Stubborn, Determined, Authoritative, Micromanaging, and lastly quite............
so you would never know all those things about me unless you really got to know me.
I say that I am all of those things because I guess it is true and why I am still single. I mean being all 5 of those things really doesn't help a relationship because it just makes it one sided and pushes the other person away. I knew I was the first two since high school or before and I have also been the last one-quite. Stubborn-The more I live and learn by myself, the more I learn that I am. Honestly that one I probably really realized in college because I was living on my own. Determined-Well, let's just say that my high school cross country coach called me that every year while I was in high school. Let's just say that is the only award I got in the Awards Banquet at the end of each year so I actually have proof of that one. I will say though it was and still is today true. LOL!
The last two-Authoritative and Micromanaging-I would have never thought myself to be but apparently that is what I have been like for the past 6 months. If people would understand my background, I come from a teacher's/superindent's home so I had was leaders raising me. I am sorry that I like things to be in order and have a routine. I am sorry that I can't handle stress like most people can. I am sorry that I can't tell you how I feel when I am feeling it. I am sorry that I like to have a clean classroom. Yet I am glad those two things have been pointed out to me because I feel like they have given me some hope about actually using my degree in the future.
My FACS with Child Development degree is really meant for being a director of a daycare. That is one of the many things I can do with it and really the reason I went for that degree. I wanted to start my own in home daycare someday and though I might not be able to start it now or ever, depending on where life takes me, I can see now that I can at least measure up to a director someday. Now mind you all, being called all those things doesn't surprise me a bit and for me it is kind of a compliment. One because it shows I can be more of something in the future and two because it just tells me that I am more like my dad in every way.
I have always known that I am more like my dad in my personality but I always thought it was because of the quite, shy, doesn't like to talk much, easily stressed but hides it part of the personality. Oh! and not talking about emotions. Apparently, the older I am getting the more I am becoming like him in my personality. I am getting the authoritative and micromanaging down like my dad. Now that doesn't mean I will take on the roll as a superindent or a big leadership roll like that anytime soon because I know I can't do that. That would stress me out way too much. It did as a child and it would do it even more as an adult. Now if I can just get to the part where everyone or most everyone likes me as that way then things would be great. It might take me awhile to find that place that I can get along with everyone and agree with what they are doing.
Who knows? I might even be there now but just have to be there a few more years til I feel that way. I don't know but I do know that I am finding out who I truly am and it is hard. It is hard going through different stages of life and different jobs just to find that one that will fit you the rest of your life especially if it is a job that you never wanted or thought you would have and/or like in the first place. If you look at my family, we all have that little bit of authoritative and micromanaging in each of us. My brothers are business people for big companies/people, oldest sister a nurse while she raised 4 kids, 2nd oldest sister was a daycare teacher but now a working mom with 3 kids, 3rd oldest sister a teacher, and my mom is even a teacher and there is 6 of us.
Did I mention that all those above is probably why I am still single to this day? Because I won't give those things up and I probably scare boys away with those things. I mean if you ask a few of my crushes, they would probably agree. That is what is amazing about God through, He will either help you give those things up or use it for the good of others. You just need to let Him do that. It is and can be hard when you find out who God truly made you to be but in the end it is all worth it. Yeah, there might be some things that you have to give up down the road and/or just for a little bit but if it was meant to be God will make it happen later on. God just wants you to be happy with who He made you to be before you go fitting into another life mold and start that stage of life.
God always does things His Ways because they are better then we could ever think of and let me tell you I have learned that the hard way. I will keep learning it that way until God is done with me which He won't be until I am with Him in Heaven.
Wednesday, June 6, 2018
Monday, June 4, 2018
When Will the Door Open?
-Life might be hard for me now but I can see where God is going in everything. I will be blessed when the right time comes.
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"You can lead people to Christ but you can make them come to Christ."
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"God went before You and knew You can get through it."
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"God led you to it, He will lead you out stronger then ever before."
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"You do you."
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"Get your heart in tune with God and then lead by example."
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"You can lead people to Christ but you can make them come to Christ."
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"God went before You and knew You can get through it."
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"God led you to it, He will lead you out stronger then ever before."
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"You do you."
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"Get your heart in tune with God and then lead by example."
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God does His Prefect Thing in His Prefect Timing. All last week I have been praying that more doors will open and hopefully one that I like best will be one of those doors. God kind of confirmed that He was doing that in my life by what the sermon was all about yesterday. The sermon was about "The Good Shepherd". It touched my heart where it needed to be touched. Knowing God is there for me really comforted me.
