Engage with God

"You have to engage with God."

Engage- to occupy the attention or efforts of (a person or persons):

                        -to attract and hold fast

        I know I have heard that saying one one close to it in my life before. I might have even wrote an entry about it. Yet I feel like it was more towards my career or future/dreams, which the dreams have changed since then. This entry and time is about my relationships and becoming the woman God wants me to be. It hit me in church this past Sunday like that.
         Why and what?, You might ask. Because I have been struggling with being the woman God wants me to be. I have put other things before myself. While that can be good, it can also be getting too much. Things like looking for my future husband. I have thought finding that person would make me that prefect wife.
           I was way wrong and off course. It felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders when I finally did let go of that thought. Here is why that saying got to me. I was thinking for weeks, "What does a women of God look like and how do I become one?" Because you hear people say all the time telling you to become the wife for your future husband  or you two will work together on it and so on. While that might be good and true to some point, it's not all true.
              When my pastor said, "Engage with God", everything just clicked and this is what I mean by it just cleaning clicking. The word "Engage" means two things or I just really like two out of the 3 meanings. The two meanings I like are "to occupy the attention or efforts of (a person or persons)" and "to attract and hold fast". You can also use both of them while talking about God because you do hold the attention or efforts but yet you can also be attracted and hold fast to God too. I think I like the "attracted and hold fast" meaning best. Why? Because just thinking about how God is attracted to you since the start of Time and never let's go is a powerful thing. Not only do you want that in God but you what that in people too but not as strong.
             Then, when it says "hold fast", it makes you think that no matter what happens you can hold fast to God. You can hold on to Him with all your might and He will get you through. He won't ever leave your side. Isn't that what you want in other people do especially someone like a future spouse? Don't you want someone that will always be with you in the good and bad times?
             People can tell you those things, that I mentioned earlier above, and more but it it not til you are full connected to God that you can be connected to another person especially a spouse. You can't really love that person or people if you don't know what true love it. You can't really connected if you have no idea who you are at all. You wouldn't know how to engage in a marriage if you don't know how to engage with God. Isn't that what marriage is truly all about?
            Not only is it about holding fast and being attached to a person. It is also about engaging in activities and love with that special someone. It is about doing what that person loves. It is about really understand how that person feels and why. It is really about feeling what the other person feels in all things. It is all about being CONNECTED!!!! How can you truly be connected to or engaging in a human when you aren't connected to or engaging in God.
             Engaging in God is the best way to live life! I can't think of a better way to follow Him!

Women of Proverbs-Part 2

Proverbs 21:19

"Better to live in a wilderness
than with a nagging
and a hot tempered wife."



Proverbs 21:21

"The one who pursues righteousness
and faithful love
will find life, righteousness, and honor."


Proverbs 22:14

"The mouth of the forbidden woman is
a deep pit;
a man cursed by the Lord will fall into it."



Proverbs 24:3-4

"A house is built by wisdom,
and it is established by understanding;
by knowledge the rooms are filled
with every precious
and beautiful treasure."



Proverbs 24:27

"Complete your outdoor work, and prepare
 your field;
afterward, build your house."


Proverbs 25:11

"A word spoken at the right time
is like gold apples in silver settings."



Proverbs 25:28

"A person who does not control
his temper
it like a city whose wall is broken down."



Proverbs 27:5-6

"Better an open reprimand
than concealed love."



Proverbs 27:10

"Don't abandon your friend
or your father's friend,
and don't go to your brother's house
in your time of calamity;
better is a neighbor near by than a
brother far away."


Proverbs 27:15

"An endless dripping on a rainy day
and a nagging wife or alike;
the one who controls her controls
the wind
and grasps oil with his right hand."



Proverbs 27:19

"As water reflects the face,
so the heart reflects the person."



Proverbs 27:23-27

"Know well the condition of your flock,
and pay attention to your herds,
for wealth is not forever,
now even a crown lasts for all time.
When hey is removed
and new growth appears
and the grain from the hills
is gathered in,
lambs will provide your clothing,
and goats, the price your field;
there will be enough goat's milk
for your food-
food for your household
and nourishment for your
female servants."



Proverbs 29:11

"A fool gives full vent to his anger,
but a wise person holds it in check."


