What is a Home?

      God really worked on my first day back from my Christmas break. He got me in gear right from the start. I was so lost and confused because of children leaving and different people working but He got me where He need to be even before I went into work this morning without me knowing it. These are the verses that I wrote down before work and the ones above them if you look them up. It talks about how people are God's house and we should the good architect or carpenter. Hopefully, I was the Architect today. Here are the verses:
                      " Or, to put it another way, you are God’s house. Using the gift God gave me as a good architect, I designed blueprints; Apollos is putting up the walls. Let each carpenter who comes on the job take care to build on the foundation! Remember, there is only one foundation, the one already laid: Jesus Christ. Take particular care in picking out your building materials. Eventually there is going to be an inspection. If you use cheap or inferior materials, you’ll be found out. The inspection will be thorough and rigorous. You won’t get by with a thing. If your work passes inspection, fine; if it doesn’t, your part of the building will be torn out and started over. But you won’t be torn out; you’ll survive—but just barely."- 1st Cor. 3:9-15
      Yeah, after you read that what do you think? You think nothing until you are with a bunch of children after Christmas and ringing in the New Year in some place other then their own home. You think nothing of it until all of them are drawing pictures of houses or having you drawing pictures of houses for them in all shape and sizes to 2 windows to 5 windows and 2 doors. With those houses, they are drawing people too on the other side of the paper. What now? I felt like God was telling me something and He probably was. I wonder what was going through each of those childrens' minds. Yeah, it was a chain reaction one wanted a house and so did the rest of them but still you wonder. They want to be home instead of at another place with strangers and new things things that are not their own. 
        Home is not where you live but where your heart truly is. It is where the people you love and care about you are. People might take care of you other places but you might not love or care for them. You might be there just because you have to. Some of these children never get to go back to their true home. 
        If that wasn't bad enough to show me that I shouldn't have left, I had a convo. with one of my little girls but really it was God have a convo. with her and me at the same time. Here is the convo. I had with the little girl:

         Me: Why are you upset/sad?
         Little Girl: Because I miss my mommy and daddy.
         Me: Is there something else bothering you?
         Little Girl: The dark.
         Me: Why:
         Little Girl: Because I'm scared of the dark.
  Then we went into this convo. some parts I can't share. 

          Little Girl: They were crying when I left and so was I.
          Me: Don't ever let someone make you feel like it's your fault. You are 
          a sweet little girl. It's not your felt that you left.
          Little Girl: My brother was crying too.
          Me: You are sweet and don't you forget it. You can share your feelings 
          but don't feel like it is your fault. They just made some bad choices. You
          are sweet and beautiful no matter what and don't you ever forget that. 

   God was talking to me through that convo. too has I thought about it on the way home. I've been through a lot these past couple of months and year you could say. It comes and it goes depending on situations. 

          Me: I'm not beautiful enough, smart enough, or loud enough for them.
          They just say things so they think I won't get mad at them. 
          God: You are beautiful in My Eyes. 
          Me: You left me alone when everything happened.
          God: I didn't I died for you so you could live for me.
          Me: Where are you now when I'm so confused and scared about things?
          God: I'm right here beside you leading you every step of the way. I'm
          with the children, through family and friends, and in My Creation. Just 
          listen and trust me. 
          Me: It is hard.
          God: Trust Me and I will Lead you where I want you! 
          Me (saying this right now): I'll try. 
          God: Don't try! Do! Let Go and let Me have control this next year!
          Me:________________________(thinking a lot about things)

     Again, can't share all of it even with me with out sharing certain situations but you get the idea on both of the convos. and see the connection, right? Sorry there are two different sizes of text on this page. 

Seeing Things in a Different Light

      I can already tell 2014 is going to be a life changing year for me. I'm having the most relaxing time this week then I have in a long time not worrying about anything but yet I'm out trying to shoot a bow and arrow, shopping, cooking, sewing, and just being me out in the country. I wrote a testimony too about how a friend's TV show as changed my life and really I can't describe it in words. I've been thinking about and talking to my little brother that hunts and shoots and just seeing how much arrows costs gets to me. If you make a living out of hunting it does cost a lot of money.
       It is a whole new way of life and strangely enough I like it. There are no words for a lot of my life right now and might not be for awhile. I'm still trying to firgure out where I belong in AR and what my boundaries should be. I don't have a settled life and yet I want one in AR. My dad said I could start looking for a house instead of my apartment down there and I want that but it is a big step for me. These days have been so busy but yet I loved doing everything. I love my job but at the same time I love the people I'm around now my family.
      I guess it means a lot when you have family and friends that feel like family around you and I don't have that in AR yet. I have some but not ones that I can just call up and they would drop whatever they are doing and hang out or very few that will even see how I'm doing. I have no one near me like that. They all live at least a half a hour to a hour away. I need to set new and more boundaries because of my job times being so strange and I need to do what I love. I need to stop trying to be someone I'm not and enjoy who I am. So what if I'm that country, small town girl that loves to be outdoors and maybe even hunt in a great while. I can do that by myself if I need to. I don't need to eat out or go to the movie or spend money to enjoy doing things with friends.
         I've tried for so many years to be a city girl because of the cities I have lived in but I'm nowhere near that. I might not fit in with my city friends and that is okay. My boundaries might be mostly country, simple way of living because that is who I am. I just wish I lived in the country right now and had some friends that I could go shooting with at a range and things like that. I miss it and right now I'm thinking about how much I regret not spending time with those types of people in high school because now it could get me a long way or be fun at least. I pushed too hard on most of them. I'm learning to let up a lot espically these past few months. When I get those boundaries set, my life is going to change I hope for the better and show who I really am.
           I also learned this week that I would settle for anything when shopping or worry about what other people think like if I got home late and so on. I would let my mom pick out my clothes and if I had it with shopping I would just settle with those clothes. That is not good for me either. I don't want to just settle in life with anything or worry about anything. I want to work for what I want. I might have to work years for it and even wait for it but in the end it would be worth it and even more speical. Three things I'm not going to do in 2014: not going to settle for anything less then I want, not going to be a city girl, and worry. Three things I am going to do in 2014: work hard for what I want and/or wait for it, trust God, and be a country girl while learning to do new things like shoot a bow and arrow and a hunting gun. As they say in AR, I'm going to learn how to become a true AR girl. :)

Joy Wherever We Are

      I usually don't do two a day but there is a memory verse that has been hitting me a lot this Christmas season and I saw it again just now and and with it passing I wanted to/felt like I needed to share it. It is:

      “And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; He is Christ, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."-Luke 2:8-10

       I seem to be hearing and seeing a lot about Joy this month and I don't know why but it is hitting me too. We should be joyful and rejoicing that Jesus was born on this day. We should be happy with exceeding joy. We shouldn't be scared of what is in front of us though it might be scary. I know for me it is because I have no idea what is next but we should be joyful. We have a Savior that has been born for us and just for us. He wasn't born in a big castle or house. 
       He was born in a manger where animals eat from. He didn't have royal purple on his robe or nice clothes either. He was wrapped in white cloths. What I was just thinking was the cloths was white like He came to take our sins away and make us pure white. The cloths that He left in the grave were white too. He was wrapped when He was born and after he died in white cloths. He came to die so we might live. He loved us that much that He came down to this nasty earth and showed us how to live. 
         We sometimes go around not seeing that. Ok, a lot we go around forgetting it during the year. I like how a friend says it, "Jesus is the ONLY reason for the season." I would like to reword that a little bit though. I would like to change it to "Jesus is the ONLY reason that I live." I live for Him and no one else. My job might be hard and lives might be hard but we can always have joy and hope in the One who has us in His Hands. 
         He might find us in the darkest places like He was in the manger but He will get us out and give us joy. I was in a dark place around this time of year last year and a year later I'm loving it and honestly missing my kiddos. It is good to have relaxation time with family but I still miss them. I have a hard job and some days I am in the darkest places and hear the darkest stories from the children but I still stay strong and encourage them and pray for them and show them God's love while they are there. That is all I can do and God does the rest. I just have to trust Him and yes, it is hard at times espically if I really get hooked on some more then others which happens a lot but I'm learning to trust more and more everyday. Each child God puts in my life to teach me something about myself or Him.
            One more thing about this verse: Jesus is our Shepherd. He is keeping watch over us and even the children. He knows our every thoughts and moves better then we do. We shouldn't be terrified because He is leading us in the Way He wants us to go if we will only trust Him like sheep trust their shepherd to more food and water. This is my Christmas message this Christmas. Again sorry I wrote two times today. I won't write again in the 27th or 28th.

