Love is Patient

         I am going to put a disclaimer on this entry right now. I am writing because I feel like God has been teaching and reminding me what love truly is because of things going on in my life. It might be different then yours and that is okay. It just came at a strange time and moment. Take it how you want it but please just know I'm sharing from what I'm going through now and it isn't to match up with anything going on in the world right now though it might seem like it could. This is something God has put on my heart before this past week.
        I have 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 on my bathroom mirror for this next coming month. I always try to put different verses that the Lord is teaching me through so I can memorize them and they can get me through the day. For me, I love the Love Chapter. It has been my favorite chapter since the day that I could read the Bible by myself but that doesn't stop me from learning from it. It has just been recently in these few past years that God has really opened up my eyes to see what those verses really mean in life. Usually, it is one or two words or verses that gets me thinking but it was a whole two verses this time and seeing that around in my life now.
        1 Corinthians 13:4-5 says, "Love is patient (short version of verse 4) and it does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it does not keep any records of wrongs." These verses really helps me at my job and just with friendships in general too. It is saying that God was patient and waiting for us when we wouldn't come to Him at first so why should we be demanding of the people around us to come now. If we really loved them like we say we do, then we should wait until they are ready or until God has them ready for us. It takes time for people to open up to other people especially when they might think something more can come from it. For people like me, no matter who you are I'm just a deep person and I like to get into the deep things but it takes me awhile to see if I can trust you. People just need to give people chances to open up and show them who they really can be. When I show you that I can, you better not break that trust.
        Then with the children I work with, there is no other way but to be patience with them. They can't help what they have been through or what they have seen. How they are acting is the only way they know how to act. They haven't been taught the true meaning of love. They might kick and bite and hit you but you just have to love them all the same sometimes even those harder children a little bit more. They have to see that no matter what they do, you will always love them and never give up on them. You might be mean at first because you are trying to get them to stop the behaviors that they have learned but then before they leave hopefully they realize that you did it out of love and that no matter what they are like we still love them.
         I have all of the chapter in my cubie at work just so when I get stressed I can remember why I am there and what I'm suppose to show those children there and that is God's Love for them. I'll admit lately with everything I have been easily angered, self seeking, and dishonoring to others. If you ask people I'm sure they will tell you "yes". Then I got to thinking this week God doesn't have to treat us like He does. He doesn't have to wait for us to come to Him or He can write down all of the sins that we do and say forget her or him but He doesn't. He throws our sins as far as the east is from the west.
         God could also chose us and make us come to Him because He can do anything but yet He doesn't. He knows we could do better with Him and for Him but yet He waits. If He would just chose us right away and not let us chose then that would be Him self seeking for Himself. He could get easily upset with us and strike us down any minute but that is not the kind of God He is.
         God is a Loving God and He lets us have free will to chose which way to go. He could make this world prefect right now but then why would we need Him. He wants us to want Him. He wants to be part of our lives. I've been seeing things across the internet for women that says, "a strong girl doesn't need a man in her life but she wants one" or something along those lines. I would have to say that it is true for God and a human being. We were all made for relationships because God is relational. That is part of His image that He made in us, especially us women.
           I know it is hard waiting for that one "prefect" guy to come in your life but when you think about it you already have the most prefect guy in your life. You have God and no earthly guy can beat that. They can try but they never will. Guys, if you see that has a challenge I would like to see you try. Women, you do want a guy that tries to reach that status but you also have to remember that he is human just like you and will not be prefect in every way. That is one of the many reasons that God needs to be the center of each and every marriage. Humans will just fail every time but God never will.

What are Little Boys Being Taught These Days?