Proverbs 29:15

"A rod of correction imparts wisdom,
but a youth left to himself
is a disgrace to his mothers."


Proverbs 29:17

"Discipline your child, and it will bring you
peace of mind
and give you delight."


Proverbs 29:21

"A servant pampered from his youth
will become arrogant later on."


Proverbs 30:18-19

"Three things are too wondrous for me;
four I can't understand:
the way of an eagle in the sky,
the way of a snake on a rock,
the way of a ship at sea,
and the way of a man
with a young woman."


Proverbs 30:23

"An unloved woman when she marries,
and a servant girl when she ousts
her queen."



Proverbs 31:10-13-The Famous Wife Chapter

Woman of Proverbs

Proverbs 9:13-18

"Folly is rowdy woman,

she is gullible and knows nothing. 

She sits by the doorway of her house,

on a seat at the highest point of the city,

calling to those who pass by,

who go straight ahead on their paths:

"Whoever is inexperienced, enter here!"

To the one who lacks sense, she says,

"stolen water is weet,

and bread eaten secretly is tasty!'

But he doesn't know 

that the departed spirits are there, 

that her guests are in the depths

of Sheol."

Proverbs 10:9

"The one who lives with intgerity

lives securely,

but whoever perverts his ways will be

found out."

Proverbs 10:12

"Hatred stirs up conflict

but love covers all offenses."

Proverbs 10:22

"The Lord's blessing enriches,

and he adds no painful effort to it."

Proverbs 10:28

"The hope of the righteous is joy, 

but the expectation of the wicked

will perish."

Proverbs 11:16

"A gracious woman gains honor,

but violent people gain only riches."

Proverbs 11:22

"A beautiful woman who rejects 

good sense

is like a gold ring in a pig's snout."

Proverbs 12:4

"A wife of noble character is 

her husband's crown, 

but a wife who causes shame

is like rottenness in his bones."

Proverbs 13:24

"The one who will not use the rod hates 

his son, 

but the one who loves him disciplines him 

diligently."

Proverbs 14:1

"Every wise woman builds her house,

but a foolish one tears it down 

with her own hands."

Proverbs 14:12

"There is a way that seems right to a person,

but its end is the way to death."

Proverbs 14:16

"A wise person is cautious and turns 

from evil,

but a fool is easily angered and is careless."

Proverbs 14:26

"In the fear of the Lord one has 

strong confidence

and his children have a refuge."

Proverbs 14:29

"A patient person shows great 

understanding,

but a quick tempered one promotes

foolishness."

Proverbs 14:30

"A tranquil heart is life to the body,

but jealously is rottenness to the bones."

Proverbs 15:1

"A gentle answer turns away anger,

but a harsh word stirs up wrath."

Proverbs 15:2

"The tongue of the wise

makes knowledge attractive,

but the mouth of fools

blurts out foolishness."

Proverbs 15:14

"A discerning mind seeks knowledge,

but the mouth of fools feeds

on foolishness."

Proverbs 16:1-4

"The reflections of the heart

belong to mankind,

but the answer of the tongue is

from the Lord. 

All a person's ways seem right to him,

but the Lord weighs motives.

Commit your activities to the Lord, 

and your plans will be established.

The Lord has prepared everything

for his purpose-

even the wicked for the day of disaster."

Proverbs 16:9

"A person's heart plans his ways

but the Lord determines his steps."

Proverbs 16:23

"The heart of a wise person instructs

his mouth;

it adds learning to his speech."

Proverbs 16:32

"Patience is better than power,

and controlling one's emotions,

than capturing a city."

Proverbs 17:9

"Whoever conceals an offense

promotes love,

but whoever gossips about it 

separates friends."

Proverbs 17:13

"If anyone returns evil for good, 

evil will never depart from his house."

Proverbs 17:14

"To start a conflict is to release a flood; 

stop the dispute before it breaks out."

Proverbs 17:27

"The one who has knowledge restrains 

his words,

and one who keeps a cool head

is a person of understanding."

Proverbs 18:10

"The name of the Lord is a strong tower;

the righteous run to it and are protected."

Proverbs 18:22

"A man who finds a wife finds a good thing

and obtains favor from the Lord. 