Christmas Eve with Children

      One of these days I will get to enteries about me and more devos but I have one more I really want to share that just broke my heart last night. One of my little girls were just having a hard time yesterday. I try to leave her alone and let her cry it out but my heart couldn't take it on Christmas Eve. I took a break from all the work and let her sit in my lap a little while while watching a Christmas movie before bed.
     After supper, she just broke down crying and screaming and wouldn't stop at all. We tried to leave her alone in a room where we could still watch her to see if she would calm down but it just kept getting worse and louder. I gave her a chance to go watch the movie by herself but that didn't work. I tried having her sit on my lap and that worked wonders. She just needed that one on one time at Christmas but I don't blame her at all.
     I rocked her to sleep and had a little talk to her before bed and she said that she missed her mommy and daddy and told me some other things that I can't say on here but it makes you wonder sometimes what goes through those children's minds. It makes you wonder the things that they see too. I will never understand it but God does and I can only do so much in 3 months and I have to trust that God will do the rest. It is sad because I'm off the rest of this week and she leaves soon after this week.
      Sometimes I think that I would love to just be a fly in a house of these children to see what was really going on. I chose a fly because if I was a person I would really have to control myself. No kid should ever be treated like these children are. It was hard for me to leave last night and to come to my parents today. I just wanted to see the faces on their faces when they opened their presents but maybe next year. It was sad too because yesterday was just another day for them. I tried to make it Christmasy by stamping with Christmas stamps and putting a Christmas movie but it just isn't the same without a family. We had cookies to cut out and bake but we didn't get to that because there was only 2 staff to do both preschool and babies/toddlers.
       That little girl made me wonder does she know what it feels like to have Christmas with her parents. Does she remember and if she does is that why she is upset? I'm sure it is. The sad thing too though is that she didn't want to call them last night either. She is really upset about something when that happens. This is another little girl that I could take home with me espically after what she told me last night. Let's just say it was another Heaven story like the little girl before her. I don't want to take a long time to write on here today but I just wanted to tell you all what my Christmas Eve was like where I work and this was it. The most hard yet speical moments for me because hopefully I was giving them a present last night by being there for them.

Comfort that They Need

      You don't realize how blessed and nice it is to be with family after you have spent it with people and children who don't have a family to spend the hoildays with. I'm sure there will be more about after today on this same topic but I just had to share what happened yesterday. I got 3 presents and for me that is a lot and keeps me busy. Those presents aren't material things but children who need to be loved on. I had 3 situtations that I had to comfort children yesterday and some just broke my heart.
         The first one wasn't too bad. It was just one of my little boys coming back from a visit and he needed encouragement to go play with the children once he got back. He was "away" for a second but he got over it really fast. The other one was my normal little girl that I talk to and comfort a lot lately. It seems she likes to be by herself more and more. I had to comfort her after something that she got to do and then at bedtime when she would not go to bed for the other teacher. She threw one of the biggest fits that I've seen yet from her but when I was rocking her she was fine and calmed down. That same girl told one of the other teachers that someone was in Heaven and that is why she was upset but she didn't say who. I'm so mad at myself because this is a replay of the little girl before her and I should have known how to handle it. This girl is more emtional and reserved then the last one I think. What is strange though is that she is sleeping in the same bed as the girl before her with the same problem.
         You get all these little problems before the holidays because parents want to see their children or talk to them and wish them a merry Christmas but they don't realize how hard it is on the children. There is a lot of emations going on throughout the place and even for me because how I wish I could take them home tommrow and give them each a present even though they will get a lot there tommrow. It is the family setting that means the most to me and it should to everyone too.
          Then my other present was one of the other little girls woke up from her sleep crying. I went into the bedroom to see what was the matter and she said to me "I want you" and gave me a hug. We talked a little while about what scared her in her dreams to tinkerbell because that is what made her happy. Sometimes though I wonder what goes on in their minds because this little girl I'm scared that she has watch too many scary movies and video games about killing and zombies and such. This little girl reminded me of another little girl that I had and they were in the same bed too. She reminded me of her because we started to talk about the dargonflies on the wall and the other little girl would do that when she was scared too to get her mind off of things.
             I'm starting to see another pattern for them and for me. I might be the shy one in the bunch, in the whole building, but I'm the most caring and understanding one. I am also shy because I'm the most determined one too and you can't talk much when you have your mind set to something. I'm can be the most sassy one when you get to know me and I open up a lot but it takes a lot of trust for me to get there with some, most people. To be honest, I wouldn't want to spend the day before Christmas Eve or Christmas Eve any other way.
              I keep thinking about my grandma and grandad that passed away. We would spend Christmas Eve at their house every year but now I'm spending it with children who needs it spent with and I know that would mean a lot to the both of them espically grandma. Doing what I love and working hard at it. I guess you can say I grew up in a family that hard work was the only way, well not really, but one of the ways to get what you want and here I am. It is by no means an easy job but I love it too death.

Being a Voice for the Children

      Yesterday was just another day with blessings pouring in from right and left. It was sad blessings most of them but it helped me understand the children more. I'm starting to see to that I can love all the children at once but I can only really focus on one one at a time like really talk to them and hold them at night, which is sad. I need more arms to hold all of them and mind space and ears to listen and take in everything they are saying.
       Start out with the good one that happened to me. I think one of my little girls will be a real encourager if she gets with the right family. She says the sweetest things that are so encouraging even to us grown ups. It was the same girl that called me adorable Weds. that called me sweet yesterday. I just want to take this one home with me but can't. She keeps telling me that she loves me every time during bath like 3 or 4 times and then adds something like "you're sweet" on the middle of it.
        Then I saw where my understanding came in twice yesterday and it was good and then bad. The good one was that one of my boys were having a melt down over what we thought was nothing at all but to him it was a big something. We tried everything that we were told to do with him and when he behaves the way he did but it didn't work. Finilly I thought about how some people don't like their food touching because it could be OCD or part of Autism. Well, this little boy did not what his gravy on his busicut at supper time. We had breakfast for supper. That was the only thing touching each other on his plate and when we got a plain busicut he stopped having the melt down.
        The other thing that took my understanding was with a little girl. She has been really stubborn and throwing fits a lot more lately but loves to be the big helper. I'm learning that the stubborn ones like to be the helpers because it gets their minds off of things. She threw herself down on the floor at bedtime because she wasn't the first one that was going to get rocked. I changed my mind because I felt like she need to talk about her feeling so I did rock her and talk to her about how she was feeling and why she was feeling that way. I asked questions like: How are you feeling?, Why are you feeling that way?, and What made you feel that way?. She explained it to me and what she mainly said was that her daddy lost her and that is why she felt mad. I told her that she needs to try and use her words to tell the teachers how she feels instead of throwing her fits so we know how to help because we want to help her feel happy and have fun where she is now.
          I see a pattern here for myself too lately. I have the patience to deal and work with the ones that can't or won't speak for themselves. I'm there to encourage those type of children because I know what it feels like to not speak for myself or having a hard time talking because people can't understand me as well. I see me in some of those fit throwing segments even though I had a great amazing life compared to these children. I had a hard life at the same time because of who I was and how God made me. It wasn't anyone's fault it was just how I was made. Couldn't speak right and very easily upset. I remember when I was young that I would get so upset because no one would understand me so they didn't know what I wanted and that was just the way I was born. I have a great family and they tried so many things but it was just the lineage and the way God put things in order for me and I'm glad He did because now I can reach a lot more children this way. My family taught me compassion and love and through everything I had to learn patience with myself which is rolling over now. They also listen when I have a problem if I'm not to stubborn to go ask for help with it.
          I see that some people give up too easily with those children who can't talk or have a hard time talking so I take over to see what I can do. Sometimes all they might not is calm talking to or a listening ear which I have. Sometimes I think if I shouldn't have a higher job like a case manger or social worker where I could really speak for them and be their voice. We'll see I like where I am right now though so I'll stay. :)

