Luke 7:36-48
"37 A woman in that town who lived a sinful life learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house, so she came there with an alabaster jar of perfume. 38 As she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them."
"39 When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner.................”
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"44 Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. 45 You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. 46 You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. 47 Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little................”
"50 Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”
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This story in the Bible didn't really hit me til now. That one question, Jesus asked, "Do you see that women?" I could have used long ago. Back in high school, when I felt so invisible to everyone. Every time that I lost someone that I've loved, which have been 5 times. When I moved to a new state and didn't know anyone. When I was fighting with my anxiety and trying to find answers for that. When I kept losing one job after the other. So mainly in my teenage years and my 20s.
When I thought I needed to find a guy before I graduated college. Yet, God chose to show me it when I started in my 30s and in the middle of a hard situation. When I chose to let go of something I have cared about for years. A situation that I was using for my whole life and focused on. I was trying to be the person/women the world wanted me to be for a particular reason and not what God wanted me to be. There was 3 things that the women did for Jesus and we should do to this day. Yet all those 3 things showed "Love". How do those 3 things show Love? You might ask. Here is how:
-Wetting Jesus' feet with her tears showed Jesus that she was trying to forgive Him in a way. Trying to say she was sorry for all the bad that she has done.
-Kissing Jesus' feet showed a sign of respect she had towards Him and it was also a sign of affection in a way.
-Anointing of the perfume on Jesus' feet was a sign that she wanted to start over anew and fresh with Him as her Savior.
I am putting this is bold and italics letters because I want it to be seen. Those three things are just my way of explaining things that happened in the story. The way I see them. I got those meanings from nowhere special. They might be right or totally wrong but that is how I like to look at them.
I am in a situation or a couple of situations right now that I need to remind myself of the answer to that hard question. The question: Do you see that women? I need to remind myself that I am Loved by the One that is the best for me to be loved by. If that makes any sense at all. I feel like I have to pick between some things right now and it is hard to do but I know the kind of women I am and I know what I want right now or from now on at the age of 30. It is like God is putting me on this crazy and undefined Quest just to find out who I really am and what I can take. Who really can see the women that I really am? It will be a struggle I know because I don't open up on the first go around to anyone.
I prayed a lot of prayers in the past few months about what it is that I want and what it is that I need help with. Things just seems to get more confusing and hard for me. I have also felt like asking that question to a lot of people, whether it will be co-workers, friends, my church, or my guyfriends. I just want to ask them: Do you see the women I truly am? Do YOU SEE ME for me? Not how your family sees me. Not how other people see me. Not how you saw me in high school or in college. But how you see me now. Sometimes I just feel like adding "Just give me a chance" to that question.
I want to be able to do those three things and be okay with doing them without any credit back. I want people to see that I am a forgiving, respecting, start over kind of women. Does that make sense? I feel like I support a lot of people that don't support me back. I feel like I help a lot and get things done but yet I get no thanks for it. It would just be nice if people saw me the way Jesus does and then they would know the true me and life wouldn't be so hard. I wouldn't be in most of the situations that I am right now.
I know that those things aren't that important but it would be nice to know once in awhile that what I am doing has changed a life or made some one's day in some way. I'm not asking for a big show but for a little piece of encouragement to keep me going. I pour my heart out to some people yet I get nothing in return at times. I know that I mean something in God's Eyes because I do those things. I know my sins are forgiven because I treat others with Love without asking for anything back in return at those times but it wears a women down when she keeps doing it and gets nothing in return.
I know that this story is my prayer right now for myself in this moment of my life. I want people to see me as Jesus sees me for the women that I really am in Him and for Him. I don't want anyone else's advice or concern. I don't want people to say "well, my family doesn't like her so that means I don't like her." All I have to say is this: "Give me a chance like God did on me in a way." God saw how messed up and broken I was in the times that I have mentioned and more but yet He still Loved me for me and He gave me a million chances and still have a million more because I know I am not prefect at all. I know too that I have to ask myself that question everyday to get the answer especially if it is a bad day.
I want every women that reads this to try and make it a habit with me to ask the question below in some manner throughout her day and just remember: "GOD DOES SEE YOU IN ALL OF YOUR MESS AND HE LOVES YOU MORE THEN ANYONE EVER CAN."
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