How I Became a Big Hearted Fixer

Probably not from one single thing. Big-hearted fixer patterns usually develop from a combination of temperament and experience.

From what I’ve shared, I’ve spent much of my adult life in caregiving roles—preschool, Head Start, the children’s shelter, church work, and now school. When you spend years around children, noticing a need and responding quickly becomes almost automatic. That’s a useful skill.

But that skill can sneak into everything else:

“I notice something is wrong → somebody needs to handle it → I know how to handle it → I’ll do it.”

Do that often enough and eventually my brain can skip the middle steps and go straight from noticing to responsibility.

My natural personality may contribute too. I’ve described myself as someone whose heart tends to react before my mind catches up. So I may naturally feel things strongly, notice people, and want to make situations better.

And sometimes being the reliable fixer gets reinforced because it works. People depend on me. Things get accomplished. Kids get helped. Problems disappear. I hear that I’m caring or dependable. Nobody necessarily stops and says, “Hey, you shouldn’t have had to carry all of that.”

Eventually I can accidentally learn:

“If I can fix it, maybe I’m responsible for fixing it.”

But that’s the part I’m learning to challenge.

Being capable of carrying something doesn’t mean it belongs on my shoulders.

I don’t need to get rid of the fixer. I just need to give her a new question before she jumps in:

“Is this mine to fix, mine to help with, or mine to leave alone?”

That one question could save my big heart a whole lot of weight.