God and His Timing

           It is late for me and I should be saying my prayers and going to bed because it has been a so so day but I just got to thinking about something and I want to write it out. I was looking my different colleges and programs to go back to and maybe get another degree in something different because I am learning childcare is harder then I thought it was. I am also learning that I am a different person then I thought I was and I kind of wish I knew that in college. Don't get me wrong. I loved it in college and I went to one of the best ones in Missouri but I just didn't know myself at that time. I think all I was thinking about is, "Well, it is college and who needs to think 10 years down the road in college."
             I went to College of the Ozarks and I couldn't have asked for a better college. I loved that it was nestled in the Ozarks and the community there was great. I met some amazing people that I will never forget and still talk to some of them to this day. The teachers were great and helpful with what I knew about myself. I LOVED my on campus job at the daycare and I wouldn't trade that experience for anything in the world expect to replay those years there either back there or if I could pick somewhere to work like that now. Nowhere has been the same as that daycare or really child development center. That is what it was really called.
          As I have seen myself grow these past 5 years after college, I have seen that I was not the person I was back in college. I look back and think who was she and why did is pick child development as her degree and her only degree. I had no minor to fall back on. I just thought it was all about having fun because I was finally away from my hometown and high school. Trust me I couldn't have been more excited and I was away from home and trying to live on my own. I was a typically college student but on a Christian campus. I just picked a major and stuck with it and thought I could do a lot of things with this one but what I didn't think was "would I like it for my career 10 or 15 years down the road."
          Now I am going through that hard decision finally. I will be 30 in two years and now that I see that I can't live on my own or really with the money I am making right now then what can I do. I'm also learning a lot more about myself and personality in God and thinking this is not the career for me even though I really wanted it in college. Lately, a lot of people have been telling me to pray or that they are praying for me to have wisdom and guidance. That is really funny that they are saying that because I had a friend back in college that gave me that same advice if I would have only listened to it.
           I still have this friend's letter and it was written 7 years ago and my friend probably forgot all about it to this day. I reread it nonstop when I'm having doubts about my life and it has made a lot of sense in moments like these. It has some back information but I'm not going to give that out on here. Here is the quote that I love from it and that keeps me going from day to day: "It is a hard decision because you have to really pray and figure out if this is something you want or God wants. That is the hardest part of this whole thing is putting your thoughts and feelings aside and only hearing God. God is always changing us and growing us and it is good not to be comfortable because if you are comfortable then you aren't open to the change God could be making in you. Pray for guidance and wisdom and for His Will to be done. I hope God puts the answers on your heart.......all in His timing of course."
            That was more then one sentence but you get the idea. It is strange how something 7 years ago can fit perfectly in my life right now more then ever. I have found 4 colleges so far that have the OT program in one way or the other. There are some classes that I might have to retake because of the grades I made the first time in them plus there could be other classes I could take so I would have less classes to take at that college and might be more possible to get in to the program. The other problem is money and my job right now. Let's just say they don't go hand in hand at all. I don't make enough to go back to school and I am so tried when I get home.
           I'll be honest, I feel so dumb and down on myself right now. I feel like I should have known and picked the right degree the first time in college. I should have known myself better then I did back then but I wouldn't let myself or anyone know the true me. I just got done from high school and I never showed my true self there so why in college was my mind set, I think. I had people reach out and asked if I would like their help but I just refused and said "No, thank you." I was just too stubborn. Why does it take some people so long to know themselves or listen to their friends especially when they asked for help in the first place even if it was for a totally different thing back then. Back then, it was for a little thing compared to this life changing event that could happen. It is funny how that works.
         The letter from my friend helped me a lot though and it always does. Think it is funny that my friend said all in God's timing.....of course and it has taken God or me to find out what to be doing for 7 years and even longer with all the classes I have to take. God's Timing can take a long time and we just really have to be patience about it the best we can. I'm still learning that each and every day because I am not the patience person on this earth.