         I had a talk with one of my little boys that gave me a look into how little boys are be raised and I just wanted to write it out so I can remember it. I was talking to one of my little boys because he didn't want to go to nap time. He was trying to push limits about not going to nap but I tried the trick that usually works with most children. I said, "Sleeping will make you big and strong." I was hurt by his response more then anything and it made me think a lot.
          His first response was "I don't want to be big, I want to stay little." Then I was like, "okay" and thought that a little one saying that wasn't anything new because I want to stay little too. Life is fun when you are a child. It was his next response that got me hard though. I told him, "Okay, then you can just be strong." His response was," I don't want to be strong" and I asked him why. He responded, "When I am strong at home, I get a whooping." I told him that being strong where I work was okay because that is a safe way to be but he still wouldn't fall for the nap that way. he did go take one, though, because he knew he had too.
           I just thought about what he said while I was rocking him to sleep at nap time. Are people really saying that to little boys these days? Are people keeping their little boys from going outside and playing in the mud and going on their little adventures back in the woods? No wonder there truly are less "man" out there nowadays. The little boys stay home in front of the TV or video games then go outside. That is why we are getting a lot more hyper and non imaginative little boys. Their parents don't make them go outside anymore.
           It is funny because here I am a girl and I remember going outside almost all the time when I was little and honestly that is probably what helped in keeping me alive. From a Christian point of view, we should spend time in the outdoors, in God's Creation, and it is a lot of fun when we spend it with someone else. Summer is not the time for me to spend outside so I haven't lately and I don't regret it but in the Fall, Winter, or Spring when the temp. is cool enough and there is snow coming down I do get upset when I don't get to go out. I always try to make a point in my day when the weather is cool.
          It is just sad how the people of this world take God's Creation for granted. When you go to another country, you see sand and not a lot of trees or even flowers around because it is mainly hot or you are in the bigger cities where most of the people are. In other countries, those people literally live of the land so they have to be outside working the land, farming it and what not. They don't really have time to enjoy it like we do but yet when they are farming they make themselves enjoy that time that they are farming it. i
         To me, the outdoors just make people stronger because when you see what God has done and made for us in Creation, then you start to wonder "what can God do for me?" Look at a sun set one night or the fireflies in a park raising up at dusk or the leaves changing colors in the Fall or the flowers in the Spring after a long Winter. Our God is a God of Creation and we take that for granted a lot of times. Creation is a gift to us and we should enjoy it like that plus you can do a lot more things in the outdoors then you can do inside a building.
          I'm sorry but to me keeping little boys inside and telling them that they can't be strong is just not right. God didn't make little boys to be that way. He made them to be strong, adventurous, hunters, protectors and so on. This entry might be a little basis and if it comes across that way I'm sorry. I'm not meaning it too but people need to realize what we are doing to boys these days. That comment my little boy made really got me thinking about my future children (boys) if and when I have any and how I want to raise them. Sadly, it might be different by that time but that is not going to stop me. No one can stop a person from enjoying God's Creation. Just sayin'.

         

Love in the Distance-An Explanation

           To set the storyline up for you all, I had a hard work day yesterday so I went to a park last night and acted like a child for once. There were fireflies all around as I was swinging on a swing and to my luck a lot of people I knew were at the park but they were far off in the distance. I came home and read something that talked about if you give your friends so distance when they ask for it that is better for them and that got me thinking about this entry and what has been going on in my life right now. There might be a poem with the same title in the next few days so watch for that.
           I am a very deep and compassionate person and when I become friends with someone or even barely get to know someone sometimes I tend to cling to them a little too much if we are a lot alike even if they don't know it. We all have that friend that we count on for everything and to be there with us through everything. I have had friends tell me a lot of times that I need to give them a little distance because I have been coming on too strongly towards them, which is okay, I totally am okay with that. It is better to know then to continue what I'm doing. I want a truthful friendship, not a lying/secret one.
            I have had an incident, okay maybe a few, in the past where I have been told to give them distance and I have but it is so hard to get started with but once you are use to it, it becomes easier and you can tell a lot more things about them especially if they will start talking to you without you having to start it. I never knew what giving them distance really felt like because usually it was just a crush I had in high school or in college so I didn't feel like I was missing something when I was giving them the distance. Lately though, it seems God is putting people in my path when I'm not even trying anymore because I was told not to and when He does I feel farther away then I really am.
            I can only be a few feet away from them but yet so far away from them in my heart and it is hard for me. It is hard for a person who cares so deeply and is so compassionate about the other people in her life. I want to say "hey" or go up to them and introduce myself to others around them but it's hard because I want to keep that distance until my friends are ready if they ever will be. Yet at the same time, it can be fun because you get to know the other person and people better that way, when you are just sitting and watching (aka observing) which I love to do. I'm a people watcher most of the time. I might regret putting this out there but it will make sense with the next thing I'm going to say, I came home crying and so much more confused then I ever was to start with. I saw that I was not okay and am not going to be until I get more information but I can't make anyone give it to me.
            I just felt last night too, that with that distance between this friend and me, God is doing something greater for both of us whether together (sorry to say that) or apart. It is a way to grow stronger in every way but especially in the Lord. I know I have been striving to be the best women I can be for God and others and because of that I am looking more towards God then ever before. There reason that I wanted to share this story was the lesson it taught be when I look at Jesus on the cross.
            We were on His mind when He was on that cross. When He was suffering for us, we were out there having fun and making fun of Him but yet He didn't care how we acted He still thought about us and wanted to forgive us. It was hard for me last night to go back home and just know that I missed another chance to talk to my friend because I was so scared and confused. Yet, at the same time, it was so hard for Jesus to stay on the cross. He looked for another way out while He was in the garden but this was His Father's Plan and He knew that. If I get really upset and sad about missing out on a chance to talk to a friend that I care about as that. 