God's Gift of a Day

     It always seems like the little gifts that are unnoticed during a plain day is noticed during a really busy day or at least to me that is how it seems. I had a busy day at work yesterday but it was God's present to me because I haven't had a day like that in a long time. One little sweet thing happened one after the other and I got to know the children more and love on them more it felt like. I had 3 amazing things happen to me yesterday and it just made my day. Some of the things were just trying to make a different in the child's life too and I got joy from that as well.
     One was from a little girl when I was putting her pjs on her before bed. She hugged and kissed me. She also said, "I love you, Miss Tiffney" a muiltple of times and she also said, in those middle of I love yous, "You're adorable." Just broke my heart to hear that from a little girl. It was complient after complient from her while getting her pjs on. Then I was rocking another little girl to bed and she was very talkative before bed. She told me all of about her mommy, daddy, and pink fish. She was talking really fast and like she wanted to get it out of her mind. For this little girl, it was the first time that she talked non-stop to me before bed because usually she wouldn't. She would just be quite but not last night so I'm hoping and praying I'm getting somewhere with her.
        Another sweet moment but sad moment I had with a little boy. He was in time out because he didn't stop what he was doing and he was told a lot of times to stop it and he was warned. He sat by himself for a little awhile quitely but then he started to say, "I won't be a bad boy anymore" and hearing that just broke my heart so I had to go over and explain to him why he was sitting there alone. I told him, "You are not a bad boy and we don't think that here. Your actions and what you do are bad. You made bad choices. We don't do this and that but we do do this and that. You aren't a bad boy." He was trying to hug me to get out of time out before the talk but I made him sit while I talked to him.
         Another moment was when I found out something about one of my little boys that I didn't know. I feel like God gave me that moment to do something about it. I've been wanting to do another ministry on my own and now I know where to start because of this little boy but I just have to go see if I can start it there. It was like God saying, "Here is one of your answers" but yet it was so sad to hear the little boy say it like he did.
        All of this during and after an outing with the children. Yes, it was really a busy day for us. I hope my next 4 days before Christmas there is like yesterday was. I hope God keep giving me presents every day. I just need to be on the outlook for them. :)

Boundaries

       I'm thinking and going to be learning a lot about boundaries in the New year and try and set some for me to get my life under my control along with God. It will be a process. How I wish I could be on a mission trip doing this but it is good either way. You will see a lot of enteries here about boundaries because I am reading the book called "Boundaries: When to say Yes, when to Say No To Take Control of Your Life".  It is by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. It has some pretty good points and verses from the Bible so I will be using those as enteries maybe to tell what they mean to me.
         I've already come across Gen. 1:28 where it says  that we must do what the Lord has given us on this earth to do. To subdue this earth and name every living creature and thing but that was Adam's job and purpose here on the earth from God. God has a plan for each one of like that though we just need to follow Him for it. As my friend sums up this verse, "Have Dominion". That means to me take control of what God has for you in this life so you can be happy in the next. You are the only person that can have dominion over your life with God's help of course. You are the only one that can set the boundaries inside and out.
         I can't wait to get started with the book and I think the book would be great for any small Bible study to do because it is just about life and how boundaries go with it. Boundaries are nothing to be scared of or run away from. God talks about boundaries and does boundaries a lot in the Bible. Something that the book already pointed out to me was that God said he was apart fro everything in this world when it was made. Another thing was that The Tinity is three person: Father, Son, and Holy Gost but they each doing different things in their own way and they can only do so much for us. They have their boundaries too. Just think if the Holy Gost had no boundaries, what would that be like?
           God set boundaries for Adam and Eve and did they follow them. No and look at what happened. They can sent out to be on their our. No more close time with God hearing Him talk or seeing Him walk in the garden with them. They were cast out of the garden. Boundaries are a good thing but so often the church teaches them as a bad thing by being selfish or just teaching them for dating/boyfriends when really they have to do with all of your life not just that part. The little things we do everyday is a boundary choice one way or the other. Good or bad. The verse in Proverbs where it says to "watch our hearts for it is the well spring of life". That means sat boundaries around it of all kinds so that good and joyful things can come out of it instead of bad things.
             This is only the start of what I have learned about boundaries by reading that book. I hope you keep looking for more enteries and not only enjoy them but will walk through this jounary with me and I could use some encouragement too if you feel like giving some. :) I hope this will change your life like I'm hoping it will change mine within the next year.

Light in the Dark Valley

       The sermon at my church this morning was amazing. They talked about how God sent His Son into a Dark world. They showed us with the lights by turning them off and on and everything. We don't think much about the lights we put up on our houses or trees but we should and this sermon got me thinking about it a new way. Lights around Christmas is to light up everything whether house or tree. God made a plan for us to be saved and to be the light for Him when Jesus went to Heaven.
         They metioned Matthew 5 where it says we are meant to be the light now for God because Jesus died on the cross. Jesus passed that job onto us. They also meationed a lot about the dark valley of death and that God came to light that path up too. I loved it when they said the people of faith had to cross that valley into the Light. God had a plan for us so we could do that. His Plan was talked about in the Old Testament but happened in the New testament. God already had it planned out for us to cross that dark valley. He knew that we were going to come across it in our lives.
           That got me thinking about where I am in my life right now. I've been talking about boundaries and planning and how I need to do those things are keep with it so my dream can happen whatever that may be. It is funny how it shows us in the Bible how to do that. How God did it for the perfect thing to happen for us. He planned it out and it happened. It took hard work and determination or it would for us at least but we can do it. God plans a lot of things out from forming the Earth to Jesus dieing on the cross for us so where do we get that we can just takes things and go with it without boundaries.
           I don't know Jesus at all but this is just a guess. Wouldn't it be neat to be like Him and have no boundaries at all? Well, I guess that would be wrong He had boundaries but they were God's boundaries not the world's. Not being held down by the law to do anything. Some boundaries are good and we need them to get us on the right path and keep us safe but they need to be God's boundaries for us. Just think if Jesus let the other kings control Him then he wouldn't be able to do half of the work He did. He knew His boundaries what He was able to show and not show and He followed them. He followed them to the dark valley of death but it was all worth it in the end. He had faith in His Father.  We might need to go through a dark valley of death to see what is on the other side for us. We might need to learn more and give up more but they should only draw us closer to God and then we can let our Light shine for Him on the other side.  That is how the people/man of faith came to be man of faith. They had some hard times but they put their hope and trust in God and went onwards.
             I might be going out on a limb here but dieing on the cross was His Purpose for His Life. He did everything to lead to that. I'm sure Jesus made some scarifices too like no home, only few close friends, no family, and much more I'm sure. We can't just go about our lives aimlessly and not do anything about it whether big or small there is always a purpose for us and it needs boundaries.
            I have a friend doing great at their job and I remember hanging out with or wanting to hang out with that friend during college and they would want to take everything as is or whenever they had time for it but I think now going through and making their dream come true they realize it is all in the planning and scarfices and boundaries made. Nothing happens when you just go with it.  That friend has learned a lot this past year and it shows in their job.  Their light for Christ does shine through everything they do and it is amazing to see. It just encourages me more and more to do what God wants me to do the way He wants me to do it. If that means setting boundaries so do it. It will all be worth it in the end someday! Right now, I want to be the Light for God! I want to shine for Him not for anyone or anything else!