In the sermon, there was a lot of references going back to Psalms 23. "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want." "Although I walk through the valley of death I shall fear no evil, my rod and staff they comfort me." It was also pointed out that if the person was a good shepherd, then they would be a good leader and vice via. It was a way to show that God is in control of our lives.
God has gone ahead of us to see what was there just like a shepherd does for his sheep. He isn't surprised by anything that happens in our lives and He wouldn't let anything through if He knew we couldn't handle it. It is like that thing has to get through Him first before it comes to us. It is strange to think about some earthly things that way. We think, sometimes, that it still went through Him and He let it happen. He knows when we are ready for certain things. It is like the saying. "Jesus is the door. He has control of what comes in and out of our lives."
In the sermon, the pastor showed us what a shelter for sheep looked like. The shepherd usually lays at the entrance and won't let anything in that is not good for the sheep. He will fight whatever wants to get in if he has to. He knows what is coming before the sheep even does. Does this remind you of someone? Jesus. I have been praying that many doors will be open in my life right now and I will tell you that God knows which ones to open and which ones to shut and at the right time too. When a door shuts on you, it doesn't feel very pleasant at all. In fact, it is hard and hurts most of the time. I had a door shut on me about 3 months ago and it is still hard to let go and see the reasoning behind it all but even though, God shut that door for now, He has opened others. He has opened a great new church for me to go to and He open that door by giving me a job that I loved and got to know people and their children from. Because He opened that church door, He might be opening another door very soon that I have been praying about without even knowing that the chances of getting it would be this soon. God really does give and take away but He gives more when He takes away things. We are blessed a whole lot more.
Then God has opened doors through different jobs for me. I know where I am now I wouldn't be if it wasn't for my last job that I had. We all know that we can only spend so much time there before another door opens. This half of a year already feels like it has had a million doors open and I feel like God isn't done opening doors for me yet because I am praying that He will open more especially in the relationship department. I know it is strange but true. I loved the sermon this past weekend because it showed me that God was and really is working in my life. That He is leading me on the best path He has for me and will continue to when the time is right. It also reminded me that God doesn't give things to His People without going through it first. He has already been there and He gave it to me because He knows I'll get through it even if it takes me being a little bit stronger then I was before.
It is funny too because it seems like every little thing I hear or even do, it gets me thinking about and praying about it, then God opens up a door someway to answer that prayer. I will also say that the other doors God has in store for me to open, I know and believe that I will be blessed by each one of them. I also know that I will bless more people by going through those doors. God knew what I wanted and needed. He knew I was starting to miss certain things and having hard times with other things. He knew I needed to let go and He gave me the strength to do all those things for now. He knew what thing I needed to focus on more then others. I just pray that someday, when the time is right, God will lead me to where I am suppose to be. Here are two verses that you can look up about living your life for God:
-John 10:10
-Romans 8:28.
When it seems like God is not listening or not opening a door, it really means that He is going ahead of you and seeing if that thing is okay or not for you. One way or the other He will let you know if you can go through that door or if you need to wait a few more years while He is working on you and working things out. God is always working on our behalf even behind the things we can see. There are things that we will never see or know that He worked on so we could be where we are in life at that moment.
In the sermon, there was a lot of references going back to Psalms 23. "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want." "Although I walk through the valley of death I shall fear no evil, my rod and staff they comfort me." It was also pointed out that if the person was a good shepherd, then they would be a good leader and vice via. It was a way to show that God is in control of our lives.
God has gone ahead of us to see what was there just like a shepherd does for his sheep. He isn't surprised by anything that happens in our lives and He wouldn't let anything through if He knew we couldn't handle it. It is like that thing has to get through Him first before it comes to us. It is strange to think about some earthly things that way. We think, sometimes, that it still went through Him and He let it happen. He knows when we are ready for certain things. It is like the saying. "Jesus is the door. He has control of what comes in and out of our lives."