Makes me wonder: Would I grieve and cry at the cross if I was there on that day when Jesus was hung?

               Do we have too many things of this world to take care of and set our mind too that we won't even think about that? He died for us. Yet the Bible says that all that were there laughed and spit on Him. Mocked Him non-stop. I can't explain the pain I felt last night and that was over a sinful human being. Everyone is sinful so they know that.  It was like my heart just broke into pieces and it took me forever to calm down and go to sleep. I had to eat something to calm down. Yet the PERFECT ONE died to save us from our sinfulness. Something we do not deserve at all.

Let me ask you another question that I am asking myself right now and have been for the past few weeks: Where are my standards and priorities? Are they with and for God or with and for the flesh?

              I challenge you to talk to God and ask Him those questions and then when He gives you an answer and if it is one you don't like then ask God to change you to the answer you do like.
All of this while I sit out at night on a swing swinging like a little child for about 10 mins. maybe a little longer. That was my restful, breathing time this week. :)

For A Purpose

           My Monday this week, which was today (actually a Tuesday) was not bad at all at work. It was calmer then I left it but we had a lot of things going on. One of the little boys didn't throw his big fits like I thought he would because I haven't been there for 3 days. Thought he had to get use to me again but he didn't. We picked up from where we left off and that was a good place. He wanted me to do things for and with him and he was so sweet when asking.
           There was a new staff there because the other staff had a meeting so he was trying to push limits with that staff so bad that I had to take him and yes, I did get bit but he was good after that. I know there are better ways to get the anger out by hey why not. Right? He did look at the bit after he did it and asked me "did it hurt?" and I said "yes" so he kissed it to make it feel better. That was really sweet. Probably the sweetest moment that I have had in awhile there. He also asked me to rock him at nap time again and honestly, I couldn't lay him down in bed when he was asleep.
            After the biting and kissing on hand incident, I just wanted to keep holding him and hugging on him because you know that is what he needs. I was holding on to him tight for a few mins after he fell asleep and just thought about things and it is strange what God can speak to you while just holding a little boy and through everything that went on before that. I got to thinking how I am close to 30, what only 3 more years, and how I'm not married and have no children of my own. Then God turned those thoughts around for the better in a way.
            I got to thinking about the other 2 boys I had before this boy and how they need a good home and a Godly man in their life too. They act out the way they do because that is all they see. Then I got to thinking about adoption again when and if I get married and having my own little children's home but more and more I want it to be a little boys' children's home. Now most of you probably think I'm crazy but let's be honest, boys are a lot more active and fun to be around then us girls that are emontional and very talkative. Yet boys like to do more things outside like fish, get dirty, plant things, and so on. For those of you who are wondering, yes I was somewhat tomboy at heart when I was little, when I didn't care about what other people thought about me.
             I would take those cussing, hitting, biting, and kicking boys anytime. They just need more trust and love then anyone else. They need to know that they can trust you and then they are the sweetest things on earth. Here is the Jesus and us turn around learning part of this story. You knew there was going to be one, didn't you? Always is.
             It is like when God takes us in as His Children. Yes, we have a choice and yes, we can chose to follow or not. We all have to admit that we are not prefect when God takes us in even those people that grew up in a Christian family and went to church every Sunday. God knows our past, present, and future. He knows what we are going to do but He loves us anyways. He starts out gentle with us and then if we are testing the waters too much, He will get tough but that is because He loves and cares for us a lot. He wants us to come to Him so we can be safe.
              "You are here to be safe. We are keeping you safe." are things that we are told to tell the children the first few days they are with us or if they start to talk about their problems or relatives. We use would like, "safe choices", "good choices", "stay down because we want you to be safe", and so on. God want that same thing for us. He wants us to be safe in this big old, sinful world. We were made to be different so God is keeping us that way. We still test Him at times when new things come into our lives or at least I do. I question, "God, is this what you really want for me? Can I do this?" Sometimes He answers, "yes" and sometimes He answers , "No, but I am with you."
                  We might fight God non-stop to the point where He does have to do something dramatic in our lives to get our attention just like when I have to hold a child so he won't kick or hurt anyone else. God gets our attention before we hurt anyone else and though we might not think about it then, looking back on the situation we might see it later. I know I had times where I have had disagreements, fights, and what nots with friends but it was because I was getting too close or too much in their personal space and they didn't like it and/or it was time for me to be that close yet.
                  God can even use the good things to get us to back away or break apart. We might be going to a good Bible study away from someone that we thought was going to be a close friend or move away from a friend and we lose touch but yet we have the chance to start all over again. It just depends on how you will let God get your attention and sadly for me it is when God takes the things away from me. It is then that I regret, "I should have said this sooner or done this sooner but now I don't have the chance." "If I would have done it sooner, maybe it wouldn't be so hard now."
                   Just like with this little boy, God is showing me about giving him time to be with me. Be patience with him because I was and still am being patience with you. You are more stubborn then this little boy will ever be (Amen to that!). Let go of the things I have told you to let go of and just trust me. Let me love on you like there is no tomorrow and if you let me do that then you will be safe in my arms with the best gifts ever. Let me give you the grace and mercy you deserve even though you don't think you really deserve it. You can give the same things to that little boy if you will let me work through you. 
                   God-"I'm your Protector (keep you safe) and your Provider (will give you everything you need) just like you are to those children. Let me do my job and you do yours." Amen. Thank you, God.

