I Am......

Stubborn, Determined, Authoritative, Micromanaging, and lastly quite............
          so you would never know all those things about me unless you really got to know me.

          I say that I am all of those things because I guess it is true and why I am still single. I mean being all 5 of those things really doesn't help a relationship because it just makes it one sided and pushes the other person away. I knew I was the first two since high school or before and I have also been the last one-quite. Stubborn-The more I live and learn by myself, the more I learn that I am. Honestly that one I probably really realized in college because I was living on my own. Determined-Well, let's just say that my high school cross country coach called me that every year while I was in high school. Let's just say that is the only award I got in the Awards Banquet at the end of each year so I actually have proof of that one. I will say though it was and still is today true. LOL!
         The last two-Authoritative and Micromanaging-I would have never thought myself to be but apparently that is what I have been like for the past 6 months. If people would understand my background, I come from a teacher's/superindent's home so I had was leaders raising me. I am sorry that I like things to be in order and have a routine. I am sorry that I can't handle stress like most people can. I am sorry that I can't tell you how I feel when I am feeling it. I am sorry that I like to have a clean classroom. Yet I am glad those two things have been pointed out to me because I feel like they have given me some hope about actually using my degree in the future.
         My FACS with Child Development degree is really meant for being a director of a daycare. That is one of the many things I can do with it and really the reason I went for that degree. I wanted to start my own in home daycare someday and though I might not be able to start it now or ever, depending on where life takes me, I can see now that I can at least measure up to a director someday. Now mind you all, being called all those things doesn't surprise me a bit and for me it is kind of a compliment. One because it shows I can be more of something in the future and two because it just tells me that I am more like my dad in every way.
          I have always known that I am more like my dad in my personality but I always thought it was because of the quite, shy, doesn't like to talk much, easily stressed but hides it part of the personality. Oh! and not talking about emotions. Apparently, the older I am getting the more I am becoming like him in my personality. I am getting the authoritative and micromanaging down like my dad. Now that doesn't mean I will take on the roll as a superindent or a big leadership roll like that anytime soon because I know I can't do that. That would stress me out way too much. It did as a child and it would do it even more as an adult. Now if I can just get to the part where everyone or most everyone likes me as that way then things would be great. It might take me awhile to find that place that I can get along with everyone and agree with what they are doing.
            Who knows? I might even be there now but just have to be there a few more years til I feel that way. I don't know but I do know that I am finding out who I truly am and it is hard. It is hard going through different stages of life and different jobs just to find that one that will fit you the rest of your life especially if it is a job that you never wanted or thought you would have and/or like in the first place. If you look at my family, we all have that little bit of authoritative and micromanaging in each of us. My brothers are business people for big companies/people, oldest sister a nurse while she raised 4 kids, 2nd oldest sister was a daycare teacher but now a working mom with 3 kids, 3rd oldest sister a teacher, and my mom is even a teacher and there is 6 of us.
           Did I mention that all those above is probably why I am still single to this day? Because I won't give those things up and I probably scare boys away with those things. I mean if you ask a few of my crushes, they would probably agree. That is what is amazing about God through, He will either help you give those things up or use it for the good of others. You just need to let Him do that. It is and can be hard when you find out who God truly made you to be but in the end it is all worth it. Yeah, there might be some things that you have to give up down the road and/or just for a little bit but if it was meant to be God will make it happen later on. God just wants you to be happy with who He made you to be before you go fitting into another life mold and start that stage of life.
           God always does things His Ways because they are better then we could ever think of and let me tell you I have learned that the hard way. I will keep learning it that way until God is done with me which He won't be until I am with Him in Heaven.