In the sermon, the pastor showed us what a shelter for sheep looked like. The shepherd usually lays at the entrance and won't let anything in that is not good for the sheep. He will fight whatever wants to get in if he has to. He knows what is coming before the sheep even does. Does this remind you of someone? Jesus. I have been praying that many doors will be open in my life right now and I will tell you that God knows which ones to open and which ones to shut and at the right time too. When a door shuts on you, it doesn't feel very pleasant at all. In fact, it is hard and hurts most of the time. I had a door shut on me about 3 months ago and it is still hard to let go and see the reasoning behind it all but even though, God shut that door for now, He has opened others. He has opened a great new church for me to go to and He open that door by giving me a job that I loved and got to know people and their children from. Because He opened that church door, He might be opening another door very soon that I have been praying about without even knowing that the chances of getting it would be this soon. God really does give and take away but He gives more when He takes away things. We are blessed a whole lot more.
Then God has opened doors through different jobs for me. I know where I am now I wouldn't be if it wasn't for my last job that I had. We all know that we can only spend so much time there before another door opens. This half of a year already feels like it has had a million doors open and I feel like God isn't done opening doors for me yet because I am praying that He will open more especially in the relationship department. I know it is strange but true. I loved the sermon this past weekend because it showed me that God was and really is working in my life. That He is leading me on the best path He has for me and will continue to when the time is right. It also reminded me that God doesn't give things to His People without going through it first. He has already been there and He gave it to me because He knows I'll get through it even if it takes me being a little bit stronger then I was before.
It is funny too because it seems like every little thing I hear or even do, it gets me thinking about and praying about it, then God opens up a door someway to answer that prayer. I will also say that the other doors God has in store for me to open, I know and believe that I will be blessed by each one of them. I also know that I will bless more people by going through those doors. God knew what I wanted and needed. He knew I was starting to miss certain things and having hard times with other things. He knew I needed to let go and He gave me the strength to do all those things for now. He knew what thing I needed to focus on more then others. I just pray that someday, when the time is right, God will lead me to where I am suppose to be. Here are two verses that you can look up about living your life for God:
-John 10:10
-Romans 8:28.
When it seems like God is not listening or not opening a door, it really means that He is going ahead of you and seeing if that thing is okay or not for you. One way or the other He will let you know if you can go through that door or if you need to wait a few more years while He is working on you and working things out. God is always working on our behalf even behind the things we can see. There are things that we will never see or know that He worked on so we could be where we are in life at that moment.
Sunday, June 3, 2018
Getting Off of Facebook
I have thought a lot about this this weekend and I think I am going to do it starting tomorrow. I am going to get off Facebook for this next week. I might even do it a little longer depending on how this week goes. If you want to get ahold of me at anytime go ahead and message me or comment if needed but you can always text me too. I am scared of doing it but seeing and hearing the things God is saying around me this weekend really helped me to see that I need to do it. Helped me to see that I am not like everyone else.
A lot of things are going on in my life right now that I just need to get away from and think about more. I mean it goes from friends to family. Facebook is not the place when it is only filled with happy people and pages you don't want to look at because you are in a certain situation where you are trying to do what is right for you and that other person. I have felt like it has really brought me down in the last months and using the messager for things that I shouldn't be using it for. Now if you really need me I still will open up the Messager app on my phone but that is it. I just need a break to where I can figure things out and not get so stressed about things. I know work is going to be hard this next month so I am trying to save my energy for that too. It is just all kinds of things that has led me to this idea.
I just feel like I need this time alone with God and really hear what He has to say to me and I can't do that with Facebook in my face. He has changed my life so much in these past 3 months by changing my personality, changing my heart in certain situation, giving me opportunities I didn't think I would have, and other things. I am thinking that God is trying to talk to me and lead me down another path but with everyone's ideas and opions getting in the way I can't think straight. I need to try and make plans on my own. I need a goal and dream for my life and right now I feel like I don't have that at all. That is what I am going to be working on. A plan that is just for me. Something that I will like for a long time and stick with it.
Maybe this will help me tell that path or not but it is something I need to do so I can get over some things or at least start to get over them. Thought I could do that without having to have a break from Facebook but I can't. It breaks my heart that it has come to this. That might sound strange because I am talking about Facebook but there is so much more behind that that people can't see. I will hopefully write in this a lot more this week as I am thinking and that will be on Facebook too because I can paste it through this onto that. I can even write about my experiences on here about staying away from it.
Just because I am not on Facebook doesn't mean I want people to stop talking to and checking up on me. I might text some people and plan to meet with them if I need to keep busy to stay off like next weekend. I will admit that I will probably need that more then ever this week in different ways. Prayers would be great too. Prayers for wisdom and patience. Prayers for letting go of the old and looking towards the new. Prayers to get my living habits under control. Prayers for healing in all kinds of ways and just whatever else you can think of for me. Thanks in advance. :)
One more thing that I want to mention too but probably won't mean much to many of you but I'm going on my 3rd month today and it is killing me every time I think about it.
