Please Listen to My Heart

         I was going to write on my blog about children because I had a big day with my toddlers and learned a lot of new things but I decided to write something on here because thoughts were hitting me more for this one then my children's blog. I can always go back to that one some other time and write about today somehow on it. This topic is just fresh on my mind right now and when I have deep thoughts I need to write them down if you haven't noticed yet.
            I got this title "Please Listen to My Heart" one night as I was praying to God this week. This week has just been a blessing to me in the biggest way possible, yet I have no words to explain it. I guess you could say there is where the title come from but really it wasn't. The title came from a prayer request that I had a feeling for but didn't quite have the words for because I didn't know all that was going on. Ever get that way? Ever get to where you know you should pray for someone or something but you don't know the words so you just pray "Please listen to my heart"? Sometimes I do that when it gets really bad for me or when I want to pray for certain things bad but don't know what to do say.
            I think it is strange that I get this thought and topic during the week of Valentine's Day. I was also going to turn it into a poem and I still might sometime this month. I also think it is strange that my church is going over struggles and how to see God in the struggles during this time of year but I know that it is very much needed and there is no better quote to pray then the title of this entry. All this to say that I have been through struggles and I know people that are going through struggles and a lot of them. Sometimes for seasons at a time. I am blessed that I only have to face struggles every 2 years it seems or that is the most I had to so far while I know some people who had to face them for 3 years and still are facing them.
            I would say my biggest struggle would had to be working with abused children for 2 years while watching my grandma (last grandparent) pass away slowly. To be honest with you all, I'm not completely over that because I still have some anger issues with people but I am better then I was 3 months ago. I'm growing better everyday. I will also say that I have my day to day struggles at work, once a week, a whole month and so on but it is only because God is making us stronger in Him. I just think back on the people that I know that have been through a lot more then me and still are and I pray for them when I can. Some have sickness that will take years to remission from and there is always that scare that it might come back.
            Some people like missionaries could get death threats, called bad names, and having people give them a way to kill themselves, yet here I am thinking I have the biggest struggles at times when really I don't. I know my struggles are big in God's eyes but in human's eyes especially mine, they should be little compared to some of the struggles that I know are going on. I do feel that God put me in a season of two years to see what real struggle was like and what He could do there for me and for the children that I was taking care of for Him. I could say and I do sometimes to people if you haven't seen a abused child then you haven't see struggle at all especially if you haven't seen an abused child with bad anger issues, really bad tantrums, or really developmentally behind.
             As I am seeing in other people's lives, and it could even be their family living situations, that is a struggle for them so they want out somehow. It makes me see how blessed I really am but yet it makes me wonder how can I really pray for them and are my prayers making a difference in their struggles. Honestly, the only words I know how to pray when I feel like that about people is: "Please Listen to My Heart, O God". There are some things I wouldn't even image myself in as a mom or just as a person. I know some pretty strong people but I have also watched them grow in their relationship with the Lord and I can see a major difference.
              God does use those struggles to get us closer to Him. We might not like it but it is life. I like how my pastor said it last Saturday night: "It is man who gives us the suffering because it is a sinful world, but it is God who turns that suffering around for the good for us." There are some other quotes from my pastor I would like to put in this entry:

-"When we suffer, we don't always see the whole picture."
-"When Hell breaks lose, you might be doing something right."
-"Worship God for who He is, not for what He gives."
-"God is all sovereign."

              Remember this: God can take away things to teach us things too. I believe He took away my 1st preschool teaching job to show me what true suffering was while working with abused children. Now I am back being a preschool teacher and not just a helper or assistant but a lead teacher for the toddlers. That right there should show you that after you go through a little bit of suffering, then good things will come out of it. We just need to get through the hard things first (aka get through the storm).