Courage to Keep Things Together

        I thought I wrote my Valentine's Day entry a week ago but I have been through a lot this week and learned a lot about myself. I'm going to write another V-Day entry about caring and loving the people around you by being yourself. I have been through a lot this week with God and my career. I'll be honest I was getting to the point where I was feeling overwhelmed with my career. I did write a couple of letters to the admin. telling them how I felt about the children and what we were doing for them.
       I had one of the admin. and another co-worker pull me into the office and talked to me about those letters and it was a good talk. It gave me a lot of courage and strength. It showed me how much I really matter to the children and other workers around me. It also showed me how people see me which everyone needs that once in awhile but I'm not the way I am without help from God or friends. It took a lot of courage to write those letters for me especially because I have a strong passion for the children and co-workers.
        This past Thursday at my Bible study, we talk about how things will have to get harder before they get easier and under our feet. During the little meeting I had with my co-workers, one of them said that "things will get harder before they get easier" and I feel like they are getting harder but yet God wants me there for a reason. I could make a lot of difference if I could see that I matter and that my ideas and passion matters. I've never been a person to put myself into that spot though but I'm learning that that is an important part of becoming your own person. People like it when you stand up for what you believe in.
         I know I didn't get the courage and passion by myself. I know God has helped me a lot. He has given me the strength to stay through the hardest of times and the words to say. He has also given me friends that has been by my side to encourage me through everything. I have this one friend that I have watched their business rise from the very start of it and it has made me stronger and to believe in myself and actually see what God can do in our lives if we trust Him with everything.
        Also this past Thursday, I learned a lot about what it means to be a women of Prayer during Bible study. We, Christians, say that a lot and think we are but at times we could live a life of prayerlessness. I do take the time every night to write a 2 to 3 page prayer in my journal and that is great and all but God wants more from us. God wants us to say little prayers throughout the day to Him. He wants to be in touch with us every part of the day. God wants to know what is going on with us and how we really feeling. It seems like we cover the true things that we need to pray about up with the simple things. The more we stay in touch with God the better that our day can go.
        It meant a lot to me when they said "I was the one that kept things together" and that "I was a very valuable worker and they wanted to hear my ideas because they knew that I had some great ones". That made me feel great. Yet, I couldn't let my pride get in the way of it. It really humbled me to where I thought about it. I think most of this past week I was so overwhelmed because I wanted thing to get and be done. My patience and pride was getting to me. Yes, I was prideful because I felt like I was doing everything and saying everything. I felt like I was the only person speaking up and if you know me you know that is not me unless I am really passionate about something.
          It is crazy how you can have pride in your passion and not even know it until someone brings you down in a good way. They put hope back in my life. I really told them how I felt and that felt like just saying my feelings and being real with them took a lot of boulders off my shoulders. I felt more free then I have felt in awhile there. It is a lesson I can apply to other ares of my life. I just think a lot of it is more my personal life like I want to mean something to someone and right now the children are all I have and I want them to know that. It might be crazy but this career is teaching me a lot about myself and I think I can use what I'm learning in other areas of my life like for now friendships and family but later on, if God is willing, marriage and children.
         They said I kept things together when they should have been falling apart. That took courage, strength, stubbornness, and talkativeness plus God. God, first and then He will give you the other things that you need to get through where you are in life and where He continues to take you. If I can get that place together during the hard, short times then what else can I keep together. That is a challenge for me and I feel like God knows that I like it like that. I also feel like God has something bigger for me planned and that this is just the start of it. It feels like I am finally, after all these years, letting myself open up to God and people with who I truly am and can be. I haven't got it all put together yet but I will keep learning. Life is a process!