Friendship and Conflict

        What a way to start out a new month of entries, right? This is something that I have thought a lot about the past couple of weeks and especially this weekend. Mainly about guy friends but with girlfriends too because I know I don't keep up or do good with either one. I'm a very socially awkward person most of the time especially when you don't take the time to get to know me. You can't just hang out with me once or twice or even 3 times. You have to give me a lot of chances. It takes me like a year to where I can get to being playfully smart alike with people I am around and my friends.
        I have been feeling this past year and wondering why can't I keep any kind of friendships together, guys or girls? I saw a pattern in the way I treated guys as friends but I guess I just didn't want to believe it because it wasn't a good pattern. It is the pattern of the world and I don't want that. With girls, I have compared myself to some and just thinking do we have anything in common. What has been happening lately is some of my girlfriends have been getting married or moving away so instead of spending more time with them before that happens, I have been turning away but I need to be turning towards a lot more or I will be lonely all my life.
        I will admit too that the reason I turn away from guys and girls is I have a trust issue that goes really deep especially with guys but with girls too. I will say about the girls' end because this is unreal sometimes that the girl that I thought was my best friend in high school gave me a note our on last day of high school and said I don't want to be your friend anymore. My trust with guys is simple they have always teased in me in high school. I thought I could get rid of those things just like that when I came out into the big world but it is a lot harder then you would think because everyone is so different and we really need to share our past to understand each other. It's not like you have grown up with them for 10 years. Everything is new.
         I've already had some major differences while being here in AR between guys and they let me know some nicely and some not so nicely and not by them but their friends. I feel like some of be resolve and we are back to where we started and know we know a little more about each other and where to draw the line. I'm still in the middle of one where I hope I haven't completely messed it up for good. All this to say that conflict in friendships is needed. I have seen it work for the better in my life even through I have turned away instead of towards a lot of times because that is a habit of mine. There are times and moments that I see where that conflict has helped my life with and without that friend.
         There are 2 things that I need to work on and that I wouldn't mind help on and these are great ideas. I got them from a meeting I went to yesterday at my church. The whole turning away vs. turning towards, I really need up with that because I do turn away every time there is conflict because if you know me, I'm not the one that can handle or likes to handle conflict at all. If it will make things better and if it is the only way to show a person that I do care for them as a friend or in whatever way then I need to turn towards. Then there is the "Where are we in this friendship?" question for guys and girls. Sometimes, for me at least, this is where the conflict comes in with my guy friends or that is what I think of it as, so I turn away, when really it might not be and I might not need to. Even asking your girlfriends that might be strange but it is a good idea because if you want to tell them something you never told anyone before, you might what to know if they will keep it a secret or not. Do they care enough about you to help you and keep it from other people or will they go around telling others?
       Another thing that really pointed out to me in the meeting was: With the opposite gender, you are never out of the friend zone when in the romantic zone. That means you are just closer as people and have more feelings for each other. If you want to see if dating is right for you as a couple, then try it and if they are a true friend they won't go away, might need a break but they could be there. Once you have a romantic relationship, everything does not have to end when you call that part off. It just helped you become closer friends. I still need to pray about that to understand how it works but it is different for different people I'm sure.
         One more thing that really got to me is that there will be conflict in any gender friendship because there are different stages that need to be reach as a person and more growth to be done. You can see the changes and growth between us and Jesus: We are the clay, next the sheep, then the servant, and last His Friend. All of those nouns have a different level of action. Jesus is molding us, leading us, teaching us, and then we are by His Side as His Friend. This is just part of the hard life.  
         Now as I write this out, I'm thinking how crazy am I that I ever thought friendship of any kind could just be easy when God made everyone so different whether gender or culture wise. We each have our own story and we need to take the time to listen to each other's stories. I guess I'm really learning about friendship because I was sheltered growing up as a child and I was also quite. When you get out into the "big" world, you meet so many interesting people that have different stories and come from different cultures and we should just take the time to get to know them. We shouldn't assume anything because that is probably the BIGGEST mistake that we could ever make while trying to make new friends even if we have know them for 8 or 5 years because people do change when they get out in the big world. It is not like we are in high school or college anymore.
           To leave you with a challenge and it is my challenge too: Pray for meaningful friendships, ones that will lead you where you want to go in life and if you are a Christian, ones that are from God. Take time to be that friend. Don't ever assume anything, always ask!