On the Very End of the String

        The world today is so messed up. That's something I agree with and I know we are people and we can't make everything right. That's what God and Heaven are for but when I see people no working or not even thinking about the things that are said. When they throw it off like it is no big deal. That makes my heart hurt big time. It makes me have no peace or feel like I have no signifinace in that place or situation when really I should. I know that there is where you start to think but you have those things in God but it's hard because if you are letting people down you know you're letting God down twice as bad.
          I've been on the very end of the string for some time now in different situations and it doesn't seem to be getting better. It just seems like it is going in cycles and whatever people feel like doing they do. Cycles are bad when they have an effect on you as a person and for some reason on me they do. It might be because I am a think deeper and just knowing what could happened and taken it deep is bad. It is bad when your mind can't be stable. It really wears you out to no end. It is hard to explain to people because either they don't understand the situation or the person you are.
          I know life isn't fair but when some people work hard to get where they are now and then get nothing and people that don't work hard gets everything or at least get the benefit of the doubt. It is hard for the people who do right. I felt like I have used up all my excuses to stay in a situation that I'm in now and it has come down to one thing and it is sad because it is a thing that shouldn't even matter. It is sad when you want to walk away from your passion because things just can't go right. When the mission is not right or is not shown through ways that it should be shown.
           I know it isn't a perfect world but just to shove things off especially when it is important is not okay with me. I have reach my mark and I'm trying to stay longer for one reason but I just don't know. When you are pushed aside when you said something that was on your heart close to you and you know because of what was said it won't change at all or for years to come. It is strange how different people have different point of views yet the people that actually have that point of view are the ones who other people need to listen to not others.
           I'm just at that age (27) and time in my life where I want to make a difference because I have the time now. I have the time to go back to college and have a family. I shouldn't be so stressed out like I am right now. If I keep this up I might die early on in life because of health problems from stress. It could cut my life down to 80 from 100. I need to be learning and having fun, not worrying about other things. When it feels like I'm not anymore, it's sad and I want to move on. It can be a difference in my life or others but not just staying the same old thing. Things need to change with time and if they don't they are not going to make it at all.
             I need to see some change in my life and I see a little now but I know of a way where I can see more then I do now. It is hard to explain but I hope that some of you get this and know where I am coming from. Things need to change so I can live out the desires of my heart which is really and always will be to have a house and children to live in it. I can't do either of those things with what is going on now in my life. It is time to take that step and make that change in my own life.