God Wants or You Want?

     There is a question that has been weighing on my mind for the past couple of weeks now about just life and how I am doing. That question is: Am I doing what God wants me to do or what I want to do? A friend said, "You have to pray and figure out if it is something you want or God wants. That is the hardest part of this whole thing is putting your thoughts and feelings aside and only hearing God." My friend said this while I was in college because of a decision I felt like I needed to make and I asked that friend. It was a small decision now that I look back and read what I wrote and what my friend wrote back.
      When I got this answer I was in college thinking about not be a part of a leadership of a club anymore and now I look back and think how little that decision was compare to my life ahead of me. Never thought I would look back on it, 3 years down the road, and it would explain my life perfectly but it does right now. That is how I feel in the mist of everything. I do have a hard time putting my feelings aside. We are do because we are humans and the world is full of sin. Thinking about and for ourself is sin. It's pride. It's saying I'm fine where I am at and don't need to change and sometimes don't need God but that is not true.
      My friend goes on to say, "God is always changing and growing us, and it is good not to be comfortable, because if you are comfortable then you are not open to the change God could be making in you." I never want to be comfortable in this life because I want to go down the path God wants me to go down. I want to help children in situtions that are bad. I want to make a difference in their lives but I can only do that if I let God keep growing and changing me into who He made me to be. I know I am right now where I am at but I want to do so much more because it needs to be done. God is growing and changing me where I am. He is giving me the inside scoop so to say about what it could be like because before I had no idea but I feel like I still have a lot of growing and changing to do. You never stop learning in this field no matter where you are at in it. Every child is different but I love that about it.
      I say and write this because right now in my life, I have no idea what the next step is for me. I have ideas and they are scary but I want to do them so bad. So bad that right now my heart is tugging on the ideas and say start them now but I have no idea how to even start or where. I know this is something that God wants because I can't do it alone and that is usually a good sign that it is something God wants because He is needed in it. He wants it done and He wants to be apart of it too. Like I said at the beginning of this entery when I first asked the question it was something so small and I remember I know it means something but what. Well, God has been shown me lately that it wasn't really only meant for that thing but also for what I'm going through now and to depend on Him for everything now.
       My feelings right now are it is going to be scary and doubting God. Those are the main two along with some others for sure. I see what and how they are getting in the way. I'm not doing anything. I'm not expanding my knowlegde on the topic because I'm scared about what I will find out. I need to do that before I go on. I need to know where to really touch it. I'm asking and doubting God can I do this when I'm single? Can I do it at all? What about my job now? How will I get the things that I need for it? Who will help me? I'm asking and doubting His answers to all these questions when I know I shouldn't be deep down because if it is what He wants then He will take care and provide for everything.
       I usually don't like sharing personal things like this because I don't know how the friend would feel if they came across it or anyone for that matter but it is something that I've been using and thinking about a lot so I just thought about putting it out there.  People can also take this and learn from it too.