Proverbs 19:11

"A person's insight gives him patience,

and his virture is to overlook an offense."

Proverbs 19:13

"A foolish son is his father's ruin,

and a wife's nagging is 

and endless dripping."

Proverbs 19:14

"A house and wealth are inherited 

from fathers,

but a prudent wife is from the Lord."

Proverbs 19:20

"Listen to counsel and receive instruction

so that you may be wise later in life."

Proverbs 20:7

"A righteous person acts with integrity;
his children who come after him
will be happy."



Proverbs 21:1-2

"A King's heart is like channeled water
in the Lord's hand:
He directs it wherever he chooses.
All a person's ways seem right to him,
but the Lord weighs the hearts."


Proverbs 21:9

"Better to live on the corner of a roof
than ti share a house with a nagging wife."

A Year Off of Dr. Prescibed Anxiety Meds.

           So I am literally crying right now as I write this and I know I have already wrote one today but I can't get this miracles out of my mind and it is perfect for everything I have been through this week. For those of you who had no idea, I have been on anxiety meds. for 4 years off and on but finally stopped last July. It was a choice I made myself. I didn't like how the meds. were making me mess up with life and the way they were affecting my thoughts and choices. As I look back now and see what has happened since it is like God is starting a whole new story from this day forwards. It was like VBS was the start of it, which is funny because this past Weds. was exactly a year from we I started to stop it. I don't know if I just noticed it tonight or if I have been noticing it all week but it finally did hit me.
           It all started in August when I got placed at a new school for my job for the new school year. I just wanted that school because it was closer to where I lived but God had other plans. That's first where I heard about the church that I am going to now. Then things were getting hard there and things started to happen that were stressing me out so I was moved back to my 1st school I was at and back to the kiddos that I loved and cared about the most. Well, that's when I started to one of the girls about her church and how much she wanted me to go to the little things there and so forth. Then Dec. came and I went to their Christmas program. I remember finding the girl's mom on Facebook and connecting the dots there before Dec. though.
         When I went to the program, I noticed that the two different girls from my two different schools both went to that church together. I started going to that church in Jan. every other Sunday after I started my new job at another preschool. It wasn't til Feb. that I was going every Sunday. March rolled around and I didn't something then that was really hard for me to do but that needed to be done for years. I had to fight through that and still am in some ways since this week will be the 6th month. I jumped in with the church and started doing serect sister program with the women and I also did their Spring Bible Study. It was "The Quest" by Beth Moore. My favorite.
         The Study lasted until the end of May or around then. Got through a hard couple of months because of what happened in March. During all of these changes, I was having a hard time at the job I had then so I was hoping and pray for a new one. That is when I was really stressed out but I knew it was because of the job and not because of me. I knew I could do better and be treated better at other places. I got a new job that I love at the start of this month. I couldn't ask for a better one. VBS also just got done with this past week and I started helping with Sunday School last Sunday morning. Through VBS, I have gotten to know a lot more people from the church. I just feel like I more energy to do more things now that I love.
         There is still one thing that hasn't been fixed yet and it might take awhile or it might never be fixed back to where it was before because when I was on those meds. I messed it up so bad. I probably, ok not probably, but did annoy the heck out of a person. Just wish I got another chance but who knows maybe I will either way I know I am the one that messed up big time. If anything, I will grow from it.
         Like I said I don't know if it was this past week to make me realize all of this or just tonight or both. I was happy with who I was and where I am. I was at peace and knew what I was doing. I wanted to talk to people that I haven't talked to in awhile. I missed the little things that people did. Don't buy into the lie that the anxiety meds. drs. give you are suppose to help you because they can have side effect. Those side effects are the ones they tell you about too. They are real. Don't do them without doing deep research and unless you can and have had the panic attacks. I just wanted the easy way out or so I thought it was but it just made things worse and now I am paying for all of those things. This is what a year can do off of Anxiety meds. My life has totally changed for the better all the way around.
           I will also say that I even smiled at the simplest thing tonight and it felt like I was back in college. Back to where things were fun and simple. Back to what I really expected from people and got just that. Back to loving the flaws of my friends and couldn't care less what other people thought about that or me. I wanted to reach out and I tried but I know that I will have to rebuild that reaching back up to where it was because the meds. made me so anxious and depressed. That true, deep, caring person that I once was.