God Sent Us This Snow For a Reason

       I know most of you are already reading my title and are like "you got to be kidding me about this." If you really stop and think about it though, He did and that reason was to slow down at this time of year. I feel like I am behind on my Christmas shopping and parties and everything else that has to do with Christmas but yet I spent this last week more then any other way caring like I should. Taking time for God like I should and it's not just through the present and it won't be this week either. I feel like I'm rushing to get things done but I shouldn't be. Yeah, I'm rushing to get the pysical things done but what about my spirit and God. Do I remember the true meaning of it and resting in that? Am I happy with that when all the present are gone and all I have is family and friends to go to?
        You know maybe it is harder on me this year too because I don't feel like we need the material things in life. I spent almost a year with children who don't have much and here we are at Christmas time buying more. Maybe I don't care to buy more nonsense things. I didn't even make a good Christmas list this year. It had mostly books and CDs on it. Guess what the books were about, children that have been abused or negeteled.
        God gave us this snow to make us slow down and think about the real meaning of Christmas in a world that is so busy today. Here we are going places and thinking about what to get others when really we should just slow down. The snow is God's sign to us saying, "Stay in and spend time with me." or in my case you will get sick. It could also be like I'm trying to make it to work but the drive is so long and slow and I feel like I waste time because I get there a half a hour early because the roads were better then I thought.
         Even though, I love my job and there is no place I would rather be. I really regret not staying in on some of those snow days and just enjoy time alone and with God. The snow is really beautiful when we take the time to see it for what it is with the sun beaming down and children playing in it. It is pure white like we are in Christ and therefore, no matter what we are doing we are pure in Him. It's strange because God has been teaching me boundaries and like I've said before this snow and job are helping me learn those but at the same time it is hard because I want and do care about the children but then there is my family and friends I don't want to forget about.
         It is crazy how people complained that we didn't get snow last year and now they are complaining that we are. It just goes to show you that we can't be happy with anything of this world. We want it one way or the other. I understand it can be dangerous trust me after going into a ditch this past week I know but that will never mess with my perspective of snow. I was safe and my car got a little dent in it and I know some people aren't that lucky or blessed but they don't have to be mean to everyone else. Maybe they should have slowed down both on the road and in life or one or the other.
         People complain about the snow when really we should look at it as God's way of telling us to slow down and take time for Him and His Gift.  Snow is really a gift at any time no matter what you have to do in it because no matter where you are it slows things down at least a little bit if not all the way.  I've always loved the snow and winter time. I've been and am a snow baby being born in December 7 days after winter starts.
         All I'm trying to say is just spend time with your family and friends this season remembering the true meaning of Christmas because at least you are blessed enough to have those things in your life. Even if it means that God has to send snow to make us spend time with them, let's enjoy it to the fullest.  This enterty might be a little too forwards but it has been what I've been thinking lately. I hope it makes sense too.

A Little "Side" Mission Trip

       Who knew that you could have a mission trip in your home state at your own job in a big snow storm? AR friends are going to kill me for saying this but I want this all winter. LOL! :) They know where I work though so they understand why. I would have to be able to go outside with the children though most of the time. :) That is where I have been the past 2 days and it has opened up my eyes so much. God knew what He was doing when He put everything in order for good. I had a hard week last week but this week just seems so much better and yet I started it off at work after having a good talk with a family member.
          It seems like I just needed to get a way from my apartment and people around me like sorry to say it but friends for awhile and have no way of talking for long for awhile. You don't know how hard something hits you until it hits you hard and then you are like duh! First off, I think my apartment is too small and has a lot of things in it. Second off, I think I do need to live with a friend sometime soon like by next August.
           After staying 3 days and 2 nights at my job, I feel like they are a family to me and that they do care about the children there or at least most of them. I loved to see how we are came together and worked as a team by one showing up when one couldn't get out because of the snow. How people were so willing to stay a week overnights or more to take shifts where need be. I got to know some people that I never saw because I worked or stayed with them and got to know the people I knew already better. It just seemed like a caring place. It reminds me of the daycare at my college and it is so good to be back at a place like that then I was almost a year ago from now. I wouldn't trade this job for anything else unless it was to start one like my own.
            To tell you all what I'm learning, I need to tell you the start of the story which was last week. A friend of mine was honest to me and told me what they needed to tell me but in a way it was hard for me to take in. I understood it and respected them for it but it was still hard in a way. I thought about it all week until I got to talk to a family member of mine and they helped me understand things a little better. They helped me understand that boundaries are more and have to do more then just with what we think they do (dating/guys). Boundaries have to do with dreams, jobs, friends, and even family. If you don't have the set amount of time to spend with them or the ability to say no when they ask you of something then your life is going to be crazy.
               I had that talk this past Sunday and after that I have spent the last 3 days at my job and I think that talk helped me see things a little clearer now. I heard the past two days at my job how people had to go home because of their families/husband/boyfriend and that is great and I don't think anything of it expect this. People think I might be strange because I work with the children I do and I love it and don't care to spend the night. I felt strange last night spending the night because everyone was going home or almost everyone and the roads were fine but I had to work in the morning so I stayed.
              I truly believe God gave these past 2 days to see that I don't need all the stuff I have to make me happy and I knew that from before mission trips. I think the main thing He was showing me the week before and this week was I don't need a guy in my life right now or a family because He has better things for me. If I had a family or boyfriend I wouldn't be able to stay over night at my work or go on these amazing mission trips. I might not even be able to open my own shelter or orphanage for children unless my husband really loves children like I do. I mean I can see myself opening one by myself if I have to having 12 children and just me in one big house. When I enjoy it, I have the energy to do it and nothing to keep me from it.
               Yes, I may be that  strange one spending the night somewhere else when I don't have to really but scared to drive in the snow and don't want to get up so early. I do the life I do because I don't have a boyfriend/husband or children to go home to. This is and will be my life for however long The Lord wants it to be. It will never wear out on me. To people who really know me, this shouldn't be surprising. I love my life right now and there is no other way I would have it now! Maybe later but not right now. I can't complain at all and I won't! :)

Big Snow and Me

      I thought I would write one about my first big snow storm that we are having here in AR right now. I'm learning a lot about life and the weather is not helping because it is just going right along with it teaching me the same thing. I have seen how my job now works with the snow and knowing me that is not good. I have been driving in this mess everyday but when you have children that need you, there is nothing else you can do. You can stay there and make it like a short mission trip but I haven't yet.
        This weather is also getting to me emaitonally because I'm stressed when my work calls and ask if I want to come in. I'm the kind of person that says, "yes" espically when it involves children and that could get you in touable sometimes. I was in a wreak on the way to work one day. It was just me hitting a little metal pole and bared wire and all I got was a dent in my car. It also was the first time that I drove in snow in AR because the last two years all I had to do to get to my 1st job here was walk because I lived that close to it so I could go in no matter what. It took me about at last 10 mins. to walk there. I would rather drive in the snow now to my work then to walk to work. All together it is my 1st big snow storm in AR. A lot of firsts here these past couple of days.
         It is neat to see the people you work with, your co-workers, really band together for the children at a time like this. They are saying I will stay a week at work or come back on the icy roads and help. If you stay over, you get to know them more and they become like family, I kind of hope it does another big storm like this before winter is over and then I will stay no matter what. You have to do this because it is just the nature of the job. It also helps you see who is there for the children and who is there for just the money because if you are there for the children you will either stay or come back if needed, I think.
          I get to work or see people that I never get to see or work with so I get to know more of who is in the other sections of the building. It is a very, spiecal place that I work and I couldn't ask for a better one even if I do get in one or two wreaks along the way. These past few days with work too has helped me to see if I made the right choice or not. To see if I'm listening and in a way trusting God, which I need help with badly. I've been making the right choices I think after that wreak. They always tell you that the storms of life will past you by and you will get through them.
         It was fun yesterday too though because we had a snow themed day without even knowing it or that is what the teacher in me calls it. I had them make snowman out of cotton balls and snowflakes around the snowman with their hands painted white. Another co-worker went outside to get snow from the playground and the children got to play inside with plates of snow. They made little snow mans and used rasins and marshmallows for eyes and buttons. Such a cute idea to keep them busy! :) That is one way of co-workers working together.
         It is funny because this natural storm fits my storm of life right now. Not listening to God or seeing the signs if I should go or not and not seeing the signs in my life whether to stop or to go in a different way. It was so good though yesterday after I got to work after the wreak. Three of my boys started to talk about God and Jesus as soon as I sat down to play with them. I was like that is strange, God. I crashed and then I come on in to work and here Your Name. I will write more about that experince later because something happened later on that night that was neat. That moment made my whole day and night better.
          I hope this make somewhat of some sense. I have gotten 6 hours of sleep in the past 2 days. I just wanted to try and explain what my job is like during snow days because it is really different. It is like a mission in the states. The people staying are the missionaries for those few days or week. I might stay at this place a little longer. :) Things might get tough but yet they are so fun and easy compared to other jobs.
      

