Understand But Then I Don't Understand

         Have you ever been in a situation that lasted year after year and you understand why you have to go through it but don't understand why things are going the way they are? I'm in the middle of one like that right now. I understand that what is going on is good but why can't I do something about it. It is so hard to deal with it and it will get you down and tried but if you care enough you have to stick with it.
         You don't know what or how to feel? You want to talk and tell but you don't want to mess things up. You would hold onto everything you have with your life and you have been through too much to let the things go. To take that chance and risk. I don't want to say that I am the only one trying under the things going on but I feel like I am. I want to be happy but it is so hard when you feel like you are not been seen different then any other person.
         That is the part you don't understand. Time and time again you have been there in the moments for a person and then you ask for something from them but then they are too busy to do it. I understand that they want to get higher up in the world but just for once can they see who is right beside them. Yeah, I'm sure they see their family and friends but yet there more people that care for them. It would be nice if every once in awhile they would do something for that person that feels left out even if it is something as simple as writing them an email without having them write first or even saying hey when they see them.
          It is like I use up all the strength that I have some times to get the courage to go up and talk to them but yet it does no good. I see no difference. I ask myself am I really making a difference in their life but holding on to dear life or is it just making it worse. Yes, I have gotten better at letting go and not being so demanding or annoying like I was at the start but it is just too much to ask to have some friendly responses back. I get so upset at times and so drained out of energy after going up to them. Some days it does take everything I have and I feel like I get nothing in return.
           I know that is not what friendship/relationships are about. You are suppose to like/love the other person no matter how they treat you but at the same time there needs to be better feedback more then just likes and emails back. There needs to be time taken out of whatever they are doing or thinking or talking about to at least say hey. Like I said at the start of this entry, I understand what the whole thing is about and how important it is but sometimes they need to open up their eyes and see what is right in front of them.
          They might be blaming the person and saying that they are hiding, when really it is them that have no idea what is right in front of them. It can be plain as day or simple as day and they see won't see what is happening or should be happening. I don't want to give up and I'm not going to. I'm going to keep fighting until I know for sure what is going on or what the other person is thinking but til then I will just be sleepy everyday of my life.
            I also know that it might be one of God's Ways and Things that He is holding off until a certain time and that is fine but that doesn't give any excuse for not thinking it is hard. Even waiting on God's prefect timing is hard at times. I would rather not understand it and let it be a surprise by God but yet again it is so hard to wait. Plus let's just say when I got into what is going on, I knew it wasn't going to be easy. I knew every second was going to be focused on something else besides me but I'm still not giving up because I am the determined and stubborn type. Just sayin'.
           That is the end of my rant. Sorry about that. I finally had something to write about that had strong feelings behind it so I did. Girls, don't think of yourself as anyone less if people don't pay attention to you. If they want to focus on something else let them and go live your life like it should be lived. I will admit, I have done that and it didn't turn out good at all. It really got me down but now I don't care and I usually laugh it off but there are times like now it gets to me and I have to get over it in my own special way.