A lot of things are going on in my life right now that I just need to get away from and think about more. I mean it goes from friends to family. Facebook is not the place when it is only filled with happy people and pages you don't want to look at because you are in a certain situation where you are trying to do what is right for you and that other person. I have felt like it has really brought me down in the last months and using the messager for things that I shouldn't be using it for. Now if you really need me I still will open up the Messager app on my phone but that is it. I just need a break to where I can figure things out and not get so stressed about things. I know work is going to be hard this next month so I am trying to save my energy for that too. It is just all kinds of things that has led me to this idea.
I just feel like I need this time alone with God and really hear what He has to say to me and I can't do that with Facebook in my face. He has changed my life so much in these past 3 months by changing my personality, changing my heart in certain situation, giving me opportunities I didn't think I would have, and other things. I am thinking that God is trying to talk to me and lead me down another path but with everyone's ideas and opions getting in the way I can't think straight. I need to try and make plans on my own. I need a goal and dream for my life and right now I feel like I don't have that at all. That is what I am going to be working on. A plan that is just for me. Something that I will like for a long time and stick with it.
Maybe this will help me tell that path or not but it is something I need to do so I can get over some things or at least start to get over them. Thought I could do that without having to have a break from Facebook but I can't. It breaks my heart that it has come to this. That might sound strange because I am talking about Facebook but there is so much more behind that that people can't see. I will hopefully write in this a lot more this week as I am thinking and that will be on Facebook too because I can paste it through this onto that. I can even write about my experiences on here about staying away from it.
Just because I am not on Facebook doesn't mean I want people to stop talking to and checking up on me. I might text some people and plan to meet with them if I need to keep busy to stay off like next weekend. I will admit that I will probably need that more then ever this week in different ways. Prayers would be great too. Prayers for wisdom and patience. Prayers for letting go of the old and looking towards the new. Prayers to get my living habits under control. Prayers for healing in all kinds of ways and just whatever else you can think of for me. Thanks in advance. :)
One more thing that I want to mention too but probably won't mean much to many of you but I'm going on my 3rd month today and it is killing me every time I think about it.
Friday, June 1, 2018
In Due Time
"Don't worry about what people will think. You do you and you do what you know in your heart is right. Things will come around in due time for sure."
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When I was thinking about the title and the saying above, I was thinking of what I can get out of the here and now but something happened this morning in the early morning that I can't wrap my mind around just yet. When we waste time thinking about what people will think of us, we will miss out on the events and people around us. People that really care about and events that could really mean something. Why stay somewhere when you aren't having fun there? Why not ask that friend to hang out because you might not know when the next time you will see them will be? Why not make that dream come true because you don't know when your life will end?
These past few months I have felt things in my heart that I have never felt before and I have done things that I never thought I would. I have even done things these past few weeks that I didn't think I had the courage to do. I got to the point and still getting there where I don't care what people think about me even the people closest to the people I care about. I know that sounds bad but it isn't their attention I am trying to get. They don't know what I really feel in my heart at all like I do. Get it? I thought all this process was enough for me but what hit me last night was that it wasn't. I can't tell all the details because I don't know them all but I was really shocked when I heard the news.
I heard the news at like 3:00 this morning for some reason because I was looking at Facebook on my phone. A college friend has a kind of cancer that I don't think I have ever heard of or at least I didn't noticed the name of it and she is only 32. She just turned that age in Dec. which was 5 months ago. She is married. She also has a little daughter that is the cutest thing ever! What gets me though, is that she is only 32 and needs treatments for this cancer. I'm two years away from that age. That right there shows you you never know what will happen. I will say that I just got back talking and hanging out with her to since college, which has been about 8+ years.
This title and saying meant so much more to me after that and I stayed up a little while thinking about them but I had to get some more sleep before work today. If you worry about what people think, you will never get what you want or what God wants for you. Those things might be hard right now but hopefully, in due time, things will come around. I have so many events around me that is showing me that if I do what my heart says is right, things will be for the better and worth it in the end. I have never been more open in my life like I have been these past few months in certain situations. I just hope the people that are in them with me knows I mean the best and it is for a reason.