Wisdom from Psalm 22:6-10

       We went over this in church last Sunday for the 1st week of Advent. The word or thought for this week is "Hope". We started in the old testament where David said and did almost the exact same things has Jesus did and said on the cross. The verses are Psalm 22:6-10 for today and I might give some more verses later on but this is all I had time to write about on Sunday.

"But I am a worm and not a man. I'm scorned and despised by all! Everyone who sees me mocks me. They sneer and shake their heads, saying, "Is this the one who relies on the Lord? Then let the Lord save him! If the Lord loves Him so much, let the Lord rescue Him!" Yet you brought me safely from my mother's womb and led me to trust you when I was a nursing infant. I was thrust upon you at my birth. You have been mu God from the moment I was born."-Psalm 22:6-10

         Here are my thoughts on these verses. Here is what I get from them and what the Lord is saying to me. I feel like the worm sometimes and not the man. I have felt like people have mocked me in a way that is jokely but still mocking because I buy and do things for the children I work with. When God was on the cross, it was then He saw the pain. It was then His eyes were really opened to every sin of the world. Every sin was on Him. Is what I'm doing really for the Lord? If I love the Lord I should let them mock me because I know what I'm doing is only bettering the childrens' lives. It's like I see the sin of this world and others mock me because I'm trying to show Christ to the children while I have the chance. God has brought me to Him since the start of my life. He let me safely to Him and taught me to trust Him at a young age. He has been my God from the moment I was born working my life together.
          I feel like He has also put me where he has wanted me while working with children whether elementary aged children or younger. Public school or daycares. He gave me the feeling of compassion for these children. Every since college, He has given me a passion to go on the mission field but having the sense to travel started much earlier at about the age of 10. He is still giving me the steps everyday to follow Him to make my traveling dreams come true. I'm learning more and experiences more each day and that is what it is all about.
          I might have to have a spiecal entery sometimes in Jan. about what the Lord has done in my life this past year because everything really does add up and I can see where the Lord is leading me but not quite where yet. Look for that entery coming next month. :)

A Little Boy's Vivd Dream

        I had this story that happened at work and I just had to tell it to someone. It might be short because I have to hurry but I knew if I didn't write it down I would forget it later. A lot has been going on that I need to write down on here. Hopefully, I will get caught up when I get snowed in. This talk with this little boy started the night before and I just wanted to see what kind of morning he had after he woke up for the morning.
         This little boy, as I was putting him to sleep, was telling me that he was sacred and kept seeing a monster when he was closing his eyes so he couldn't go to sleep. That monster seemed to be Harry Potter with a knife. Now, I have never watched those movies because I know they would scare me too. I don't know if this is true or not. He also said that he was made to watch them because someone else watched them. I just kept reminding him that he was safe and I will stay by his bedside until he fell asleep and I did.
           The next day is what really got me though. I asked him how his night went after all of that and he said the greatest thing ever, he said, " I'm happy now because I saw angels and God." I asked him some few more questions about what happened before that. He said things like "I was in hell and saw the devil because I was mad at someone but then I saw the angels and God and now I am happy." I'm not for sure who the someone was but it is just amazing how a little child can put two and two together.
When you think about the devil, you are usually mad or sinning or both really. When you see angels and God, you are happy.
            It's comments like these and dreams that makes me wonder do children really see more then we give them credit for. Does God really give them dreams like that where only they can see Him? It was scary for me but at the same time interesting because I wonder did he really see this and put the feelings together or is it something he has just heard or saw. Either way it is in his mind and he is dreaming it, which is not good when it is about the devil but I think it is neat that God and angels came over to keep him safe espically after I told him he would be safe.  Just another one of those God moment.
            It is strange too because during the day this child can get really mean and bossy like he is hiding something or something is bothering him but he doesn't know how to explain it yet we are not giving him the chance to in his own words. He loves playing naijas, bad vs. good, and other games like that outside and sometimes now I wonder if that is not a way to get his feelings out.

Ideas for Yo-Yo Teddy Bears

     Here are my ideas for the kinds of yo-yo teddy bears I'm going to start making and maybe once I get enough teddy bears sold I will start making other things like hair pieces, blankets, and wreaths.

-Brown just because I found brown patterns I liked for the 1st one

-Pink and maybe Hello Kitty for little girls-thinking of making one for my niece

-Disney Princesses for little girls

-Black and Lime Green

-Baby Blue for little boys

-Pale yellow or green for any gender of baby

-John Deere colors (yellow and green)

-Camo and maybe orange

-Red and white for the Razorbacks

-Maybe yellow and black for MIZZOU

-Any Holiday/Seasonal ones

-When I get really good, I will take suggestions. I could and wouldn't mind any suggestions right now but they won't be made just for a person right now. I'm hoping to get to that spot though and sell them to raise money for some kind of mission trip or traveling overseas for sometime longer then a week, maybe a year is my goal/dream. There are so many kinds to make because there is no certain way to do it. Just have to make myself focus on making them more and spending more time on them then I do now. It has taken me 4 months to make one, I think and still not done with it. Hopefully, in the next 2 or 3 months I will be though.

Thanks From Tiffney

       I will admit right off the bat that I was going to do an entery on Thanksgiving but I can't help it but it is a different kind of thanks espically after what I heard today. Yes, my title is from the idea from the book "Kisses From Kate" but I need something better that starts with a "T". I would usually be upset because I didn't get to spend time with family the morning of Thanksgiving this year but I'm not. I got to make some Turkey cookie treats and think about what I am most thankful for and that got me ready for my day.
         I have a 2nd family and that 2nd family are my children at work and there was no place I would rather be today then there. How many people can say that about their job? I was thinking here are all these statuses that talks about family and I don't get to spend it with mine but I did in a way. My 2nd family. The family I spend 40 hours a week with. When you work just for the extra pay for the holiday or when you think there are a million more things you could be doing then helping children, don't show it around people who don't have it. I know I'm difference from anyone around me and that makes me strange in a way but think about the children around you now. They don't have any of that stuff to go home to and might not ever have it again.
           I read an article by Katie Davis (Kisses From Kate) this morning and it got me thinking about something too and I need to read her book again since I'm doing kind of what she is but easier. I am taking care of 12 children, not by myself though. It got me thinking could I really do what she does here in America. It would be a little easier. She calls herself a single mom with 13 children and she moved into their country. That is how I started thinking about my children as family right now. I'm doing everything for them so why not, right?
           There was a moment tonight where I just had to say "thank you God" and that was when we were all sitting in the dining room on our side of the building instead of the cafe and eating like a family. I just looked at every child and thought about Katie and then thought I could do this. I want to do this. We had a sub sandwich that supposed to resemble the sandwiches you have after the big meal because they had the big meal at lunch. It was a family setting more then I have seen in my career. A bunch of little ones eating around you. Wouldn't you know it if you know me, I was right there sitting beside them in a small chair at their table. That is when I really noticed that I was truely thankful. It's moments like these I see and wish everyone in the world could see instead of me explaining it because it is never the same in words. There were 3 adult workers and 12 children. It was like our own little house for the night. :) Paper plates, milk cartons, no sliverware, and everything else you could think of after a big meal.
               Do these children really understand? Not one of them said a thing about Thanksgiving and that made me sad now that I think about it but I still think they are still too young to know about it espically if they have never been taught what it is all about or what it is. One more thing they don't get to go shopping on Black Friday or get things from that shopping day so stop and think for just a second about other people while you are shopping. That's all on that because I could go into more on how I feel about that day starting on Thanksgiving.

