Starting Over with Intentional Love

I’ve realized that maybe I’m not trying to get an old friendship back exactly the way it used to be.

Maybe I’m learning how to love someone differently.

An old co-worker and I aren’t strangers. We have history. We worked together, became friends, stayed in contact after he left, and then communication ended in 2016. Ten years later, somehow our paths crossed again.

But we’re not the people we were then.

So maybe this isn’t about continuing where we left off.

Maybe it’s about starting over.

And this time, I want to do it with intentional love.

When I think about the way God loves us, I think about how deeply He loves while still allowing us to choose. He doesn’t force relationship. He invites. He remains loving and faithful, but He gives us freedom to respond.

I obviously can’t love perfectly the way God does, but I can learn something from that.

I can care about an old co-worker without trying to control him.

I can open a door without pulling him through it.

I can let him know through ordinary kindness that friendship is possible without demanding that he choose it.

I can ask instead of constantly guessing.

I can be patient instead of letting fear make decisions for me.

I can respect my marriage, an old co-worker's boundaries, our professional setting, and the lives both of us have built during these ten years.

And then I can give him room to choose.

That’s difficult for my heart because when I care, I care deeply. My instinct is to hold on because I know what losing someone feels like.

But intentional love says:

I care about you enough not to control the outcome.

If an old co-worker wants to walk through the door, he can.

If he wants to talk, I’ll talk.

If he asks about me, I’ll let him know the person I’ve become.

If we slowly become friends again, I’ll be grateful for that friendship without trying to turn it into something it isn’t.

And if he doesn’t choose that friendship, loving intentionally means respecting that too.

Maybe God isn’t asking me to figure out an old co-worker.

Maybe He’s teaching me how to carry my own heart.

To love without chasing.

To care without possessing.

To hope without demanding.

To communicate instead of assuming.

To leave room for another person’s choice.

And to trust God with whatever happens after that.

I’m not trying to recreate 2013–2016.

I’m allowing the 2026 version of me to meet the 2026 version of an old co-worker.

If a friendship grows from there, I want it to be something freely chosen by both of us—healthy, appropriate, honest, patient, and respectful of my marriage.

Maybe that’s what starting over with intentional love looks like.

“I’m not trying to get the old friendship back. I’m giving a new friendship room to grow—with intentional love, healthy boundaries, and freedom for both of us to choose it.”

God, help me love people the way You are teaching me to love: with open hands instead of clenched ones.

Give me courage when it’s time to speak, wisdom when it’s time to wait, restraint when my emotions want to run ahead, and peace when the outcome isn’t mine to control.

If this friendship is meant to grow again, help me let it grow naturally.

And Lord…

if You could please help these two grown adults eventually progress beyond “hey,” that would also be appreciated.

Amen.