It just got me to think about where I am in life and do I really want to stay there. What if I got the same news has my friend or close to the same news tomorrow would I know I lived my life well and all for God? I know this might sound dramatic but I am not meaning for it to come out that way. It is a question we all need to ask and a saying we all need to think about. Do I want to stay stressed out all my life or do I actually want to enjoy it? I know I am making a difference but can I be making a bigger difference? When questions like that are going on in my mind and keeping me up at night that should tell you where I am in life right now. My friend had the "perfect" life and then she got the news. You know God can't do perfect timing if there is such thing for this for me to realize these things once again.
I just know if I keep praying for certain things to happen and keep believing that a door will be opened some day, it will happen or if not then something better will come along. It isn't just these two events, I could probably name 3 more that are happening around me that are making me think: do I really need to stay where I am or move on? I am trying to be strong through these months and I might come across that way because if you see me out in public I try to hide it but I'm not okay. I am breaking on the inside because I don't know what to do anymore. Everything I thought I planned out or knew that I loved have not worked out perfectly yet and I don't know if they ever will. Yet those things are truly hard to get if they really mean a lot to you.
You have to keep reaching for them even when times are tough. Having those experiences lately, though, have really opened my eyes and made me see a lot of things. It has taught me a lot about what life is really about. It has showed myself that I can do it and I can confront people about how I feel and not really care. I know that might sound bad but in a way it is good. I am getting better at sharing my true feelings and if you know me at all that is something that is really hard for me to do. I am getting better at noticing the surroundings around me too. When you share how you are feeling, so much gets lifted off of you. When you don't care what other people think, that weight is gone. That weight alone is SO heavy.
I know that I have said in a past entry that my ministry heart has come back. I am thinking about all those mission trips and chances that I let pass me by when I had the chance to go. I am hitting myself upside the head not being able to change more children's lives overseas. When I think about what I would do differently again, my heart and mind always goes back to those moments and/or raising a family of my own. Maybe in due time, right? Maybe if I keep following my heart and not caring what people say about me?
This is a big step towards a better life for me. Learning this will change everything for me. I needed this breakthrough ever since high school. I think God has some other plans in the near future for me that I will need to show that I am stronger then ever before. That I have changed and have been making it on my own.
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When I was thinking about the title and the saying above, I was thinking of what I can get out of the here and now but something happened this morning in the early morning that I can't wrap my mind around just yet. When we waste time thinking about what people will think of us, we will miss out on the events and people around us. People that really care about and events that could really mean something. Why stay somewhere when you aren't having fun there? Why not ask that friend to hang out because you might not know when the next time you will see them will be? Why not make that dream come true because you don't know when your life will end?
These past few months I have felt things in my heart that I have never felt before and I have done things that I never thought I would. I have even done things these past few weeks that I didn't think I had the courage to do. I got to the point and still getting there where I don't care what people think about me even the people closest to the people I care about. I know that sounds bad but it isn't their attention I am trying to get. They don't know what I really feel in my heart at all like I do. Get it? I thought all this process was enough for me but what hit me last night was that it wasn't. I can't tell all the details because I don't know them all but I was really shocked when I heard the news.
I heard the news at like 3:00 this morning for some reason because I was looking at Facebook on my phone. A college friend has a kind of cancer that I don't think I have ever heard of or at least I didn't noticed the name of it and she is only 32. She just turned that age in Dec. which was 5 months ago. She is married. She also has a little daughter that is the cutest thing ever! What gets me though, is that she is only 32 and needs treatments for this cancer. I'm two years away from that age. That right there shows you you never know what will happen. I will say that I just got back talking and hanging out with her to since college, which has been about 8+ years.
This title and saying meant so much more to me after that and I stayed up a little while thinking about them but I had to get some more sleep before work today. If you worry about what people think, you will never get what you want or what God wants for you. Those things might be hard right now but hopefully, in due time, things will come around. I have so many events around me that is showing me that if I do what my heart says is right, things will be for the better and worth it in the end. I have never been more open in my life like I have been these past few months in certain situations. I just hope the people that are in them with me knows I mean the best and it is for a reason.
It just got me to think about where I am in life and do I really want to stay there. What if I got the same news has my friend or close to the same news tomorrow would I know I lived my life well and all for God? I know this might sound dramatic but I am not meaning for it to come out that way. It is a question we all need to ask and a saying we all need to think about. Do I want to stay stressed out all my life or do I actually want to enjoy it? I know I am making a difference but can I be making a bigger difference? When questions like that are going on in my mind and keeping me up at night that should tell you where I am in life right now. My friend had the "perfect" life and then she got the news. You know God can't do perfect timing if there is such thing for this for me to realize these things once again.