A Little Boy's Birthday Party

      This might be a short entery but I just wanted to share something that has happened this week and that I got to be apart of even though everything was crazy afterwards. I got to be apart of one of my little boy's birthday party and it is the little boy that I gave the snow boots to. I usually would come in to a party in the middle of it or at the end of one but this time I got to set up for it and everything. It was neat to see the smile (aka big grin) on his face when he saw his cupcake but more when he opened his presents. Everything was spiderman. The tablecloth, the napkins, and well the plates were blue to match everything and his favorite color was blue. 

        His sister got to come down and celbrate with him and got to play with him for a little bit so he really enjoyed that. It was so cute because he kept telling everyone he saw it's my birthday, we're going to have a birthday party for my birthday. There are no words to explain the look on his face when he opened each of his 3 presents either. I mean they were a spiderman "doll", a little airplane that shoots bullets, and a little track that another little spiderman could ride on. It just gave me this feeling in my heart that if 3 presents can make a little boy that happy then why can't it with us.

        Here is the lesson before you go shopping at Black Friday tommrow evening on a day we are suppose to my thankful for what we do have already. Crazy to think what it would be like if we did just get three presents at Christmas or birthday, would we be happy? It was more about the expression on his face when he got those presents that got to my heart so there are really no words for those. Just being a part of it and seeing the little boy really happy was a present to me. The parties and day goes by fast. We are used to making ours longer but why. All these children get is, maybe if they are lucky, half a hour of a party because the other children what to go off and play somewhere else. 

         Then the other children don't understand what day it is most of the time so they don't really care like a family would care and keep it going for at least that day. I have been part of a baby's birthday once and again they had no idea but it was fun seeing them get messy with the icing from the cupcake. 

That's another thing all they get is a cupcake with however many candles on it and here we are having a big birthday cake and some people those really fancy birthday cakes for a baby's 1st or 2nd birthday. I'm not againist those at all I would love to do one for my children someday but it is just a different point of view. These children could look back and remember oh I had this birthday back there because  so and so like they can look at it as a good or bad thing when they get older. 

           I'm just thankful that I got to spend one of my children's birthday with them. We have people who make a little photo book for them of their party so they can remember it but still who is to say that that book goes everywhere with them. It might get lost in all the moving but you never know. 

Be Strong and Take Heart in the Lord

"Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."-Psalm 24:17

        I read this verse yesterday in one of those email devos. that I get everyday and it just hit me right on the spot. I think this is my new favorite verse for right now in this time in my life. There were two words that hit me hard at they were "Be Strong".  As women or even girls, we think that we can't be strong and if we are that is a bad thing. To me, God is saying in this verse, "Wait for me and while you do that be strong and take heart and wait." God gave us three commands in this verse and they are very important ones.
         First command is to "wait for the Lord". We need to wait on Him before we move ahead in what we think are the plans for us. We might be wrong and what to go ahead because we what something now and God isn't giving it to us. Wait and see that the Lord is good. He will make things happen in His Perfect Timing.
          Second command is to "be strong and take heart". This command could be broken down into 2 commands but we'll just do one for now. This part got me because I've always thought, as women, we can be the strong ones if we are something is wrong with us. That is not true. We can be strong but it depends in what. We can't just sit around and do nothing and wait for something to happen. We have to be strong and do it. This helps me with my job because it is one of those where you have to be strong in the sense that you can't get the children get to you. You can let them walk all over you and you can't let them see that you are mad or upset. It is also good to follow when you are single because that means you can live with yourself and be happy with who you are and won't fall for anything. "Take heart" means, to me, that you take ahold of something and go with it with all of your heart in this verse. What God has given you to do and where He has placed you right now, you need to be strong and go with it. See what God has in store for you there now while you do wait on more from Him. He could be teaching you a lot where you are know whether it is growing you closer to Him or about the subject or both. It is both for me. He is healing me in ways I never thought He could and I'm not the one that needs healing compare to the children I work with.
           Third command is to "wait for the Lord" again. Why do you think God would put that in the Bible 2 times in the same verse? I think He would because that is the most important thing you can do. If you didn't wait for the Lord, your life would be a mess after a mess. You would try to control it and it would turn out bad. There are times I have tried to control my life and it didn't end up how I wanted it to but now I look back and think I'm glad I waited on the Lord because I would not be where I am today if I didn't. I couldn't see me doing things in high school that I thought about doing but it would for sure mess me up a lot if I did.
           The Lord wants us to be strong in Him and to take ahold of Him so that we will follow the plan He has for us. He knows us better then we know ourselves and His Plan and Timing is way better. He takes us through steps to get us to the plan He wants us to have plus the Home He has for us in Heaven. That is our Real Goal. That is why we are really being strong and holding on. It is also funny how God showed me this verse after having a talk to a teenager this past week about holding on and her goals/dreams for her life. Just another example of God teaching me at this job in a lot of ways if I just open my eyes.

The Day of Miracles

        I had a day of miracles this past Thursday. I got up at 6:30 and went to work at 7 and stayed there until 10 at night. It was a full day but it was a day of miracles and God knew I needed each and every one of them. I also learned a lot that day through everything that I did. I just became more mature and saw a side of my job that I have never seen before and I guess a side of me that I have never seen before because I was amazed at half of the thing. 

       It started out by taking a middle schooler and a teenagers to some appointments that they had. It was strange but I could relate to both of the appointments because I had the same things done to me like they were getting done without knowing what I would be doing. It is like God put me together with those two and knew exectly what they needed. One appointment was getting teeth checked on for braces and see if the child could get braces even and if not what needed to be done so the child can. He had a bad overbite and still had some baby teeth and enough to push the other teeth together. I can relate to the bad overbite. I understood everything the denist told me. 

        The second appointment was going to the drs. office for a broken foot. We waited about 3 hours in the waiting room and drs. office together. It was a long morning but we got some good talking in. This teenager told me about her life and what was happening and she was also worried about getting a cast but wanted one so bad. We talked through it and I told her about my broken wrist and how I broken it just playing around too like she broke her foot while dancing. We really got into some deep things because of a poster with the word "Persarvance" on it and a guy hanging off of a side of a mountain. She said, "I would just let go. I want to let go." and she said it jokely but I said right after, "No you don't you want to hold on" and she was like, "You're right" and then she told me all of her dreams and goals. She also told me that she liked me and wanted me to sign her cast first. I got to wonder how many people do actully listen to and take teens in in the foster care system. All they really need is a listening ear and have your respect for who they are and then hopefully you can get them to listen right back to you. We were laughing together by the end of the appointment. She didn't think through all of the things about a cast and I tried to share most of my story about my wrist and what the drs. would do and how it would feel when you had it on and take it off and during but I broke my wrist in 4th grade so it has been awhile. Never thought I could get along so well and talk so much to and teenager like I did this one but I had fun and loved it! 

            Then when we got back to where I work, I had to go work my plain shift for the day with my preschoolers. They were in a huggy mood that day or at least one of them was and the rest followed. One of our little boys would yelled, "It's huggy time" and come hug all the staff and then the other children would come copying him for a bit. I would have 3 to 4 children on me at a time. It was such a great feeling! :) Just what I needed in the afternoon after a busy, boring, and long morning. 

            Then staff got to talking about one of our children and what she is like and while they were talking I was thinking again. She has a sickness that if she wasn't in the states she might not be with us. If she was an orphan, without a doctor, in another country she might not be able to talk or be alive. It was just strange what went through my mind right then. We are blessed to have doctors that can perform miracles everyday too. It would be neat to see this little girl grow up and see what happens to her but either way I believe God will use her in the way He wants to with what is happening to her. 