Do Miracles Still Happen Today?

            This past week has been an amazing one to remember. It has been one for the books too. I had energy to do things after work and I loved doing them. Yeah, I was sleepy when I got home but it was a good kind of sleepy. It was a busy week but I wouldn't have it any other way. It kept me focused on what I love to do and like I said before I had fun doing it. This week I did a small VBS after work every night and it brought back memories. I use to help my mom with VBS a lot while I was in high school and then of course I would go every summer when I was little if my church had one, which they usually did. This was the first VBS that I did here in AR and it was a blast!
              I had a great group of kids and the theme was pretty interesting and fun. It was all about Science, which I like in a way as long as it isn't the hard science. There was fun little kid friendly experiments, the crafts were cute, the games were also very creative, and the lessons were meaningful. I also liked how the science was tried to the miracles of Jesus and how on the last night they had a big, special experiment just like the big miracle Jesus did. That big miracle was Jesus rising from the dead. We had some experiments that worked and others that didn't so we got to see both sides of that. We made some Elephant toothpaste and did the milk spreading food coloring experiment too. We also tried to make rock candy but it wasn't harden by the end of the week.
            The snacks were also very creative. We made a DNA out of marshmallows and linconce and toothpicks. One of the snacks was also "homemade" slime. I'll let you figure out how to make that one happen yourself. Even though, those things were fun and all, it wasn't about those things. It was about the children and teaching them about Christ's Love for us. I did have some cute and special moments with my kiddos that I never want to forget. I had one child that I had to help most of the time with everything. which is great. I love doing that! I had a girl that had to leave in the middle of the week but I remember on the last night that she was there, she just snuggled up close to me and just let me rub her back.
            I got to talk to another girl about what was going on in her family. Then I got this title from a little boy in my group. He actually asked that question the last night of the VBS. I thought that was a neat and meaningful question. Then I got to see the cousins that I had in my group say the verse John 3:16 together in unison, which was great, cute, and not surprising to me at all. Altogether, I just got to know most of the children in the church more and even some of the adults. In a way, VBS was kind of a miracle for me because as a single person I was feeling pretty lonely at the church and starting to doubt if I should even be there again if I was honest with myself. It is just hard anywhere to find a place to fit in when you are single and quite.
            I also tried to explain another miracle to one of my little boys but don't know if he got it or not. That question (aka title) really got to me because I feel like for things to happen in my life the way they should or they way God wants them to, a miracle does need to happen. I feel like I have messed up my life in so many ways and so bad that nothing can be fixed. Yet at the same time I think God was working during that VBS to make things happen and to make me realize some things too that I personally need to work on and other things. I know this might be a sappy way to end this entry but I am going to do it anyways.
           I am still waiting for my "miracle" to happen.
             