I just know if I keep praying for certain things to happen and keep believing that a door will be opened some day, it will happen or if not then something better will come along. It isn't just these two events, I could probably name 3 more that are happening around me that are making me think: do I really need to stay where I am or move on? I am trying to be strong through these months and I might come across that way because if you see me out in public I try to hide it but I'm not okay. I am breaking on the inside because I don't know what to do anymore. Everything I thought I planned out or knew that I loved have not worked out perfectly yet and I don't know if they ever will. Yet those things are truly hard to get if they really mean a lot to you.
You have to keep reaching for them even when times are tough. Having those experiences lately, though, have really opened my eyes and made me see a lot of things. It has taught me a lot about what life is really about. It has showed myself that I can do it and I can confront people about how I feel and not really care. I know that might sound bad but in a way it is good. I am getting better at sharing my true feelings and if you know me at all that is something that is really hard for me to do. I am getting better at noticing the surroundings around me too. When you share how you are feeling, so much gets lifted off of you. When you don't care what other people think, that weight is gone. That weight alone is SO heavy.
I know that I have said in a past entry that my ministry heart has come back. I am thinking about all those mission trips and chances that I let pass me by when I had the chance to go. I am hitting myself upside the head not being able to change more children's lives overseas. When I think about what I would do differently again, my heart and mind always goes back to those moments and/or raising a family of my own. Maybe in due time, right? Maybe if I keep following my heart and not caring what people say about me?
This is a big step towards a better life for me. Learning this will change everything for me. I needed this breakthrough ever since high school. I think God has some other plans in the near future for me that I will need to show that I am stronger then ever before. That I have changed and have been making it on my own.
Sunday, May 27, 2018
Fear the Lord
I am going to take a break from my recent topic because it has been brought to my attention that I am writing the same thing over but in different ways and I am even ducky if I do that. It has also been brought to my attention that I need to focus more of my passion on God then what I have been lately so that is what I am going to do in this entry. This entry is going to be about the sermon that I heard this morning and just some of the thoughts that I got from it. I will say that it has another big passion of mine and that is children: as a teacher and as a person thinking about my future. Yet this is a sermon that we could all use especially this day in age.
The title of the sermon was: "Fearing the Lord". Now the person that I listened to today was a subbing pastor but he had some good points about fearing the Lord. His main verse, even though he gave out a lot, was Gensis 2:4-7, which is below:
The title of the sermon was: "Fearing the Lord". Now the person that I listened to today was a subbing pastor but he had some good points about fearing the Lord. His main verse, even though he gave out a lot, was Gensis 2:4-7, which is below:
Genesis 2:4-7 New International Version (NIV)
Adam and Eve
4 This is the account of the heavens and the earth when they were created, when the LordGod made the earth and the heavens.
5 Now no shrub had yet appeared on the earth and no plant had yet sprung up, for the LordGod had not sent rain on the earth and there was no one to work the ground, 6 but streams came up from the earth and watered the whole surface of the ground. 7 Then the Lord God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life,and the man became a living being.
The subbing pastor used this verse to start out the sermon because God made everything that we have and that is around us so why shouldn't we be fearful. If God can make all things and destroy all things, then He can do the same to us. That should cause us to be fearful. Then the pastor gave another verse, which was Job 1:1. It was showing how Job turned away from evil but yet at the same time turned to God and feared Him. It shows us that we can turn away from evil and fear God and fearing God would still be better then doing evil or following evil. I love the quote that the pastor kept saying and that was: "Fear the Father". Sadly, he used himself as a father and a grandfather putting the fear in his children and grandchildren. He kept saying, "We should be fearful of God how our children are fearful when they get in trouble."
Because when children get in trouble, they tend to do the right thing the next time or at least try to. They go up to their father or grandfather and are ashamed of getting caught misbehaving. We should act that way to even as adults towards our Loving Father. God loves us enough to discipline us. A father shouldn't have to keep telling a child 3 or more times to go do something. If they don't fear you enough to do it the first time then something is wrong. The pastor also kept saying, "The reason the way the world is today is that we don't fear God like we use to even the church doesn't anymore."