            Four miracles in one day. They are all around us if we just open our eyes more and take that time to see those who we can relate to or think they need an encouraging word, even change our thinking around by being positive about things like thankful that we have doctors to go to. God will put us with people that we are able to help. That's why He puts us in their lives right then. That is why they cross our path. We think that people cross our path to change us a lot of times when really it can go the other way or both ways if we take the time to see it that way. 

Dreams and Secrets

Inspired by: A Teenage Girl that I talked to this week.

      I've been thinking a lot about my dreams again and who I truly am and who I want to know the real me. Sometimes we have to be careful to who we tell our secrets to. This blog is not a good example but it is helping me get my thoughts out. I have a farm that I grew up on my first 4 years of life so I call my home and it is really my 2nd home. No one really knows all the story behind it or why I went there and it is still a secret and will be because that story is something meaningful to me and I want to share it with people who I know will stick around. I also got to thinking though one of the adults is not doing too well. He is getting sick and has been getting worse the last 2 times I have been down there over 6 months. I always like going back because I hear stories of my life as a child and it just feels like home and peaceful. She was the one that taught me how to sew, some manners, starting me liking bears, and much more. I am the way I am because of them today.
        I feel like one person could really understand what I feel there and why. I feel like only one person could get the reason of why I would like to live out in the country while living the simple life as a stay at home mom. I was driving back from their house out in the country and I was just thinking, I could do so much out here. My own children's shelter or camp. Has we were talking, I was thinking about a friend and how much my friend would get along with them both even the lady. They would both of the same thoughts on nature, traditions, family, and everything else. They could talk about the farm all day. It is a hard feeling to put into words in a blog.
         It is the place I grew up and no one really will understand me until I tell them or really can show them that place and right now there is only one person I want to do that too. I also don't want to show many friends that place and introduce them to the people because the people aren't scared to share my baby stories with anyone. They are very outspoken so they will say anything. I also got to thinking today while there about my friend and my farm friends' love for animals whether it is dogs and cats to cows and chicken and deer. I know the farm friends are who got me to love God's Creation because we use to take a walk in the woods every evening and I would help gather the eggs.
          They taught me the important things in life and it stuck with me. People say that the first 5 years of a child's life is the most important because that is when they learn the most. During my first 5 years, I learned life lessons kids these days don't get plus some schooling before I started Kindergarden. I was taught how to have character, care, compassion and be polite to people. That is what living on a farm can do to you and I know how to keep myself busy because I was outside most of the time and my farm friends didn't have TV or cell phones and they still don't.
            A dream of mine and I will say it on here because those who know me can probably already guess. I want to be a stay at home mom and have that old lifestyle. The lifestyle that meant everything to me. That is the way my dating life is too. I don't want to just go out on causal dates with just any guy from a dating service or another town. That's not me. I want that one that has been a friend to me before we start to "date" and that I know God has for me. I don't even want to call it dating. I want to be friends and go on group dates until the right guy is ready to prove himself and ready to get serious. I know what I want already just by my guyfriends and the different ones I've had in my life. I believe that God will show me too in His Timing. It sounds sappy but that's how I was raised. I was raised in a different world and been in one ever since then. I just didn't see it til it is almost gone from me and is slipping away but isn't that when we see everything that is most important to us.
              Like I said, I know this might be a little too much information for a blog, but I hope girls younger then me read this and see there are girls (woman) out there that still believe the "old" way of dating. That they believe that God has someone for them and if not then God will use them just as they are in a more important way then they ever thought could happen. We all have dreams and we can dream them but we have to be happy where we are first so God can bring more things into our lives. We have to see that God is the #1 and not some guy. God will put things into place as it should be.
               This is something I have been thinking a lot about lately. Causal dating and being by myself and here is my answer to myself written out. I've made my choice. I have hobbies and a job to do until the one comes along if he ever does and if not then I have a dream to go after and I can start going after it right now even without him. I hope this makes somewhat of sense. Please if anyone has questions ask me. I won't be scared to answer any. I don't want to make the wrong impression towards or for anyone. If it is hard to understand please ask me.

A Boy and a Pair of Snow Boots

       It all started last Friday. It kind of started before then because the girls had dressy, cowgirl sort of boots and the boys didn't because we didn't have any for the boys. This little boy saw the boots that the girls had so he wanted some just like theirs. Well, we went to look for some but couldn't find anything but some work boots. This little boy was not happy with his work boots because he wanted snow boots. It took us a half a hour and almost 3 people get him to put them on Friday so he could go outside and play. I sat down with him and started talking to him about what was wrong and if I could help. He said he didn't like his boots because he wanted snow boots.
         I had this feeling in me like I did with my little girl and her Bible. That feeling of he just wanted something really bad that he never had how much is it to us to buy a pair of boots if he wanted them. You just need to talk to and find out what they want and if you can get them then my saying is get them. Money is not ever wasted on a little child that has nothing. He came outside after awhile and sat down at the table. He was still upset about the boots so I went over to talk to him and see what was wrong and why her didn't like the boots. He said, "I want snow boots. Blue snow boots." I made a deal with him and said," I will get you some blue snow boots if I can find some this weekend and bring them back after 2 nights. Ok?" I had to repeat myself to make sure he didn't think I would bring them back the next day. I told him though, "Until then you have to where these boots" and he said, "ok." after a little while.
             I went that night to get the boots after work because I was scared that if I wouldn't get them right away I would forget later. The store I went to did not have blue snow boots but they had camo snow boots. I hastiated back and forth thinking what if he really meant he wanted blue snow boots. What if he doesn't like these or what if they don't fit? I got the same size as his work boots but his work boots seemed too small but that is all the sizes the store had. I went ahead and got them anyways because hopefully he won't remember the exact color he wanted. Hopefully, he will be happy with what he gets. Most of these children are.
             Like I said I went ahead and got them, then I thought maybe I should wait to give them to him when it gets a little colder because it still has been in the 60s here. I thought it would be too hot for them. Came Monday I went ahead and took the snow boots to work and the first thing that comes out of his mouth is "do you have my snow boots." He did remember from 3 days ago. I said, "Yes, but wait until we go outside." He put them on before we went out and never took them off yesterday. He gave me a hug but that is because I asked for one but it was a hug that had more feeling to it. When I say he didn't take them off and all, the only time he took them off was to take a bath. Then he put them back on over his footie pjs.
              I didn't get to see much of this but I heard that he did take them off during movie time but he kept them close by him. Like if someone even walked near him or them, he would hold onto them tightly. All this for a little pair of snow boots but yet we have a hundred of shoes in our closet. If you are me, you have a hundred pairs of flip flops in the closet. Why can't we just be thankful for the simple, small things all the time? Why can't we just be thankful for the things we already have this holiday season instead of rushing to Black Friday or getting really busy.
            Just to spend time with family around the table or tree is something spiecal to have. We'll see how Dec. goes for me at this job. Might be hard because no one in the world should be without family during the holidays. These two are my favorite ones because of that time we get to spend together. The traditions made as a family. Just my two cents. :)