The One True Father

             Today is Father's Day and I'm thinking about all the fathers or father figures that I have had in my life and where they are today. The sermon at church was about how fathers need to be the leader of the household and how we have one True Father that gives us Mercy and provides for us everyday. I will admit I started to cry because of so many reasons. There was one certain reason that I cried and I didn't think about it until today, until it was too late.
           I'm doing a lot for my father this Father's Day because I don't want another one to past by thinking I could have done more then I did. I created every gift that I'm giving my dad this father's day. I made him a big chocolate chip cookie and put icing on it myself. I also made a collage of country pictures on a piece of wood and put words like: love, wise, father, honor, and strong on it. I think I am so much more involved because of what happened this past Nov.
          I consider myself really blessed because I have 5 father like figures in my life. I have had 2 dads, 2 grandpas, and a mentor/teacher that acted like a father towards his students. Out of those 5 fathers, I have 1 of them still with me today and that father is my birth father. What really got me today, in church, was the thoughts of my 2nd dad passing away this past Nov. and the time that I spent and didn't spend with him. While my parents worked, they sent me off to some babysitters that lived on a farm so that explains my country side and they became second parents to me. I consider them my parents for the first 4 years of my life.
           I really didn't think about it when my 2nd dad was alive about doing anything for him on Father's Day. Maybe I did when I was littler but when I got bigger I wouldn't do anything for him. You know how people get think the know everything and don't need help but the more I am living the more I am learning yes, I do need that help and because of him is the reason I am where I am today. Yes, I would think about him but never send a card or anything like that to let him know I was. I regret know and because of that today was a little hard for me. That why, I think, relationships are getting more and more important as the years go on for me and some of them I do not what to let go even though they are young friendships that started only a few years ago.
          The sermon also reminded us that no matter how badly our earthly fathers will mess up and that they will because none of us are perfect, that we have a Father in Heaven that never messes up and will love us non stop and forever. We need an earthly father who follows the Heavenly Father. We need that kind of wisdom and strength and love and forgiveness and so on. When the person talking said that it comforted me a bit because there are times that I feel all alone in AR but then I got to thinking about the children I take care of. I'm blessed to have those 5 father figures in my life 6 when you count God. The children I take care of think they have 1 father and that is the father they are taken away from or maybe they don't even have that 1 father. I thought about a little boy that I have now and two other boys that I had when I first started to work there are how they just had so much anger in them. They never looked happy, always fought, and would always cuss when mad and use those cussing words in the right way.
          I just have to think what did those little boys see in the man in their life and it breaks my heart. I'm not a judge that is for sure but I know by the way they act and what they know sometimes that the guys in their lives weren't very fatherly like. I mean when a little boy knows how to cuss the right way and cries because he doesn't get what he wants, and yells "you are hurting me", "let go of me", and other things it just makes you really wonder what happened. When a little boy can go to happy to anger to happy again in just 10 seconds something is wrong there too.
         Then with me wanting to have my own children and thinking about those children you don't have a father in their lives or a Godly one at all makes me think a lot about my future husband if I'm meant to be married. It makes me think, "what do I want not just in a Godly husband but in a Godly father too?" I want my husband to want and love on children no matter what they have done. I also want my future husband to be the provider and protector of the family. There are so many things I want my Godly future husband to be but I will say this a right God man knows how to have time both for his wife and his children. If I had to chose, though, I would want a Godly man that would spend more time with "our" children then me because that is just needed more this day in time.
          All this to say, "Happy Father's Day to all the fathers out there! Hope you had a Blessed day!"