For me in away, I need to treat children more like God treats me. I give way too many chances and am calm a lot of the time. I should try and mean it once and then stick to what I say, whether it go through with the action or do something else. That goes to another area and the verse the pastor gave for that is Proverbs 31:30.
"Charm is despertive and beauty is vain but a women who fears the Lord is to be praised."
Even as women, we have things we need to be fearful of in the eyes of the Lord. That is why we need to submit to our husband because we know if we go before the Lord not doing that we are going to get in trouble. Things could go wrong when we don't do what the Lord tells us to. Now I know some of you might not like what I am saying here and that is okay but this is what I believe and agree with. Just throwing that in there.
Back to being fearful with the children in our lives. To me and this is totally my idea and thought, calmness does not equal saving the world and as mothers, teachers, and other jobs along those lines, it is our job to try and make the world a better place. Calmness lets the children get their way most of the time because we don't want to put up with what comes next and that is not good. Now, having and giving discipline to the children does save the world because then they grow up knowing right from wrong. We are saving and changing the world right when our own children come into the world at that very young age. I say this because if we are calm and don't discipline at all, we are not fearful to the child like we should be fearful to God.
When we discipline and let them know who is in charge then they are fearful of us but in a respectful way. The other way just tells them that we are their friends and that is okay but it's not. Friends don't need the same respect as parents and grown ups do. That is how we should be with God all the time. We should be fearful of Him in a respectful way. Doing what He has told us to do. In a way, I will add this in as the last thing, when we discipline and let them know who is in charge, it is a way that we can invest in their lives more because we have to know what is going on to discipline and help them. Doesn't God invest in our lives more when we let Him know what is going on and am more truthful with Him? And we let Him in because we are fearful out of respect to what would happen if we didn't let Him in.
Saturday, May 26, 2018
Feeling Things That I Never Thought I Would
This entry has been in my drafts for about 3 months. I couldn't bring myself to write about how I was and am truly feeling til now. I still can't put all of the situation on here because it is public but I am doing some because I feel like it would help other women. The title "Feelings I never thought I had" is so true. it is strange but though the whole situation and still I never had feelings like I do now. It was never so hard to tell someone how I really felt til now.
I never felt like I was really part of something and that I was going to brake that bond with words. I never knew the different feelings between a crush and something more. It was hard at first. I had a lot of questions for friends and God. I thought I was going to go crazy without doing the things that I use to do to support the person I cared about. Thought I was going to go crazy if I didn't do it everyday and every minute but I was wrong.
Yes, I do still think about that person every once in awhile. Still dream and wish about how things could have gone and still hoping a little bit that I haven't messed everything totally up. I still have those deep feelings. Here is the reason that I never thought I would feel these strange things/feelings. I also thought having a relationship that I really cared about would be easy. Well, let me tell you it is not.
It is nothing like a high school crush. It is so much more. It is something you don't want to give up. It is something that you question a lot. It is something that you would do anything for because you care. It is something that you want to last a lifetime but yet you have no idea how to make it happen. It raises all these questions that needed to be asked about myself and the other person.
It even made me see how my relationship with God really was. I can say that it was slipping. Now that I have that one thing off my chest Incan focus more on that Relationship and even my career. I can become the women God wants me to be and then only He will lead me to the right one that will keep me close to Him.
I never felt like I was really part of something and that I was going to brake that bond with words. I never knew the different feelings between a crush and something more. It was hard at first. I had a lot of questions for friends and God. I thought I was going to go crazy without doing the things that I use to do to support the person I cared about. Thought I was going to go crazy if I didn't do it everyday and every minute but I was wrong.
Yes, I do still think about that person every once in awhile. Still dream and wish about how things could have gone and still hoping a little bit that I haven't messed everything totally up. I still have those deep feelings. Here is the reason that I never thought I would feel these strange things/feelings. I also thought having a relationship that I really cared about would be easy. Well, let me tell you it is not.
It is nothing like a high school crush. It is so much more. It is something you don't want to give up. It is something that you question a lot. It is something that you would do anything for because you care. It is something that you want to last a lifetime but yet you have no idea how to make it happen. It raises all these questions that needed to be asked about myself and the other person.
It even made me see how my relationship with God really was. I can say that it was slipping. Now that I have that one thing off my chest Incan focus more on that Relationship and even my career. I can become the women God wants me to be and then only He will lead me to the right one that will keep me close to Him.
