Love in the Distance-An Explanation

           To set the storyline up for you all, I had a hard work day yesterday so I went to a park last night and acted like a child for once. There were fireflies all around as I was swinging on a swing and to my luck a lot of people I knew were at the park but they were far off in the distance. I came home and read something that talked about if you give your friends so distance when they ask for it that is better for them and that got me thinking about this entry and what has been going on in my life right now. There might be a poem with the same title in the next few days so watch for that.
           I am a very deep and compassionate person and when I become friends with someone or even barely get to know someone sometimes I tend to cling to them a little too much if we are a lot alike even if they don't know it. We all have that friend that we count on for everything and to be there with us through everything. I have had friends tell me a lot of times that I need to give them a little distance because I have been coming on too strongly towards them, which is okay, I totally am okay with that. It is better to know then to continue what I'm doing. I want a truthful friendship, not a lying/secret one.
            I have had an incident, okay maybe a few, in the past where I have been told to give them distance and I have but it is so hard to get started with but once you are use to it, it becomes easier and you can tell a lot more things about them especially if they will start talking to you without you having to start it. I never knew what giving them distance really felt like because usually it was just a crush I had in high school or in college so I didn't feel like I was missing something when I was giving them the distance. Lately though, it seems God is putting people in my path when I'm not even trying anymore because I was told not to and when He does I feel farther away then I really am.
            I can only be a few feet away from them but yet so far away from them in my heart and it is hard for me. It is hard for a person who cares so deeply and is so compassionate about the other people in her life. I want to say "hey" or go up to them and introduce myself to others around them but it's hard because I want to keep that distance until my friends are ready if they ever will be. Yet at the same time, it can be fun because you get to know the other person and people better that way, when you are just sitting and watching (aka observing) which I love to do. I'm a people watcher most of the time. I might regret putting this out there but it will make sense with the next thing I'm going to say, I came home crying and so much more confused then I ever was to start with. I saw that I was not okay and am not going to be until I get more information but I can't make anyone give it to me.
            I just felt last night too, that with that distance between this friend and me, God is doing something greater for both of us whether together (sorry to say that) or apart. It is a way to grow stronger in every way but especially in the Lord. I know I have been striving to be the best women I can be for God and others and because of that I am looking more towards God then ever before. There reason that I wanted to share this story was the lesson it taught be when I look at Jesus on the cross.
            We were on His mind when He was on that cross. When He was suffering for us, we were out there having fun and making fun of Him but yet He didn't care how we acted He still thought about us and wanted to forgive us. It was hard for me last night to go back home and just know that I missed another chance to talk to my friend because I was so scared and confused. Yet, at the same time, it was so hard for Jesus to stay on the cross. He looked for another way out while He was in the garden but this was His Father's Plan and He knew that. If I get really upset and sad about missing out on a chance to talk to a friend that I care about as that. 

Makes me wonder: Would I grieve and cry at the cross if I was there on that day when Jesus was hung?

               Do we have too many things of this world to take care of and set our mind too that we won't even think about that? He died for us. Yet the Bible says that all that were there laughed and spit on Him. Mocked Him non-stop. I can't explain the pain I felt last night and that was over a sinful human being. Everyone is sinful so they know that.  It was like my heart just broke into pieces and it took me forever to calm down and go to sleep. I had to eat something to calm down. Yet the PERFECT ONE died to save us from our sinfulness. Something we do not deserve at all.

Let me ask you another question that I am asking myself right now and have been for the past few weeks: Where are my standards and priorities? Are they with and for God or with and for the flesh?

              I challenge you to talk to God and ask Him those questions and then when He gives you an answer and if it is one you don't like then ask God to change you to the answer you do like.
All of this while I sit out at night on a swing swinging like a little child for about 10 mins. maybe a little longer. That was my restful, breathing time this week. :)