mad when I had to get up or couldn't really go back to sleep good. I don't know if God is trying to tell me something right now with everything going on but I do have a friend's wedding that I am going to tomorrow evening. It could just be all those feelings a girl gets when there is a wedding around the corner but I am sick of those feelings. I want those feelings to come true for me. I was also thinking about it last night and to be honest I am the last of the friends near by that is single but I am not the only one and it is funny how God works in that way too. I will say that I am at the point, or at least will be tomorrow after the wedding, where a guyfriend of mine is at the same point too. I think God is doing something with that so there will be understanding between something and some people but I am not God so I have no idea just yet. It wouldn't surprise me if God did though with His Sense of Humor. :)
I am just sick of going back and forth. I am sick of going on this kind of roller coaster. I am happy and busy at one moment. Then I am sad and bored at the next. I could also be content at a moment and then worried the next. I just need something that will stabilize my life, whether it is my heart's desires coming true or a stable career. Stable something to where I can live on my own and right not I can't do that where I am. I am so caught up in my heart's desires that I can't see into the future. I could be getting scared too because I am turning 30 in 5 months and if I was honest with myself, I didn't plan for myself past 30. I really didn't plan past college so I am blessed to be even getting this far, this well.
Yeah, I could make my teaching dream come true too but would that really help me with other things. I mean I would have to get my Master's in something, which costs money that I don't have. I could go into something like special ed or get certificated in something like teaching in a different state or for a certain special ed but it all cost the money I don't have right now. The job I have now believes in me and I like that because it is the first job that has but something just doesn't feel right deep down yet. I know some people say don't listen to your gut or emotions, which to that I could understand but I feel like it is more then those things telling me there is more that I need to be doing. I need to be doing my heart's desire and that is being married and having a family of my own.
I just can't out into words how I really feel and all the advice I have gotten throughout the years on that subject. I know those two things can be the hardest and I might regret saying this on a blog but I love challenges and I want to make a difference in the world and what better thing to do those things then having your own family. Honestly, being an introvert, I think might be a better idea because in away you don't have so many people to talk to and/or you can just relate to people better in every job, especially in the field I am in. It is hard when parents and/or staff won't take you seriously because you are single and/or don't have children of your own. It is like there are judging you everyday and watching your every move.
I am just done dreaming, waiting, being patience for things. I want things to start happening now. I want things to happen to where I need to stay at a job or with this diet or health kick. I know that isn't the way to look at it but right now if that is what it takes to get my dreams to start or for me to really dig in and start ti figure things out then fine. I don't like being this free with so many choices ahead of me. I need a plan and/or routine to stick with and for a reason. That is just my personality and who I am. Now I am done with my being single rant. :)
Tuesday, August 1, 2017
What is Faithfulness?
1 Cor. 1:9
"9 God is faithful, through whom you were called into fellowship with His Son, Jesus Christ our Lord."
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Hebrews 12:1-3
"12 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross,scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.3 Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."
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Hebrews 3:12-13
"12 See to it, brothers and sisters, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. 13 But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.
-I love this verse too because it reminds us to encourage other believers and even other people everyday. It reminds us to be encouragement to others so they won't fall into or be harden by sin. We can pull them out with encouragement. We don't want to let our friends and other believes turn away from the Living God.
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-What is Faithfulness?
-Heb. 12:1-3-Life of Faithfulness
-Lay aside sin that entangles us.
-Keep our eyes on Jesus.
-Do not grow weary and lose heart.
-"Treat sin as we treat lice."
-Gal. is a battle/warfare to us.
- Galatians 5:16-25
-"16 So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 17 For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever[c]you want. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.
-Why?
-First, it tells us what sin is and then it tells us what to replace the sin with. The replacements are the Fruit of the Spirit. Having the Fruit of the Spirit is a battle against sin everyday. We have to be willing to put the fruit on or sin will get to us.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"9 God is faithful, through whom you were called into fellowship with His Son, Jesus Christ our Lord."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"12 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross,scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.3 Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hebrews 3:12-13
"12 See to it, brothers and sisters, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. 13 But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.
-I love this verse too because it reminds us to encourage other believers and even other people everyday. It reminds us to be encouragement to others so they won't fall into or be harden by sin. We can pull them out with encouragement. We don't want to let our friends and other believes turn away from the Living God.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-What is Faithfulness?
-Heb. 12:1-3-Life of Faithfulness
-Lay aside sin that entangles us.
-Keep our eyes on Jesus.
-Do not grow weary and lose heart.
-"Treat sin as we treat lice."
-Gal. is a battle/warfare to us.
- Galatians 5:16-25
-"16 So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 17 For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever[c]you want. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.
19 The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery;20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.
-Why?
-First, it tells us what sin is and then it tells us what to replace the sin with. The replacements are the Fruit of the Spirit. Having the Fruit of the Spirit is a battle against sin everyday. We have to be willing to put the fruit on or sin will get to us.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Proverbs 4:25New International Version (NIV)
25 Let your eyes look straight ahead;
fix your gaze directly before you.
-This verse goes great with what is being talked about here. I didn't get it from the sermon that was preached this past Saturday. Just found it over the weekend.
fix your gaze directly before you.
-This verse goes great with what is being talked about here. I didn't get it from the sermon that was preached this past Saturday. Just found it over the weekend.
Monday, July 31, 2017
Relationship Prayer #5
Dear Daddy,
I read something in my devo. yesterday morning that really stuck with me and hit my heart. The saying/phase was, "Hold fast to Me, Beloved, for I am Your Life." It is just a good reminder for me while all my friends are getting married and having relationships. It reminds me that You love me as Your Beloved. You care for me that way too. It also reminds me that you're my Life and my Everything. I really don't need anything more. I should just be able to enjoy Your Presence. For You to sty my Life, I need to Hold Fast to You and do that tightly and never let go. I want this phase to be brought to my mind when I think about negative thoughts about me and life. I want it to be an everyday occurrence. My theme for life. I want people to see that too in my life.
In Jesus' Name,
Amen
I read something in my devo. yesterday morning that really stuck with me and hit my heart. The saying/phase was, "Hold fast to Me, Beloved, for I am Your Life." It is just a good reminder for me while all my friends are getting married and having relationships. It reminds me that You love me as Your Beloved. You care for me that way too. It also reminds me that you're my Life and my Everything. I really don't need anything more. I should just be able to enjoy Your Presence. For You to sty my Life, I need to Hold Fast to You and do that tightly and never let go. I want this phase to be brought to my mind when I think about negative thoughts about me and life. I want it to be an everyday occurrence. My theme for life. I want people to see that too in my life.
In Jesus' Name,
Amen
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Christmas Eve Sermon
Brett Furgason John 3:16-Main verse -God initiates because He loves us. -God loves us even when we are broken and sinful. -Gave His One of a...