A Crazy Group of 12 Boys

         Wow! I don't remember having this crazy group of boys since I was working preschool by myself, probably a year ago now and we just had 2 children that were hard to handle. I think it was an older group of preschoolers too. Now we have a younger group of preschool boys and 2 babies and 3 toddlers. I'm going to say this has nice as I can but only 3 out of the 8 preschools are "normal". The other preschoolers are not quite where they should be mentally or really rough because of what they have been though.
         I have prayed more for children in this group more then any other group because it is just that hard. We have a toddler that cries non stop just because and then we have 2 more toddlers that have seperation anxiety so you can't got out of eyesight with them. If you do, they will start to cry and it takes them awhile to stop. Then we have two babies. One that is bottle fed and the other one just started on table food when he came to us.
         Then the preschool is a whole other story. There are 2 preschoolers that that need a little OT and ST. We have a lot of whiney preschoolers no matter what we do. We have a 2 year old that really needs to be with the other babies but we are full in that room so he is with us. We have one preschool that we think might have some major sensory issues and just can make sounds instead of talking with words. Then we have another preschool that has anger issues. When I say anger issues, I mean cussing with the cuss words the right way, biting, hitting, screaming, and kicking. That preschooler is on a day by day schedule because he could get too aggressive to be with the other children.
          When I walked in and saw the aggressive chid this morning, he just stared me down like there was no tomorrow. He didn't say hi or anything. You could just tell by his eyes that he was going to be a "fun" one and he is. ;) He has the cutest smile but just so angry at life. He did tell me at lunch, though, that I looked like his mommy so I'm wondering if I don't remind him of someone.
           Then we have 3 more preschoolers that are "normal" preschoolers. Right where they should be for their age or a little smarter.  All of those children can talk to me almost like an adult compared to the other children we have right now.  They can get very stubborn through and whine when things don't go their way but want preschooler doesn't. Our smartest boy talks a lot about his mommy and what she told him to do and not to do. He also explains what she looks likes. One child is also smart enough to ask staff if they will pray with him before breakfast during one of the mornings.
            We just have a lot of ranges of development issues for one group so it is hard and tiring at times. Even though, I want to move on in life, God always reminds me why I am where I am right now. Like today, He brought that aggressive boy in and now I can't wait and hope God can change him through me with His Love, Safety, Wisdom, Strength, and Patience. There are times where you can only hope and trust that God will take care of them and turn them around for the better. For a lot of them in this crazy group of boys that is all I'm praying right now. It is the blessings that count from my job, though and I just have to keep reminding myself of that when times get hard.
             I want to see those children in Heaven one day and I want them to say to me, "Thank you for giving to the Lord. I am a life that was changed. Thank you for giving to the Lord. I was so glad you gave. One by one they came as far as the eye could see. Each life somehow touched by your generosity. Little things that you done. Sacrifices made. Unnoticed on the earth, in Heaven now proclaimed. You stood before the Lord. He said, "Child, look around you. Great is your reward."
             
Yes, this song is an oldie but a goodie:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UFrdJ2V3r7Y

Hope in Christ- A Poem

Verses that are rewritten or closely rewritten in this poem:

     Romans 5:5

     Romans 8:24-25

     Romans 15:13

     Hebrew 11:1

     Proverbs 24:14


Hope is not shameful,
God's Love has been poured into
our hearts because the Holy Spirit
has been give to us. Jesus died so
we could have Hope. We were
powerless before then.

Hope saved us but we cannot
see it. Who hopes for what
they already have? When hope
and wait patiently for what
we do not have to see what
God can do for us with His
strength, not on our own
strength.

God, that gives us hope,
will fill us with all joy
and peace when we trust
in Him. We will overflow
with Hope because of the power
of the Holy Spirit that God
has put within us.

Faith is the confidence in
what we hope for and in
what we do not see. We can't
see what is ahead so we have
to trust God to lead us. We
have to have the confidence
in Him and not anything or
anyone else.

Wisdom is like sweet honey
for us. If we find that wisdom,
we will Hope for the future.
That Hope will not be cut off
from us.


Written By: Tiffney Wilson
                 
              June 2015