Open Heart and Open Mind

           The title is a saying that I have been thinking about since the Women's conference. I didn't get it at the conference or even right after it but now I am starting to get it. I am starting to get how that looks at this moment in my life. It is an unusual way but it totally makes sense with what I am going through right now. Here is what it means to me right now:
           It means: Be open to other ideas, people, and/or situations. I didn't realize how closed minded I was before the conference. I don't even know how I got to be closed minded. It had to happen over years and years. I wanted one thing and only one thing. That went on for years. I would act like I was up for anything and try to be open but really I wasn't. It kept me in bondage for a long time. Since I gave those things up at the foot of the cross, I've been wanting to be open minded and heart more. I've seen why I was that way and that was because I was trying to stop all of that. I wouldn't do things and that would make my life more misable. More anxious.
           I would just sit around and wait for years. When you do that, nothing happens, It is so much better to be open. It is funny because being closed minded is one: the devil's work and two: a work that is done slowly and long like a death. I can't even pick when I really started to become that way but I did. I have some ideas but not sure just one time. It is a trick that the devil likes to use most on me. It could be really hard spiritual warfare because like with me, the devil used something close to my heart or so I thought until my eyes and heart were opened. Once they were opened, I could see all the times and mistakes I had made and signs that I just didn't want to see because I was so desperate for something more. I thought I found that "more" but now that my mind and heart has opened I know that I haven't yet.
           I had to have friends help be with having those things open and keeping them open. I still have to remind myself that some of the thoughts I think or things I do are not keeping anything open. The devil is trying to block me from what God has in store for me. It is those negative thoughts that come when we are really sleepy. Or those tears that we just cry and feel so weak because we have no idea why we are crying. It is in those moments that we are so scared to death that we think about giving up and not taking that chance for something better. It is in those times where we need God the most. How can God get to use if we have a closed mind and heart?
           That is a good question to ask yourself. He can't even though He wants to. We need to be willing to let Him in and when things are closed, He can't get in at all. We might "see" Him but are we really letting Him in to where He could change our lives? Are we letting Him answer that prayer the way He knows is best? Are we asking other people about that situation that we know we should take to God in the first place? Are we worrying when we know deep down that God is in control of everything? Are we trying to take that control away?
           It is so hard to really explain it when you don't want to get too personal on a public blog/place. You still care enough about the situation to not do that and I do so I won't. The best way I can explain it is it just feels a lot more peaceful and free. That is having an open mind and heart. You just feel like God really took that burden off of you and away from you as well. I would say easy but you have those moments of warfare that you have to fight through if you really want to change you or the situation itself.
          The women's conference helped me see that we don't have any control over any stages or any things in our lives. Every strong women I saw up in front of that conference or the ones sitting right beside me, I knew were strong and didn't go a day without talking to God because some days and most days that is the only way they could get through the things going on in their lives. That conference showed me that as a women of God never once should you stop praying for your husband, children, future, and so on. No matter your age or the stage of life you are in. That is why I am, always been, and always will be a women of prayer/prayer warrior. I have never took prayer lightly, well I can't say never, but very seldom do I ever take prayer lightly.
         Prayer is what keeps me sane and I'm not kidding about that either. Prayer is the most important thing in my life and it will continue to be. What about you?