Simple Life But Confusing Prayers

       Something just come to my mind when I was in my small church group last night. We were talking about prayer and being delivery agents for God and it has really made me think. I think what made me think was we can pray wherever we are to be a delivery agent just by a short, simple prayer and be willing for God to use us in the way He has Planned for us. He will bring the people to match us and that needs what we are learning and what He is teaching us too. Then I got to thinking about how I live my life and the kind of life I like compared to my prayer life. I live a simple life yet I have long and confusing prayers.
         By living the simple life I mean I don't need to stay up to date with clothes or anything like that. I would love to live the simple, country life when I get married or someday by myself. I don't mind a small house/apartment. I don't need anything big or fancy. I would rather give my money to help people that need help. I think my life is so simple though because my prayer life is so long and confusing. I spend more time thinking about things then I should and asking God for things that I want most of the time and not what He wants or is able to do through me.
         By having a long and confusing prayer life, I mean I will write a 4 sometimes 5 page prayer at time telling God what I am thinking, what I want in the future or now, what is going on and what I want to happen, or even sometimes telling him what is wrong and how it would be nice if He fixed it this way or that. That's not my job at all. God already has my Future planned out, I just need to be willing and open to follow Him with it. I can tell you know that it is not looking the easiest but that is why God is in it and needs to be in it. I want God to use me the best He knows how and for the real reason He put me here on this earth. I want to change lives and for those of you who have known me forever or just a few years you know I've always wanted that. I do have a heart for God's people.
         There was a saying last night that got to me and it was, "We can see a little bit of enertity now if we let God use us in the way He wants to here on earth. How neat would it be for me to see enertity in the eyes of children? See their lives change for the better because of me? We can't just sit around and let God do the work for us. He wants us involved thats why we need to say, "Here I am Lord, Send me." We need to be more observant in today's world. I know God has opened my eyes here where I live to how many children really needs a foster home. I knew there were abused and negetled children the world but not in my own backyard until I started the job I have now. I've always wanted to go overseas and help those children but God has opened my eyes and made me see the need here in this state.
         God has just opened my eyes so much more and made me more observant and curious to where I look into things and watch for things having to do with fost care or adopting or other things close to that. I have talked to people lately that does those things and I thought I never would. I have got to know some amazing more because of that new interest and dream of mine. People I can relate too for once and it feels great.
           I want my simple lifestyle to match my prayer life. I want my prayer life to be simple and ready to go where God would have me be no matter the situtations. I want to stop those long prayers and just be like Lord, I'm here send me espially in the mornings and throughout my day. I need to learn to just pray that throughout my day whether on the drive to or from work, at work, or in the store shopping. Wherever it might be, I want God to use me. Simple and Short. Maybe I won't worry as much or be anxious as much if I do it that way.
              I wonder what is "a confusing life but a simple prayer life" like. That could be the kind of life I am talking about now. That could be the life I'm living now. I don't know what is next for me but I'm trusting and praying to God about it. Could changing it around make the whole difference? Maybe I don't want my prayer life to match my simple life? Maybe I want my prayer life to match my confusing life? Hopefully, tommrow I will start putting steps up on here about my future dream and where I think God is leading me to. I have 6 steps but only 4 planned out so far. Hope this makes sense I had to write fast because I need to leave for work.

Pray, Love, Eat

      "The end of the world is coming soon. Therefore, be earnest and disciplined in your prayers. Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins. Cheerfully share your home with those who need a meal or a place to stay. God has given gifts to each of you from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Manage them well so that God's generosity can flow through you. Are you called to be a speaker? Then speak as though God is speaking through you. Are you called to help others? Do it with all the strength and energy that God supplies. Then God will be given glory in everything through Jesus Christ. All glory and power belong to him forever and ever. Amen."-1 Peter 4:7-11

         These verses were the verses that the sermon tonight at my church were based off of and I want to put them on here because I want to share part of the sermon too. It's funny sometimes how we don't see what we are doing until someone tells us or that we have to be reminded of it off and on again. During the sermon I thought I do this everyday at my job. I am blessed to do this at my job everyday. My preacher named off and made it shorter so people could remember what to do for God as we come to the end of the world. We can't just live it for ourselves we have to live it for God and here are some ways to do that. I won't go into much detail because it is self explained. Just to let you know I'm not sharing to brag about what I do but I'm showing it can be something as simple as this or that.
      
         Praying-I pray every night after I come home for sure because there are things I just have to talk to someone about and that late at night that someone is God. I try to pray before I go to work or go into the building even if it is a little prayer like, "God, give me those little moments to show the kids you today", Let me watch for those little moments form You, or "God, give me the wisdom and strength to get through the day." In that way, I am earnest and disciplined in prayer.

          Deep Love-That is my main job. I show these children deep love because no one has in their life yet. I show them what it is suppose to look like and what it can look like and feel like. Hopefully, I show them the One that can love them deeply no matter where they go or what happens to them in life. That's why I try to care for them like I should, take time to talk and play with them, take time to read the Bible and pray with them. Take time to rock them to sleep or just for a little bit before they go to sleep.

            Show People My Home-Now this means at my job to embrace the strangers and I do that every 3 months at the most. New children come in and I have to embrace them like they are at my work for a lifetime because we have no idea when they could leave to go somewhere else. Embrace them means learning about and loving on them. Embrace them in my arms. Give them all the hugs and kisses that I can and tell them that they are beautiful, handsome, and pretty. Just give them some encouragement in who they are and can be.

            I'm made to help others (aka the children). I'm there at my job to serve them and give them what they need because no one else did. Sometimes depending on how many children we have at a time it does take all my strength and energy plus more from God. There are some days that I go home and give God the glory and thank Him for getting me through the day because it was so busy with so much going on. Co-workers see the energy and strength I have too but don't understand and they tell me that. They are like "how do you do it, Tiffney or you have a lot of energy" and I just smiled and say thanks when really I'm thinking Thank you God. I should say that out loud though. I need to work on that more.
           Question to challenge you with: What are your gifts and how are you using them in your work place or how will you start if you aren't already using them?

God Made People to Have Connection

         I saw this on a friend's Facebook page and thought it was so true espically for the job that I am in. I love the way it makes you look at attachment and the prayer at the end. I saw it when the stubborn little girl was at my job. It's crazy to even think that you are giving away a piece of your heart to a child just like you would in any other relationship. I thought at first so is it like loving your boyfriend or husband but it is a different kind of love. It is true because if the child knows that there are people out there who care enough to get attached to them and can and then they might hopefully try harder to be good for the people they go to.
   
        "People often ask how do you deal with loving a kid that might not stay with you? How do you protect your heart? How do you not get attached? Trainers warn “don’t get attached too soon, you never know what is going to happen.” So what do you do if you start to get attached? You might not expect to hear this from a trainer - but you might just need to let it happen.

God created humans to attach to each other. It’s natural if you start to care emotionally for a child you are caring for physically. Your level of attachment will vary with each child that comes into your home. Some you will feel a natural attachment to from the very beginning. With others you will grow in your attachment the longer they are with you. There are also some you won’t feel deep attachment to, which is okay too. You can’t completely control when you get attached to someone. Maybe we’re not even supposed to.

God created attachment to be a healing relationship. Kids know and feel the status of your relationship. They may have a need to know that they are (or remember that they were) deeply loved by someone. This may let them know that they are deeply lovable. This may carry them through their next placement, through their journey in life. It may teach them of God’s deep love for them.

God created humans to be attachable - knowing that it would bring deep joy and that the loss would bring deep pain. And He has a purpose for both. He may allow you to get attached to someone and then take them away - but this could be true for any relationship in our lives. As much as we try, we really can’t control loss and heartbreak in our lives. But He has a purpose for our brokenness and pain. It’s actually where we become more attached to Him. Where He can comfort our hearts like no one else can.

At some point, this is going to break your heart. This is going to be painful. Love is painful. God’s love on the cross was painful. Love requires opening your heart, with the chance it might get broken. Oh but there is such beauty in brokenness. Such depth, refinement, healing and growth. Empty vessels are the ones He can fill and use - and pour out and use again and again. God allows brokenness - in the kids’ lives and in ours. You can trust Him with your heart. And if it gets broken, you can take time to heal. Take time to grieve and let your family grieve. Take as much time as you need before the next placement.

So what do you do if you start to get attached? Just pray. Pray. Pray for the kids to know they are deeply lovable and loved by God. Pray for you and the family they are going to to love them as much as possible. Pray for God to guard your hearts as much as He wants to. Pray for Him to heal your hearts when they get broken. Pray for God to teach you what He wants to about His deep sacrificial love. Pray for your heart to become more and more attached to Him."-Carrie Henry