Feeling Helpless

           When I say "feeling helpless" I mean towards people in difficult situations. I've honestly remember one other time that I felt that helpless and it was back in college. I had excuses back then though, This moment and situation I don't and shouldn't have any excuses. That is what is tearing me apart on the inside right now.
           In college, the excuses were ones like I don't know any but 2 of them, I don't know that person, and I won't see them after college. Well, God's laughing at me right now this week. He does have a sense of humor. I shouldn't have any excuses now I am scared in a way and making some up. They're not really excuses but more what ifs. Either way, I am still doubting myself. Think I feel helpless when I only knew 2 of them? Can you guess how helpless I feel now? So, so, so much. I can't even describe it on here. No words for it. Each person/family has their own story of how they got to know me or met me.
           I know there are little things I can do but it just doesn't seem like enough to me at times. Things like praying, helping out with events being there for the children, and/or asking how things are. I don't feel like praying is enough because I did that when there were 2 people. My heart says to do more. I also asked how things were and how the people were doing even the ones I knew personally. In a way though, I guess I am doing a little bit more. I am hugging and caring for the children. I am helping with an event.
            I knew the person before the situation happened. I mean I know more then two people so shouldn't I be able to do more and I met the children first in this situation. Shouldn't it be easier for me because of that? The more people I know equals more chances and opportunities, right? Yet in a way I think God is giving me peace because for the most part I've been quite yet doing what I love actually doing to things I love. Life can't get any better then that. All this puts me in between a hard situation and a rock. I want to do so much but yet I feel helpless. Should I take the risk and go forwards or should I stay where I am at for right now?
           I am not the type of person that can feel helpless for very long especially if the situations have to do with any of my friends or even people that I know. I am the kind of person that really cares and not just cares but cares deeply. I take everything to heart especially when I don't feel like I am helping or if I said something at the wrong time or with the wrong wording. I don't myself a lot because I care too much. I never want to feel helpless and if I think about it I never think I have until that one time in college and now. There was a few other times when I was giving up my "missions" life but I got over that pretty fast. This helplessness is expanding so many people but I don't even know where to start and end it.
           I could help out in so many ways but yet I could get in trouble in so many ways. It just depends on the people that I am around at that moment in time. It all comes back to the timing of things and what God wants me to do. I try to remember every time but it is hard especially when you have been there before and you want to be there again for people. Right now, I am just trying to listen to God and see where He wants me to help out in the situation. I might need to help one family but not really talk to the other one or I might need to talk to both. Who knows?  This does go back to what we talked about last Sunday, though, in church. You just have to keep living and loving. Seeds will be planted somewhere and somehow but we might never know it.

Giving Wisdom

            Maybe I should start doing child development workshops or something like that? Why, you might ask. Answer is I love teaching and children. I also love to give advice and be able to share what I know. I think that is part of the fun so far in this new job. I also love to get more wisdom and learn more which I am also doing. The teacher and floater that I have been paired with this past month. They are either younger then me or don't have the same degree. They have a degree that helps them but also confuses them at the same time. They have worked one center or none at all when I have worked about 4 or more centers.
            She is taking classes for on the job training but doesn't have a CDA or a degree yet. The other teacher has a degree but not in child development. Yet they both know it and asks for my help when they need it. She is also excited about the job and think it is fun. She loves her children even when they are crazy. She has asked me about my ideas and plans. She even looked at them to try and write her own. I have also talked to both of them about how to discipline the children in a positive way. It's neat to see those two try something and see it work. It's like I am teaching more then just the children in a way.
            I never thought about it or maybe I have this way. I think I like the teach based way more then the play based way because I feel like I am giving the children wisdom to grow on. That's probably why I picked preschool age too. You actually see that wisdom used through out there lives. I just hope I don't let any of them down. Spending all my life passing down wisdom is a good life spent and maybe is another reason I love that age. I don't remember what I learned in the 1st 3 years of school. I remember all my teacher but not what I learned during the school year. The only thing I remember is that I went to half day Kindergarten and I went in the mornings.
           I also remember learning cursive handwriting in 2nd grade because of what I went through in 3rd grade. I had to learn cursive two times. I learned in 2nd grade and 3rd grade. But if I really think about it, I don't remember much about my 1st grade year. I also remember who my best friend was in those 3 years but we were never in the same class. I still think they did that on purpose in way. Maybe it is because I had great teachers before then. Great teachers like my mom and babysitter so I go off what they taught me. The floater that I spent a lot of time with told me to teach the children what I learned in Kindergarten. I got to thinking I really don't remember what happened before then because  I already knew everything in a way. That is what brought on this entry.
           I want to be that teacher. I want the children to remember their preschool teacher before they start the public school system. I want them to remember who taught them the important stuff. :) I remember my mom teaching me my letters, how to write my name, and how to count. My babysitter taught me about the outdoors/country. That's how I got my Love for it. I also remember my babysitter reading to me a lot. My mom was and still is big on reading too. I got my love for books from her. Anyways, a stroll down memory lane for me and whoever reads this. It's truly wisdom past down through the generations.  Just in a different way then most, I guess. I am truly lesson based.
           Because of technology, that kind of wisdom is almost all gone. Plus I am prefect for the 4-5s because I have had college experience in childcare and living experience in elementary ed. It is funny because I thought I would always like the littler ones and while they are okay, I like the bigger ones better. I can do everything that I want to do and know how to do all in one setting. You can also see when the bigger children get that wisdom inside of them. It shows on their faces and in their attitudes too.