Friday, May 25, 2018
A Prayer On Wisdom
Dear Daddy,
I could always use more wisdom on life and in life. I know I don't know everything and I never will til that day at the earliest. Even then, I might not know all the wisdom and answers to life. I could also use more wisdom with the children I teach and am around. I could even use more in the field of Child Development. Yet, Daddy, that is not what I want at this moment in my life. I want wisdom for a marriage. I want wisdom to know and find my future husband. I want wisdom on how to treat him and show him that I really do care for him. I want wisdom on how to like the same things as him. I want the wisdom to learn how to disagree and agree with him the right way if there is such a thing. I want the wisdom on how to grow old with him.
I want wisdom on how I should raise my future family. I want that to match the wisdom of my future husband. Children these days are so different then I was raised and it seems a lot harder because of the new things out there these days. I want the wisdom to be able to invest in them but yet let them live their own lives when the time comes. I want the wisdom to know what investing in them looks like. I want the wisdom to help them out. I want the wisdom to help them know and really Love You. I also still want wisdom on how to keep money in the bank. I want wisdom that I could grow up on. I want that kind of wisdom in my 30s. Yes, I love my job and field but I know there is so much more for me out there but I have to find it.
I am already getting a lot of the relationship wisdom from recent situations. I regret what I have done so much. I just wish I would have the wisdom to either fix it or take everything back that was ever said or done. I want the wisdom just to start anew with the whole thing. I want the wisdom for a new path in my life. Not the same old one that I have been going on for years. Yes, it is fun but it can get a little boring at times. Waking up day in and day out, doing the same thing over and over again and then going back home to your lonesome self when the work is all over.
I know there is more that I want and need wisdom for but this is all I could think of right now. I know I won't get everything right away and that it will be a lifetime of learning all of these things especially since there are different stages to everything in life. The main wisdom I want and need to remember is to ask You for the wisdom when I don't have any idea on what to do. I need to ask You questions more and more because it just seems like life gets that way. It seems to get harder so it seems like more questions need to be answered.
Daddy, I know I am typing it on my blog but this is a true prayer from the bottom of my heart and you know the things that are hidden from this blog but are really in my heart. I am just letting you know too that this prayer might be a prayer that I pray over a hundred times. There might be a few changes but not many.
In Jesus' Name,
Amen
I could always use more wisdom on life and in life. I know I don't know everything and I never will til that day at the earliest. Even then, I might not know all the wisdom and answers to life. I could also use more wisdom with the children I teach and am around. I could even use more in the field of Child Development. Yet, Daddy, that is not what I want at this moment in my life. I want wisdom for a marriage. I want wisdom to know and find my future husband. I want wisdom on how to treat him and show him that I really do care for him. I want wisdom on how to like the same things as him. I want the wisdom to learn how to disagree and agree with him the right way if there is such a thing. I want the wisdom on how to grow old with him.
I want wisdom on how I should raise my future family. I want that to match the wisdom of my future husband. Children these days are so different then I was raised and it seems a lot harder because of the new things out there these days. I want the wisdom to be able to invest in them but yet let them live their own lives when the time comes. I want the wisdom to know what investing in them looks like. I want the wisdom to help them out. I want the wisdom to help them know and really Love You. I also still want wisdom on how to keep money in the bank. I want wisdom that I could grow up on. I want that kind of wisdom in my 30s. Yes, I love my job and field but I know there is so much more for me out there but I have to find it.
I am already getting a lot of the relationship wisdom from recent situations. I regret what I have done so much. I just wish I would have the wisdom to either fix it or take everything back that was ever said or done. I want the wisdom just to start anew with the whole thing. I want the wisdom for a new path in my life. Not the same old one that I have been going on for years. Yes, it is fun but it can get a little boring at times. Waking up day in and day out, doing the same thing over and over again and then going back home to your lonesome self when the work is all over.
I know there is more that I want and need wisdom for but this is all I could think of right now. I know I won't get everything right away and that it will be a lifetime of learning all of these things especially since there are different stages to everything in life. The main wisdom I want and need to remember is to ask You for the wisdom when I don't have any idea on what to do. I need to ask You questions more and more because it just seems like life gets that way. It seems to get harder so it seems like more questions need to be answered.
Daddy, I know I am typing it on my blog but this is a true prayer from the bottom of my heart and you know the things that are hidden from this blog but are really in my heart. I am just letting you know too that this prayer might be a prayer that I pray over a hundred times. There might be a few changes but not many.
In Jesus' Name,
Amen
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